Chapter 20

Chapter 20

“You seem in a better mood than last night” Shashi Gupta observed his daughter as she set the breakfast table down with an unhurried pace.

“Mmm hmm” Khushi affirmed, smiling as she served her father the hot, buttered parathas.

“Does it have anything to do with you finally making a decision?” Shashi Gupta ventured. He had wanted to ask her this since the previous evening, but her subdued mood had made him hold his tongue. This morning, though, something had visibly shifted in her.

Khushi nodded as she poured juice into her glass.

"Yes, Babuji. I finally know what I want," she said.

Because last night, long after the house had gone quiet, she had lain awake replaying everything Arnav had said and done, turning his words over and over.

“I love you.”

His parting words had refused to leave her mind. Every time the words played in her head, she felt a rush of adrenaline through her body. After everything that he had said and done, those three words had impacted her the most.

He loves her.

Khushi was still wrapping her head around the fact. And, she still needed to figure out the depth of what she felt for him and how to convey it to him.

“I love you, too” She hadn’t said it to him, only to herself. Should she have told him?

Khushi didn’t know if she was ready to say it. She had purposely held back from admitting the words to him because she did not want to hurry. She didn’t see the need to hurry. This time, she was not going to say anything until she absolutely has to. She had already made the mistake of misunderstanding her heart once. She will not do that to Arnav. So, while she knew what she felt this time was so different and so much stronger, she had decided to refrain from naming her feelings.

She was going to call it a nameless love- it didn’t need a name. What she felt was strong enough to show her the way.

“Want to share what is going on?” Shashi Gupta asked her when she did not speak for a minute.

Khushi nodded her head slowly.

“Akash is only a friend to me, Babuji. So, as I had told you earlier, I cannot marry him” Khushi spoke.

“Are you completely sure about this, Khushi?” Shashi Gupta asked her.

“Yes, Babuji. And you don’t have to worry. I will talk to Akash about this. I will clarify everything with him and Malik Uncle too” Khushi said.

Shashi Gupta listened to her and remained quiet for a few minutes.

“You know that I support you in all your decisions, Khushi. And if you do not want to marry Akash, I will never force you for it. It is your life and I want you to be able to decide how to live it and who to live it with. But, if you wish to refuse this offer, make sure you refuse it gently. Because, it is very difficult to mend relations once broken!” Shashi Gupta explained.

“I will keep that in mind, Babuji” Khushi answered.

“I am sure you will” Shashi Gupta said and began eating again.

Khushi ate in silence too, conflicted whether she should tell him about Arnav. Or would it be too early?

Too early, she decided.

~~**~~

Doctor Kumar sat with Birendra Singh Malik in his room, explaining him the details. Akash too stood nearby, listening with rapt attention.

“All the arrangements have been made. We will shift you to the hospital tomorrow morning. Thereafter, they will observe you for twenty-four hours before starting the surgery. Once the surgery is done, we will know whether to go for intensive chemotherapy or more surgeries” Doctor Kumar said.

“Fine” Malik said, while Akash nodded.

"No! It is not fine." Doctor Kumar's tone sharpened. "Until you are in surgery, you stay in your best possible shape. No physical or mental exertion. Stay in this room, eat your meals, take your medicines, sleep. Just forty-eight more hours. Do not make this any harder than it already is." Doctor Kumar’s voice was stern.

Malik only rolled his eyes while Akash said that he will take care of it.

Once Doctor Kumar was assured by Akash, he stood up.

“I am heading to the hospital then. I will see you in the evening. Akash will be staying with you” He said.

“Alright” Malik said and Doctor Kumar walked out of the room.

Once he was gone, Malik looked at Akash.

“What is going on in your mind, Baba?” Akash said, noticing the deep lines on his forehead.

“Have you talked to Khushi yet?” Malik asked.

“No, not yet! But you don’t have to worry about it. I will talk to her as soon as I can. Right now, we need to be thinking about your health” Akash replied.

“My health is what it is. There is not much in my hands about it. But, Khushi? I want her to be a part of our family. There is no one better I would like to look after this house once I am not here. But, it seems like something has changed. I talked to her and she..seemed reluctant. I want you to speak to her, Akash. You need to find out what is bothering her and then you need to take care of it. I do not want her to feel that I do not care about her wishes. Because, I do! She is nothing less than a daughter to me. I want her to accept this union happily.”

Akash listened to his father and nodded vigorously.

“I know, Baba. And like I said, I will take care of this. You do not have to worry about anything. Khushi and I..we will figure this out” Akash replied.

Birendra Singh Malik relaxed at that, and it eased Akash too.

But only a few minutes passed before Malik started again.

“I also need to talk to Arnav. I have not spoken to him since that day. He has been so elusive. How is he doing? Have you spoken to him?”

Akash nodded.

“He is okay, Baba. Not great, but doing okay. And I told him about Khushi. He didn’t say much about it. He was in a hurry to go somewhere. He said he will talk about it later. I think he was a little surprised, you know? Like I was when you told me? But, that’s normal. In fact, a few weeks back, Bhai had even asked me whether or not there was something between Khushi and me. I had said no. And then out of nowhere, I spring the news upon him. No wonder he was a little perplexed” Akash said.

“He asked you himself? About Khushi and you?”

“Yes, Baba. Weeks ago” Akash responded.

“I see. Did he say why he was asking? Does it have something to do with his friendship with Khushi? You mentioned they had become friends” Birendra Singh Malik seemed thoughtful.

“He was just curious. Did not say more! But, I don’t think that’s anything for you to stress about, Baba. Doctor Uncle said you should rest. Whatever it is, I am going to sort out everything” Akash said.

Birendra Singh Malik smiled at that.

“I know, son! I know that you will” He replied before telling him he felt drowsy.

“Must be the medicines, Baba. You try to sleep. In the meanwhile, I’ll go and talk to Mr. Sahu. He had asked me to call” Akash said and stepped out of the room.

He had barely made it out to the drawing room when he found himself face to face with Arnav.

“Bhai” Akash said, holding up his hands.

“Where are you rushing to?” Akash continued.

Arnav shook his head.

“I was just coming to find you” He said.

“Oh! I have a quick call to make. Or is it urgent?” Akash asked, pointing to the phone in his hand.

“It is urgent” Arnav said.

“Alright!” Akash put the phone away, curious, and both brothers walked to the sofa. Arnav motioned for him to sit, then took the seat across from him.

“What is it, Bhai?” Akash asked, once seated.

“It is about Khushi” Arnav said, clearing his throat.

Akash's face lit up, misreading it entirely. "Yes, I figured. We didn't really finish talking yesterday. I was hoping you could help me decide how to woo her? I am not exactly the best at these things," he said, chuckling.

Arnav closed his eyes for a second, steadying himself against what was coming.

Arnav closed his eyes for a second.

“Would you please listen to me, Akash? I need your full attention” Arnav said.

"Okay, Bhai." The humor drained from Akash's face. He sat up straighter, noticing now the tightness around Arnav's jaw, the way his brother wasn't quite looking at him.

"You remember this?"

Arnav drew a photograph from his coat pocket, his fingers not quite steady, and held it out.

Akash took it, and his face broke into an easy smile. "Of course, Bhai! This is from my birthday party. Right after I cut the cake, right after you gave me your watch. Our first picture together. I didn't know you had a copy too. This was in the album, right? The one I showed you a few years back?" Akash asked.

During one of his trips to Delhi, Akash had taken the album to Delhi to show Arnav pictures of the first birthday he had celebrated with him.

The picture was grainy and old, at least the original one that was in the album. He had brought back the album with him. This photograph looked better, sharper.

“Yes. It is our first picture together. I had taken out the picture from the album and got another copy made for myself” Arnav said, looking at Akash with a heavy expression.

“Oh? I didn't know you did that. But, it’s a good thing that you did. This looks so much clearer than the one in the album," Akash went on, still studying it. "I can almost read the writing on the half-cut cake."

"What else can you see?" Arnav's voice had gone very quiet.

"Umm..Oh! There. Khushi, with Garima aunty, in the background. Their faces aren't clear, but I can make out her red frock."

"You got it." Arnav's jaw tightened. "That is the reason."

Akash looked up at Arnav, his smile faltering into confusion. "What do you mean, Bhai? Reason for what?"

"The reason I had another copy made. Not because it is our first picture together. Because it has Khushi in it. The one picture where she and I are in the same frame." Arnav's voice had begun to shake, just slightly, and he pressed on before it could stop him. "You see, that day mattered to me for a reason that had nothing to do with you, Akash. It mattered because of Khushi" Arnav said, each word more clear than the before.

Akash went still. "I don't get you, Bhai. What are you saying? I don’t think you even had a proper conversation with her at that time” Akash said, chuckling.

Arnav didn’t laugh or smile. Didn't answer right away. He let out a long breath, as though he'd been holding it for years and only now found the room to release it.

“If not for her, I don’t think we would even be brothers, Akash! She is the reason why I came to talk to you after I had mistreated you that morning. She is the reason why I apologized to you. Why I gifted you that watch and invited you to visit me later. She is the reason for all of it” Arnav said, his eyes fixed on Akash's face.

Akash stared at him, mouth open. Whatever he'd expected to hear in this conversation, it wasn't this. He shook his head, closing his mouth a second after Arnav finished.

“I don’t think I understand, Bhai. What are you talking about? How? When?”

So Arnav told him. His voice unsteady in places, steadying in others, like a man crossing water he didn't trust. He told him about the insult, about Khushi's fury that morning, about how her words had cracked something open in him that he hadn't known was shut.

“She has always had an impact on me, Akash. Since the very first time I spoke to her! I never got the chance to understand how deep it went. I had to leave with Nani right after. But, I never could shake off the hold Khushi had on me. I wanted to meet her again, talk to her, and get to know her. I wanted to be a part of her life. But, that was not possible. So, I held on to whatever I could get. Phone calls! That is all I had of her." He paused, his eyes fixed somewhere past Akash's shoulder, somewhere in the past.

"And I could see how close you were to her. As years passed by, I began to tell myself that this is all I can have. This is all I deserve. It was pathetic, really. I was certain there was something between you and her. Because you talked about her all the time. And I never had the courage to ask you directly. Because, I was afraid of what your answer might be. Besides, it was very apparent to me that I was nowhere in Khushi’s life. So, I let everything move in its own way. But, when you showed me this picture, I couldn’t help myself. I clicked a picture of it right away. Later, I got a copy made. I told myself thought this is the most I will have. And it would be enough. But you kept bringing more — more stories, more pictures — and no matter how hard I tried to keep Khushi out of my thoughts, she was always there. She was always a part of my life” Arnav said, his smile sad.

Akash was still, silenced, listening to Arnav, bearely breathing.

"The first girl I dated in college.. You remember her? You were the one who said she looked like Khushi. That frightened me more than I let on" A short, humorless laugh escaped Arnav. "After that, I made sure I only dated women who looked nothing like Khushi. It is funny. The more I tried to drive her out of my life, the more she was in my subconscious. It took me a long time to understand that. And when she lost her mother, I just..I realized I was too deep into this. I realized that I loved her and couldn’t bear to see her in pain. I wanted to be here. But, I couldn’t”.

He stopped. Akash was staring at him now with an expression Arnav couldn't quite place — somewhere between shock and disbelief.

“I know I should have said something sooner. But, on what basis, Akash? I knew these were just my feelings and on most days, I hated myself for them. Besides, I did not want to jeopardize your friendship with Khushi. Especially, when I had doubts of my own that there was something more than friendship between you two” Arnav said, placing his hand on Akash’s shoulder, needing him to understand, needing him not to look at him like that.

Akash's voice, when it came, was flat. Careful. "So why tell me this now? Because I told you that Khushi loves me?"

"No, Akash." Arnav shook his head.

"Then why? Why now, Bhai?" Akash rose abruptly, the chair scraping back, and began pacing in front of him, arms crossed like he was trying to hold himself together.

“Because, now I know that there is nothing between Khushi and you. I know that Khushi does not love you” Arnav said, standing too, keeping his voice gentle even as his pulse hammered.

Akash shook his head, dragging a hand through his hair, his breath coming faster now. "I can't believe this, Bhai."

"Akash—" Arnav reached for his shoulder again.

This time Akash stepped back, out of reach, his eyes narrowing, searching Arnav's face for something that would make this make sense.

"Wait a minute." Akash stopped pacing. "Are you saying all this because I told you Baba wants to get Khushi married to me? Are you saying this because you want to ruin his last wish? I know you hate him, Bhai. But this? This is low. Even for you." Akash said, vigorously shaking his head.

The words landed like a blow, and for a moment Arnav could only stare at his brother, stunned, wondering where these words were coming from. He rushed forward to close the distance between Akash and him, gripping his by the shoulders.

“No, Akash! This has nothing to do with..your Baba. This is not about him. Did you hear everything I just said? I have loved Khushi since I first saw her. I just did not know what to do with it for years. But, now I have another chance. I know what is in my heart. And most important of all, I know what is in Khushi’s heart. She likes me too. And that is the reason why I am standing here telling you all this. Because, I know that Khushi feels the same way about me as I feel for her” Arnav said.

"What makes you so sure of that?" Akash's stare had turned hard, disbelieving.

“She told me that she does not love you, Akash” Arnav said it as gently as the words allowed. It made no difference. He watched Akash's face give way anyway, his eyes filling, something raw and stormy moving across it.

“That is not true, Bhai. She loves me. She is just confused right now and maybe a little angry because I have been so clueless all these years” Akash said.

“She said it to Baba herself. That she loves me” Akash was shaking his head now, again and again, as if he could shake the words loose from what they meant.

Arnav watched the despair play on Akash’s face. He hadn’t expected Akash to take the news so hard. How was this becoming so complicated?

Arnav realized there was only one way of making Akash understand. So, he looked at him and said,

“She loves me”

“Did she say that?” Akash asked.

“Yes” Arnav replied.

“Did she say the exact words? That she loves you? Because I don’t believe she would say that, Bhai. Khushi is not so fickle. She can’t be loving me one day and you the next! Do you have any idea how wrong this sounds? Why are you saying all this, Bhai?” Akash said, his face losing calm.

Arnav watched in silence. Yes, Khushi hadn’t exactly said the words to him. But, that does not mean…

“Where are you going, Akash?” Arnav noticed Akash was already walking away.

“I am going to talk to Khushi, Bhai. All of this needs to be cleared. She is my best friend. And while I may not have realized her feelings earlier, I will not lose her. She will tell you herself what is in her heart, Bhai. I am sure this is all a big understanding. You know?"

Arnav could only watch, stunned, as Akash walked out and the door.

He stood staring the door, unable to believe how everything had spiralled out of his hands. He had expected Akash to listen, to understand.

This..was an absolute mess. One that left him hollowed, drained from somewhere deep inside his chest.

He needed to inform Khushi that Akash was coming. But his feet wouldn't move, rooted to the floor as if his body understood something his mind hadn't caught up to yet.

Akash’s words still played in his head.

Are you saying all this because I told you that Baba wants to get Khushi married to me? Are you saying all this because you want to ruin his last wish? I know that you hate him, Bhai. But this? This is low even for you!

Had those words really come from his brother? From Akash, who never raised his voice at him, who forgave him for things Arnav hadn't even asked forgiveness for? And beneath the accusation, something else nagged at him now, something he hadn't let himself consider until this moment — the desperation in Akash's face. Not just disbelief. Something closer to grief.

Could it mean Akash loves Khushi too? Truly loved her? Not out of duty, not because his father wished it, but for himself?

And if that were true, what then? Would he fight for her? Would this be the thing that finally broke them, after everything it had taken to become brothers in the first place?

Arnav's thoughts spun, tangled and heavy, refusing to settle into any order he could act on. He needed to talk to Khushi. He needed to think. He needed —

He turned toward his room and froze.

Birendra Singh Malik stood in the hall, one hand braced on his walking stick, the other pressed flat against the wall as though the short distance from his room had cost him something. His face was unreadable, but his eyes were not.

He realized that Akash and he were in fact talking quite loudly, mostly Akash.

"You love Khushi?" Birendra Singh Malik's voice was gravelly, low, stripped of its usual steadiness. His body looked even more fragile than he had seen it the last time- when Birendra had told him about the truth.

Arnav suddenly felt too much weight upon his shoulders. So many expected turns! Will there ever be an end?

"I do," he breathed, and sank onto the couch, his shoulders dropping as if the words themselves had been holding him upright. He did love her. That much, at least, was no longer in question. But Akash — if Akash loves her too! What was Akash going to do now? Will he fight him on this?

He didn't hear Birendra Singh Malik cross the room. He only felt the hand settle on his shoulder, and it startled him enough to look up.

What he saw on the older man's face was a blend of emotions, the strongest of which was anger and anguish.

"I am sorry, son," Birendra Singh Malik said.

Arnav didn't ask what for. He didn't have the room left in him to ask, or to care what answer might come.

He simply got up and shrugged the hand off his shoulder.

“I don’t care!” He replied with as much bitterness he could manage and walked away from his father without looking back.

_________________