Chapter 41

Akash heard the words, but it took him a few seconds to actually believe them.

Arnav knew about their father’s sickness before he did? So, when he had called Arnav up and asked him to come to Lucknow, Arnav had already known?

“Akash” Arnav said, upon noticing him in the doorway.

“You knew? For four months?” Akash said, stepping in the room.

“Yes” Arnav replied, looking at Akash’s sorrowful face.

“And you didn’t tell me, Bhai? How could you not tell me?” Akash asked, hurt and angry.

Even Khushi was looking at Arnav, waiting for him to reply.

“I couldn’t” Arnav said, looking at the floor before meeting Akash’s eyes again.

“Why not?”

“Because, it was hard, Akash. The first few days, I didn’t know what I felt. I had to choose between anger and sadness. I chose anger. It was easier, and I was already experienced at it. So, I told myself that this was a good thing. That, I wouldn’t have to face him again. Why I didn’t tell you? Because I knew you would be heartbroken. Besides, I didn’t know that he would hide it from you for so long. From what I know, he didn’t even tell Doctor Kumar for the first two months. Doctor Kumar found out when the symptoms grew serious, and it was him who later convinced Baba to tell you. I am sorry, Akash. I know I should have told you, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be the one to cause you the pain” Arnav replied, knowing well that now his reasons seemed silly.

Akash shook his head.

“If I had known earlier, I would have begged him to get early treatment. I would have definitely convinced him”

“We don’t know that, Akash” It was Khushi who answered.

“It was Malik Uncle’s choice to not tell any of us. I am not saying it was a correct choice, but it was his choice. Besides, the diagnosis was made at third stage. I am not sure how much these four months could have helped” Khushi replied, looking at both Arnav and Akash.

“Doesn’t change the fact that Bhai hid it from me” Akash replied, and the hurt in Arnav’s eyes only intensified.

“Malik uncle hid it too, Akash”

“What Baba did and what Bhai did are two different things, Khushi. I used to tell him everything. He should have told me. Knowing how big of news it was, and how much it was going to hurt me, it was all the more reason for him to tell me” Akash said, now looking at Arnav.

Arnav found it difficult to look at Akash. He knew Akash was right. He had made this mistake.

“I am sorry, Akash. I wish I could take it back. I feel more guilty than I could tell you”, he said.

Akash looked at Arnav and then at Khushi.

Then, he walked out of the library, leaving a distressed Arnav behind.

Khushi instantly walked up to him.

“You did what you thought was right back then, Arnav. You can’t compare today with yesterday, especially after all that has happened in these months. You have changed and so have all of us. Dwelling upon past choices is not of any use. Akash will understand it too. He just needs some time” Khushi said, cupping Arnav’s face in her palms, looking into his eyes.

Arnav looked at her too.

“You think Akash would forgive me?”

“I know he will. And you need to forgive yourself too” She said.

“You aren’t upset with me?” Arnav asked her.

Khushi gave him a half-smile.

“I can’t be. I love you too much to be upset with you. Especially when I understand your reasons” She said, stepping on her toes and brushing her lips against his.

“Everything’s going to be okay” She said, giving him hope.

~~***~~

Akash spent the hour in his room, doing nothing but sitting in his chair. It was almost lunchtime, but he didn’t feel hungry. His head was messed up with so many tangled thoughts.

He felt let-down and depressed.

He had seen Khushi’s expressions right before he left the room. She didn’t look as ruffled as he felt by Arnav’s revelation. Akash knew that she loves his brother. She would find a way to understand him. Akash understood too, but it still bothered him that Arnav had known and not told him.

“Hey” He was still struggling with his thoughts when he heard the soft knock at the door. He looked up to find Lavanya standing at the open door.

He had half a mood to tell her that he wanted to be alone at the moment. But, he didn’t.

“Hey” He replied instead, and she walked in.

“Nice” He watched as Lavanya scanned the room and appreciated it.

Akash wasn’t too organized when it came to keeping his room tidy, but it was still presentable.

“Is there anything that you need?” He asked her, straightening his back and looking at her.

“Yes” Lavanya answered, waking further into the room and giving herself a tour. She peered closely at the bookshelves and then turned towards him.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked him straight away.

Akash gave her a long look.

“You care enough to come to my room and ask about it? Why? We aren’t friends. You shouldn’t be concerned about whether or not I am angry” He said, letting out some of his long-held frustration at her.

“Such a long answer for a simple question?” Lavanya said, taking a seat beside him.

“No, I am not mad at you” Akash replied after a while, realizing it was indeed true. He wasn’t mad at her. He was mad at himself for these strange feelings stirring inside him. Especially when she seemed so disinterested in him!

“Okay. Good to know. Then, who are you mad at? Because, something is off. I can tell” Lavanya said, watching Akash closely.

“Really? You can tell? You know nothing about me, Lavanya” Akash said.

“I know that you liked Khushi and, yet you let her go, for your brother. I know that you love your father to no end and now that you’re about to lose him, you are petrified inside”, Lavanya said, staring at Akash, “and I also know that despite all these things, you still manage to be a good person. You have a good heart; which is why you agreed to help me in return of bringing Daadi here”.

Akash couldn’t look away from Lavanya’s face, those eyes that suddenly seemed too knowing.

“Who told you about Khushi..that I like...used to like..?”

“I didn’t know for sure until now. But, yes, Ma said some things. Some I overheard, unintentionally, while Payal and Khushi were talking. Rest, I deduced. It makes sense. Khushi is a great girl. It’d be hard to be around her and not like her” Lavanya said, a forlorn smile developing on her lips.

Akash couldn’t meet her gaze any more.

“I know we didn’t have a good start, but we can end this on a good note” Lavanya continued, making Akash look at her for a brief second.

“Right. So, that’s why you’re here? All this sweet-talking? Because I haven’t delivered my end of the deal yet? Because I haven’t talked to your mother yet and told her that her plans of getting us together are utter rubbish?” Akash knew he was being unnecessarily harsh, but it was easier than acknowledging the fact that she indeed knew a lot about him.

“I’ll do it tonight, okay? I’ll call her before dinner and let her know that the wedding-planner is going to be her son-in-law. Does that work for you?” Akash continued, standing up from the chair.

Lavanya didn’t speak, but stood up too.

“You don’t have to do that any more. I have already talked to her and told her no. I am not going to marry you simply because you have the money” Lavanya said, before turning away.

“You deserve someone who understands you” Akash watched as Lavanya began walking away from him.

“What is this money that you keep talking about?” He asked her, making her stop.

“Like you don’t know! Why do you think my mother wants us together? She thinks you are going to inherit all of..this” Lavanya forced a laugh as she waved her hands at the walls around them.

“None of this matters to me” Akash spoke, and then paused, “I would give all this up to have another day with my Baba”.

Lavanya nodded.

“I know that; which is why I said no to my mother”.

“Not because of Shobhit?” Akash couldn’t help but ask.

“Shobhit? I just met him, Akash. Yes, he’s fun to be around, but he’s not my type” Lavanya said.

“What is your type, then?”

Lavanya looked sideways and then shook her head.

“My parents...theirs was a marriage of convenience. After all these years, I still don’t see any love between them. Yes, they live together and can be respectful to each other on most days, but they don’t seem to have any real feelings for each other. I don’t want that. I want someone who is happy to be with me and makes me happy. That’s all”.

Akash studied her face, the seriousness in her eyes.

“That’s all I want too” He replied.

“With Khushi...it was good. She made me happy, hopeful. But, it wasn’t meant to be. I wasted too much time, took her for granted. And I see that she is much happier with Bhai. He is happy with her. Hell, both of them are way past happy. They are perfect with each together. She gives him faith and hope. He gives her selfless love and dedication. Khushi and I...we function better as friends”. He added, feeling the need to explain to her that he doesn’t harbour any feelings for Khushi any more.

“Why are you telling me this?” Lavanya asked.

“Because I don’t want you to think that I am not happy with how things turned out between Khushi and me. She’s still my best friend” Akash said.

“I never doubted that. I knew you are happy with it. Which is why you’re a good person!” Lavanya said.

Akash didn’t know what to say to that, but it calmed him to some extent to know that Lavanya held a good opinion of him.

She was more understanding than he gave her the credit for.

“I’ll see you around” She said before finally leaving.

~~**~~

NK stepped aside from the door when he noticed Lavanya striding out of Akash’s room. She noticed him, gave him a brief look and then walked away.

NK knew the look too well. His sister admired Akash, despite the constant bickering. Maybe because of the constant bickering!

I want someone who is happy to be with me and makes me happy.

NK had felt her words, although he was a bit stung when she had talked about their parents to Akash. It’s not like it wasn’t the truth. His parents were not the best couple, and they were, at most, average at parenting. But, NK had never complained. Neither had Lavanya, until now!

He didn’t know what to make of it. And he was surprised to know that his mother had sent Lavanya here with the intention of pairing her with Akash.

He would have to talk to her.

~~**~~

Devyani spent the day resting in her room. The walk to Sujata’s grave had taken a toll on her, but she felt calm. In all these years, she hadn’t ever thought she would get to see it again. Yet, she was here. It was oddly satisfying, more than Devyani could have anticipated. Her satisfaction also multiplied from the fact that Arnav looked happy, at peace.

However, at times, Doctor Kumar’s words echoed in her ears.

“You took the short route, didn’t you, Devyani ji? You replaced your failure as a mother with anger and hatred. Instead of dealing with the fact that you had failed to understand your own daughter, you decided to let Malik and I take the entire burden. Am I not right, Devyani ji? Didn’t you choose denial over your grief and guilt?”

When she thought about it, Devyani could see that there was some truth in the doctor’s words. She has been unable to forget Sujata’s death for so many years because deep inside she considered herself culpable.

Once Sujata was married off, Devyani hadn’t tried too hard to be involved in her life. She had written letters to her daughter and had been content with the short replies Sujata used to send her. On the occasions Devyani had asked Sujata to visit Delhi, the latter had always refused, saying she had no time. Running a Mahal was a full-time work, Sujata would tell her.

“And Birendra cannot spend a day without me. He wouldn’t let me come” Sujata would say in her letters.

How foolish she had been to trust those words!

Even when Arnav was born, Sujata had refused to come to Delhi. But, Devyani had insisted and sent Manohar to bring Sujata.

That was the first time Sujata had come back since her marriage. Devyani had been shocked to see her state; the thin-frame, the dull face.

Yet, Sujata looked happy, holding Arnav in his arms.

“He looks so much like Birendra, doesn’t he?” She would ask Devyani.

“Are you not keeping well, Sujata? You look weak” Devyani had frowned.

“I am well. I have never been better. I finally have everything I wanted, Ma. Look at him, he’s so beautiful and precious” Sujata couldn’t take her eyes off her son. In those three months that Sujata stayed at Delhi, Devyani had slowly realized that her daughter’s married life was not as good as Sujata portrayed it to be.

Birendra hadn’t written even once. He didn’t seem to care about his wife and newly born son.

It was then Devyani had begun to question Sujata’s words.

“I think you’re hiding things from me, Sujata. Tell me, does Birendra treat you right? Why doesn’t he write to you after all these months?”

Sujata always gave elusive answers, and in annoyed tones.

And when Devyani had refused to listen to any excuses, Sujata had finally admitted.

“He loves someone else. But it’s alright, Ma. I know how to take care of it. I am his wife and I have his son. He would never be able to leave me”

Sujata’s words had sent Devyani riling.

“Is he having an extra-marital affair? For how long? Why didn’t you tell me before?” She had asked Sujata.

“It doesn’t matter, Ma. He can have as many affairs as he wants. But, I will not leave him. I love him, and he will realize it now that we have Arnav”

The conversation had ended as a huge disagreement between Devyani and Sujata. Devyani wanted Sujata to file for divorce if Birendra was cheating on her but Sujata was hell-bent on making the marriage work.

“It’s my life, Ma. I don’t want you to tell me how to live it” Sujata had said in a heated voice and Devyani had been both angry and hurt.

“Birendra is ruining your life, Sujata, and you’re letting him. Both of you are going to ruin Arnav’s life too. He deserves a loving home”

“You are saying I don’t love my son? I love him more than my life, Ma. And please! I beg you not to interfere in my life. That’s why I didn’t come here for all these years. It was a mistake to come here now” with that, Sujata had left. She had asked Manohar to take her back to Lucknow and Devyani hadn’t stopped her, her pride hurt by Sujata’s words.

That is the day Devyani still regretted. She should have stopped Sujata and not let her come back to this city.

Once her anger had subsided, Devyani had written multiple letters to Sujata. Initially, Sujata hadn’t replied. It was only after two years that the first letter had come from Sujata.

“I can’t come back to Delhi, Ma. My life is here with Arnav and Birendra. If I leave, everything that I have worked for would be lost. I can’t give up. Please do not worry about me. I am doing well. I am happy. I miss you”

The letter hadn’t soothed Devyani’s worries. She had asked Manohar to visit Lucknow again and check up on his sister.

When Manohar came back, he told her Sujata was living a life of comfort and happiness. It was much later that Manohar admitted he had lied to her on Sujata’s request.

Sujata would often send pictures of Arnav to Devyani, telling her how he was growing and excelling in his studies.

“He is bright, Ma. He knows of you. I showed him the pictures you sent. He says he would like to meet you soon. I have promised him that I would bring him to you after his exams”

But, Sujata hadn’t come. Just the news of her passing away! It had shocked Devyani to her core, breaking her spirit. She had come to Lucknow, to find the truth of what had transpired but neither Malik nor the doctor had given her any answers.

It was ruled as suicide and Devyani had vowed to avenge her daughter’s pain. She wanted to take Arnav away, but Malik hadn’t let her. Devyani knew even if she tried the legal way, Birendra would win. He was the father and she was old.

She will have to wait a few years, until Arnav was old enough to make his own decision. So, she had handed a note to Ratan Kaka before leaving for Lucknow, telling him to keep an eye on Arnav. The man had nodded, telling her he would treat Arnav as his own grandson.

Everything had worked out for Devyani when she had found Arnav on her doorstep after two years. Ratan Kaka had made sure Arnav found her. And with that, Devyani had begun her revenge. She didn’t have to plant the seed of hatred in Arnav’s heart. It was already there. She only watered it, nurtured it; so that Arnav would never go back, never forgive the man responsible for their loss.

Devyani didn’t regret it still. Regretting that decision would mean accepting her failure as a mother!

And she didn’t have the strength left to deal with that realization.

Yet, the Doctor’s words had hammered upon her heart for days.

“You may not be able to let go of the past, but you should not stop Arnav from moving on and finding his happiness. All of us owe that to him”

It had taken immense self-effort for Devyani to accept that maybe the doctor was right.

Arnav has a long life ahead of him and a life of peace was much better than a life driven by anger and hatred.

It was why Devyani had walked at the first break of light to her daughter’s grave.

“I give up, Sujata”, she had said while sitting down next to the marble headstone.

“I thought I could hold on to you by holding on to Arnav. I thought as long as I had him in my life, I would always have you. But, I can’t do it any more. If I keep being selfish..keep holding on to him..he’s going to end up as unhappy and miserable as we were. I..I have to let him go now, let him choose his own path, even if that path leads him away from me. So, I need you to forgive me, Sujata. I wanted to punish Birendra by keeping Arnav away from him, but I realize now that unintentionally I have also punished Arnav. I have hurt him. Which is why I am stepping back now! Khushi would take care of him. She’s..good for him. He’ll be alright” Devyani had said, feeling the dew-laden grass under her feet.

“I hope you can forgive me...for not taking care of you. For letting you come back here. It was my pride and my anger that you inherited. It brought you nothing but trouble. I am sorry” Devyani had said before falling silent, letting the morning chill seep into her, calm her.

And, then she had found her way back to the Mahal, helped by Akash. Thinking of Akash, Devyani realized she was wrong about him too.

She had never wholly accepted Akash, had seen him as a threat who might take Arnav away from her. But she knew that Akash was good for Arnav. He was good in general, a better person than the man who had raised him.

Devyani might have spent more time pondering about the past and the present but the knock at the door pulled her attention.

“Nand Kishor” she smiled at the face in the doorway.

“I am not disturbing you, Dadi, am I?” He asked.

“Never. Come in” Devyani said and NK entered the room.

“What is it?” Devyani asked, upon seeing the heavy look on NK’s face.

“It’s about Ma” NK began.

~~**~~

“Akash” Arnav found his brother striding down the hall while Hema carried a tray of food, walking ahead of Akash.

“Get the tray to Doctor Uncle. I’ll come in” Akash said to Hema and stopped in the hallway.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Bhai. Not today” Akash spoke before Arnav could.

Arnav closed his mouth and paused for a second.

“Are we really not going to take him to the hospital?” He asked instead. If Akash didn’t want to talk about the morning, then they should talk about this.

“It’s his choice” Akash replied, although his voice cracked.

“That’s bullshit, Akash. We can’t let him decide. He’s sick and he needs immediate care. I have already called for an ambulance. They will be here in a few minutes” Arnav said.

“What? In minutes? He’s not ready to go, Bhai” Akash replied, surprised.

“Then we take him without his permission” Arnav said, moving towards the room where his father lay.

“That’s not right, Bhai” Akash called after Arnav.

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT, AKASH” Arnav whirled on Akash, voice loud. Akash was stunned, but only for a second.

“I care, Bhai. I don’t love him any less than you do. And, we are not taking away his choice” Akash was in Arnav’s face, his own eyes glowing with anger.

“What use is his choice if he’s going to be dead, Akash? Is that what you want? YOU WANT HIM TO DIE?” Arnav knew he was targeting his grief and guilt on his brother, but he couldn’t help it.

“I WANT HIM TO DIE?” Akash’s voice became as loud and angry as Arnav’s.

“He’s going to the hospital. That’s FINAL” Arnav said, and as if on cue, an ambulance wailed in the background.

Arnav moved to enter the room and Akash made an attempt to block Arnav’s path when the doctor’s voice sounded in the hall.

“STOP FIGHTING”

Both Arnav and Akash stopped and looked at the distraught face of Doctor Kumar. Even Khushi and Lavanya rushed towards where the three men stood.

“It’s too late” the quiet words left Doctor Kumar’s mouth and struck Arnav and Akash as bolts of lightning.

____________________

A/N: Thank you everyone for your patience with the chapter. 

Also, I would like to request you all to kindly check the following thread where all the amazing IPK writers have come together to weave a 'Story of the Decade'. You can contribute to this story both as a reader and a writer. 

For more information, do check out the link.

Story of the Decade

Thank you!

Kiran

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