Originally posted by: Nuritzur
Nivi dear. you all most make me cry.
Kabeer get all his feeling out and rachna salient only help himBut poor Rachna she feel that he hurts and wish she can say same thing to him.I love the way she cant answer so she us that message.Keep the great work. wait for you next part.
Originally posted by: crtkelly
Thank you so much for making me tear up first thing this morning😭
OMG what a superlative text, I am totally overwhelmed by the emotions you evoke in your writing! Forget Rachna, I'm shattered just reading Kabir's confession!So looking forward to her written response ( nice handwriting btw😆)Update soon, and thanks for the PM
Chapter 11:
"I got this diary as a present for my tenth birthday. I have used it as a place to write my wishes, my dreams, my emotions, and my secrets for all these years. This book contains the Rachna that isn't always visible to the world. The last entry in this book should begin to answer the questions that you have."
Saying this, Rachna got up and moved towards the window. She stood there, leaning against the glass and staring outside at the dark, cloudy sky that was rumbling with energy.
Kabir remained seated on the couch, Rachna's diary in his hands. As tempted as he was to just flip to the last entry and get the answers to all his questions, he couldn't help but look at all the earlier pages that Rachna had written in her childhood. The first many pages were filled with bubbly scrawls written with a hot pink pen. Kabir could feel his mood brightening as he read about her innocent childhood complaints of not wanting to do her math homework, not liking the bhindi ki sabzi at dinner, and being forced to play teacher-teacher when she actually wanted to play house-house.
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As he delved further into the diary, the hot pink bubbly scrawls turned into a uniform green cursive, clearly the complaint-filled little girl had entered her carefree teenage years. No longer were there complaints of how much she hated the snotty boy who sat in the second row and always pulled her braids. Instead, she began each entry with "Dear diary" and proceeded to have a one-sided conversation with the lifeless book. He was particularly amused by something that she had written as a 16-year old.
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Dear diary,
I am officially sick...
I have SRK fever! I am just totally, completely, madly in love with Shahrukh Khan! Have you ever been in love with someone?
How can someone just be so perfect? The way his eyes exude romance...he can literally make my heart pop out of my chest when he winks. Every time he smiles, my heart melts. I tell you I'm going to have a heart attack watching him one day.
When he does that signature pose with his arms lifted up...hai! I tell you I might just faint...
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The rest of it had basically been the same...continuous fan-girling about SRK. It was a new discovery for Kabir to find out that even his sensible Rachna could irrationally adore celebrities like every other teen girl. As he read on, the uniform green cursive of a teen girl changed to the clumsy blue script of a troubled young woman.
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It's hard to answer the question "What's wrong?" when nothing is right...
History repeated itself again today. Like it had happened every single time before this, in the process of being a part of one of Gunjan's "foolproof" plans, I landed myself in a problem. Of course I should have just said no to her right at the beginning when she asked me to help her, but how was I supposed to know that she would get away scot-free and I would be the one to get caught? Okay, so I admit that it might not have been the smartest plan to prank call Pihu didi's future in-laws, that too with my own cell phone (we should have used an STD booth), but we did it all in good fun. And it's not like we hurt anybody with our prank, we were just pulling Murli jiju's leg.
Papa was already angry at me for failing that chemistry exam last week, (I seriously just don't get atoms and stereoisomers and electron density clouds!) but now his anger is probably ten times worse. And I so needed for him to be in a good mood today. I wanted to talk to him about Benaras. Well, it looks like that's not going to happen...
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Kabir was surprised to find out that she had failed chemistry...an interesting fact since she came from a family of doctors. Of course her family had expected her to go to medical school and become a doctor herself; so he could only imagine how shocking it must have been for them to hear that she wanted to become a fashion designer instead.
The proceeding entries described how Rachna had fought with her parents to go to Benaras, how she had run away only to be disowned by her family. These were things that Kabir mostly knew about, for Rachna had told him the major details, but it was a completely new experience for him to read about her raw emotions. Eventually, her clumsy blue script transformed into a relaxed poetic purple calligraphy. It brought a small smile to his lips to read about their blossoming relationship from her perspective.
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I'm in love with him because he loved me at a time when I couldn't love myself. I feel like everything in my life has led me to him...my choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we're together, my past seems worth it; because if I had done even one small thing differently, I might never have met him. And that would have been the biggest failure of my life.
He is the best thing to have ever happened to me. I am totally just head over heels in love with this man. I smile stupidly like a little girl every time I look at my phone and see his name flashing on the screen. I can't help but laugh when he tells a joke, no matter how corny it is. I get butterflies in my stomach every time his fingers accidentally brush against my hand while we're working together. I spend all day with him, but I start missing him the second that I am away from him. Any day without him is incomplete. I love him for all that he is, all that he has been, and all that he has yet to be.
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If being with him had made her so happy, why had she abandoned him so ruthlessly? What had gone so terribly wrong that she had forcibly pushed herself away? As he turned the page, he saw that her poetic calligraphy had changed into an orange soft-stroked writing.
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In just 12 short weeks, you have become the beat of my heart, the pulse in my veins, and the energy of my soul. Just to say I love you never seems enough. I've said it so many times that I am afraid you won't understand what I really mean when I say it. How can those three words possibly fit so much feeling and so much adoration? But until I find some other way of saying what I feel, "I love you" will have to suffice. So no matter how many times I say it, never take it lightly, for you are my life. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow than I do today. I am counting down the days to when you will finally be in my arms. I can't wait to meet you little one...
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It brought tears to his eyes to read these words. As eager as he had been for the arrival of their child, he also knew that Rachna had been more excited than him. But he hadn't known that she had been this attached to the baby. He could remember that he had often overheard her talking to herself when she was pregnant. He could understand now that she had been talking, not to herself, but to the baby. How broken she must have been after the miscarriage...he could not even begin to comprehend.
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My beloved unborn child,
My fingers are numb as I write the word...miscarriage. I should be putting your crib together and making space in the closet for your clothes. I should be fighting with your papa to get a bigger house for our growing family. I should be preparing myself to survive sleepless nights. I should be sharing my joy with friends and family. Yet, I am left alone with grief and fighting the demons of losing you, my baby.
Your papa keeps telling me that it simply takes time. But how can time take away this aching pain of never experiencing life with you? How can I recover from this deep and utter loss, when all I want to do is hold you and shower you with love? I just want to see you smile, feel your touch, hear your laughter...
Days will pass and turn into years, but I will always remember you with my silent tears...
❤️ Mummy
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She had been suffering silently and he had done nothing to help her. He had felt the pain of losing their child, but he had moved on; yet, she had been living with this pain for all this time. He had expected her to move on with him; he had promised her that they would try again. But he had never tried to understand her; never tried to grieve with her. It was so easy for him to blame her for leaving him, but he never tried to look at his own mistakes.
Kabir turned the page, at last arriving to the final entry in the diary. The page was filled with sharp, pointy strokes. It seemed as though even the appearance of her letters was trying to convey the distress that she had felt when writing these words.
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Kabir,
You are perfect for me in every way. I have told you this more than once and I will never stop believing it...you are the best thing to ever have happened to me. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you tomorrow. But they say that when you really care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours. And I care about you so much that your happiness means the world to me. You deserve all the happiness in the world Kabir. But I can't give you that happiness. For me to stay with you for my own happiness would be the most selfish thing ever...
❤️ Always yours,
Rachna
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Rachna walked back towards Kabir and sat down next to him when she knew he had finished reading. He looked towards her. There were questions in his eyes; questions that only she had the answer to.
"I have thought about mailing this letter to you so many times in the past 11 months. But I couldn't muster up the courage to do it. I thought you would be better off without me...without knowing the truth. But seeing you break down today has made me realize how wrong I was. You deserve to know...you deserve to know everything."
He waited expectantly for her to continue. She took a deep breath and began.
"That day when I came to Benaras, I came with the intention of telling you the truth and the entire truth. But I couldn't. Before you came home that day, I was cleaning out the cupboard when your diary fell and some pages came out of the book. I didn't mean to, but I read some of what you had written. You wanted to move on and try again to start our family. It is a desire that I share with you, but one that I can't ever fulfill. I can't...I can't ever become..."
Rachna was crying by now and could not say the bitter words. Kabir felt his heart sink as the meaning behind her words dawned on him. He immediately enveloped her in his arms, wishing that he could take away all the hurtful things he had just said to her. She had been wrong to hide such a big fact from him, but he had also been wrong to just let her leave that day without fighting. He wanted to comfort her...he wanted her to know that everything was going to be okay.
"Rachna. You know you really love someone when you can't hate them for breaking your heart. And I can't ever hate you, not even for breaking my heart."
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What did you think? Good, bad, terrible? Telling the story through Rachna's diary was just a new writing technique that I wanted to try...was it successful or just confusing?
❤️ Nivi
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