Smita,😊
Here is my interpretation to Section 2 of Part 16.
Arnav was asked by Khushi what had made him change so much and why he was not using his trademark expletive What the! Hearing a note of genuine puzzle in her voice, Arnav asked with a soft voice, whether she really is not aware of what had happened to him. His eyes which seemed to be taking a darker hue whenever it lingered on her were noting her reaction. Then with difficulty she verbalized her feelings, saying that she really doesn't have a clue. She told him that there was a huge difference between the person that he was before and the person he has become at present. She posed the three interrogatives, how, why, when?
When Arnav asked her with a smile playing on her lips, whether her perception of love was running around the trees and singing songs? Khushi scowled at him. She was reminded of scenes from the movies where Kajolji standing in a mustard field, Sharukh Khanji looking at Kajolji from a moving train and Kajolji running to catch it, Salman Khanji smiling shyly at Sonali Bhendreji, like her Jiju and Jiji. Seeing the expressions flitting through her face and engrossed in her thoughts he asked her, whether she thought that love was a comfortable feeling making her frown.
Hooking up her eyebrow, she asked a very pertinent question as to when he became an expert on love. Just a few days earlier he used to scorn at love, would twist her arms behind her back and expound his theory of non existence of love and refute all arguments against his theory. He told her that what he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and carry her off to be only with him. With the frustration that he couldn't do so, he used to twist her arm behind her back. He asked her with genuine concern whether it hurt her. Taking her arm gently he ran his fingers lightly along its length caressing just like a pianist runs his fingers along the keys of a Grand Piano stroking it with a skimming feather touch but making an exquisitely pleasing melody. Khushi jerked her arm out of his clasp. She felt that the twisting of her arm was better option. At least then she had her heart under her control. With this soft spoken Arnav, her heart seems to be undergoing varied emotions that were like being caught in a twister, uncontrollable and spiraling all the way.
He confessed that he was unaware of having fallen in love with her. Khushi reflected on his words falling in love. She wondered how anyone could fall in love. Was love a banana peel on the floor to make one fall? Her ruminations made Arnav let a whoop of laughter.She continued with her thoughts on it saying that while falling along, did his anger, his dour face, his impudence loose their way!? Unbelievable! was the epithet that exploded from her mouth imitating him to perfection, making Arnav smile at the mockery. When Khushi looked at him with suspicion he imitated her perfectly, with a smile dancing on his lips, by asking her what? (Kya?) She told him that she was waiting for him to rouse himself up from the fall and out of love with her. She was waiting for him to revert into Laad Governor, Rakshas, Kans Mama all rolled into one, with the fumes of his anger emanating from his ears, to envelope her, with him berating her about her status, lack of character. Saying so, she paused midway. Though those words were spoken quite stoically by her, Arnav could feel the pain behind her words, her reticence in accepting his present changed personality. He himself was pained for inflicting such wounds. When he whispered Khushi.., she told him that she believed that he could not fall in love with her. She stressed that him falling in love itself was weird if he did it was a miracle of sorts but with her, that was next to impossible and just unbelievable!
When Arnav tried to protest calling her name, Khushi, she continued without let him have a word saying that they were too different to have the same likings. He had been telling her and taking great pains to point out since their first encounter that how different they were in every sense. When again he tried to speak all he could say was Khushi and she adamantly told him that this was all a mistake. He would soon come to his senses and realize all this was a passing fancy and he had a lucky escape. Hearing her words, Arnav in a pain laced heavy voice that made him gulp the lump in his throat, before asking her whether she thinks that he would ever regret loving her, Khushi nodded quietly. He continued to ask her to make sure what she was implying, whether she thought that he would desert her like he did on Diwali night? Staring out of the side glass, Khushi agreed with what he said and nodded to him meaning that was exactly what she would expect him to do.
He asked her then that meant that she doesn't trust him to, give her his undivided love, be capable of pledging the vows of marriage to her and be happy with her?
Khushi kept silent, preoccupied with shredding the ends of her dupatta bare. She knew what would come up next. She braced herself to be spewed with the fumes of his anger that was about to explode. But to her surprise all she received a softly spoken question directed to her asking, it all happened too soon didn't it Khushi! She had never expected him to show her his understanding. In fact, she never expected him to understand her point of view period. Khushi looked at him and concurred. He told her in a soft voice, looking at her eyes mired in deep turmoil, that they needed time together to understand one another, time together to get to know one another, time together for her to observe him and develop trust and time to assimilate his love and trust his love for her. Khushi had no other option but to nod at his logical statement and she did. When he asked her whether a period of six months was acceptable to her, she looked into his eyes and read that they were manifesting nothing but sincerity, and then she assented with a nod.
This update is all about RETRIEVE. Surprised!? I myself was!!
But before I come to it I would like to tell something else that I had wanted to discuss in the earlier updates but refrained, as I was curious to know whether what I had thought was the direction that the story was also taking. It seems to be so and I think the time is ripe for it. In fact I had touched this in bits and pieces never mentioning it directly.
All the time we discuss about the insecurity of Arnav Singh Raizada. We say and feel whatever he did was because of his past, feeling of insecurity it gave him. We think he was shaped so by the past events. For Arnav he had a Nani, Mama and Mami to fall back on, who had nurtured him and his sister, provided him with the initial funds for his venture. He had a sister whom he could talk to, share his sorrows as both had undergone the same severe test that they were put under.
What about Khushi Kumari Gupta? Wasn't she too shaped by her past. Won't she have insecure feelings? Who would address it for her. Khushi was all alone in the world. She had to mould her life as per the wishes and norms of her foster family. She had to bear the brunt of the wagging tongues of the society in which they lived. Even with all the adversities she grew up as a happy child who never gave any cause to her foster family to be ashamed of. Of course behind that happy facade there lurks a feeling of insecurity. This she has mastered to effectively camouflage in the guise of sunny disposition.
Ever since Arnav popped the question to her, will you marry me Khushi, she has been in doldrums. Why is it so? Hasn't she seen that he has changed? Can't she make out the difference between the ASR then and Arnav now? Of course, she can and she is intelligent enough too. But what is it that holds her back? In life that she knows as of now she has two things that she holds in priority. One is dignity and character and the other is her foster family. She knows when she has nothing it is these two that helps her to hold her head high! If she accepts Arnav's proposal she would be demeaning herself without getting any proof of his repentance for his acts that were cruel, grim, heartless as well as unkind.The wounds that he had inflicted were deep enough for her to be cautious. Her instinct is to get away from him in self preservation. But her heart sings its own song.
The other priority in her life is her family. What about it? If she agrees to marry Arnav they would be happy. But given his track record she would be taking a high risk. If ever he looses, what she thinks as his fancy towards her, it would become intolerable for them to live together. Then the solution would be separation. But will her family be able to bear the social stigma due to separation or a divorce. Even if they accept won't it affect Payal's life? If she goes away from them, would there be anyone to support them? Right now it is her Buaji's pension and her earnings that are sustaining her family. Will she be able to leave in a lurch, the family that has sheltered her, when no one was there for her as a child. So to take any step she has to be extra cautious. That's what she is doing.
At the fag end of the last update when she posed questions to Arnav it was to find answers to these that were always lurking in her mind.
"Often, what people don't say tell you more about the nature of their insecurities than what they do say"
~ Wayne Gerard Trotman
In this update she points out once again to Arnav that she can believe that he had changed towards so many things related to his environment but personal changes she has her own misgivings as she is not ready to take it up on her head for she feels that it is like falling into a pit in broad daylight that was visible even in the darkness of night.
She who had been insulted time and again of her status and middle class mentality knows that she would not fit in his society unless he has changed. To say is easy but to act is tough. She would like to retrieve her dignity in the first place.
"Belief means nothing without actions"
~ Randa Abdel-Fattah, Does My Head Look Big In This?
She doesn't want to sucuumb to his charm unless proven that he has really changed. She would like to marry only the person whom she could trust. Once during Diwali celebrations she had placed her trust in him which he had shattered. Now he has to earn it as well as retrieve her faith in him to always do the right thing.
"Peace and trust take years to build and seconds to shatter"
~ Mahogany SilverRain
She knows he has anger problems making him do things irrationally and always she was his favorite punching bag. She now knows with the life of her Jiji too at stake she cannot let it sour. Unless he addresses it she'll not be able to decide in his favour.
Now he knows that he has his work cut out to retrieve the trust that he had lost with his anger and stupidity.
"Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships"
~ Stephen R. Covey
He is confident of proving to her otherwise and reassure her with his changed personality. Hence he asks whether she would give him six months to woo her, gain her trust and trust his love for her to always do the right thing and to always be by her side. He seeks time to retrieve the lost ground.
"The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams"
~ Elizabeth Gilbert
That's why it is RETREIVE
That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it!
Edited by rulama - 12 years ago
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