Chapter 5

The afternoon sun had travelled far west into the sky and evening had begun to creep. The air, though, was still warm and sticky against Arnav's face. He walked out of the Mahal and towards Aamra Kunj. Birds were calling and leaves rustled. Yet, Arnav barely heard or noticed anything. He kept walking until he reached his mother's resting place.

The grave was a patch of land in the western part of the orchards. Roses were growing upon the patch and a marble headstone was erected at its head. This was where the ashes of Sujata Singh Malik had been buried after her last rites. She had specifically mentioned it in her suicide letter. She craved his father's proximity even in her death. Sometimes that knowledge made Arnav hate his mother. Why did she love this man? Arnav could see nothing worth loving in him. Just a selfish, pain-inflicting sadist!

Arnav cleared his thoughts and got down on his knees before the grave.

"I am back, Ma" Arnav said, softly touching the blooming roses.

"The last time I saw you I did not know if I would ever be seeing you again. But here I am. I missed you" He continued.

"Nani misses you too. But she has so many memories of you to keep her company. The few memories I have give me more pain than joy, so I mostly do not think of them. Anyway, I am good, Ma. I have done well for myself. I am happy" Arnav's smile was pained at the declaration. He knew he was lying to his mother about being happy, but he really was as happy as he could be.

"I hate him, Ma! So much I can not put it into words. All my life I did not want to see his face or hear his voice. And now he is dying! It feels good, Ma. I know you would not want me to say this but it finally feels like justice. He made you suffer. He made me suffer. So, why should I not take pleasure in his suffering? I know you would want me to be the bigger person. But, I am not that person. Not for him. The only thing that makes all of this hard is Akash. I do not want him to be sad and broken. But, there is very little I can do about it. Sometimes, I think about telling him everything. Maybe that would lessen his pain. Maybe he too would start hating the man he calls his father. But, I cannot. I do not want Akash to go through all that. Things are fine the way they are. I shall stay here for a few months. I will focus on my work here. I am building a school, Ma. I named it after you. Everyone in the city knows Birendra Singh Malik. They should know you too. I will make sure of that" Arnav poured out his heart, his eyes moistened by the end.

It had been a long time since he had had the opportunity of sharing his thoughts with anyone. Most of the years of his life had gone by in bottling his emotions. It was only his Nani who knew about his painful childhood, but they rarely discussed it. He didn't talk to his Nani about it because he knew the pain of losing her daughter had emotionally scarred her for lifetime. And he was aware that his Nani did not mention it either because she did not want him to relive the painful memories again. If only she knew that those memories never really left him. There are nights he cannot sleep, cannot breathe. It is those nights that reinforce his hatred for his father. Maybe, once his father will be gone he can draw relief from that fact. Why should Birendra Singh Malik live a peaceful life when his life has been so wrecked because of him?

Feeling light after voicing his thoughts before his mother, Arnav stood up. The sun was barely visible now and darkness had begun to surround the place.

Standing alone in the midst of the dark trees, Arnav felt calm. Calm enough that he decided to call his Nani. She had asked him to call her soon after he reached Sheesh Mahal. It had taken hell of an effort for Arnav to convince his Nani that he wanted to come back to Lucknow. When he had first informed her about Akash's phone call and the news of Birendra Singh Malik's cancer, Arnav had not been surprised to see his Nani's smile. He knew his Nani hated her father almost as much he hated him.

"This was bound to happen. God has finally punished him for the sins the man has committed. I am surprised this did not happen sooner" Devyani Singh Raizada had exclaimed.

Arnav hadn't said anything but nodded his head in affirmation.

If not for the mistreatment and carelessness showed by Birendra Singh Malik, his mother would still be alive. And had Sujata Singh Malik been alive, he would have had a loving parent. He wouldn't have had to suffer all those years of neglect. And he never would have done what he did.

Just the thought of those three years before he left the Mahal made Arnav's head ache.

So, he cleared his head and dialed his Nani's number.

"What is going on, Chote? Why did you not call me sooner? I have been worried sick!" Devyani Singh Raizada said without any preface.

"I am good, Nani. How are you?" Arnav smiled at his Nani's grouchiness. The Raizada gene had this inherent trait that made people extra broody.

"Do not try to sidetrack me, Chote! Did I not tell you to call me as soon as you reach there?" Devyani Singh Raizada held her line of questioning.

"Yes, you did, Nani. But, I got occupied with settling in. I reached here fine. I am still fine. How are you? Did you go for your check-up yesterday?" Arnav replied, now walking back towards the Mahal.

"I do not need check-ups. It was just a mild cough. I instructed Manorama to prepare me some kaadha (herbal tea). That worked" Devyani Raizada said and then there was silence for a heartbeat.

Arnav knew the question was coming.

"Did you meet him?"

"No" Arnav answered. He did not know if saving his father from falling down the stairs counted as meeting or not.

"Good. Avoid him as much as possible. And no matter how much he begs and pleads do not listen to him, Chote. That man is the vilest person you will ever meet. Remember that! He drove Sujata to her death. Together him and the Doctor, they planned all of it. They gave her medicines to drive her crazy. Otherwise, my Sujata would have never done what she did. She never would have ended her life" The sound of Devyani Singh Raizada's choked voice on other end of the phone twisted Arnav's guts.

This was one of those rare times when his Nani mentioned the suicide of his mother. The last time had been a few years ago when Arnav had mentioned in passing that he was thinking of coming to Lucknow for a few days. Arnav knew that his separation from Lucknow might not have stretched so long if his Nani had not been in the picture. But, he was glad that Nani was in the picture. On rare times, when Arnav seemed to forget how much he hated this Mahal and his father, she served to remind him of the reasons. His Nani was his rock, his only constant. His Nani and Akash! Everyone else was temporary.

He waited patiently on the phone as Devyani Singh Raizada pulled herself together.

"Come back soon to me, Chote" She said.

"Soon, Nani" He answered.

~~**~~

Khushi looked at her watch and shook her head. She had told her Babuji that she would be back by the afternoon and now it was evening. After cleaning the mess she had made in the kitchen while preparing the Jalebis, she had ended up sitting with Ratan Kaka who was fondly talking about Arnav. She had listened with intrigue when Ratan Kaka told her how Arnav was very kind hearted and cheerful as a kid. Somehow, she found it hard to picture. What she had seen so far, he had mostly been harsh and rude. Was it all because of his mother's death? Somehow Khushi doubted that. She knew that his mother had ended her life and Arnav blamed his father. But why? Was it an unhappy marriage? Was Malik Uncle really at fault?

Khushi knew who held the answers. But there was no way she could ask Malik Uncle. She had stayed away from asking things that might hurt her Malik Uncle. She knew Akash had never asked for the same reasons. But, now Akash wanted to know. Khushi could see that in the way Akash talked. She had decided to help him in whatever way she could. That had been the reason why she had located Ratan Kaka and tried to ask about Arnav. But, the old man was a closed book. He was very protective of Arnav and Khushi knew despite her good relations with him, Ratan Kaka would never divulge any information that Arnav might not like. For the old man, Arnav came first.

So, despite her unsuccessful effort, she had found herself smiling, listening to Arnav's childhood stories. But, the more she heard the more she wondered. Arnav Singh Raizada was a changed man and for some reason Khushi felt saddened. She hadn't been able to know the person he was.

As she stood up and began walking outside, she recalled the first birthday call she had ever gotten from him.

It was Akash's first trip to Delhi and he had left about a week before her birthday. She had a telephone in her house and she had stood by its side the night before her birthday. Akash had promised her that he will call her exactly at midnight.

When the clock's hand had turned to 1:00 a.m. her mother had forced her to go to bed. Akash hadn't called. She had been hurt, angry. She had blamed Arnav. It was because of him that Akash had left and it was because of him that Akash hadn't called.

But her anger had turned to surprise the next morning when she had woken up to a huge teddy bear in her room with a note stuck to its face. Her father had given her a conspiring smile when she had asked where it came from.

She had torn the letter open and read with curiosity and excitement.

"I am sorry that you have to celebrate your birthday alone. I hope this bear will cheer you up. Happy Birthday, Khushi"

Khushi had still been hugging the teddy which was bigger than her in size when the telephone had rung.

"Khushi, it is for you" Her mother had called out.

"Hello" She had rushed to the phone, breathless.

"Hello, Khushi. This is Arnav. I hope you received the gift in time" Khushi had been flabbergasted to hear Arnav on the other end. She hadn't expected a call from him after having called him Rakshas.

"Eh..Yes. I love it. Tell Akash thank you. Where is he?" She asked hesitantly.

There was silence on the line for five seconds. Did he hang up?

"Hello, Khushi! Happy birthday! I am so sorry I forgot to call you last night. Bhai and I were playing scrabble till late at night and then it was too late, so I thought I will call you in the morning" Akash's voice was loaded with guilt and Khushi, though wanted to be angry, shook her head.

"It's alright! You are spending your first year with your brother. And I got my gift so it is fine" Khushi smiled widely.

"You like it? I knew you would. I told Bhai how much you love these fluffy toys" Khushi nodded her head and started asking him about what he has been up to in Delhi. Akash described everything in detail before he told her he was taking swimming lessons and it was time to leave.

"I will call you again in a few days. Here, talk to Bhai. Bye, Khushi" Akash said and Khushi wished him back.

"Hello, Khushi" The deep voice was back in the phone and Khushi didn't know what to say.

"Did Akash leave?" She asked.

"Yes" He answered and then there was awkward silence again.

"Bye" She said after a few more seconds ticked by.

"Happy birthday once again! Bye" And then the line was disconnected making Khushi sigh in relief. She had instantly run back to her teddy and spent the major part of the day deciding what to call him and where to place him in her room.

As Khushi recalled the incident she smiled, shaking her head. How silly she was as a child. But, over the years, she had changed. She had learnt to be more thoughtful and composed. For the most part!

Lost in her thoughts, she kept walking out of the Mahal.

She had rounded near the pathway when she noticed him.

The broad shoulders! The tousled hair, as though he had dragged a hand through it one too many times. Even from here, even with the distance between them and his face turned away, she could picture the dark brown eyes that always seemed to say more than he ever did aloud. There was no denying it. Arnav Singh Raizada was an attractive man, and Khushi might have appreciated looking at him for a few more seconds if she hadn't noticed his weighted face and stooping gait. His shoulders, usually so squared, so certain, were curved inward, as though something invisible pressed down on them. He was looking at the ground as he walked, his steps slow, dragging, uncaring of where they landed.

From the direction he was coming, Khushi had no hard time guessing where he had been to. She became unsure what to do. Should she stop and talk to him? Or should she leave?

She didn't have to decide.

Arnav's head lifted, slow at first, then all at once. His eyes found her, caught her watching him before she could look away. For one unguarded second, something in his face stayed open, still raw, and then it was gone. His expression shifted, fast and practiced, despair folding itself into nonchalance, into that familiar hardness he wore, until nothing remained on his face for her to read at all.

She slightly shook her head. She knew that mask. Not many years ago, she had worn that mask herself, every day.

As she noticed his narrowing gaze and slow steps, she wondered what to say to him. She already knew by experience what not to say. If he didn't want to discuss what she knew he was feeling, she shouldn't pry. At least not now!

Instead, she braced herself, waiting for some cutting remark, some barbed comment from him as he approached closer. But, to her surprise, he didn't say anything. He simply walked past her, hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers, his gaze fixed somewhere past her shoulder, as though she weren't standing there at all.

She let two seconds pass, long enough to be sure, before she turned to look after him.

He was still walking away, back toward the Mahal, his figure growing smaller against the old stone.

"Arnavji" She called out.

He didn't stop.

"Arnavji!" She called again, uickening her steps to catch up, her sandals slapping softly against the stone.

He stopped but didn't turn towards her.

"Arnavji.." She said again, coming to stand a little behind him, close enough now to see the tension bunched in his shoulders.

"Yes, we have established that is my name" He turned then, finally, his eyes fixing on her, narrowed and sharp.

Khushi hesitated for a second, looking at him, taking in the set of his jaw, the impatience simmering just beneath the surface. Why was he acting mad? Because she forced him to drink a glass of water and eat his lunch?

"I was wondering if you could drop me home" She said, smiling brightly at him. If he wanted to be a grouch, she could be a pollyanna.

He looked at her with an inscrutable face.

"I don't have a car" He said, sounding genuinely miffed by the fact.

"You can take Akash's car. He is busy attending Malik Uncle or I would have asked him" Khushi provided, smile still plastered on her face.

"I do not know the way. You can go with a driver" He replied, already turning to leave.

Argh! What is his problem?

"Why will I go with the driver when I can go with you? I feel like we have so much to catch up, Arnavji. We are meeting after so long. We can talk" She said, meaning the words. She wanted to know him. He appeared so different from when she had seen him first. Over the phone calls, he had sounded nice.

What was wrong now?

Was it because of what she had said about Malik Uncle to him?

She watched him considering her words.

"You will have to guide me. I barely remember the roads" He said.

"Sure" She said, feeling glad.

"Wait here" He said and walked into the Mahal.

Khushi wanted to hi-five with Devi Maiya, but she didn't. Things were looking good. Despite the fact that he had acted haughtily before her twice, Khushi could sense that he wasn't really the person he was portraying himself to be.

She waited another five minutes before Arnav emerged from the Mahal. He still didn't look too pleased. Grouch!

"Come" He said and Khushi followed.

~~**~~

Akash was happily surprised when Arnav had walked into his room to ask for car keys. It was good that Arnav was going out of the house. Exploring the city would make him reconnect with the place. He had said as much to Arnav.

"I am not going to "reconnect" or whatever, Akash! Need to drop your friend to her home" Arnav had said and Akash had been mildly surprised.

"Khushi? But she told me she wanted to walk home when I offered to drive her" Akash said.

Arnav had looked at him with a quizzed brow.

"See you later! I will be back in two or three hours. Call me up if you need the car before that" Arnav had replied.

"It's alright, Bhai. I can take Baba's car if I need to"

Arnav had nodded and left with the keys.

Once Arnav was gone, Akash wondered what was cooking in Khushi's head. She clearly had something running in her mind. He just hoped she was aware how mercurial his brother was!

He had told her enough stories to be aware of the fact but once Khushi sets her mind on something, she follows it through regardless of anything.

Akash crossed his fingers. It would be interesting to see what came out of whatever Khushi was doing.

His amusement grew further when he recalled how completely stubborn both these people were. He just hoped they didn't start a war before reaching Chowk.

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