Chapter 30

Chapter 30

It was a short plane ride.

Both Arnav and Khushi spent it figuring out what to do first. Arnav had already called Shashi Gupta in the morning before they left Raizada Mansion.

Leaving the house in the morning had been more pleasant than Arnav had anticipated. Devyani Raizada had warmed up to Khushi. Arnav had been surprised when Khushi had hugged Devyani and the latter hadn’t shown any signs of discomfort. In fact, Devyani Raizada had gone ahead and wished a safe journey to both.

Maybe last night his talk with his Nani had been more impactful than he had imagined it. It was good. It lessened his worries. Because, worried he was. He had no strategy about how to face Shashi Gupta. He still remembered the conversation he had with the man a few days back over the phone. He expected the same directness and harshness from Shashi Gupta upon meeting him again. And he deserved it too, he knew.

Then, there was the issue of his father. What would he say to him? Thank him for taking his side before Shashi Gupta? That would definitely be awkward.

When he had called Akash that morning to say they were coming back, Akash had sounded happy, but something in his voice had felt slightly off. Was he holding something back?

Was Birendra Singh Malik sicker than Akash was letting on? He supposed he will find that out when he reached.

"Are you done stressing?" Khushi asked him after a while.

“For now” He nodded, smiling.

Khushi shook her head.

"There is nothing to stress about. The plan is simple. We land, you take me home, we speak with Babuji, and then you go back to Sheesh Mahal to rest. You don't have to do everything today. You can talk to Malik Uncle whenever you feel ready. I am certain he will simply be happy to know you are there. He is not expecting anything more from you," Khushi said.

Arnav nodded, marvelling at how effortless she made it all sound.

“So, do you want to talk about last night?” Khushi asked right after the landing was announced.

Arnav turned to her and read the question written across her face.

"I think we did the right thing," he said, leaning toward her and taking her hand in his.

"Yes. Me too," Khushi said after a short pause, and smiled.

"We love each other, Khushi. I think that is the only thing we truly need to think about. That is what matters the most. Everything else, like last night, is simply a small part of what we share," Arnav said, smiling as he kissed her cheek.

Khushi nodded, her hand tightening around his.

"We are home," Arnav said, looking out the window as the plane descended upon the city of Nawabs.

~~**~~

Akash looked at Doctor Kumar as the latter went through the latest reports one more time.

“Anything new in it?” Akash asked.

Doctor Kumar looked up at Akash.

“The tumors are responding to the chemo” He said.

“But?” Akash asked, reading the pensive look on the doctor’s face.

“His body is growing weaker. The symptoms of radiation will begin to show sooner than later” Doctor Kumar said.

“Hairloss?” Akash asked, recalling something he had seen in films.

"One of the many symptoms. Given his age and his medical history, he may end up bedridden again," the doctor said, exhaling, his mouth drawn into a hard line.

Akash considered the words and nodded.

"Bhai called this morning. He is arriving today," he told the doctor.

“Does he know about the chemotherapy?”

“No”.

“Did he say anything regarding Malik?”

“No”

“It will be better if we keep him away from Malik. I do not want Malik stressed about anything. Both of us know how strenuous Malik’s encounters with Arnav have been. It will be better for both of them to keep their distance” The doctor said.

Akash didn’t argue.

“Did you tell Malik that Arnav is arriving today?” The doctor asked again.

“Not yet”

“Let us keep it that way, then. The less Malik thinks about it, the better.”

~~**~~

Khushi did not speak much during the car ride to Chowk. Arnav remained quiet as well, though she was certain his silence stemmed from something entirely different than her own.

He was probably thinking about meeting her father.

She, meanwhile, could not stop thinking about the night before.

It had been an intense night.

After she had told Arnav she wanted him, he had let his reservations dissolve completely. He had slowly peeled away his clothes, drawing sensations from her she had never felt before.

Then he had removed hers too, taking his time with unhurried patience. He had showered every part of her body with kisses until she could hardly breathe. Then it had been her turn. Her shaky, curious fingers had explored his body, and his response to her touch, to her kisses, had filled her with a strange sense of achievement, a quiet sense of control over the man she loved.

But it had not lasted long. He had sent her tumbling off the edge of pleasure, his mouth reaching places where no one had ever been. And then, she was ready to return the favour. To make him call out her name just as she had been calling his as he drove havoc on her senses.

But he had pulled away instead. Khushi had felt suddenly bereft, cold, the moment he lifted her hand from him. His breathing had been shallow, but his eyes were determined.

“I think we should stop, Khushi".

Khushi had looked at him with questioning eyes.

“This feels too rushed" He had said, closing his eyes, trying to level his breathing.

“Rushed?”

“Yes! If you continue with what you are planning to, I will not be able to hold myself back. I think we should wait. This does not feel like the right time” He had said, covering her bare body with the comforter, as he drew her up to his chest and hugged her.

She had forced herself to nod.

“Yes” she had replied telling her body to calm down. Her mind and body were too reeled in from the heated encounter, from his fingers and mouth that haf been on every part of her body only moments ago.

She had watched Arnav keep a respectable distance between them and then he had slowly drifted to sleep. And she couldn't stop her wondering if he had truly stopped because the timing felt wrong.

The same thought hovered in her mind again.

She hadn't asked him for details, and he had never told her, but she knew he had past relationships. More than one!

Was it possible that he did not find her attractive in that way?

He loved her, she knew. But aren’t love and physical compatibility two different things?

“You are overthinking this” Khushi told herself.

Besides, she trusted Arnav enough to believe he would not hide something like that from her. If it were truly the case, he would tell her.

She knew her insecurity had no real grounds, but she could not quite shake it. She would ask him, she decided, when the moment arrives for it next.

Then she glanced at him and noticed his long, deliberate breaths.

He was nervous.

She reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his.

Arnav looked at her, quietly battling his own insecurities.

Is he good enough for her? Will Shashi Gupta accept him?

But as her fingers curled around his, Arnav felt himself relaxing.

She loves him. He loves her. This will be fine.

The car pulled up along the familiar road leading to Khushi's house.

They both stepped out, and Arnav told the driver to head back to Sheesh Mahal.

He carried her bag himself as they walked toward the house.

"Ready?" he asked.

Khushi nodded and knocked on the door. Shashi Gupta, it seemed, had not gone to his shop that day. Arnav guessed it was because he had been waiting to see Arnav for himself, to make certain Khushi had returned home safely.

The door opened, and Shashi Gupta's eyes went straight to his daughter.

Once he had satisfied himself that she was indeed back in one piece, his gaze shifted to Arnav.

"Come in, both of you," he said, stepping aside.

Arnav entered first while Khushi threw her arms around her father.

"I missed you so much, Babuji," she said to him.

“I am happy to know that” Shashi Gupta replied, and the two of them stepped inside as well.

"Let me take that," Shashi said, taking Khushi's bag from Arnav's hands.

Arnav let it go without protest.

"Go and wash up, both of you. Lunch is ready," Shashi said, carrying the bag as he left the hall, leaving the couple alone.

"It will be fine," Khushi said to Arnav, noticing his quiet mood.

"I know," he replied.

“You go and wash up, first” Khushi replied.

Shashi Gupta returned to the room a moment later and looked at his daughter.

"I really am fine, Babuji," she said.

"Alright," Shashi said, and walked toward the table.

Lunch was a quiet affair, with Khushi doing most of the talking. She described all the places Arnav had taken her, how much she had enjoyed each one.

Once the meal was finished, she cleared the dishes from the table and disappeared into the kitchen.

Arnav and Shashi Gupta moved into the drawing room together.

"Let us go for a walk," Shashi said.

Arnav glanced toward the kitchen, then back at him, and nodded, following him outside.

Once they were away from the house, Shashi Gupta turned towards Arnav.

“You have kept your word, Arnav. You said you will bring her back happy. She does look happy. Better than how she was when she left here” Shashi Gupta said.

“Her happiness is my happiness, uncle” Arnav replied.

“Yes. These things, these sweeping sentences are definitely easy to make and good to hear. But, do they mean anything, Arnav? The more we care about people, the more power we give them to hurt us. You proved that right. You hurt my daughter because she cared about you. If her happiness had been your happiness, it would not have been so easy for you to cut her out of your life. You did not only leave everything behind, you also refused her the chance to explain herself. You assumed that you knew what was best for her and you made choices about her life without consulting her. These are not the marks of a good life partner” Shashi Gupta said.

Arnav’s face went blank for a second, Shashi Gupta's words hitting home.

“Yes, I know. You want to marry her. This quiet demeanour you have got going is not because you do not know how to apologize to me. It is because you do not know how to convince me that you are a man worthy of her. Am I right?” Shashi asked, turning to fix his gaze on Arnav's face.

Arnav looked at the man’s face that was both old and wise. Now he knew where Khushi’s perceptive skills came from. Shashi Gupta knew how to read people.

“It was not easy” Arnav answered.

Shashi Gupta’s expressions told Arnav to go on.

“Cutting her out of my life was anything but easy. It was like Iosing sight of myself all over again. Leaving Khushi here without any goodbye was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It was painful at first, and then a numbness settled in, one where nothing could reach me. Ignoring her calls, texts; ignoring Akash? It became an instinct. I was afraid that if I talk to any of them, the pain would rush back. It was a week, just a week. But, it felt like years. So, no, it was not easy. It was like severing a part of myself," Arnav said, looking away, recalling how he had survived those hopeless days after fleeing back to Delhi.

The moment passed in silence.

"Yes, I am not a perfect man, uncle. I acted in haste. I did not speak to Khushi before I left. I did not speak to her afterward either. I did all of it because I never truly believed it. I never believed she actually loved me. I thought how could I possibly have something so easily that I have wanted for so long? How could Khushi love ME, when she could have Akash instead? Doubt and insecurity got the better of me. I let my past experiences colour my present. I convinced myself I was not good enough for her. So I let her go, and I did not look back."

"And you no longer believe that? That you are not good enough for her? You believe she will be happy with you, that a life with you will bring her happiness?" Shashi asked.

"I cannot know that for certain, uncle. I cannot promise you that she will be happiest with me. But I can promise you I will give her everything I have. I will spend my whole life making sure that I never become the cause of her pain again. Not again. I love her," Arnav replied, letting Shashi read the resolve etched across his face.

Shashi Gupta paused, then gestured for them to turn back. They had been walking along a lane that sat unusually quiet in the afternoon heat.

“I need your word that you will not repeat what you did. And I do not just mean the running away. I also mean the blocking out. If there is one thing that kills a relationship, it is the absence of trust and absence of conversation. Do not hide things, no matter how ugly they are. Do not assume you know what the other person wants, no matter how well you believe you know them. Where emotions are involved, we often lose our clarity. We let our insecurities cloud our judgment. That is where the trouble begins," Shashi said.

Arnav who was listening intently until now, nodded.

"I promise," he said, the words settling firmly inside his mind, inside him.

“Then, I forgive you” Shashi Gupta said.

Arnav felt the weight lift from his chest, relief and happiness rising together.

"Thank you, uncle," he said, his voice unsteady with emotion but Shashi Gupta only nodded.

They walked back toward the house and stood outside together.

"How did you know?" Arnav asked after a moment, glancing at the ground, then back at Shashi.

"That you wish to marry her? I did not know for certain, not until I said it aloud and you did not deny it. But I suspected as much since your call this morning. There was a certain resolve in your voice, as though you had already made up your mind about what needed to be done. Then you walked into my house and could not stop looking at my daughter. The moment she left the room, you looked even more unsettled, as though you feared you might never see her again. You thought I might forbid you from seeing her? Tell you to get out of her life?” Shashi Gupta asked.

“I knew that was a possibility” Arnav admitted.

"Yes, I had once considered handing you exactly that sort of dramatic, Bollywood style ultimatum. But, that was before your father explained the situation to me. Once I knew the truth, I could see why you had done what you did. Still, it gave me no assurance that you would not do it again. Now that I have your word, it becomes far easier to consider the possibility," Shashi said.

“Possibility of what?” Arnav asked.

“That you might become a part of my family. Do not get me wrong but I do not decide that. You have my blessing. But, it is Khushi that you should be talking to. If she says yes, then I do not have a problem” Shashi Gupta said.

Arnav nodded, and much to Shashi's surprise, pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you for giving me this second chance, uncle. I will not let you down” He said to Shashi.

“You are most welcome, son” Shashi said and Arnav pulled back from the hug.

The two men shared a few more words before Arnav said he needed to go home.

“You can get a taxi from the main road” Shashi Gupta said.

Arnav nodded and thanked Shashi once again.

“Could you please tell Khushi that I will call her once I reach the Mahal?” Arnav said.

“I will” Shashi Gupta said and Arnav took his leave.

Shashi Gupta walked back inside alone and looked around.

"Unpacking already? You should have rested first," he said, stepping into Khushi's room.

"Did Arnav leave?" she asked, noticing her father had returned alone.

“Yes. He told me to tell you that he will call once he reaches the Mahal”

Khushi nodded.

"So?" Shashi said, settling onto the edge of her bed.

"So?" Khushi echoed.

"Tell me about your trip. How is Devyani Singh Raizada? From what Birendra Singh Malik told me, she sounded like a formidable woman," Shashi asked.

“I will tell you if you tell me about your conversation with Arnav” Khushi said, sitting down too.

“Fair enough. But, you go first” Shashi Gupta answered, smiling slightly.

~~**~~

By the time Arnav made it back to the Mahal, his head was clearer than it had been in a long time. He could see a future for himself now, one that finally felt within reach.

Walking through the doors, the first person he noticed was Ratan Kaka.

"Kaka," he said, breaking into a broad smile as he approached the man.

"Chote Saheb." The old man's face lit up in return.

"I am very glad that you are back," he said, as Arnav bent to touch his feet.

"I am glad to be back too, Kaka," Arnav replied.

"Your luggage arrived in the afternoon. I had Dayal and Hema place it in your room.

"Thank you," Arnav said, glancing around once more.

"Akash bitwa is in his room. Malik Saheb is still in the guest room. Doctor Saheb has gone for his rounds at the hospital and should return soon," Ratan Kaka informed him.

"Alright. I will see you later, Kaka," Arnav said, and made his way toward Akash's room.

He found the door ajar and knocked.

Akash looked up and smiled when he saw him.

"Bhai" He rose and pulled Arnav into a hug, and Arnav smiled back, warmth spreading through him.

"What kept you so long? The driver arrived nearly four hours ago," Akash said, sitting back down.

"I dropped Khushi off first. Had lunch with Shashi uncle. Then there was some talking involved," Arnav said, taking a seat himself.

"I see," Akash said, nodding.

"I hope it all went well?" he asked.

"It did. How did you know?" Arnav asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well....You should look in a mirror, Bhai. There is colour in your face that I have not seen in years. You look peaceful. Jubilant, even. Like a man who has finally set something down," Akash said.

Jubilant? It is nice to see," Akash said.

Arnav nodded, still smiling.

"Yes. It was stressful at first, but it settled after a while. Shashi uncle, he is one of the finest people I have ever met," Arnav said.

"He is. Very accepting, very caring. Once I borrowed his scooter..."

“And ran it into a tree. I remember that story” Arnav said, chuckling faintly.

"Yes. Shashi uncle was more worried about me than the scooter. He would not even let me pay for the repairs," Akash recalled.

"Yes. That sounds exactly like him," Arnav replied.

“So, you’ll be staying for some time, wouldn’t you, Bhai?” Akash asked.

"Yes, I will. The man I sent to oversee the school's construction is capable enough, but now that I am here, I would like to monitor the work myself again," Arnav replied.

"The school. Yes," Akash repeated, nodding slowly.

"What?" Arnav asked.

"No, nothing. I am glad you are thinking about the school again. It is for a good cause," Akash said.

“It is” Arnav replied.

“What about Nani ji? How did she take the news of you leaving?”

“Well, I think. At least, as well as she can. She didn’t seem unhappy this time. She just wanted to know if I will come back. I assured her that I will” Arnav replied.

Akash nodded.

“How are things here?”

"Stable, for now. Baba is under chemotherapy now. He has had two sessions this past week. The reports say the tumours are responding to the treatment," Akash answered.

“Then why did you sound off on the phone? In the morning?” Arnav enquired.

"Did I? It's just work. I feel as though I am getting pulled deeper into it every single day. Meeting clients, sellers, brokers. It is a lot, Bhai. I often wonder if I am even cut out for this," Akash said.

Arnav remained quiet for a few moments before speaking.

"If you would like, I can help. Sit in on some meetings, speak with people. You would just need to fill me in a little," Arnav said.

Akash looked mildly surprised, but seized the offer at once.

"Of course, Bhai. That would help a great deal. Baba tries to assist where he can, but he cannot manage the legwork anymore. Having you around would take a real weight off me," Akash replied.

“In that case, count me in. I anyway don’t have much to do. The school’s work wouldn’t take much of my time now that the construction has picked speed” Arnav said.

"Wonderful," Akash said, unable to hide his excitement.

"I will see you later, then. I really need a shower and some rest," Arnav said, rising from the bed.

“See you later, Bhai” Akash answered.

"Akash?" Arnav asked, turning back toward him.

"Yes, Bhai?"

"Did you tell him I am back in Lucknow?" Arnav asked.

"No, I did not. He knew you were coming back at some point, but I did not tell him it was today," Akash said.

"Alright," Arnav said.

"Bhai?" Akash said, before Arnav could turn away again.

"Yes?"

"I know that the last time you were here, I kept pushing you to speak to Baba. I just want to say that you don’t have to. I mean not if you don’t want to” Akash said.

Arnav looked at him and asked, "What changed your mind?"

"Among other things, I think it's your right to decide how you want to deal with this. Back when you didn't know the whole truth, I wanted you to talk to him, to hear him out. Now you know everything there is to know. I think that is enough for me. You know what is best for you, for this family. I trust you with that," Akash said.

Arnav considered the words and nodded.

"What other things? You said 'among others,'" he asked.

"The other thing is that Doctor uncle does not want anything to upset Baba. He thinks if you and Baba talk..."

“I might hurt him?”

“Not intentionally. But, it is a possibility” Akash said, voice lowering.

"I will keep that in mind," Arnav said, and turned to leave.

As he reached the door, he looked back at Akash.

"He is my father too, Akash. I cannot avoid speaking to him forever," Arnav said, and finally walked out of the room.

_______