Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 Khushi stared at her phone and read Arnav’s text from the morning.

“Did Akash tell you about the party yet? Excited or nervous? PS: I really liked the ice-cream the other day. Want to go again?”

She had intentionally not replied to it and hadn’t received his call in the afternoon.

Since her interaction with Akash in the morning, she felt restless. Admitting it outright that she had befriended Arnav at Akash’s behest left her feeling more guilt-ridden than she could have imagined. What she felt most ashamed about was that Akash hadn’t really pushed her into doing this. He had merely mentioned it and said she could help.

And she had agreed. Instantly! Without much thought. It had been an instinct to help Akash and Malik Uncle reunite with Arnav whom they clearly loved so much. But, now she had learnt that things are not so black and white.

Arnav’s hatred for his father was not so black and white. It has shades. Same went for Akash’s affection for Arnav. She knew that Akash loved Arnav indiscriminately but now that push had come to shove, she could see that Akash stood with his father. While she may not know the whole story yet but Akash had forgiven his father overnight for something that Arnav could not forgive him for in twenty years.

So, Akash was indeed tilted more towards his father.

And her?

She had been heavily tilted towards the Malik family. But, now she knew more. She knew that Malik Uncle was not as perfect as he appeared to be. From what Arnav had told her, Malik uncle had made several mistakes in his life, the biggest of which was failing to be a good parent to Arnav.

Khushi wondered what should be her part in this now. Akash had made it clear that he cannot tell her more at the moment.

And to be honest, she was not most upset by that news.

The thing that had upset her most was Akash’s changing concern. He may have downplayed it but Khushi could see that Akash had noticed her decreasing presence in his life and he was not happy with it.

But, is it really her mistake?

She hadn’t planned on spending all her time with Arnav. She had only planned on befriending him. The rest had followed on its own.

Whatever she was beginning to feel for Arnav….god knew she hadn’t planned it to happen. But, it did happen.

Just thinking of his face, his familiar husky voice was enough to make her feel excited. Being in his presence was exhilarating. Being touched by him was electric.

She didn’t know what to do with all these growing feelings. Should she hide them or should she discuss them with someone? Maybe with Arnav himself? What will he say? Was it possible that he felt all this too? Or all of this was just some kind of acidity? Because her stomach did feel funny in Arnav’s presence!

She knew sure as hell that she did not want to discuss these things with Akash. Not before she was sure about anything. She could not talk to Malik Uncle too. There were already too many things that she wanted to say to him and this was not going to be it.

That only left her with her Babuji and Arnav.

Should she tell her Babuji? What will he think of her?

Khushi shook her head and cleared all the thoughts.

She was going to wait. Maybe this party will make things clearer. If things go right, she can try talking to Arnav himself.

He had told her that she should be able to tell him anything. So, this is it.

She will talk to him. Let the party come.

Until then, she needs to think more about what she will tell Akash. He might have told her that he did not mind her spending time with Arnav but she was sure he will have some interesting views on what she was feeling towards Arnav.

Hell, he might even freak out. Or be thrilled?

Guess, only time will tell.

~~**~~

Although it was pitch dark and the sun had set long ago, Arnav sat on the grass staring at his mother’s grave with vacant eyes.

Now he understood why she had requested for her ashes to be buried here. Because she was blindly and madly in love with the man she married. Arnav wondered if he could even call it love. Obsession, it was. One that had ruined not only her life but of everyone around her!

Arnav felt the constriction inside his chest and his eyes stung.

He wished to hate her for inflicting the pain upon her and others. Yet, he could not.

No matter what she had done against his father, she always loved him. She was the mother he needed.

On the other hand, his father had regretted him. Hadn’t even wanted him to be born in the first place. He had punished him alongside his mother.

All because of his love for Dr. Kumar?

Arnav wanted to laugh. In their search for love, both his parents had doomed him to a life of misery.

What was his mistake?

He wanted to ask his mother. Why could she not let go?

Why could his father not love him after he was born? Was it his mistake that his mother used him to drive away Kumar?

Arnav fisted his hands and swallowed the lump sitting in his throat.

Until now, he at least had the love of his mother. But from today, it was tainted too.

He was nothing but an unwanted product of a dysfunctional couple.

“I can never stop loving you, Ma. But you are no longer the best mother in the world. You are not. You hurt me” Arnav quickly wiped the tear that flowed down and stood up.

He was taken aback when he noticed the dark figure standing not too far away.

“What are you doing here?” Arnav’s voice came out raspy and sharp.

“Birendra told me that he told you” Dr. Shailendra Kumar stepped towards him.

“I am sure you must have had a good laugh. Arnav Singh Raizada finally falling off his high horse and realizing his mother was not the woman he thought her to be” Arnav’s voice was acid. Any pain that he was feeling, he shoved it inside.

“Is that what you really think of me, Arnav?” Dr. Kumar’s face was a picture of anguish.

“I think what I know. Your family suffered because of my mother’s actions. You had to leave your city not once but twice. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were the happiest one by her death” Arnav said.

Dr. Kumar shook his head.

“I was devastated by her death. Yes, I hated Sujata to the core when she revealed those things before Surendra Singh Malik and uprooted my entire life in the process. I hated her more when she came to me and told me that she was pregnant with Birendra’s child. She told me there would never be any future for Birendra and me. I knew she was right and I knew there was another life in the balance now. You, Arnav! The three of us were messed up good and I saw this as a way out. So, I agreed when she told me she would help me leave. She found me a house in Kanpur. I moved there with my whole family and I got a job to complete my education. And as much as I hated Sujata, after this, her attitude towards me softened. She thought I had made the sacrifice for her and her child. But, I hadn’t. I was just a coward. I had my parents to look after and a career to make. So, I took her offer and chose responsibilities over love. I thought it was for the good of everyone. Sujata was happy, Birendra was happy and my parents were happy. My own father, who was always loving and understanding to me, he told me he would respect all my decisions. So, I stayed away from Birendra. It was not easy. Birendra and I…we had grown up together. More than lovers, we were best friends. So, while it killed me to be away from him, I did it anyway. But, I never comprehended the depth of what Birendra was going through. That is my cross to bear. I didn’t make the hard choice. I took the easy way out, leaving him all alone. There could have been a hundred ways of sorting all this out but I was too scared to take a stand for him or for myself. But, once I learnt that Birendra tried to end his life, it made me realize just how lost my friend was. So, when Sujata came to me with the offer, I took it. She wanted me to return back to the Mahal on her condition. I agreed to everything because it was a way of getting back to Birendra.  Even if it meant, being around your mother, treating her. She had no significant physical illness. It’s just that despite all the vicious things she had done, her heart was broken and hopeless from inside. Over the years, she had realized that she had created this life for her. Yet, she did not regret it. She just wanted a do-over. That was on her mind when she went to Birendra for a second child. From there, nothing turned out like it was supposed to. Birendra was livid that she was not done ruining his life. He told me to leave the Mahal. He didn’t want Sujata to use me to blackmail him again. I..I didn’t want to leave. I told him I could talk to Sujata but Birendra…he was done. He told me that he already felt guilty about bringing a child in the world knowing full well he wasn’t ready to be a father. He said he would not do it again. No matter what I said, Birendra was beyond reason that night. I agreed to go away. What I didn’t know was that Sujata…the next morning when I learnt the news of her death, it made me hate myself. I didn’t know then that I was directly responsible for her death but I knew enough that if I weren’t in the Mahal, it might not have happened. After that, I couldn’t stomach to be here for a long time. So, no matter what you think or say, Arnav, I never wanted Sujata to die. Her reasons be damned, she brought me back to the Mahal. If not for her, I might have never come back hereafter leaving for the first time” Dr. Kumar finished his long speech.

Arnav stared at the man with clenched fists.

“I know all of this must be hard for you to process, Arnav. I also know that I have been harsh to you ever since you came back here. But, I have never meant you any harm. All those things that I said to you, it was my way of instigating you so that you would try to find out more. I couldn’t tell you anything myself and I knew you wouldn’t ask Birendra until you had a reason.  I was trying to be the reason. I apologize for that. I am sorry that you had to go through all this. Not just Sujata’s death but all those years that you spent away from here. I never meant to keep Sujata from her husband or you from your father. There was nothing I could do. So, when I came back to the Mahal on Birendra’s request, I told him he will have to make good with all things in his life. Wasting away his life, that was not something I was going to watch him do. I don’t want you to forgive him. I just want you to know that he made his share of mistakes. All of us are human, Arnav. We are not above our moments of selfishness and our faults” Dr. Kumar continued further and he noticed Arnav’s face flicker with emotion.

“All of us are human? Tell that to me when you find out that your father didn’t want you to be born and your mother only wanted you because it was a way of getting close to her husband” Arnav said, barely able to hide the glistening in his eyes and the quaking in his voice.

“Arnav, I know that you’re hur..”

“Hurt? I am fuc**ng drowning in revelations, doctor. So, spare me the sympathy and the condolences for now. You just want to make sure that I don’t hurt the sentiments of your lover. Don’t worry! I cannot bear to look at his face without wanting to throw up! And tell him it has nothing to do with him being homosexual. It has everything to do with him agreeing to sleep with a woman he didn’t love so that he could get the man he loved. He disgusts me! And if you think you can sweet talk me into ignoring what he did to me, you’re mistaken, doctor. He called me a mistake once! Tell him, this mistake will never make the mistake of letting him do it again to me” Arnav hurled the words at Dr. Kumar’s face and stormed off.

~~**~~

The next morning Akash wondered at the quietness of the house. He had come in late from the office, finalizing the terms of a new sale contract and had slept in straight.

Waking up, he expected the house to be buzzing with excitement. The party was today, after all. But, there was no merriment in the air. The servants worked in silence and the preparations continued.

“Where is everyone, Ratan Kaka?” Akash asked the old servant who was tending the breakfast table.

“Chote Saheb left very early. Doctor Saheb and Malik Saheb are sitting outside in the garden”

“Okay. Can you ask Hema to bring my coffee and toast outside? I shall sit with Baba and Doctor Uncle” Akash said and got up.

“Akash Babua” Ratan Kaka said from behind.

“Ji Kaka?” Akash turned towards the old man.

“I know it is not my place to say this but Chote Saheb did not look well when he left. Yesterday night, he came back very late from the orchards. I don’t think he even slept at night. In the morning, he left without eating. Could you please talk to him and see if he is okay?” Ratan Kaka’s words gave Akash a tinge of anxiety.

“Sure, Kaka! I will talk to Bhai” He said to the man. The man thanked him and waddled off to the kitchen.

Akash pondered over the words for a few seconds and then moved outside where his father was sitting with the doctor.

Both the men were sitting in the garden under a canopy with long chairs and a round table.

His father looked under the weather with a haggard face and the doctor was speaking something softly. Akash made a move towards them.

“Baba, Uncle. Good morning” He said and joined them.

Both the men nodded their heads at Akash.

“What is going on? Why does Baba look so weary? Is everything good?” Akash addressed the doctor first.

“I am well, Akash. Just could not sleep properly” Birendra answered himself.

“This is more than that, Baba. Ratan Kaka told me Bhai left early in the morning. Did something happen between you two?” Akash probed.

Birendra Singh Malik looked away, his face crumpling again.

“Arnav knows everything now. He heard Birendra talking over the phone to Devyani Singh Raizada and then confronted him” Dr. Kumar spoke solemnly.

“You told him everything, Baba? How did he take it?” Akash asked with urgency, looking at his father.

Birendra Singh Malik shook his head, swallowing.

“What do you mean? Did Bhai not forgive you? Did you not tell him about everything that Sujata aunty did?” Akash asked.

“I did. But, that does not change anything. If anything, I am sure Arnav hates me more now. I can’t blame him for it. No matter the reasons, I was never a father to him. I was just a selfish man” The words were broken and fragmented.

Akash was shaking his head.

“No, Baba! That’s not true. You were not selfish. Had you been selfish, you would have never listened to your father and married Sujata aunty. You did the best you could do in those circumstances. Tell him, Doctor Uncle” Akash said, looking at the doctor.

But, both the men remained silent.

“I will talk to Bhai. I will request him to rethink everything. He will not say no to me. He will forgive you, Baba. And, Bhai has to understand that the past is in the past. If he does not let go of his hate and anger, it will haunt him for the rest of his life. I will not let him do that to himself and to you”

“No, Akash! You will not talk to Arnav about this unless he comes to you first. Don’t push him or you will only drive him away” Dr. Kumar said to Akash.

“You and I can only imagine his pain. It is him who suffered through the actions of all of us. The least we can we do for him is to give him time and wait” Dr. Kumar continued.

“Kumar is right, Akash. I have already hurt my son enough. I will not do it anymore. If hating me gives him happiness, I can take it. At least, I will die knowing that I told him everything” Birendra Singh Malik said with no less amount of fulfillment in his voice.

“But, I cannot watch you unhappy, Baba. I feel so helpless” Akash admitted in a soft voice.

“Then you can make me happy, son!” Birendra Singh Malik said.

“How?” Both Akash and Dr. Kumar looked at Malik’s face.

"By doing what you should have done a long time ago" said, Malik.

~~**~~

The evening was approaching fast and Khushi looked at herself in the mirror. She had draped a red sari with a golden colour blouse. Her hair had been styled with soft, bouncing curls that she left open. She finished the makeup by putting kohl in her eyes and red lipstick.

Once ready, she sat down in a chair and checked her phone.

No calls and messages from Arnav. She wondered if he was angry with her for not calling back yesterday.

“Hey! I am coming to the party as a bundle of nerves. Hope to see you there” She quickly typed the message and sent it to him.

Then she checked the flurry of texts from Akash. They were of all kinds from ‘what are you doing’ to ‘when are you coming’. The last one read, ‘You’re one of the best things in my life, Khushi. Thank you for being my friend. Happy birthday once again!”

It made her smile.

“All ready?” Her father knocked at the door.

“Ji Babuji” She put away the phone in her purse and stood up.

“The driver is outside. Let’s go” He said to her and Khushi raised an eyebrow.

“You’re coming too?”

“Don’t I look dressed for the occasion?” Shashi Gupta gave a lopsided smile to Khushi.

She noticed the chikan kurta her father had donned.

“Indeed! But, just yesterday you were saying you don’t want to go” Khushi said, as she walked up to her father.

“Looks like you were looking forward to me not going” Shashi Gupta said.

“Please, Babuji” Khushi shook her head and followed after her father.

Shashi Gupta gave a small laugh and locked the house after him.

~~**~~

Arnav stared at the text on his phone. It was from Khushi.

The party is tonight.

He hadn’t forgotten. Akash had been calling him since the afternoon and had left a string of text messages.

It was clear that Akash knew what had happened.

All his texts were full of inquiry and concern. The last one had asked him when he was coming back. Arnav hadn’t replied to any of it.

He didn’t feel like talking to anyone and going back to the Mahal meant talking.

His Nani had called a hundred times as well. Arnav had switched off the phone for a while.

What did she want to tell him? That she had hidden so many things for years because of his well being?

He hadn’t been lying to the doctor when he had said he was tired of revelations.

For now, he wanted to do nothing.

So, he sat in his car staring at the deserted road.

~~**~~

Akash couldn’t keep his eyes off his watch. It was about7:00 pm and Khushi hadn’t arrived yet. Neither had Arnav!

He didn’t know what to do. There was so much he needed to talk to both his brother and Khushi.

He tried calling Arnav again but the phone went straight to voicemail.

He was definitely going to have words with Arnav. If not about the truth about their father then definitely about Arnav shutting him out.

Why wasn’t he receiving his phone call?

He was still looking in his phone when he felt the tap on his shoulder.

“Khushi, finally! Namaste, Uncle” He greeted them with a smile.

 “Namaste, beta!” Shashi Gupta answered Akash’s greeting who then guided them towards his father.

“Shashi ji!” Birendra Singh Malik hugged Khushi’s father.

Shashi Gupta returned the hug and then shook hands with Dr.Kumar.

“The decoration looks beautiful, Malik ji. Thank you for inviting us” Shashi Gupta’s voice was warm and cordial.

“Not at all, Shashi ji! This party is as much yours as it is mine. After all, Khushi Bitiya is as much your daughter as she is mine” Birendra Singh Malik’s words brought a smile on all the faces.

Yet, Akash could see that his father was constantly looking at the doors too. Arnav hadn’t come yet and despite the happy front his father was holding, Akash knew he had only half-mind at the party.

Akash allowed his gaze to slide to Khushi and found her looking around as well.

“Khushi beta, why don’t you go around and mingle! I have invited some of your college friends as well” Mr. Malik said to her.

Khushi looked at her father who nodded slightly at her.

“Come, Akash” Khushi grabbed his arm and pulled him away from their parents.

“Easy, Khushi. You’re wearing a sari! Don’t trip” Akash said, looking her up and down.

“Haha! You know well this is not my first Sari, Akash. Anyway, where is Arnav?” Khushi asked him, once they were standing in a corner.

“Why?” Akash looked at Khushi.

“He isn’t receiving my phone. He hasn’t even replied to any of my text messages too” Khushi said, chewing her lip.

Akash looked at her with an uncertain gaze.

“What?” She asked.

“He is not in the Mahal. But, I am sure he will show up before the party. For now, let’s go and meet our gang” He said to her.

Khushi allowed Akash to guide her to their college friends.

After an hour passed in catching up with friends, both Akash and Khushi turned towards the food!

“Here” Akash offered her a plate of spring rolls.

“Thanks. Arnav is still not here. Where did he go? Did he forget the party was today” Khushi murmured.

“No. He knows the party is today and there is still plenty of time. But, let me call him again” Akash said and dialed Arnav’s number again.

“He must be driving” Akash said when the call went unanswered.

“I will kill him if he doesn’t come” Khushi said.

She spent some more time talking around and checking up on her father.

Another hour ticked by and Khushi began to feel restless. She checked her phone. It was almost 9:30 now. Where was he?

She was about to call him when music began playing in the hall.

Khushi looked up at the makeshift stage at the corner of the room. People were assembling around it, mostly couples, both young and old.

“Come” She heard Akash’s voice from behind.

“What? No!” Khushi said, sounding nervous.

“Oh come on, Khushi! Don’t you remember your farewell party at the University? We had so much fun” Akash said.

Khushi seemed to consider his words for a second.

“Yes. It was good” she said and took his hand.

Both of them reached the stage and took place.

Khushi made sure they maintained a respectable distance between each other. When she looked up, she found Akash staring at her.

“What?” She whispered.

“Nothing” He replied and they began moving with the music.

Khushi tried to close her eyes and enjoy yet the thought of Arnav kept popping in her head. She wondered what it would feel like to dance with him. Would he dance so cautiously with her? She shivered slightly when she imagined his fingers on her waist, guiding her movements.

Khushi kept dancing until she felt the change. Akash was no longer a respectable distance away from her. He had pulled her close.

She looked in his eyes again and found intensity in them. She felt her heart drum faster when his hand reached up and caressed her cheek, his eyes lowering to her mouth.

What was happening? Khushi swallowed and nervously looked around.

Her father was standing far away, busy talking to doctor Kumar. It was only Birendra Singh Malik who was looking her way. Her eyes widened when he slightly nodded at her.

Khushi’s shock combined with Akash’s words.

“Come with me”

She followed after him, as Akash dragged her off the stage and into a gallery.

“Akash!” She rasped.

“I know” He breathed to her.

“What?” Khushi stepped away from him.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Akash was saying but Khushi was finding it hard to concentrate on his words. Her blood was pounding in her ears.

“I..I don’t know what you are talking about, Akash!” she said sharply.

“Hey! It’s okay, Khushi. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about! I..I don’t know how I didn’t see it myself. I mean was I so blind? You were here all the time for me, you helped me through everything. You even agreed to help me with Bhai and Baba! I really was so thick-headed! I kept thinking that you are doing it because we are best friends” Akash’s voice was a little heady, a little surprise mixed with amusement.

It made Khushi’s eyes sting.

“Akash! No. You’re wrong. It’s not like that. We are best friends. That’s all” she shook her head at Akash.

That made Akash silent and he stared at Khushi.

“Khushi, you don’t have to hide from me anymore. I mean I never thought about you this way but maybe we can give this a try. There is no harm in it" Akash said.

It made Khushi’s face heat.

“Shut up, Akash! There is nothing to give a try. You’re talking nonsense” Khushi turned away from her friend, wondering why the hell her life was suddenly going down the drain. Was this a bad dream?

“Khushi! Baba told me everything” Akash said, grabbing her arm and making her turn towards him.

“I don’t care what he told you, Akash. That was a long long time ago. I have forgotten all about it.” Khushi said.

Disbelief flashed through Akash’s eyes.

“So, you’re not in love with me anymore?”

The words fell like a brick upon Khushi’s head, making her step back. The sob that left her mouth a second later was of anger and indignation.

Akash realized too that he was pushing her too much. He let her go and stepped back.

"Don't cry, Khushi! I didn't mean to..I am sorry" He apologized, cursing himself for not taking it slow.

But Khushi was past hearing him.

She dashed away from him, heading straight towards the library.

She was still running when she collided into Arnav who was coming from the other end. He caught her by the shoulders.

“Khus..” Arnav stopped when he noticed the look on her face, tears running down.

He brought a finger up to wipe the tear that was rolling down her cheek.

“What happened, Khushi? Are you okay?” He asked her but was taken aback when she hugged him hard, sobbing in his chest.

Arnav was momentarily frozen but he hugged her back, letting his arms circle her. Both of them stood in the gallery, embracing each other. Both of them realizing that this was indeed what they needed at the moment.

___________

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