Chapter 34 A

A/N: Hello friends,

This is one more highly delayed update and the reasons for the delay are nothing new. The laptop issue and then highly busy schedules at work. I couldn't find any time to finish the chapters. Anyhow, I am here once again and I am sincerely sorry for making you wait for so long. So, I was typing this chapter and it turned out longer than I intended it to be. So, I have divided it into two parts. I am posting part A here and will post part B either later tonight or tomorrow. 

Thanks a lot for your continued interest and support to the story.

Also, I was asked to move the story to this fanfiction corner and I request you all to please click on the 'follow' button so that you don't have to wait for PMs whenever I update the story.

Much love,

Kiran

Chapter 34 (A)

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Ten Days Later

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Arnav stared unblinkingly at the screen of his phone, unable to shut the thoughts that were now a maelstrom inside his head. His hands shook and his heartbeats slowed to the point of stopping. The din around him seemed to have muffled and there was nothing but a ringing in his ears.

The ringing and the words!

“Bhai, please come home. Baba is no more” Akash’s voice had been distraught and raw, as if he had been crying for hours.

“He left us, Bhai. He is dead. He kept asking for you and I lied to him that you were on your way. He died waiting, Bhai. Please come home to us. So many people are gathering at the house, Bhai and I don’t know what to do. Doctor Uncle is not leaving his room. I am all alone, Bhai. I need..” Akash had been saying when Arnav had disconnected the call midway. He couldn’t make himself hear Akash for another second. His words were like molten glass in Arnav’s ears.

Arnav waited for the pain, for the grief to engulf him as the news settled into him. But, there was no pain. Only an unending silence and a cold hollowness inside him which he could feel growing! The coldness and the dread started from his heart and then spread to his body, gripping his spine, infesting every corner of his being.

Then there was the feeling of falling into an abyss. Cold, bottomless abyss before he felt the jostling.

“Arnav”

He was forced out of the nightmarish dream by soft hands tugging at his T-Shirt.

He opened his eyes and the pitch darkness in the room was familiar, akin to the darkness he had felt inside him in the nightmare.

“Light” He murmured voice dry and raspy; his breaths short.

A switch was clicked and dim light flooded the room. In the light, he noticed Khushi’s troubled eyes, her concerned face.

“You were dreaming” Her hands cupped his cheeks as she looked at him.

He gulped, nodding.

“Water” He rasped.

“Here” Khushi poured water from the jug in a glass and handed it to him.

Several minutes passed and she sat beside him, waiting for him to calm down.

“Feeling better?” She asked when he finally looked at her.

“I need to go back” He said to her.

Khushi’s eyes widened but she waited for him to say more.

It had been exactly ten days ago when he had told her that he needed to talk to her and had asked her to join him for a walk through the Aamra Kunj.

It was right after the Puja.

She had walked with him until they had reached his mother’s grave. It had broken her heart to watch him sit down on his knees before the grave and talk to his mother. It was as if he considered his mother was actually there, listening to him. He told her how happy he was and then he had introduced her to his mother. Khushi had sat down beside him too, holding his one hand in hers. He had told his mother that he was going to marry her and wanted Sujata’s blessing for him and her.

Khushi, who herself believed in spirits and often talked to the stars in the sky as a way to talk to her mother, had found herself moved to tears. His voice had been so melancholic and yet somehow contented. So, she had sat with him until he had said all that he needed to say to his mother.

On their way back from Aamra Kunj, he had told her about the conflicting decision that had been bugging him.

“I do not want to take you away from your Babuji, Khushi. But, Delhi has been my home for so long and I need to know what you think about it? I need to know whether you wish to live here or would you consider making Delhi your home too?” He had asked and all the uncertainty of his heart had been clearly written on his face.

Khushi had only smiled.

“I will be wherever you will be, Arnav. It doesn’t matter to me whether it’s here or in Delhi. My home is going to be where my heart is. And my heart is with you” She had answered.

The joy on Arnav’s face had been unbridled. But, he had still asked her.

“What about Shashi uncle? He will be left all alone here”.

“Yes. Babuji will be alone but he will understand, Arnav. He’s been ready for this longer than he or I would like to admit. Besides, I think he would finally try to live his life once I am not here. Ever since Amma passed away, Babuji has made his life only about me. And I love him for that. I can never repay even a fraction of what he has done for me. But, I also know that in order to keep me going, he stopped living his own life. He stopped going anywhere, stopped doing everything that made him who he is. Even the shop! He stopped attending the shop for months and resumed only when it became a necessity. It was one of the reasons why I didn’t try too hard to get a job somewhere else. I spent most of my evenings at the shop, helping Babuji get the business back on track and I wanted to keep doing it for as long as I needed to. Over the years, it became easier for Babuji to get back into the routine. He would wake up, get ready and leave for the shop. Often, he wouldn’t come back in the afternoons because I used to be in college. And coming back home in the afternoons reminded him of Amma because it was the only time the two of them would have for themselves. Just the two of them, sitting and eating together, talking about everything! I knew that Babuji cherished those afternoon meals with Amma. But, after her death, he stopped that too. In so many years since Amma has been gone, he’s come back home for lunch only a couple of times. His life is very simple, Arnav. But, it was much larger than what it is now. It wasn’t limited to the shop and our home. I don’t know if my moving away will help. But, it will certainly be a change that is needed. Maybe this will allow him to find more distractions, re-indulge in the things he once liked doing. I am not sure. But, I will help him through this change, Arnav. It will not be easy, neither for him nor for me but in my heart, I know that this is going to be good” Khushi had explained to Arnav.

Arnav had then vouched that he would help her as much as possible and assured her that Shashi would be welcome to Delhi anytime. Not only that, she could visit Lucknow anytime. And in return, Khushi had told him that she did not need his assurances. She already knew that he would never mind her coming to Lucknow for visits.

Once that conversation had been dealt with, both Arnav and she had walked back to the Mahal with contented hearts.

The date of the wedding had been set for three weeks later and it had sent both the fathers, Shashi Gupta and Birendra Singh Malik, into an overdrive of quick decisions.

If Shashi Gupta wanted to book the best wedding hall for the guests then Birendra Singh Malik wanted the best jeweler in the city to custom design the ornaments for Khushi.

If Shashi Gupta was busy scouring the city for the best caterer, Birendra Singh Malik wanted the best designer for both Arnav and Khushi’s wedding attires.

Both Arnav and Khushi had been mildly surprised by the zeal their fathers were expressing for the wedding. Arnav found himself more concerned because Malik was insisting on being involved in making all the decisions, not giving his health as much priority as was needed.

The conversation he had had with Malik regarding Lucknow not being his home seemed to have been long forgotten by Malik. He was happy with the wedding preparations so Arnav chose to forget the conversation as well.

However, by the end of the week, Malik’s health had gone from bad to worse. He was bed-ridden once again and it was then Doctor Kumar requested Arnav to intervene.

“He will not step back from all this mayhem, Arnav. Just yesterday, he told me he wants to invite the florist to the Mahal so he can personally choose the flowers. He’s beyond heeding my words. You need to talk to him. Ask him to step back and let Akash and I take care of the arrangements. I am sure if you will ask, he will listen to you” Doctor Kumar had asked him.

Arnav had agreed.

So, he had gone into his father’s room with the intention to ask him to take it easy. However, the conversation had a totally different way.

He had found his sitting in his bed with a bed-table placed on it. Upon the bed-table, various brochures were sprawled and Malik was reading one of them.

“Arnav! So nice that you are here! I was going to call for you in some time. Have a look at these destinations. I want Khushi and you to go for a long trip after the wedding. I know you must have already been to a lot of places but Khushi has not. These are all the places that I know she would love to explore. However, I want you to choose the place from these options. It shall be my gift to you two” Malik had greeted Arnav with an enthusiastic smile.

Arnav had nodded, looking at his father’s wasting form. They had stopped the chemotherapy after Malik complained of excessive pain post the sessions. But, the effect of the radiation was beginning to show. Malik’s cheeks had hollowed and his eyes were sunken deeper into the orbits. There was a considerable hair loss and no matter what, his body was always pale.

It made Arnav realize that every day was precious.

Any day could be the last. Suddenly, the two weeks seemed too far away to him. Maybe he should get married sooner just so Malik could attend the ceremony. But, it could not be done because Shashi Gupta needed some time to make his own arrangements. He knew it wouldn’t be fair to ask Shashi for a quicker wedding. Khushi was his only daughter and Shashi wanted to do this well for Khushi.

“I don’t think Khushi and I would be going away anywhere anytime soon. But, thank you for the…thought” He said to his father.

Malik’s face fell for a second but he had nodded slowly.

“Yes, yes. I understand” He had answered.

“I am not saying we will not go. I just think now is not the time to be going away” Arnav said, walking closer to the bed and collecting all the brochures from the bed-table. First, he put the bed-table away and then took all the brochures in his hand.

“And, Doctor Kumar asked me to tell you that you need to step back and let him and Akash handle the preparations” Arnav continued, as he looked around to put the brochures someplace.

“I am at the back! There are hundred things that I would have done differently if I was able. All this that I am doing now, is very ordinary. Besides, Kumar worries needless…No, Arnav..Don’t put them there” Malik’s voice became urgent all of a sudden as Arnav pulled open the drawer of Malik’s study table.

Arnav, however, had already opened the drawer and was staring at the file sitting on the top.

The word ‘Will’ was staring at him in bold letters.

He looked at the file for three seconds and then at his father whose face was now more pallid than ever.

“What’s this?” He knew already what it was but couldn’t help lifting the file from the drawer.

‘Do not read it’ His mind beeped but the look on his father’s face and the little ‘care’ he had started feeling towards him made him flip open the file.

“Arnav, please” Malik’s voice was earnest.

“I, Birendra Singh Malik, Son of Surendra Singh Malik, do hereby revoke all my previous wills and declare that this is my last will which I make on……” Arnav couldn’t help but read on, eyes skimming through the letters and the words until he found his name.

“..I bequeath the following assets to my son Arnav Singh Raizada..” Arnav went through the list and when he looked up at his father, there was an accusatory glare in his eyes.

“I do not want your Mahal and your lands” He couldn’t help the bitterness that crawled up and took hold of his heart. Suddenly, in the wrinkled face before him, all he could see was the face of a drunken and unloving man attempting to buy his attention through lavish parties but no love.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Arnav. All of this has always been yours. It’s your birthright. I am not..” Malik tried to explain, to sit up and reach Arnav.

But, Arnav could not see anything. All he could see were the walls around him which now seemed to be closing in. This Mahal was closing in on him, trying to trap him again. He didn’t want this huge palace that came with the Malik name. This house, this “birthright” had brought him more misery than joy. Their fate could have been different if he weren’t born a Malik. If his father weren’t a Malik! This wealth and heritage was nothing but restrictions, chains. He wasn’t going to bind himself to it.

“If you have forgotten, I am still a Raizada, Mr. Malik. All this…” Arnav gestured towards the walls of the house, “..this has nothing to do with me. This house stopped being my home the day I left. And I will not let you bind me to your name, your house again. Do you get that?” Arnav had said, giving his father a long, cold stare before he had stormed out of the room. He hadn’t had a chance to see him since then.

The next two days, he had voluntarily avoided any interaction, well-aware that he was being vindictive. But, he hadn’t been able to look past the anger he was feeling.

By the time his anger had subsided, he had learnt from Khushi that Shashi Gupta wasn’t keeping well. So, he had spent the next two days making sure Shashi was taking full rest and Arnav had voluntarily shouldered some of the wedding preparations from Khushi’s side as well.

Just when he was done with that, he had received the call from his Nani. She had told him to come to Delhi with Khushi for a day.

Arnav had tried to explain how busy he was with everything but Devyani was beyond listening. She still remained adamant on not attending the wedding but there was some rasam which needed to be done by her. It required Khushi’s presence.

So, she had asked both Khushi and Arnav to come to Delhi. Both of them had reached Delhi this morning and a puja had been held at the house after which Devyani had offered some of Sujata’s belongings to Khushi. As the day had waned, Arnav had become more and more quiet. Khushi couldn’t get him to speak about what was going on in his mind. So, she had offered him to sleep in her room with her. Arnav had agreed to do that but had woken up with a bad dream.

Khushi waited for him to calm down and she remained by his side until his breathing had become even.

“I need to go back” His words remained between them. They had planned to extend their stay in the city for one more day. Apparently, Lavanya was coming back to Delhi with her brother NK and Manorama had asked Arnav to take them along with him.

“We will not come to the wedding. Manohar and I need to stay here to take care of Sasu Ma. But, NK and Lavanya are excited to attend the wedding” Manorama had said after the Pooja.

“Yes, Arnav beta. They are very excited and happy for you. It would be great if you can take them along with you” His Mama had said too.

Arnav had merely nodded, after giving a brief look towards his Naani.

Khushi could see that Arnav wasn’t happy with his Naani’s decision of staying in Delhi. She had even asked him in the evening if she should request Devyani to go with them.

“She wouldn’t come with us. We can’t change her mind” Arnav had replied.

So, Khushi hadn’t asked Devyani.

In the dim light of the room, she observed the shaking of Arnav’s hand. So, she held it in her own. It made him look at her. There was guilt and dread in his eyes.

“If you think we should leave today, we’ll leave today” She said to him.

Arnav swallowed and nodded.

Khushi pressed his hand lightly and then helped him get back into the bed. Then she switched off the light and got back into the bed.

She felt Arnav pressing close to her, spooning her in his arms.

“You’re okay?” She asked after a while in a soft voice, resting her head on his chest.

“No”, Arnav said, taking a pause and then continuing, “I should have talked to him before coming here”.

“It’s okay, Arnav. You were upset with him” Khushi replied.

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay, Khushi. I reacted too harshly. What he did…maybe that’s his way of making amends. It’s the only way he knows. I remember the huge birthday parties he throwed me once Ma was no more. That was his way of acting as my father. He thought that was enough. He did his best to buy my attention through pile of gifts. And when I saw that will, I saw myself standing before that pile of gifts in my room, all alone. It..it made..sad and angry. I thought he is trying the same thing again with his will. But, over the days, I have realized that I overreacted. Maybe he is just trying to mend the gaps between us. Maybe this was his way of finding peace with his actions. I shouldn’t have acted on instinct. He is my father, Khushi. It’s not so surprising that he would want me to inherit some of his property. But, in that very moment, I couldn’t think straight when I saw that Mahal transferred in my name. It felt like he was purposely trying to tie me to his house, to his family”

“Even if that is the case, Arnav, is that so bad? You ARE his family. As he is yours” Khushi replied, shifting her head a little so she could look at his face.

Arnav remained quiet.

“Yes. He is my family” He whispered after a while.

“Is that the only reason why you became upset with him? Because you thought he was trying to tie you to the family?” Khushi probed.

Arnav remained quiet for a few more seconds.

“No” He replied and then looked at Khushi.

“That was not the only reason. If I had accepted everything he wrote in that will, it would have meant I was accepting everything he did to Ma and me” Arnav answered, looking at the ceiling above and closing his eyes.

“But, you have forgiven him” Khushi said, confused.

Arnav opened his eyes and gave a pained smile.

“It’s not so simple, Khushi. Yes, I forgave him for some of the things but it doesn’t mean I have forgotten any of it. And despite all my efforts to overlook the past and embrace the new side of him, to live in the present, some days it’s very hard to not resent him. He was not a father to me when I needed him to be and sometimes..sometimes I find myself thinking that I shouldn’t be a son to him now that he needs me. I hate that feeling, Khushi. It makes me question if I am even a good person or not” Arnav spoke, voice very quiet.

Khushi shifted more so that her chin was now resting on Arnav’s chest. She looked at his troubled eyes in the darkness.

“We can’t be good all the time, Arnav. It’s just not possible. And you’re human. Forgiveness is not a switch that you can turn off for once and all. This occasional anger that you feel, it’s normal. You have held on to this anger for so long. It will take time for you to completely let it go” Khushi explained, putting a hand on his cheek.

Arnav listened to her words with sincerity, nodding.

“But, yes! You should have talked to Uncle before we came here. Is that why you were troubled all day? And had a bad dream?” She asked.

Arnav shook his head.

“No. During the day..it was about Naani. I know she doesn’t want to go back to Lucknow and I can understand that. I know it’s painful for her. But, I still had a small hope that maybe she will change her mind now that you and I are here. But, I was wrong”

“And the dream? It was about Malik Uncle?” She asked.

Arnav swallowed again and nodded just once.

“I dreamt that he is no more. And it was too real. The pain, the sorrow..it was too strong. I don’t think I am ready for it, Khushi. It was just a dream but it was still unbearable. So, we need to go back tomorrow. I need to see him and tell him that I understand why he did what he did. And this time, I am not going to hold back, Khushi. I will tell him every little thing I have kept to myself. I don’t want to wait any more. There’s simply no time for me to wait. I am done with this phase where I was being passive, waiting for things to get normal on their own. It’s a false notion, Khushi. Nothing gets easier until we make it. So, no more hiding. No more waiting” Arnav said.

“Every day I think I can’t love you more but you prove me wrong every day” Khushi said, leaning in.

“You are a good person, Arnav. You really are” She said and kissed his cheek.

“We’ll go back tomorrow” She snuggled into his body, and Arnav wrapped his arms around her. After that, both of them allowed the peaceful silence to settle around them and drift them to sleep.

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Part B coming soon!

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