Prologue

Prologue

Delhi, India

Arnav Singh Raizada's eyes scanned the room, taking notice of everyone who was present at the party. Shilpa was not there. Arnav breathed a sigh of relief. The woman was incessant with her chatter about every single thing happening in her life and the lives of everyone she knew. It was painful enough that she was super clingy when she wanted to be, which was almost all the time; he didn't need the additional pain of her yapping at his ears throughout the party. Not tonight.

Tonight, Arnav already had a lot on his mind.

He was successfully running a line of top-notch fashion houses in the city; he was associated with an organisation that worked to make children's lives better, he had a loving maternal grandmother at home, and currently he was dating one of the top-models of the country (which was sadly, Shilpa). His life was perfect. At least on the surface.

So, this morning, before Arnav's younger brother Akash called him from Lucknow, Arnav had no idea that his life, as he pretended, was coming to an end. Arnav had heard everything Akash had to say and replied only in monosyllabic words.

He hadn't been surprised by the news. He already knew what went on within the ancient and high walls of Sheesh Mahal back in Lucknow.

Arnav had always told himself that he still concerned himself with whatever went on in that Mahal because his mother was buried there and because Akash lived there. He didn't care about what other residents of the Mahal did or what happened to them.

So, when he had learned through his carefully placed sources that Birendra Singh Malik, the owner of the Mahal and his father, had been diagnosed with lung cancer he hadn't bothered to call or ask Akash about it or even mention it to his Nani here in Delhi. He didn't care if the man who fathered him was dying a slow, painful death.

Oh, wait! He did care.

He was glad that the man was dying. That his sins had finally caught up to him. So, Arnav had learnt of the news and had tucked it away in a corner of his mind and went on with his happy, successful, and peaceful life in Delhi.

Until this morning.

Arnav was fresh out of bed when Akash had called him on his cellphone.

He had already known what the news was going to be. In fact, he had been surprised that it had taken almost four months for Akash to call him about it.

"Bhai" Akash's voice was distraught and broken and even from such a distance Arnav had winced hearing it.

He loved his younger brother. More than he could say in words. His Nani and Akash were the only two people Arnav considered his family. He had even felt ashamed of himself after hearing the broken voice of Akash. In his hatred for his father, Arnav had forgotten to consider how this news would break Akash's heart.

Unlike him, Akash loved Birendra Singh Malik. And Arnav had never held that against Akash. It wasn't Akash who had made his childhood a living, horrible hell. It was his father. And when all that had happened, Akash wasn't even there. So, how could Arnav hold a grudge against his brother who didn't even know half the story of his terrible childhood.

"What happened, Akash? What is wrong?" Arnav had instantly broken into speech over the phone, a part of his heart already aching for his brother.

"Bhai..It is Baba. He is.." And the sound of a sob leaving Akash's lips had Arnav's guts in a twist.

"Akash.. Are you okay? Tell me, what is it? What do you need? Tell me. You know I am always here for you" Arnav had clutched the phone so hard in his hand he thought it might break.

"Baba is dying, Bhai. He..he has cancer..He is dying. He's going to leave me all alone, Bhai. He's.." Akash's words had turned muffled and Arnav could hear someone in the background, someone consoling him.

Arnav knew who that someone could be, but that hadn't dulled Arnav's own increasing anguish over his brothers's pain. But what could he do to end it?

He wanted to say that the man was getting what he deserved but he knew that would only add to Akash's misery.

"Bhai...are you there?" He heard Akash speaking after a long minute, his voice now considerably controlled.

"Yes..I am, Akash. I am here. I am sorr..." No. He wasn't sorry to hear that.

"How did it happen? I mean when? How did you find out?" Arnav asked, remembering he was supposed to not know about this.

"It is lung cancer..Bhai. Third stage..I..Baba knew about it..But he didn't tell me... He hid it from us. He only told me when Doctor Kumar forced him to tell his family about it. He told me yesterday, Bhai. Yesterday. And..It is all my mistake. How could I not see it before? He was always ill..Always so weak and I never looked closely. Bhai..I feel so alone. I am scared, Bhai."

Arnav didn't know what to say. How to console his brother without saying something that will only hurt him more.

Akash already knew that Arnav hated their father but, at the moment either he was too grief-struck to remember it or he was way too woebegone to care about it and Arnav was still not heartless enough to remind his brother of it.

"Akash..don't blame yourself for anything. This has nothing to do with you. If HE hid it from you, it is only HE to be blamed. Not you" Arnav answered, now hating the man more for putting Akash through it.

Couldn't he have hidden the news of his impending death for a few more months until he was finally dead?

"Bhai.." Arnav heard the lingering hope and hesitation in Akash's words and he immediately wanted to hang up the phone.

No. Akash wouldn't ask this of him.

"Bhai..please come to Lucknow. I need you. I am too lost without you" Akash asked what Arnav feared the most.

NO. Never.

Arnav didn't know he had said the words out loud until he heard that dejected resignation in Akash's words.

"I thought so" the three words hit Arnav more strongly that he would ever admit.

"I hate him, Akash" Arnav couldn't help himself but say that.

"I know, Bhai. I am sorry. I didn't want to ask you to come but..I am drowning..And I..I dared to think for a moment that you love me more than you hate him" Arnav knew Akash hadn't meant those words but it still hurt him to hear it.

"Akash.." Arnav had replied, not wanting to say no again. He hoped Akash will understand. That he could not come back to the city he had left fourteen years back. That there was nothing left for him there except his mother's grave.

"Talk to you later, Bhai" Arnav thought Akash's voice couldn't have sounded more laden hope and helplessness.

"Take care, Akash" Arnav had whispered but the line had already went dead.

And after that call, Arnav had been distracted all day. In the evening, Shilpa, his girlfriend, had called him and told him to come to this special party she had thrown.

Arnav had rolled his eyes but agreed to come anyway. Maybe this would take his mind off a certain Mahal in a certain city.

It was only after Arnav had arrived in the party and every person present there had congratulated him for the "Happy-One-Month-Anniversary" he had realized for what this party had been thrown by his so called girlfriend. He had been more pissed to see his office employees in the party who were tripping over their feet to grab a minute to talk to him and congratulate him for having such a loving girlfriend.

He had been in the party for half an hour now and he could already see a headache coming. He didn't want to be here for one minute longer.

Deciding he had spent enough time in the party and his girlfriend was more late than he felt like putting up with tonight, Arnav finished the beer bottle he had in his hand and turned on his heels to leave.

"There you are, Arnie!" He heard the overzealous squeal of Shilpa and mentally recoiled. Was she always this overzealous or was it just tonight?

He found her shooting towards him through the thin crowd, her bright red cocktail dress setting her apart from others.

He narrowed his eyes when he noticed the plunging neckline of her dress. Was she always dressed so provocatively or was it today for their "one-month-anniversary"? He noticed her large, fake smile and wondered if it always looked this fake or was it just today?

"Happy Anniversary, honey" she reached him, hugged him tight and crooned the words in his ears.

Did she always use such overwhelming amount of perfume or was it just today?

"Shilpa" He said and pulled back from the hug. He noticed everyone clapping and smiling.

They all looked so fake.

Suddenly Arnav had a strong urge to be at his home, relaxing in his comfortable bed while his Nani massaged his head with those magical fingers of hers. That would certainly soothe his throbbing headache.

"Thank you everyone for coming. Please enjoy yourself" He heard Shilpa addressing the crowd and then everyone went back to whatever they were doing.

Arnav just stood there.

"Do you like the party, Arnie? I hired the best planners in the city" Shilpa said as she took his arm in hers and started heading towards the pool outside where the bar had been set.

"It's nice" Arnav said.

Bhai, please come to Lucknow. I need you.

The words had refused to leave Arnav alone since the morning.

"I know you don't like the band but it's so popular. So, I booked them. But to make it up to you, I have rented a room upstairs. Just wait until you see it. You'd love it. Totally the way you like it" Arnav heard Shilpa speak, felt her hands caressing his biceps from over his jacket.

He didn't feel a tinge of excitement at the touch.

"Shilpa" He began.

"Let's have a drink and then we can talk upstairs" She cut him off, finally noticing his lack of himself.

"I already had a beer. I have to drive" He said.

"Okay. I'll take one" She said and after taking a glass of whiskey and drowning it in one gulp, she turned back to him; that large, fake smile back in its place.

"I am ready" As they reached the room, Shilpa locked the door after her.

"You seem stressed" She exclaimed and Arnav thanked the heavens for her finally being observant enough.

"Yes. I am thinking..."

"Whatever it is, I can make it go away" She didn't wait to hear him finish his sentence.

"Let me distract you from your worries" She whispered in his ear as her fingers started undoing his jacket and her mouth trailed kisses across his jawline.

Arnav had half a mind to let her do what she was doing but he stepped away from her.

"We should break up" He said to her confused face.

"Why?" She asked far too calmly, that confusion dissipating from her face.

"I am no longer interested in having a relationship" With you. He didn't say that part.

"Okay. We can break up tomorrow morning" She shrugged and replied.

Arnav took a sigh of relief. It was always nice to have clean breakups.

"Tonight, let's hook up one last time" She said, and Arnav realised he had taken that sigh of relief too early.

"No, Shilpa. That wouldn't be right" he said, straightening his jacket.

"Oh come on, Arnie! That's the least you can do for hurling this breakup in my face out of the blue" She replied, stepping closer.

"I am sorry about that, Shilpa. But, no" He said but she seemed to have not heard as her lips found his lips.

"I said, NO" Arnav said, placing a few feet of distance between him and her, his voice hard.

She looked at his harsh features and realised he meant it.

"Okay" She said in a small voice, grabbing her purse from where she had thrown it on the bed.

Arnav watched as she headed towards the door, and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Know what, Arnav?" He listened as she stopped at the door and addressed him.

"You'll never find love. Why? Because you are way too damaged for anyone to love you. You keep people at an arm's length, you don't connect with them because you are afraid of something. Maybe of getting hurt. And that's what is going to hurt you most at the end. Not love. But loneliness" said Shilpa in one breath, letting her anger at being turned down flow out in the form of bitter words.

Arnav exhaled. Let his hands slide into the pockets of his trousers. And then looked at Shilpa with a smile.

"What happens to me is not your concern anymore. So, get out, Shilpa!" replied Arnav in a cool manner, even though the words pinched him in his heart.

Watching his smug face, Shilpa slammed the door after her, and Arnav heaved a sigh of relief at her finally leaving. He had had worse breakups.

As he settled down at the corner of the soft bed, he let his head fall in his hands, eyes closed.

Could it be possible for him to go to Lucknow?

Could he go back there and face all that he has left behind?

"I dared to think for a moment that you love me more than you hate him."

Akash's words weighed heavy on his heart.

Maybe he could go there. Watch Birendra Singh Malik die slowly. Wouldn't that be something?

And he could be there for Akash in whatever way Akash thought he needed him.

Avoiding to think more on it lest he change his mind, Arnav pulled out his cellphone and dialled Akash's number.

Each second the call was in progress, Arnav thought he should disconnect.

Nothing good could come of this.

This will only drag him back to the hell he had spent every waking moment crawling out from.

"Bhai.." Akash's voice had Arnav silencing his thoughts.

"I'll be there in a week. And I wouldn't be staying in my old room" Arnav delivered the words and he could hear the smile in Akash's words, could see it when Akash said "I'll be waiting, Bhai".

With that Arnav disconnected the line. Slipped the phone back into his pocket.

He then looked around the room. The room indeed was arranged in the colours he liked. Royal Blue and Black. As Arnav's gaze roved across the room, it fell on a piece of art hanging on one of the walls.

A woman's face painted in monochrome, half-hidden in the thicket of her raven hair. But it was the half-smile on her face, her eyes painted with the dull grey colour yet so much alight!

Those eyes and the smile reminded him of another pair of alight eyes and mischievous smiles. Pictures. That he had seen over the years. Of Khushi.

She too would be there in Lucknow.

As Arnav got up on his feet to leave, he looked one more time at the picture hanging on the wall. He had a sudden urge to take the painting home with himself. But that would be wrong on so many levels.

So, he just pulled out his phone again, opened the camera and clicked a shot. It reminded him of something similar he had done not too many years ago.

It's just a random picture and a random face. He told himself and walked himself out of the room.

Lucknow. I am coming.

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