Chapter 56:
"Talk." The insistent firmness in Sneha's voice uncorked
Rachna's emotions, allowing them to flow out as words.
"How could he say that I'm blind to everything besides my
own feelings? I've seen how adoringly he watches any child that crosses in
front of him and how happy he is when he is playing with kids. He and I
together make us, but that doesn't make the family that he and I have dreamed
of. I'm thinking only about his happiness in all this. Why doesn't he
understand that?"
Her tear ducts were barren, the sadness in her voice shifted
at some point into simmering anger at the menacing accusations that she had
just been painted with. Sneha reached out and placed a hand on Rachna's
shoulder, a touch of reality.
"Gunjan was born eight years into my marriage, when I least
expected it, in fact when I had even stopped hoping for it. Akash and I had
gotten married right around the time when Shail didi announced that she was
pregnant with you. At that point, Akash and I were both young; we had just
finished up with our respective internships and started working, so having kids
was the last thing on our minds. A few years later though, I was watching you
and Pihu grow up and the desire to be a mother began to develop in my heart.
Akash agreed too because he had always loved kids; in fact, he was all set to
start his internship in pediatrics when he was offered a last moment place in
the cardiology department that he decided to accept. We tried for a long time
but nothing; it was devastating for me to keep seeing the negative tests every
month, particularly because I hated the disappointment that appeared on Akash's
face. I was ready to do anything...pay any amount of money, give up my degrees
and my career, anything...just so I could give him the happy news that we were
going to bring our own child into this world. With time though, I came to
accept that you and Pihu were no less than my own daughters, and that I didn't
have to drive myself crazy about having a baby of my own. It was one of the toughest
decisions of my life to give up the thought of getting pregnant, but I delved
deeper into my career and focused on Akash and I as couple to take my mind off
of the matter. And within the next year, I got the confirmation that I was
pregnant with Gunjan."
Rachna's expression softened as she heard her
aunt's story. "You never told me that before Sneha mausi. I didn't know you
went through all that."
"Why did I tell you all this now though Rachna? I want you
to know that you're not wrong. Wanting to have a child of your own is a desire
that everyone has at some point in their life, but Kabir is not wrong either
beta. He loves you more than anything else in this world. Yes, I agree that he must
want kids as well. But somewhere along the line, don't you think you've channeled
your grief over the miscarriage into an obsession to have a child of your own,
which is why you are noticing Kabir's love for children and perhaps overlooking
how much you yourself mean to him?"
"He means the world to me as well Sneha mausi, but those
were the most hurtful words he's ever said to me."
Sneha nodded understandingly. "I didn't hear all of it, but
I heard the last bit, which is perhaps the part that hurt you the most. I'm not
going to deny it Rachna; his words were harsh and painful. He did go a bit
overboard in what he said. But think about everything that he is trying to deal
with; it can't be easy for him. I won't tell you what to do beta, but my advice
would be to just talk to him. He really needs you right now."
"He probably doesn't want to even see me after what just
happened though. I've never seen him so angry. In fact, we've never fought like that before and never has he left so abruptly like he just did."
"You're lying to yourself with those words Rachna. You know
him much better than I do and yet, I can guarantee that he would never avoid
you. Even as he was leaving, he was only thinking of you. He told me to make
sure you ate something."
Rachna looked up, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "He did?"
Sneha nodded knowingly. "He also asked me to do something
else."
"Something else?"
"He asked me to find the girl that he fell in love with.
She's lost, he told me."
Clouds of confusion filled Rachna's eyes. "I...I don't..."
Sneha pulled out the paper that had fallen from Kabir's
pocket while he was leaving and read its contents aloud.
"She's the girl that has a few best friends and doesn't need
anyone else, the girl that laughs the hardest at her own jokes, the girl that
could talk all day and still not get tired. She's the girl that does too much
for others, expects too little in return from them. Doesn't care what anyone
thinks, and is nice to everyone. She's the girl that's not afraid to take the
harder path, the girl that doesn't back away from challenges. She's the kind of
girl that's not afraid to stand out from the crowd, not afraid to fight for her
dreams. She's the girl that will hang up on you, but then call you right back
and say sorry, the girl who will never leave your side when you need her, the
girl who will go out of her way to cheer you up. She's the girl who never sleeps
without a teddy bear by her side, the girl who says she isn't ticklish, but
really is. She's the girl who believes in loving somebody forever. And I'm the guy
lucky enough to have been chosen as her somebody."
Sneha handed the paper over to her niece, who had tears glistening
in her eyes and a lump of guilt building in her throat. Rachna ran her hands over the written words, feeling the bumps on
the page where her husband had pressed too hard with his pen, tracing the
slanted letters that were characteristic of his handwriting. A few tears
brimmed over her eyelid and fell onto the paper, smudging the black ink
slightly; Rachna wiped away them away carefully, clutching the paper in
her hands, as she hugged it tightly to her chest.
"I guess this is what he was working on while he waited for
me this morning. He called me yesterday and asked if we could talk, so I arranged
to meet him at the coffee shop near the hospital after I finished with my
appointments."
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Kabir folded the paper that he was writing on and placed it
off to one side of the table when he saw Sneha approaching the table where he
was sitting.
"Thank you for meeting me. I know that you must have a lot
of things to do in preparation for the engagement this evening, but I just
wanted to talk to you about something."
Sneha placed a reassuring hand on Kabir's, as she sat down
and smiled, nodding with encouragement. "Haan Kabir beta, tell me. What's on
your mind?"
"I'm sure you know about everything that has occurred in the
past few days with papa and my moth...uh...with papa and...the rest of it."
Kabir looked down, fiddling with the stem of his coffee mug,
as he avoided mentioning the details of the recent events.
"Hmmm." Sneha had lots to say, but she held back, wanting to
make Kabir comfortable enough in this tricky situation. Kabir remained quiet
for a few moments and kept his eyes lowered, struggling not to let the tears
fall into his coffee; Sneha patiently waited.
"I'm not going to lie to you. It's a lot for me to take in
all at once. But I don't want these bitter truths to dictate and define me. I
want to just forgive, forget, and move on as best as I can. I craved for a
mother's love my entire life, but I never got it. Thankfully, I've managed to find it now. In you. I know you're
Rachna's mausi, but can I please call you ma?"
He finally looked up into Sneha and she saw the tears
threatening to tumble out from his eyes, the simple, innocent desire of a child painted
on his face. She immediately rose up and walked over to his side of the table,
wrapping her arms around him and burying him into the maternal embrace that he
had spent all these years longing for. She held him tightly without a word, her
actions enough to convince him that she would always be there for him in every
way that his own mother had not been.
Sneha returned to her seat after wiping away the tears on
Kabir's face and touched a napkin to her face to dry her own tears. They
remained at the table, sitting in silence, letting the significance of the moment speak for itself.
Kabir collected his scattered thoughts before he voiced them to Sneha with a pensive resolve.
"Ma, I want to move on and leave all these things behind.
Rachna is the best thing that has happened to me and I want to cherish every
single moment I have with her. We've been through a lot in our own individual
lives, as well as together, but I only want to look ahead from now on at the fresh start that we are about to make. I'm going
to try my hardest to push forward because I don't want to pull Rachna back into
the past, especially not after the struggle she has been through to finally get over the bitter reality of the miscarriage. I just want this wedding to be filled with so much
happiness that not even the slightest trace of sadness is left around."
"Shhh, don't think so much about it. It's good for you to
want to do all this and now that you have decided to let go of everything, just
move ahead with your decision. It will all fall into place as you go forward."
Kabir nodded his head and gave a soft smile. "Thank you ma."
"You gave me the position of your mother and you're still
saying thank you? You have every right to share your feelings and pain with me,
but you are not allowed to thank me for anything beta. Got it? Chalo, now enough of these
sentimental talks; you know I hate tears."
Sneha gave a playful slap to his hand and Kabir chuckled
softly, completely at ease. He fondly glanced towards the paper that he had placed
off to the side and smiled serenely.
"What's in that paper Kabir beta?"
Sneha looked at Kabir with a curious gaze, as he just shook his
head softly and spoke through his smile. "Nothing much ma; just a bit of a surprise I'm planning."
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"He knows you better than you know yourself. Every word on
that paper defines you perfectly. Somewhere in all the events that have happened over
the past year though, the Rachna described on that paper has gotten lost. She's
given up on her dreams that she fought so hard to achieve. Given up on the life
she worked so hard to build. Given up on the love that she was lucky enough to
find. Given up on herself. I think these words are her husband's way of
reminding her of who she really is and how much she is loved. It's up to Rachna
now to decide if she wants to come back and reclaim her lost identity."
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❤️ Nivi
Edited by nividances - 9 years ago
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