DARK KNIGHT- A SwaSan FF- DELETED- AN- PAGE 1- PLS READ

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Vianna

@BookWormV

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Posted: 9 years ago

#121

Res :)

Unres:

Shruti,

I was eagerly waiting for an update for this SS. The waiting really kills! This was an enlightening chapter. So many things happened here.

First, Ragini's character portrayal is finally here. You have shown it so interestingly. Her following Annapurna to understand her duties, her need to build rapport with Sanskaar, her shyness in front of Lakshya, and finally the obsession, jealousy, possessiveness creeping into her due to interactions between Swa-Lak. Fantastically shown!👏

Second, Sanskaar's 'pagalpan'! Gosh, this guy plays it well no?? I really became a fan of Sanskaar in the show when he was acting all pagal/villainish! That was probably the best moments of Sanskaar's awesomeness being portrayed.😉 Anyways, loved the 'Dulhan Girl' tantrum he threw. And ofcourse he doesn't like Swara, she makes him FEEL, which he really doesn't want to.

Third, I really liked how you have created the relation between all four of the characters, Ragini shy towards her Prince Charming Lakshya, while he is indifferent towards her, and more focused on sunny Swara, where she is indifferent towards him and in all this Sanskaar is playing his master plan. I am going to sadistically this human emotional mess that will be created like it happened in the show! 😈

Fourth, Annapurna is awesome! This woman knows everything. Nothing gets past her. Well almost nothing. I really like her in the role of a Rani.

Fifth, finally you revealed why Sanskaar was taken captive as a traitor. Can I say that the whole four blueprints part was just ingenious! Hats off there. 👏 I really enjoyed reading how the previous King tried to keep the allies as allies by providing each with the other's secret. Smart guy! This whole part was the highlight of the chapter for me!😃

Sixth, Sanskaar and Swara's reactions to each other is always amazing to read. The Swara singing and Sanskaar's reaction to it was written so beautifully written, I was spellbound! Looking forward to more of those.

Please update soon! I am really eager to know how this story progresses. :)

-V

Edited by bwvianna - 9 years ago

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Niyati Gupta

@Niyatiswaragini

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#122

Wat on this earth made me to ignore ur pm .. Dude I missed alot of this amazing work. I M just done with the intro .. But the way u framed it takes me to the historic world of that marwars , Marathas, n so on and so forth.

I was a history hons student before I began with my law last year. , it becomes more interesting for me to look upon how it will go ..

May I know ur name plzzz..

It will be really interesting to witness a sort of historic love story , would it be matrimonial alliance or some conquest .. Wow I m happy I m not supposed to wait I hv the parts .

Love u dear

Thanxx for this work

🤗

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#123

Hey Shru darling. ...🤗 🤗

Res for chap 2. Will un res in the evening as have some work to attend to.

In meantime...I was just grinning and thinking to myself, that the title for chap 2 could be "Dark Knight Rises" 😛 😉 How i love that movie series...

Un-Res

Hey Shru darling...🤗 🤗 So here I am, as promised, with the un-res in the evening. 😊

I really liked the update, sis. Have you read any MM Kaye? She's one of my very favorite authors, a lot of historical fiction set in India, and her Far Pavilions is, IMHO, one of the finest books in the genre ever written, or in any genre for that matter. Her Shadow of the Moon comes pretty close as well. You may have read those, and if not, please do---especially the former! I can completely picture SwaSan as Ash--Anjuli, the protagonists in that novel. Its simply spellbinding.... And the novel is set in Rajasthan, too, the Land of The Princes, a state both you & I feel such a powerful pull towards!!

Anyway, I hope I didn't bore you with that unsolicited book recommendation. 😆 The reason I started talking about the book, was that this chapter, the attention you have given to historical detail, reminded me a little bit of that book and its setting.

Chapter 2 combined 2 genres I am very fond of: historical fiction and a good ol' fashioned mystery complete with lost maps and keys! So for me, it was MM Kaye meets Dan Brown; The Far Pavilions meets Angels & Demons. 😉

I liked how you have taken the 4 main leads interaction from the early days of the show, and adapted it slightly to suit your historical setting. Ragini, apparently quiet and docile, confirming to socially expected norms (on the outside at least), of proper Princess behavior! 😛 And already, it would seem, very taken with her intended. Lakshya, Oh I loved how you described him here. Erratic, rash and impulsive, a spoilt princeling, who has too shallow an intellect to truly fathom and decipher the depths of another's thoughts and feelings. Lakshyas across all ages remain the same, do they not? 😛 😉

I liked how you portrayed Swara too. On the outside, full of joy, cheer and friendliness, but she too, had hidden depths to her nature which would only be discovered if and when she let anyone through her defenses. But for all that, she has a genuine and deep love for her family members, and would be willing to do anything, bear anything for them.

The soul connect, that almost unwilling spark and bond starting to combust between SwaSan was very well portrayed. Shru. I liked how Sanskaar avoids looking into Swara's eyes, for fear, perhaps, of losing himself completely, losing that drive arising from hate and vengeance? She arouses old feelings of care and tenderness in him, and he is fighting that magnetism, as you said in your outstanding 1st para: there is something frightening, after all, in such an uncanny bond that is unsought and even perhaps unwanted. Let's see how long His Highness Prince Sanskaar resists. 😉

You know how much I love Indian classical music, after our discussions on my "Music of the Soul" series. So I really liked the reference to the sisters' music you have portrayed here, and so deftly used the "feel" of their performances to delineate their essential character traits, too. Ragini's playing is aesthetically pleasing, conforming to accepted mores, lovely without being daring or innovative. Swara's on the other hand, full of life and vibrancy, stirs the listener vividly. BTW, my aunt and cousin play the veena (not the rudra veena--the traditional one), so I really love the instrument. 😊

I loved the effect Swara's playing had on Sanskaar---it seemed to awaken a wealth of feelings within him, called out to his tender, warm nature which he wanted to wall in. I so want these two to get further and further drawn together! And soon! 😉 BTW it was hilarious, how Lakshya was completely out of his depth with the performance (does the dude know anything? 😃) but still gave it fulsome praise...and Janki certainly looked as if she had somethings to mull over...She never got the place she wanted in her husband's heart since he always loved Sharmishta so much more; she must wonder, whether Ragini would have to face the same due to Swara?

The last stretch would have given Mr Brown a good run for his money...Nice mystery there with the 4 quarters of the map, and the key to reading them. Aha! So Kaveri & Kavita make an entry here (though not by name, and only in Annapurna's memory), is it? From your description, it seems (or at least Annapurna thinks) they were traitors who were "playing" Sanskaar. So he was found cradling Kavita's dead body, with the map and the key missing...and without the heirloom sword. Why do I have a feeling that the sword is going to be a crucial clue...and will be found in the effects of someone else? Perhaps Adarsh? Or even Lakshya? 😃

Nice work, Shru. Your commitment to researching your stories is evident as always. Look forward eagerly to Part 3!

Edited by CogitoErgoSum - 9 years ago

Quote

tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#124

Originally posted by: Niyatiswaragini
Wat on this earth made me to ignore ur pm .. Dude I missed alot of this amazing work. I M just done with the intro .. But the way u framed it takes me to the historic world of that marwars , Marathas, n so on and so forth.
I was a history hons student before I began with my law last year. , it becomes more interesting for me to look upon how it will go ..

May I know ur name plzzz..
It will be really interesting to witness a sort of historic love story , would it be matrimonial alliance or some conquest .. Wow I m happy I m not supposed to wait I hv the parts .

Love u dear
Thanxx for this work
🤗

Hey Niyati! How are you? I am Shruti btw or Shru to most on this Forum 😃. I was so pleased to read your response! Wow- you are a history student and now doing law? I am a lawyer myself and studied history under my A Levels too (always lived and studied abroad hence A Levels!). But please go easy on my historic facts here- as mentioned in the Note, I won't be entirely accurate there- it is mainly to create the setting although I am trying to bring the "feel" across as accurately as I can.

I would so love you to read and let me know what you think. In terms of what it will cover- hmmm, a lot of element really. Of course at its heart is a love story with the historic setting but also hopefully some mystery and drama with action - i.e. a little bit of everything!

Thank you so much for your comment and please do keep corresponding:)

Best wishes,

Quote

tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#125

Originally posted by: CogitoErgoSum
Hey Shru darling. ...🤗 🤗

Res for chap 2. Will un res in the evening as have some work to attend to.

In meantime...I was just grinning and thinking to myself, that the title for chap 2 could be "Dark Knight Rises" 😛 😉 How i love that movie series...

Hello love! 🤗

No worries sis, take your time, will be waiting for your verdict:). Oh I love that series and Christian Bale and Tom Hardy so much! It's my much watched treasured collection. Wayne Manor incidentally is Wollaton Hall- around 10 mins drive from my house and a place we go to often:)!

Have a lovely Saturday- I have yet to sleep and its 2 am 😆

Quote

tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#126

Originally posted by: Lavender_Love
res...

will comment later today :)
xoxo

Take your time hon xoxo

Quote

Niyati Gupta

@Niyatiswaragini

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#127

Originally posted by: tootiefrootie11

Hey Niyati! How are you? I am Shruti btw or Shru to most on this Forum 😃. I was so pleased to read your response! Wow- you are a history student and now doing law? I am a lawyer myself and studied history under my A Levels too (always lived and studied abroad hence A Levels!). But please go easy on my historic facts here- as mentioned in the Note, I won't be entirely accurate there- it is mainly to create the setting although I am trying to bring the "feel" across as accurately as I can.

I would so love you to read and let me know what you think. In terms of what it will cover- hmmm, a lot of element really. Of course at its heart is a love story with the historic setting but also hopefully some mystery and drama with action - i.e. a little bit of everything!

Thank you so much for your comment and please do keep corresponding:)

Best wishes,
S

It's totally fine dear I know while framing certain concept or fiction we hv to do away with facts. I M totally a history obessed n a SwaSan obessed too .. My two obessesions together 😆 I m definitely up for it ..

Keep writing

BTW shruti nice name 😃

I'll complete with the parts probably by night .

Thanks

Love

Niyati🤗

Quote

Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#128

Shru dear. ...🤗 🤗

A thought. . (Will comment on chappy in detail later)...

Don't know if this nugget would interest you and already finds a place in future chapters of "Dark Knight"; but there was an internecine Rajput war in 1805--1806. The Rathores of Jodhpur fought against the combined forces of the Kachchawas of Amber (Jaipur) and the rulers of Bikaner as well (perhaps the Hadas. ...though I am not too sure about the dynasty name there).

Is there any space in your story for a valiant war? The timeline seems about right. 😊 A determined, heroic Sanskaar riding off to battle astride his trusty steed, clasping his beloved Swara's hand tight, as she blinks back her tears, applying a vermilion colored tilak on him to signify victory...

Sigh...sigh...faint...thud...😛

Edited by CogitoErgoSum - 9 years ago

Quote

The.Lannister

@The.Lannister

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 9 years ago

#129

New Chapter! Yayy!!

@the pink paragraph:👏

Ragini was beautifully described. It was so easy to picture here sitting there playing that Veena

Prince Sanskaar! That sounds so good! Though my boy is like a Prince even in the 21st century OK...back to the SS😆

Sanskaar bada chalu hai😆 I am watching repeats of Swaragini on Rishtey...the way he used to stick to Ragini😆😆 no wonder people assumed SanGini were meant to be😛 Prince Laksh 🤣 I know its needed here but even then LMAO!

That whole Sanskaar admiring Swara silently, it reminded me of Kashaf's line from ZGH: meri wajood se na hatne wali tumhari gehri bolti nazrein! For some reason such a simple line sounds so much better in Urdu I am imagining Sanskaar's gehri bolti nazrein now jo Swara ki wajood se hatati nahi☺️

Oh its already been a year since AP rescued him from jail😲 You understand the importance of modern transport & communication facilities better at times like these where the mothers had to fret for months before they could come back home

Good work describing the map & code thing👍🏼

Waiting for the next chapter

Edited by The.Lannister - 9 years ago

Quote

tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#130

Originally posted by: CogitoErgoSum
Shru dear. ...🤗 🤗

A thought. . (Will comment on chappy in detail later)...

Don't know if this nugget would interest you and already finds a place in future chapters of "Dark Knight"; but it there was an internecine Rajput war in 1805--1806. The Rathores of Jodhpur fought against the combined forces of the Kachchawas of Amber (Jaipur) and the rulers of Bikaner as well (perhaps the Hadas. ...though I am not too sure about the dynasty name there).

Is there any space in your story for a valiant war? The timeline seems about right. 😊 A determined, heroic Sanskaar riding off to battle astride his trusty steed, clasping his beloved Swara's hand tight, as she blinks back her tears, applying a vermilion colored tilak on him to signify victory...

Sigh...sigh...faint...thud...😛

Hey again Viji 🤗

Oh wow- I didn't know about that Rajput battle in those years. I chose the name Rathore as it appealed amongst some others. The concept here is that there are wars being fought, or more like battles and skirmishes really, not only internally as plagued the Rajputs but also with the increasing power of the East India Company officers and also other foreign invaders. I am not sure there is scope for a particular war as such but certainly intend there to be fights and other forms of actions. As for Swara being tearful and bidding adieu, that bit differs hugely from my imagination as the Swara I want to see won't be that docile 😉. Truth be told, I have the entire whole wider outline in my head and trusted note book but the chapters keep evolving just as this one did, as I took a tangent whilst writing so you never really know what might come! Your vision may well materialise if scenes in between make it fit 😃. xoxo

Edited by tootiefrootie11 - 9 years ago

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