Posted:
shocking..
Thanks for pm..
Thanks! Glad to see a different reaction from you. Usually you only say that you liked the update so it's nice that you had a different reaction. 😊
shocking..
Thanks for pm..
Originally posted by: Nuritzur
So all this woes a dream. but poor rachna now she will stay away from Kabir. So sad.
waiting for your next update. thanks for PM Me :)
Originally posted by: nividances
Hi! Yes, it was all Kabir's dream, but do you really think that Rachna can stay away from her Kabir for too long? Stay tuned for the update...I'll be posting it shortly 😊
Chapter 21:
"Kabir, I work with patients of sexual assault and rape on a daily basis. From my medical practice of 25 years, I had expected Rachna to react like this. She's just been through a disturbing experience. Her reaction to your touch was absolutely normal. You might be her husband, but right now for her, every man's touch is the same. It's going to take her a lot to come out of this and you have to understand that."
Sneha paused to take a breath.
"What I'm going to tell you from this point onwards is most certainly going to shock you Kabir, so please just listen to what I'm saying very carefully. I don't know why I didn't realize this earlier...the signs were all there. I should have put two and two together almost immediately. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I don't think that this is the first time that something like this has happened with Rachna."
Kabir's expression morphed into one of shock. "Not the first time? What...I mean...how...how can you be...be sure of that?"
"The reaction that she had to your touch today forced me to reconsider and reevaluate some of her past behaviors. The more that I think about it, the more I realize that it all points to the same thing Kabir. The anxiety attack that she had today has actually manifested itself into her behavior many times before this. I automatically assumed that all of Rachna's symptoms of depression, fear, and even her frequent nightmares were related to Shail didi and jija ji's accident...to losing both of her parents in such a brutal and sudden way. But it seems now that there's a lot more to the story. Kabir, please if you can, try to remember any situation where she pushed you away...prevented you from engaging in physical contact...tried to avoid you."
Kabir thought of their small tiff earlier that day. "This morning. I tried to ki..." Kabir stopped, feeling embarrassed at the thought of talking about and revealing his and Rachna's physical proximities to his mother-in-law. Sneha placed her hand on his arm and smiled reassuringly.
"You can continue, don't feel embarrassed. I'm not so naive to think that nothing would have happened between a husband and wife who spent the night together after being separated for so many months. And if anything, don't look at me as your mother-in-law right now, but see me as your wife's psychiatrist. Okay?"
Kabir continued to look down, but nodded slightly. "Ummm, I uh...I tried to kiss her this morning...umm...but she pushed me away. We had a small argument over it, but I didn't really think much of it."
Sneha had grabbed a pen and notepad by now and was furiously taking notes. "Okay, has this been the first time that she has ever stopped you like this? Without any explanation?"
Kabir thought back to when he and Rachna had been together. "Well, after the miscarriage, we weren't physical with each other for a few months, but...that was because of doctor's orders. After that, we tried for a baby again. Now that I look back at it, Rachna was really only focused on the baby and getting pregnant again. It had kind of consumed her life entirely. We were physical with each other, but seemed to be out of necessity more than love. A few weeks before we found out about her parents' accident, Rachna started avoiding all physical contact with me...uh...I would assume now from the information that she has told me that this is probably around the time when she found out that she can't conceive. Basically, she stopped responding to hugs, hand holding, kissing...anything more than that was essentially non-existent. It's not that she would stop me from touching her, but she was basically just a lifeless doll in my hands."
Sneha nodded as she finished jotting down her notes. "Okay, is there anything else that you remember? Anything from this past week that has stuck out to you about her behavior?"
"This past week? Uh...well, we sat next to each other on the flight from Delhi to Mumbai and she didn't exactly hesitate to kiss me or hold my hand then. And whenever I have seen her after that, she hasn't really been avoiding physical contact; I mean she's been fine with holding hands, hugging me, and stuff like that. Obviously we haven't...you know...gone past that, but..."
Kabir trailed off again, feeling quite uncomfortable to anything more. Sneha understood his awkwardness; she was quite used to it since she dealt with such situations on a daily basis.
"I want to know a little bit more about how she was before the miscarriage. Like when you two were dating, engaged, and newly married."
Kabir blushed deep red, remembering some of the wild nights that they had shared together on their honeymoon. Before he could say anything, a shrill scream pierced the air. Both Sneha and Kabir jumped up and ran up the stairs to Rachna's room. Sneha stopped Kabir from going inside.
"Kabir, seeing you there might make things worse. Please just wait outside the door. I'll call you in if she's okay with it."
Sneha rushed into the room, where she found Rachna shaking uncontrollably, drenched in sweat. Her breathing was very rapid and shallow and she was hugging her knees to her chest. Sitting down beside her, Sneha gently rubbed her hand across Rachna's back to calm her down.
"Shhh, Rachna...everything's okay. You're safe...nothing to worry about here. You're safe in your room and I'm here with you. Sneha mausi is here with you my baby. It's okay."
Rachna looked up at Sneha's face and hugged her tightly. Sneha could feel Rachna's racing heartbeat. This was the same way that Rachna had reacted every time she had a nightmare. Earlier, Sneha had automatically assumed that these nightmares were related to Rachna losing her parents, but now it was crystal clear what these episodic attacks had been a result of.
"Kabir, Kabir...I need Kabir...I want Kabir," Rachna whispered through her sobs.
Sneha called out for Kabir, who immediately came into the room, and sat on the bed next to Rachna. Seeing him, Rachna immediately let go of Sneha and moved towards Kabir. She put her arms around him and buried her face into his neck, sobbing hard.
"He's going to hurt me Kabir. He's going to...take me away...away from you, away from...from my family. Save me Kabir...save me..."
He was completely shocked to see Rachna break down like this. He had never seen her in such a vulnerable state before. The miscarriage had been hard on her, but even then, she had never broken down like this. Running his hand through her hair, across the back of her head, he quieted Rachna down.
"Shhh...it's okay Rachna. I'm here with you. Nobody can hurt you. I'm here."
He wanted to wipe away her tears but she refused to let go of him or to even look up. He looked towards Sneha, scared at how to respond to Rachna. She gave him a look of reassurance and a brief nod. So Kabir continued to stroke Rachna's back gently and whisper phrases of support into her ear periodically. After a while, Rachna had stopped sobbing and become still, her breaths evenly spaced. Kabir tried to make her lie down on the bed, but even a small movement on his part caused Rachna to tighten her hold around his body, making it nearly impossible for him to shift his position even a little. As much as he wanted to enjoy the physical proximity of Rachna's body to his, he couldn't get over the fact that she was reacting this way out of extreme fear.
"Kabir, it's almost 3 o'clock. That's usually around the time that Pihu comes home from the hospital for lunch. It's really important for her to have her meals at the proper time, especially now that she is pregnant. I'm just going to quickly go prepare something, so just stay here with Rachna. It seems like she's okay with you right now."
Kabir merely nodded as Sneha left the room. His head was beginning to throb as he tried to process everything that was happening. He tried to talk to Rachna.
"Rachna? Are you listening to me?"
Getting no response from Rachna, Kabir tried a different approach.
"Rachna if you're listening to me, squeeze your arms around me."
He felt her tighten her arms around his body once. "Okay, so one squeeze means yes, two squeezes means no. Got it?"
One squeeze. Yes.
"Rachna, listen to me very carefully and respond truthfully. Are you okay right now?"
Two squeezes. No. Another squeeze.
"What does that mean? Three squeezes for...for a maybe? Is that it?"
One squeeze. Yes.
"Okay. I got it. Do you need something? Water? Anything to eat?"
Two squeezes. No.
"Do you want to lie down?"
Two squeezes. No.
"You want to stay like this? In my arms?"
One squeeze. Yes.
"Okay, we'll stay like. Can I ask another question?"
Three squeezes. Maybe.
"Okay then. You can choose whether or not you want to answer this. Is this the first time something like this has happened to you?"
He felt her body stiffen against his. She seemed to be holding her breath. After a few moments, he felt her squeeze her arms faintly.
One. And slowly another. Two squeezes. No.
He felt his eyes fill with tears as his throat went dry. He managed to choke out, "Did it happen after your parents' accident?"
One squeeze. Yes. And another. No.
"Have you ever told anybody about it?"
Two squeezes. No.
Kabir released the breath that he had been holding. "Did you write about it in your diary of things that you wanted to say, but never did?"
Two squeezes. No.
"Why?"
No response, since it was not a yes or no question. Kabir tried a different question. "Do you know the person who did this?"
No response, but he felt wetness on his neck...she was crying again. "Rachna. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you. Only trying to find out what happened. I'm sorry. Okay, we won't talk about this anymore. Please, just stop crying."
The tears continued to flow out of Rachna eyes, down her cheeks, and onto Kabir's neck. In a matter of minutes, the collar of his shirt was soaked. "Rachna...Rachna please. Listen to me, please stop crying. Please..."
She lifted up her face slightly from his neck, her arms still wrapped tightly around his body, and whispered two small words into his ear; words that made his blood run cold. "I do."
His possessive hold on her body tightened as a response to her revelation. He shook in anger, both at himself for not being able to recognize that she had gone through such a traumatizing experience, and at Rachna for not telling anyone about what had happened with her. Before he could say anything more, the door opened and Sneha walked into the room, carrying a tray of food, all of Rachna's favorites.
"Rachna, look what I have beta; all of your favorite dishes. See, there's bhindi, dum aloo, paneer, saffron rice, chapatti, and I even have your favorite chocolate cake for desert. Come on, let's start eating."
Getting no response from Rachna, Sneha continued to try.
"Will you eat if I feed you with my hand? Remember your 22nd birthday Rachna? When you had stubbornly stated that you would only eat if I fed you with my own hands? Remember that? Oh gosh, I can't believe that was just three short years ago!"
This only caused a fresh set of tears to emerge from Rachna's eyes, surprising and confusing both Sneha and Kabir. Sneha gave up on the food and put the tray away on Rachna's desk. As much as Sneha loved her job and treating patients, she hated prescribing and using medication unless she found it absolutely necessary. In Rachna's case now, Sneha had no choice but to give her neice another dose of sedative. She fought back the tears as she ripped open the alcohol swap to sterilize the skin on Rachna's arm and injected her with the liquid that would put her to sleep. Rachna flinched as the needle pierced through her skin, but the medication quickly began to take effect. Rachna's hold on Kabir's body loosened to the point where her arms became completely limp and her body's entire weight was shifted on to Kabir. He slowly laid Rachna down on the bed and placed her head on the pillow.
Sneha and Kabir remained in Rachna's room this time, in the fear that Rachna might have another nightmare.
"Sneha mausi, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure Kabir. What's on your mind?"
"Rachna's reaction to me...earlier she was scared and frightened by me touching her hand, but now she was holding onto me so tightly that she didn't want to let go. Why?"
"It's quite complicated actually. What exactly is going through Rachna's mind right now, I can't say for sure. However, I can give you my take, based on years of experience. On one hand, she has gone through, what I assume to be, a repeated experience of having a man violate her personal space and her body. So when you touched her earlier, without her permission, she reacted as she would with any stranger; she opposed your touch and pushed you away. Meanwhile, she still has her memories and love for you that force her to gravitate towards you. The relationship that she shares with you is one that is completely built on trust and love, two of the strongest emotions that we, as humans, have the ability to display. Rachna's strong feelings for you allow her to feel the safest in your presence, in your arms, which is why she pushed me away, but stayed glued to you. Her first instinct when she is in trouble is to call out for you, as she just did. I guess this is what you could call the power of true love...even after being separated, whether it's physically or emotionally, nothing changes."
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Thoughts? Comments? Would love to hear your reactions.
❤️ Nivi
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