1.1 A Broken Reflection
She closed her eyes in absolute agony as every single cell in her trembling body screamed and protested in pain. She had been standing in front of the cramped mirror, completely numb for the past hour...and as the shock started to wear off, pain - the likes of which she had never experienced before started gripping her.
Her silent tears were the only witnesses as a part of her died that night. The part of her that she had carried with so much life - she felt herself physically breaking bit-by-bit as the memories of the day continued to replay in her mind.
Because from as long as she could remember, she had fought. First with death as she continued surviving, then with this society that tried to break her everyday, and then finally with her own feelings as she continued to plan the wedding of the man that she was growing to fall in love with.
As she swallowed another tear, she opened her eyes and looked at her own reflection in the mirror.
A wedding day was supposed to be one of the most beautiful days of a person's life.
So now dressed as a bride, she tried to find a single line - a single wrinkle of happiness on her own face.
And as she continued to stare into the reflection - she felt herself searching for a sign of familiarity. A single indication that this was the same girl who had lived every single day of her life on her own terms, facing each challenge with confidence. The Annika she knew wore her self-respect with so much pride that it shone from her eyes. But all she found in that reflection was a face of a broken spirit.
Someone who was truly and irrevocably broken in every part.
Just as the shock that her gripped her the entire day slowly wore off even more, for the first time, she became aware of some of the other emotions that were brewing a storm inside her.
The first one was the easiest to name, and one that even in the state of absolute numbness had been her priority. Fear.
And even as she came to terms with that particular emotion, she started reliving the moments again.
Boom
The burning fire
The minute she had been able to run back to her house, she had run into the small arms of her waiting brother. He had held her and they had both sat clutching each other as she hysterically broke down in his lap.
That one moment when she had thought that her brother was in that explosion had been the longest moment of her life. Her brain had shut down, her heart clutching at threads as her feet had carried her as fast as she could towards the place that she thought he had been.
And so when she breathed him in, physically felt him...she started coming out of the moment' for the first time. He was safe. He was fine.
"They were okay."
Abruptly, she came out of the flashback and within the next minute was walking back towards the bed where she had finally got Sahil to sleep earlier.
Smiling slightly at the look of the serene innocence on his face, she pulled the worn out comforter over his legs and chest to tuck him in. His immediate snuggling inside the comforter worked like a balm on her fear that only moments ago had again rendered her incapable of any other thought.
As the first rays of dawn had started hitting her through their window, she walked towards it like a zombie and closed the blinds.
In almost identical zombie moves she walked back into the cramped bathroom and immediately started the shower. And as she continued to grapple with the now resurfacing emotions, she let the jewelry and her bridal clothes fall on the now soaked bathroom and stepped right in the centre of the shower.
As tears mingled with water under the shower, she could see some mud draining in the corner.
Ironic.
Ever since she had met Shivaay, he had let her know exactly what he thought of her.
Roadside trash. Dirt.
His words, his mothers' words...all echoed in her ears as every word sliced her soul in even smaller parts.
I know these middle class women...cheap...selling themselves for money...wanted to trap my son from the first day that she came here...
And as the words continued to haunt her, she also saw some red flowing off from her forehead.
Mere naam ka sindoor pehnogee
A small part of her identified the irony that was her life. While marriage was traditionally always supposed to bring all the beautiful colors in the couple's lives... hers were being literally washed away.
Shutting off her eyes firmly, she tried taking control of herself for the first time that day.
"No. Enough Annika.
Jo raita phel jaana tha, phel gaya, ab rone se kya fayda?
You need to pick yourself up. For Sahil."
Hesitating at first, but then jerking herself firmly, with slightly shivering hands she removed the small black beaded chain from her neck.
And as soon as she had done that, she felt a small part of her old-self creeping back.
Dropping it in the small side of the washbasin counter, she purposefully completed each step of her shower
And with each step - first the shampoo and conditioning, and then the body wash - each helped her feel more like herself with every step.
And finally as she slowly put on an old pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt that was lying on the top of her wardrobe, she felt some semblance of herself for the first time that day.
But involuntarily, she felt her eyes getting pulled towards the now discarded jewelry and bridal clothes - exhausted more than anything else in that moment, she half-heartedly picked it up and then gathered them in an empty tray that was lying a little further away in the room.
Even as she turned to walk away, her eyes fleetingly passed on the black beaded chain that was still lying on the corner of the wash counter.
Sighing, more in defeat then anything else she picked it up and without letting it stay in her hand too long put it inside a small drawer of her wardrobe and quietly shut it.
But even as she did that, another emotion gripped her.
Heartbreak.
She had been naive to think that the only heartbreak that she would retrospectively be dealing with that night would be of unrequited love.
But she should have known better.
Life had always had a way of teaching her new lessons in the harshest ways.
Another wave of exhaustion hit her and without much preamble and feeling more life-less then she had ever been, she worked towards brewing a small cup of hot tea for herself as quietly as she could.
The tea soured as she swallowed it as sat still... continuing to grapple with her emotions.
Because truly, from the moment she had innocently realized that she was falling in love with Shivaay Singh Oberoi, she had come to terms with the reality of both their lives simultaneously.
He was an Oberoi prince and she was not only a nobody, she was an orphan who did not even know what her full name was.
Not being to help herself, her eyes moistened and she furiously blinked back the tears.
"No. Annika. You have got to get yourself together. And for this, you need to accept every single emotion tonight. Because tomorrow...tomorrow you need to make a new start. Sahil does not need to deal with any of this right now, and he deserves his childhood. He deserves opportunities. For Sahil."
And even as one lone tear marked its way down the corner of her eye, she smiled a little bitterly as she clutched the steaming cup more tightly.
However the bitterness vanished as she again looked at her sleeping brother next to her...he truly was enough for her.
And as the magnitude of it hit her, she felt the constant stabbing in her heart ease by a small scale.
It really was true. Sahil was her anchor. He loved her. And she loved him more than anything else in this world. They had each other. And even more importantly, he was fine. He was here with her. And thats what really mattered didn't it?
But as she looked up and straight into her own reflection in the mirror on the other side of the room, she looked at a broken image.
The girl that she once knew had truly died that day. And as she continued to try and find herself in the reflection, a broken woman stared back at her.
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1.2: Picking up the Pieces
Edited by LilyJames0194 - 8 years ago
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Anupamaa
Dr Aarambhi
