Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Arnav looked at the men at work, laying down bricks and mortar, putting together a foundation, the rhythmic clang of tools and the dust rising in the midday heat. He was sitting inside his car after finishing a quick round of the work.

Akash had called half an hour ago, but there was still no sign of him. It was soon to be noontime, and Arnav had lunch plans with Khushi. He hoped Akash would not take much time or ask too many questions. Arnav still didn't know how to go about the recent revelations.

Words from his father often kept ringing in his ears. Both his parents had chosen themselves over him. His Nani had chosen her daughter over the truth. His brother…Arnav didn’t know if he was to lose Akash too. He could see it taking place. Akash was bent upon redeeming his relationship with his father. But, Arnav could not see it happening. Hence, he had been avoiding this certain conversation with Akash. He wondered if the conversation was finally upon him. Maybe he should have told Akash not to come. This is not the proper place to talk.

As Arnav thought that, he saw Akash’s car pulling into the area.

Arnav got down his own car and walked towards Akash’s car.

“Do you have to be here all the time, Bhai? I have been meaning to talk to you ever since Baba and you spoke but you are always here” Akash said.

“That is exactly why I come here, Akash” Arnav replied and gestured towards the makeshift tent.

“A tent?” Akash shook his head.

“That is where the manager sits, overlooking the work. I sit in too, sometimes” Arnav said and started moving towards it.

Akash followed, his shoes crunching over loose gravel.

Once they reached inside, Akash looked at the table upon which stacks of designs lay and some chairs were placed around. A man was sitting in one of the chairs.

He stood up upon seeing Arnav.

"Can you get us two cold coffee, Mukesh?" Arnav said to the man.

"Sure, Mr. Raizada." The man said, and immediately whisked himself away.

Arnav sat down on the vacated chair and signaled Akash to take one.

Once they were settled, Arnav looked at Akash, waiting.

"Let us hear it. What do you have on your mind?" Arnav began.

Akash placed his hands on the table and leaned forward, his expression earnest, almost desperate.

"I want to know what you are thinking, Bhai! Do you wish you didn't know? Were things better before knowing? And what do you feel now? Do you think you can ever forgive Baba? Do you blame Sujata aunty for anything? What about me? Do you hate me for calling you here and trying to interfere in your and Baba's relationship?" Akash rained questions after questions, the words tumbling out.

Arnav leaned forward too and shook his head, something steady settling into his expression.

“I can never hate you, Akash. For anything! You know that. I understand why you tried to intervene in all of this. Had I been in your place, maybe I would have tried too. Maybe sooner than you did! I don’t fault you for wanting things to get...normal between me and..him. But, nothing has changed for me. There is no way for me to forget everything that I had to go through living in this city. So, don’t ask me to forgive him. Whatever he told me, that just split the blame between him and Ma. Did it change anything for me? No. Did it compensate for anything? No. So, I can’t forgive him. And whatever Ma did, I don’t know what to think about it. I am still processing it. To sum up everything, I am glad that you called me here and I came. The truth is not pleasant but it is still the truth. I don’t want to go back to not knowing it” Arnav said, looking at Akash's face all this while, watching each word land.

Akash heard every word with rapt attention, and then turned his head away, looking at the man walking towards them with two cups of coffee.

Once the coffee cups were placed before them, the man walked out of the tent, the flap swinging shut behind him.

Arnav picked up a cup and sipped it in silence.

"I really thought that talking to Baba would change your mind, Bhai." Akash said after a while, disappointment threading through his voice.

"I am sorry, Akash. He is a different person for me. I can never look at him like you do. To some extent, I see what he went through and why he made some choices, but that does not mean any of his actions were justified" Arnav said, with an air of finality that had Akash sighing and shaking his head.

“Is there anything else that you wanted to ask?” Arnav carried on the conversation as Akash lifted a coffee cup to himself.

Akash stared into his cup for a second before speaking up.

"There is something about Khushi that I need to talk to you about."

"What is it? Has it something to do with why she was upset last night? I found her crying in the gallery." Arnav said, his attention sharpening.

Akash bit his lip and drummed his fingers against the coffee cup, restless.

"I messed up things, Bhai. It was me. I did something that I shouldn't have. At least not the way I did it." Akash said, sounding apologetic.

"What are you talking about, Akash? You did what?" Arnav looked at Akash with a confused expression.

Akash looked at his brother, gathering himself.

"You remember the summer when you took me to Manali?" Akash posed the question after a second.

"Yes! But what does that have to do with this?" Arnav asked.

"That was the summer when Khushi told Baba that she likes me" Akash said.

Arnav looked at Akash unblinkingly, not sure if he was hearing it correctly. The coffee cup was limp in his hand now, his fingers slackened around it.

"What?" The word fell from his mouth, flat and disbelieving.

“Yes, Bhai! I was surprised too. Apparently, she has liked me for a long time now and I had no idea. Can you believe it? I mean I used to rant about my college crushes to Khushi all the time. But she never said anything. To me, at least. That year, when I was with you in Manali and I had gotten hurt while hiking? Remember? That is when she told Baba. Apparently, she wanted Baba to call me back. She was so worried and tensed. I mean, now that I think of it..God! I really was so oblivious, Bhai! It's no wonder she is upset with me now. Anyway! I am digressing from the topic! Yesterday morning, Baba told me about this! About Khushi’s confession. And my mind is still reeling, Bhai! I..I think I shouldn't have rushed her yesterday. I shouldn't have ambushed her that I know now. I screwed up. I should have waited and broached the topic someplace quiet, with only the two of us! This whole marria..”

Arnav's phone started ringing with full force, cutting Akash's one-sided monologue off mid-sentence, the sound jarring in the quiet tent.

Arnav, who was listening to the words, barely breathing, barely reacting, looked at his phone.

It was Khushi calling.

"Oh! Don't pick up the call, Bhai! Or just don't tell her that I am here with you. She told me not to talk about this, but I am so stressed and so very confused! I don't know what to do, Bhai! She is upset with me..big time!" Akash said, as he too noticed Khushi's name flashing on Arnav's screen.

Arnav looked at Aaksh once and then stood up from his chair. He received the call.

“Hello” He said, eyes fixed on Akash across the table.

“Hey! I am just calling to tell you that I am at Sheesh Mahal. So, if you could pick me from here for our lunch, it’d be very helpful” Khushi said.

“Okay” Arnav said, his voice thick.

“Okay then! See you later. Bye” Khushi said and disconnected.

Arnav stood with the phone against his ear for another minute before placing it back on the table. There was a loud ringing in his head and an absolute silence at the same time. His fingers had gone numb and he could feel his hert clenching and unclenching painfully.

"Is everything alright, Bhai?" Akash asked, noticing Arnav's sudden quietness.

"Yes!Everything is fine" Arnav replied, still staring at the phone before him, trying to drown the ringing sound in his head.

“Okay! So, as I was saying, Bhai, I don’t know what to do! Regardless of what Doctor Uncle says, Baba thinks he has very little time left. I think, that is why Baba decided to tell me about Khushi’s feelings now. He thinks Khushi and I..we should get married. He even proposed the idea to Shashi Uncle. And of course, I agreed to it because how can I say no to anything that Baba wants? I told Khushi we can do this, you know? I don’t see why not. She likes me and I..I can see myself loving her. I mean we have been friends for our whole lives. There is no reason why this cannot become something more, you know? Bhai? Bhai, are you sure you’re alright? You look like you’re going to be sick!” Akash said when he noticed Arnav’s white face and utter, unnatural calm.

“I am fine! I am just..thinking about work. The school! This whole project is so big and I think it will take months before the school is ready. I think we need to put more people on this. Double the number of workers” Arnav said, shaking his head and looking at the construction work going on outside, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular.

Akash looked at Arnav with a scrutinizing gaze, something not quite convinced in his expression.

“Okay, right. You should do that, Bhai. Double the workers! That’ll speed up the work. But, I was talking about Khushi and me, Bhai. What do I do there? How do I pacify her? I am not even sure exactly why she is upset with me. Is it because I approached her the wrong way or because I have been clueless about her feelings for so long? What could it be, Bhai? Has she ever mentioned anything about this to you? About me? I know you two are not that close but you two talk a lot. Did she ever hint anything about this? Like even in passing?” Akash looked at Arnav with expectation, waiting.

"No." Arnav said, and stood up again. She never said anything. Anything at all!

Arnav could feel something bitter dissolving in his entire being, spreading cold through his chest.

"I have someplace else to be, Akash. I will talk to you later. You can sit here for some time if you want." He said to Akash, already moving toward the tent flap.

"No, it's fine, Bhai. I am leaving too. And I know this is a lot to take in! You're already stressed with the whole thing with Baba, and now I am dumping this on you. Sometimes I feel like I am the worst brother ever!" Akash said with a slight, apologetic smile.

"No, you are not! You are not." Arnav said, before heading straight out of the tent, the words hollow even as he said them. It was him. It was him who had put himself between Khushi and Akash. He was the worst brother.

~~**~~

When Khushi got into the Mahal, she was told that Malik was undergoing his routine check-up and it will be done anytime.

It wasn’t. She waited half an hour before finding herself in the kitchen where lunch preparations were underway. Ratan Kaka was sitting in a chair, peeling vegetables.

Khushi sat next to him too, glad for the company, for something to occupy the wait.

"How are you doing, Kaka?" She asked, wanting to be engaged. She didn't want to sit idle and think about what Malik Uncle wanted to say to her. Even Akash had gone to God knows where.

"I am good, bitiya! How are you? How is your Babuji?" The man asked with a toothy, kind smile, not pausing in his work.

"Babuji is good, Kaka! So, what are you making today?" She asked.

"Aalu-Poori!" Ratan Kaka answered, holding up a peeled potato with something like pride.

"Let me guess. One of Arnav's favorites?" Khushi asked, a small smile tugging at her mouth.

“Yes, of course. I have noticed that he hasn’t been eating properly since the last few days. He appears so lost and dejected. One night, I saw him just sitting in his balcony. In the middle of the night! The day before yesterday, I think. He is so stressed. This Mahal is getting to him once again..this place..” Ratan Kaka stopped, realizing he was talking to Khushi in the company of other servants as well, his voice trailing off.

"I hope he comes home to eat today." The man said at last, something wistful in it.

Khushi looked at the expectation on the old man's face. She didn't tell him that Arnav will be eating out today. With her.

That reminded her that she should probably call Arnav and let him know she was here. She dialed his number, and excusing herself from Ratan Kaka, she stepped out of the kitchen, the phone already at her ear.

The phone was received after ringing halfway.

"Hello." Arnav spoke first, making Khushi's heart flutter. She recalled how he had told her that he missed her. And then he had hugged her. Just the memory of it made her feel blissful, a warmth spreading through her chest despite everything else weighing on her.

Coming out of her thoughts, she spoke quickly.

"Hey! I am just calling to tell you that I am at Sheesh Mahal. So if you could pick me up from here for our lunch, it'd be very helpful." Khushi said.

"Okay." Arnav said.

"Okay then! See you later. Bye." Khushi said, wondering if she was imagining the oddness in Arnav's tone, something flat and distant that didn't match the man from the rooftop.

Maybe he is just busy.

With that, she began walking towards Birendra Singh Malik's room, her footsteps echoing softly against the old stone. Reaching there, she found the door slightly ajar and moved to knock.

But her hand stilled when she heard the words.

“You are wrong, Malik. Arnav does not hate you for who you are. He said it himself. ‘I don’t hate him for being a homosexual’. Those were his exact words. He is just too hurt with the things Sujata and you did together. It has nothing to with your and my relationship. From what I could tell, he does not even care about the fact that we have been living together as a couple. He understands our love for each other. He is a grown-up, educated and rational man. He understands things like these”

Khushi immediately turned away from the door, the words shocking her beyond understanding. She kept moving back until she was in the hall where she stood for minutes, unable to process what she had just heard.

Malik Uncle and Doctor Kumar? How can this be true?

But it makes so much sense. And it doesn’t. Khushi’s head spun with so many confusing questions.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed since she had rushed back to the hall, but she saw Doctor Kumar stepping out of Malik’s room. He seemed anxious before he noticed Khushi.

“Khushi Bitiya! I totally forgot you were here. Sorry for taking so much time. Birendra told me he had called you but I insisted on finishing the check-up as soon as possible, and then we got into some conversation. Anyway, you can go in now. Birendra is free” Doctor Kumar said to her, entirely unaware of what she'd just overheard.

Khushi quickly nodded her head and moved past the doctor to walk towards the room where Malik was, still staying in the room on the ground floor, her steps a little unsteady.

Once Khushi walked into the room, she found Malik sitting upon his bed, his head resting against the headboard, his eyes closed, his frame smaller somehow against the pillows.

Her footsteps made him open his eyes.

Khushi tried not to, yet she kept staring at him. Homosexual! The word kept ringing in her head.

Does Akash know? Does Arnav know?

Of course, they know! He told them. That’s why Akash said she should hear the rest from him.

“Khushi Bitiya! I am so sorry to keep you waiting. Kumar stressed that the check-up couldn’t wait. He wants me to go in surgery this week itself” Malik said in a tired voice, gesturing her to come sit next to him.

Khushi walked up to his bed and sat on the chair beside the bed.

She couldn’t find words to begin. What should she say? Should she begin by asking about what she had just heard or about Akash? Or about Arnav?

Birendra Singh Malik looked at Khushi’s silence and nodded his head.

“I know you must be upset with me, Khushi. I told Akash something that you had told me in your state of worry and concern. But, I want you to hear me first. I have never talked to you about this before but when Arnav ran away from this Mahal..I..I did not look for him. Not right away! I knew where he had gone yet I did nothing to bring him back. It was because I knew that he had left because of the kind of person I had become. He hated me so much. I could not fault him for running away, for leaving me. I had wronged him so much. It was only after he left..and Kumar..he had left too because he was upset with me too..I was truly alone. I had no one. That was when I decided to make a change in my life. A real change! I adopted Akash” Birendra Singh Malik said.

Khushi listened. She wanted to hear more.

“And that was the best decision of my life. It was my first right decision after years of wrong choices. Akash..he became the sunshine of my life. He helped me become a better person, a better father. Seeing his love and dedication for me, I realized what I had lost with Arnav. And the more time I spent with Akash, the more I repented. I wanted my other son back. I wanted to make up for everything. But..that was not possible. I could never reach him, talk to him. I suffered. But, then you came in our lives, Khushi. Just like your name, you filled this Mahal with so much happiness. You brought more laughter and joy in this Mahal. Akash and your friendship…it reminds me so much of how Kumar and I used to be in our childhood. We were also the best of friends. used to be in our childhood. He and I..we had our troubles. But Akash and you? I cannot tell you how happy I was when you first told me you liked Akash. I had not told you this at the time but I knew long before that. I had seen how much you admired his friendship. You valued his patient and gentle heart. You valued him. He cannot find anyone better than you, Khushi. So, all these years I waited for him to realize that. You waited too. But, it did not happen. Akash has been so slow in this department. And now the time is running. So, I am sorry for intervening. But, I could not wait any more, Khushi. I know this will be the best thing for both of you” Birendra Singh Malik finished, placing a trembling hand on Khushi's head.

Khushi saw the moisture in Malik's eyes and the smile on his face. He really thought he was doing this for her good, the sincerity of it somehow making it harder to be angry with him.

"It has been six years, Malik Uncle." She mumbled the words.

"I know, bitiya! But you have wanted this for more than six years. You have loved him for too long."

Khushi looked up at Malik with hooded eyes, something steadier settling into her now.

“For how long have you loved Doctor Uncle?” She asked.

The question caught Malik by surprise, his hand stilling on her head. But then he eased his expression.

"Akash told you?" He asked quietly.

Khushi shook her head.

"Arnav? Anyway, it does not matter who told you. I do love Kumar. I cannot recall the number of years now. It has been too long." Malik admitted, something almost peaceful in the admission now that it was finally out.

"Then why did you marry Sujata aunty? Why didn't you tell her?"

"It is a long story. One that I think I cannot avoid any more." Birendra Singh Malik said.

"Tell me, Uncle. And then I will tell you another story." Khushi said.

So, Birendra Singh Malik began once again.

By the time he was done, Khushi hadn’t spoken anything. Birendra Singh Malik watched as she stood up.

“Khushi” Birendra Singh Malik said his voice raspy after speaking at length.

Khushi looked at the man.

“I am sorry, Uncle. I don’t know what to say” She answered.

“It is alright. I do not expect you to understand me or forgive me for the things I have done. I just want you to know that I am not proud of any of them. Especially, about the things with Arnav”

Khushi maintained her quiet for another second before she sat down once again.

“I said I will tell you a story too” She said.

Malik nodded.

“The story is about a girl who thought she was in love with her best friend. She met a friend when she was very young. She did not know what love was. But she understood that her friend was kind and caring. Her friend helped her with everything. When she used to fall sick, her friend used to sit by her and read her stories. When she had difficulty doing her homework, her friend used to do the homework for her, but afterwards he would always make sure that she understood how to do it. So, as the girl slowly grew, she became very attached to her friend. She did not like to see her friend sad, unhappy, or hurt. And she began to think it was love. And maybe it was. The girl was a lovesick teenager, after all. She thought marrying her best friend would be the most ideal thing in the world. But, then things began to change. The girl began to realize that her friend was just a friend. He did not want to marry her. He did not want to spend all his life with her. But, in her heart, she still nurtured some hope that someday he will like her too. Then, one day, the girl lost her mother. And her life was turned upside down. She had to walk out of her fantasies and become a shoulder for her aging father. In her father’s grief, she saw what true love was. True love is not about loving someone only when they were around. True love is when you love someone without expecting anything in return. True love is where time and distance cannot wither your heart's affection. The girl saw that her father loved her mother even after she was gone. And she realized she wanted that kind of love in her life. A love that is so deep it can outlast everything else but without being demanding or selfish. She realized she still hasn’t experienced that kind of love. You know? The kind of love that you seem to have for Doctor Kumar? The one that survived against all odds? It was then the girl told herself that she will wait for the right person. The person who wanted nothing and no one but her. That was when she outgrew her older self” Khushi finished with a deep breath.

“What does it mean?” Khushi heard Birendra Singh Malik ask in a hushed voice.

“It means that I am not the same person who once told you that she was in love with Akash” Khushi replied, simply, finally.

"I see." Birendra Singh Malik said, something in his face understanding at last.

Khushi got up again, feeling much lighter, the weight of the last few days easing slightly for the first time.

She was almost at the door when Birendra Singh Malik spoke.

“Akash has changed too, Khushi bitiya. And I know you have noticed it too. What I am saying here is that he has not even gotten a chance to prove himself to you. He has just learned about what he has been missing all this while. And he seems very ready to make a change. He wants to try. I think you must consider giving him one chance. And this is just a request. Take your time. Think about it and we can talk about this again” Malik said.

“I still need to talk to Akash, Uncle. Whatever my answer will be, he will let you know” Khushi answered, not wanting to refuse outright, her voice gentle but firm.

After that, she walked out of the room.

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