Smita,š
Here is the interpretation to Section 5 of Part 19.
Arnav Singh Raizada was a little bit worried. While he looked at his phone, lines of frown were etched on his forehead. He was wondering as to why Khushi was not answering any of his calls.
Whenever he went to see her she had been out of her house and when he had been to her work place, she had gone to bank in place of Munshiji. This cat and the mouse act had prolonged for three days and he was tired of it. He wondered what was going on? Had something untoward occured at the party? He had scrutinized and analyzed every moment they shared at the party, the dance, the laughter, the glow in her eyes. He could have sworn that she had been happy. But sometime around midnight, the light that brightened her had diminished, and there was a change in her. She had started to avoid meeting his eyes. He had asked Di and Payal, but they too were in the dark. What next he wondered. Fear of losing her made him pace the length of his room. Just the thought unnerved him, making his heart race and palm sweat. His eyes went to his phone and he called Gupta house.
He asked Buaji, whether Khushi was there? When she started to say no Bitwaa, he told her that she had not been receiving his calls. She.. and Arnav was unable to continue. Buaji told him that she had gone to the temple. A Sant, holy man was giving a discourse on Ramayan and Khussi had gone there. It was good, she said, then at least she would get some sense knocked into her crazy head. Saying so Buaji laughed. Arnav who had been waiting to talk to Khushi, closed his eyes with weariness and felt bogged down. He asked Buaji over the phone to tell Khushi that he would meet her at night. Right now he had a meeting that he won't be able to skip, but when it gets over even though it would be quite late he would come over to meet her. Hearing the tiredness in his voice, Buaji with an anxious note in her voice asked him, whether he had his food, Bitwaa? Arnav's answer that he would grab something and that, he would be seeing them later that night made her say that, it was fine then. Once she finished the call, Garima asked her, who was the call from? Buaji told her that, it was from Arnav Babua and he would be coming late at night to see Titaliya. It made Garima smile. Buaji frowned with puzzle, when she thought about something Arnav said. She told Garima that, she asked him whether he had something to eat. Babua told her that, he would grab something over there? Why should he grab something to eat? Isn't there enough food in his cafeteria? Do they have to fight for food? What does this mean Nandkisore? It was beyond her comprehension and, Buaji rolled her big eyes.
Khushi, during the discourse, sat alone at the very end of the hall, away from the crowd, with her back against the wall. She listened to the Sant, narrating the story of Rama's Vanavas period. Khushi shut her eyes and resting her head against the wall, she let her mind dwell on her problem that needed to be addressed. She knew she needed to think it out, and there was no better place than this to do it undisturbed. She needed to sort out her mind, find a solution to untangle the mess it had turned out to be and a wise counsel to direct her. This place was a blessing in disguise, to analyse quietly and get some answers.
She started to think about the facts and list them out.
She knew Lavanyaji was Arnavji's girlfriend. That was a something that she knew for sure.
He had broken with Lavanyaji once he had realized that he liked Khushi. That was another fact that she could not contradict.
What she did not know was this. Was Lisaji too Arnavji's girlfriend long back? Or was Lisaji lying? She had no idea about it and this was a fact!
Had Arnavji broken up with Lisaji once he met Lavanyaji? This was something she never had a clue until yesterday.
Khushi scrunched her brows and went into a pensive mood. She thought could Arnavji really be blamed for in this, as Lisaji was a very temperamental person and at times unbearable and was prone to throw tantrums, while Lavanyaji was of sweet disposition. But still, she wondered.
She wondered would his enchantment for her, change into apathy one day and, would he leave her as he had done Lavanyaji? Would he ever regret having married her? These questions bombarded Khushi's mind. It was like a nuclear fission where one divided into multiples depending on their mass. She felt as though she was loosing her sanity unable to sort them out. She hid her face in her arms that she had kept crossed across her bended knees. It was a position of making an earnest and momentous request or plea for her Devi Maiyya to enlighten her and show the path to choose. She was bending in submission.
Just then she heard the Sant, narrating about the time Lord Rama returning to the hut, after killing the the Rakshas Maricha, disguised as the Golden Deer. She hears him saying,
"Lord Rama returned to the cottage to find Seeta Maiyya missing. Anxious about her whereabouts and safety, he asked Laxmana, "Where is the Vaidehi who abandoned her palace and family and accompanied me to the forest to live the life of a wanderer? Without whom I cannot live even for a moment? Laxmana, where is your sister who is the daughter of the deities and my life-force? Where is she?"
This reminded Khushi of the numerous calls and the tries Arnavji had made to meet her. But she had run away each and every time. She had escaped by not answering his calls, spending the evenings in temples, going to a movie with Preetho, taking Chinnu and Meetu out to the park. By doing these she had evaded him for the past three days. Her heart ached for his nearness. She had thought that the week without her Arnavji in Lucknow was a torture, but this was worse, pure hell. This was just squeezing her heart and breaking her into pieces. Sleepless nights, disturbed days and her head filled with images of Lisaji and Arnavji, Lavanya ji and Arnavji, no, no not Arnavji but ASR, the man possessed with a sharp tongue that could make a slash deep into one's skin when he stripped you bare of your dignity, had made her fall in a heap. But now with her thinking cap restored she could analyse that Arnavji was a changed man. He was a very different person than what he was before. He was never caustic to her now. He was so attuned to her that if she so much as winced, he felt the pain! Could this love be just her imagination? Was it so weak that a well groomed pretty face in a mini dress could entice him enough to forget that he loved Khushi? While she was seeking answers to these questions, she heard the Sant say,
"I don't have the ambition to rule the heavens or the earth, Lakshmana, without the daughter of Janaka, my soul mate by my side."
This reminded her of the way Arnavji had cried in her arms talked of his past and his parents, the way in which his stern face had loosened up and was very much repose in peace. Could all these be a figment of her imagination? While she pondered over it, in the discourse Sant was narrating, the grief that Lord Rama would experience if Sita Devi would not greet him.
"If Seeta, the princess from Videha, does not greet me with a smile on my arrival at the hermitage, Oh, Lakshmana, I really will breathe my last."
Khushi remembered the gentle ministrations of Arnav while she was down with fever, carrying her to the washroom, sponging her down...
Sant was saying once they had reached their dwelling,
"Then he went around the hermitage, saying 'Yes, this is that place where she used to pluck flowers.' And then, 'Yes, this is the place where she used play with deer, squirrels, and birds.' 'This is the very place where she offered her daily prayers.' Finally on realising that the cottage did not hold his Seeta, that his wife, his soul mate had indeed been taken away from him, Lord Rama fell into deep despair."
Hearing it Khushi felt her eyes pool up, and tears course down her cheeks and merge into her green saree, making it a shade of darker. She kept her face firmly hidden in her arms. She had to admit that if not to him at least to herself that she loved him. She loved him more than her very own life. She loved him so much that a life without him was nondescrepit. It would be a wish washy existence. She would become a namby-pamby and if it happens then death would certainly be welcomed with open arms
"Vaidehi who is dearer to me than all my lives, if only she were alive somewhere, Laxmana!"
Sant was telling the audience of Lord Rama's grief at missing the very presence of Sita Devi and what he told Lakshmana. (Sita Devi is also known as Vaidehi, meaning daughter of Videha, the one who has the ability to transcend body consciousness. In this instance, the word transcend was used as to be or go beyond the range or limits of, to surpass, to exceed, to excel , to outdo, a person.)
It was telling Khushi, like Vaidehi who was the consort of Lord Rama, to go beyond what she knew and to search for the solutions beyond the confines of her heart. But first she had to confirm her heart to be able to go beyond her body consciousness. That was what she did. She thought maybe Arnavji loved her, NO! stand corrected, he did love her now. Maybe not in the beginning but in due course he started to fall in love and right now she was absolutely sure that he did love her. Could he forget his love for her and move on to another woman later was the niggling anxiety in her mind. When the Sant said,
"Oh, Lakshmana, if death has already taken her out of this hermitage, then I too will give up my live here."
It made Khushi think, could she marry him and live with the sword of fear, of him leaving her for another woman, hanging over her head. Would she be able to survive with the thought that would make her feel that each model or employee in his firm was a potential usurper? Will she be able to lead a life of anxiety and wonder all her life what the truth was? Was Lisaji telling the truth? She decided she needed to know the truth. However bitter and painful it was, running away from a problem was never a solution. Could she bury her head in the sand, like an ostrich that would bury its head under ground when scared? No, it would never help her live in peace with Arnavji. It was better to know and be clear about it.
She knew she had to ask him and there was no other way and no more doubt about that. She couldn't stay away from Arnavji and lead a listless life. If there was an opportunity, she needed to grab it with both her hands and she was ready to take it.
So with the decision made Khushi wiped her tears and lifted her head. The discourse too had come to an end and the Sant was about to perform Aarti. All stood up for Aarti and with the chanting of Mantra Pushpa the crowd dispersed.
( What is Mantra Pushpa?
In house or in temples, Mantra Pushpa is Mantra form of Archana. In Archana flower is offered to God with a nama (attribute).
'Yopam Pushpam Vedha ... Prathyathi thishtathi'
It says that the water is the source of all fire, air, sun, moon, star, cloud, rainy season etc.
It says Lord is the boat.
For instance if Lord Krishna is the boat Radha is the sail (All human whether male or female are Radha like)
It goes on to say that there is a raft available to cross over all the forces of Nature and to see the God beyond all of them... God himself is the raft... we have to seek His help to see Him. We need to understand that He, indeed is the raft.
Rainy season is the source of water,
He who knows the source of Rainy Season, becomes established in his Self,
He who knows that a raft is available,
becomes established in that raft.)
This was also an indication to Khushi to take refuge in the raft that is the truth. Truth that needed to be sought by probing and seeking answers. With her mind in clear she sought the blessings from the Sant along with rest of the womenfolk and left the temple premises.
Getting into Happyji's auto that was waiting for her outside, she asked him, could he be kind enough to take her to Arnavji's office?
Happyji, who was happy to be of service to Khushi beamed that he certainly would, and asked how the discourse was? Khushi with a smile told him that it was enlightening and had made her feel lighter.The burden on her shoulder seemed to have disappeared. Once at office, Happy Singh told her that it was getting dark, Khushiji. He would wait for her to finish her work. If Arnavji was going to drop her home she could give him a call and he would leave or else he would be there to take her home. Thanking him with a smile for his kindness, she entered the office.
When she entered the office it was quite late but the office was as busy as ever. The staff were totally engrossed in their work and Khushi looked around for a moment. Aman who saw Khushi came to her and asked with a bright smile, Khushiji have you come to meet the Boss?
With a blush adorning her cheeks she answered yes. Aman told her that, he was in a meeting with a delegation from UK, and offered that he could call him out. Khushi not wanting to disturb Arnav told, No Amanji that she would wait for him in the lounge, pointing to the artistically decorated room along the simple lines yet attractive. Aman smiled at her and said that he would let him know as soon as the meeting gets over and in the meantime would she like something to drink or..?
Khushi told him that she was fine and sat down waiting for Arnavji to appear.
This update like the previous one is going to be titled with the name of an equipment used on horses. Once again it is the blinkers but with a difference. It is going to be termed as VISORS.
Well what are Visors?
Blinkers that have a peep hole cut in the back of the cup to give some rear vision are known as visors.
(This one is for sphobic. Are you surprised? Don't be)
First we see Arnav who is pondering why Khushi is avoiding him. He has realized that something is amiss but yet to know exactly what it is. He is still clueless to her behavior. When he analyzed the party, he felt she just withdrew to herself just before midnight. But he could not get any inkling even from Di and Payal who were with her. The predominant emotion in him is fear, the fear of loosing her. So he takes a decision to somehow contact her and get to know the reason that made her avoid him. So he calls Buaji and informs her that as he was tied up right then, he would come over to GH once he finishes his meeting. Now he has an inkling that the reason for her to go into a shell was not her sickness but might be something else related to the Party. That's why now he is donning visor and not blinkers.
"Study the past if you would define the future"
~ Confucius
Khushi who had avoided him for three days is still in a stupor, unable to decide what is really happening! What was the truth? What she needed to believe! Her mind is turbid. It is clouded, become thick and opaque. She is troubled. To get some respite she goes to the discourse given in the temple. And what does she find there? Its about Ramayana and in it Rama's vanavasa. While the discourse was going on her mind wanders to her problem and ponders over it. By elucidating on the known and unknown facts, she realizes what Lisaji had said may not be the truth. That she wanted to verify. What she was afraid of was even after knowing that Arnavji loved her was that enough to keep them together? Would it become a yoke for him? But the discourse pointed her thoughts to Arnav's behavior. He had made efforts to contact her and it was she who had evaded him. She came to realize one fact that it was difficult to live without him. Though he may be ASR to the rest, to her he was her Arnavji. He had changed beyond belief.
"Do not allow yourself to be blinded by fear and anger. Everything is only as it is"
~Yuki Urushibara
Lord Rama's cry for having lost Sita Devi made Khushi think of the time, Arnavji had cried in her arms, thinking about his parents and wondered whether her mind was playing tricks. She remembered his gentle ministrations while she was down with fever. It made her cry and realize that for her, life without him was not at all an option. Though Arnavji loved her, will he be able to stick only to her was the poser that was eating her out. This made her decide that, she was in dire need to know the truth and that too straight from the horse's mouth, her Arnavji. She realized running away or avoiding was not at all an option for a pleasant peaceful future. She realized that she had to ask Arnavji and clear her doubts as that was the only way for her to survive.
"Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith"
~ Paul Tillich
With these thoughts she enters Arnav's office and waits for him while he was busy in a meeting. She has not yet put her complete trust on Arnav. She is still in the doldrums not knowing whether Lisa has spoken the truth or not? She is yet to realize what exactly she means to her Arnavji.
"When you don't know where to start,
just go to a place you miss so much"
~ Toba Beta, Betelgeuse Incident
Since she has realized some of the facts, and deduced quite a few but not all, I say that she is wearing the VISORS and not the blinkers.
That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.
Edited by rulama - 12 years ago
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