Ridhima tried to keep her eyes clear, yet her vision kept blurring due to her tears falling continuously. She breathed in hard as she walked steadily with faltering steps, she felt so weak, so fragile that another pain and she'll be dead inside.
Armaan, her Armaan loved her. He never left her, he didn't betray her. All those thoughts revolved in her mind as she walked towards the Bus Station with her backpack on her shoulders. She remembered all those times of misery where she wanted to hurt herself. She was always confident about her work capabilities, others? not. She always wore salwar kameez and was simple, she was called a freak in her freshers, had it not been her Anjali Di, she would've had a break down in front of everyone.
When she and Armaan got together, it felt great. Her doubts, insecurities about herself didn't matter. He made her feel beautiful, he made her feel confident in every aspect. So when she got to know he left her because she was incapable of doing most of the tasks, because she was half paralyzed, unable to walk, she felt pain, resentment, anger, so many emotions that she couldn't fathom into words.
Ridhima got into the Bus and took her seat and closed her eyes.
Ridhima looked at the bathroom counter as her eyes leaked yet again for the countless times since the past 3 weeks. She looked at the Razor kept on the bathroom counter, she wanted to end the pain, she wanted to stop crying, she wanted to feel something else rather than the miserable feeling of the love of her life leaving her due to her physical disability. She hated that emotional feeling, her physical pain almost felt nothing in front of that heart wrenching emotional pain.
She picked up the razor moving it closer to her wrist, she was a doctor, of course, she would know the right points to hurt herself but she didn't want to hurt herself, she just wanted to pull of a gash, which would ooze out blood, which would maybe open her senses and maybe those tears would stop for sometime as she would get busy is clearing that blood, treating the wound.
A little closer and the razer would be 5mm away from touching the skin. She thought as her vision became clearer and her eyes turned a little dark.
"Ridzii.." Muskaan called from her room. Ridhima quickly looked up in a panicky which resulted in the blade cutting up deep. She felt a numbing pain.
No she didn't want this, she just wanted a gash, she didn't want to die. She wasn't doing suicide, it's not why her mother gave her birth even if getting betrayed by her biological father. The razor fell from her hands as Muskaan rushed only to see Ridhima's desperate look.
"Ridzi.." Muskaan in a horror struck face looked here and there. She held Ridhima's hands and tied it tight with her dupatta and pushed the fluffy white towel on it.
"It's going to be okay. I am gonna save you, you are not dying. Not on me, not today." Muskaan quickly pushed Ridhima on her wheelchair. She went downstairs to bring her medical kit and went into Dr. Shashank's personal clinic in the house to bring bottles of disinfectant and other Suture Instruments and ran upstairs.
Ridhima breathed in and out and used her knowledge to stop the blood flow. She put pressure on the wound to stop the blood flow. She thanked God for her family to be away as they left to bid goodbye to Anjali at the airport as she was going to Chicago.
"Ridzi we don't have anesthetics so this is going to be painful," Muskaan told Ridhima and pour the disinfectant solution on her cut and cleaned the blood.
Muskaan wore her medical gloves and started the Suture procedure. Ridhima hissed.
"Done. You are alright, I saved you Ridzi." Muskaan breathed and smiled as she put the bandages on Ridhima went on to throw the towel and cotton and cleaned the floor along with the bathroom.
Ridhima didn't know what to say, she was ready to answer Muskaan. Muskaan gave Ridhima medicines and helped her get up on the bed.
"Muski say something na.." Ridhima whispered.
"What can I say? I won't blabber it to anyone I promise." Muskaan spoke in a distant voice.
"Muskaan I didn't want to die, I didn't want to do it," Ridhima spoke in a broken voice.
"Then why the hell did it happen Ridzi?" Muskaan shouted and fell on her knees and wailed.
Ridhima cried silently and she held Muskaan's hands. She hurt another person because of her wrongdoing. She pulled Muskaan to her bed and laid her head in her lap.
"Muski I seriously didn't. I would never. Please forgive me." Ridhima cried harder.
"Ridhima never do that okay?" Muskaan patted her head as she moved further under the covers.
Ridhima woke up with a jerk as the Bus came to a halt, her eyes wet yet again. She and Muskaan became so close to each other at that time. Muskaan took care of her and stayed with her until Ridhima was taken to Banglore and Muskaan went back to Patiala.
She looked outside, the countless times they both stopped here in this route while visiting Panchgani. These places, all of them help so many memories, beautiful ones. She cleared her eyes and looked around and was shocked to wits to find Sid there. She looked at her mobile to see the time when she saw some messages from Atul and Dr. Keerti informing her about why Sid accompanied her.
She didn't like him but that didn't matter, what important was that she was going to meet Armaan and that made her insides feel warm.
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