2.11 MASK II (C) Omkaara Singh Oberoi
The shadows seemed to haunt him tonight and the unshed tears in his eyes blurred his vision.
His shoulders slumped in complete defeat as the shadows of his own memories threatened to pull him back into their darkness and for a moment his hand almost involuntarily reached towards the needle that he knew was hidden under the floorboard of his room.
But something within him stopped him.
A voice that he had always trusted more than himself was calling out to him.
The voice was faint... begging...anguished...but it seemed to far away tonight.
Too far away... so far buried that all he heard was the hollow echo of the voice.
Why Shivaay?
His heart ached from the thought. Drowning him now, he wanted to scream into the darkness.
But somehow even the thought of the brother who he loved more than life brought another wave of fresh anguish.
The voice that had once soothed and lent him strength to fight his demons... today... tonight... it seemed to be buried under the weight of layers of lies and hypocrisies.
Memories blurred into a darkness that now engulfed him.
A battle raged inside him as he fell on his knees.
Was every relationship in his life meant to haunt him?
And just like that, the demons of his own frailty unchained themselves.
He could almost taste the high now...and he almost struggled to keep his shivering hand steady as he slowly started moving to the loose floorboard by his bed.
The blurred vision made the room swirl for a second but the pull - the foreshadowing of the darkness was too magnetic now.
His tears flowed freely as he felt each of his own demons from inside him resurface.
Sadistically, he wanted that now...wanted to relive each memory that brought out the worst in him.
Familiarity haunted him and his bloodshot eyes furiously focused on the slow movements.
Betrayal.
From his own father.
Loss as he continued to see his mother fall apart day after day because of the man that she could neither leave nor find within herself to fight for.
He felt his breathing hike as he started unscrewing the hinges... slowly... deliberately.
Shame as he killed his own principles as he covered up an accident for himself and his sister.
Loss as he saw his own sister lose her already little self confidence.
Helplessness as he started harbouring affection for a woman who he knew was trying to con him.
His breathing was shallow and his unsteady hands now turned frantic as they continued to struggle with the final screw.
Loneliness as he continued to bury and hide those feelings.
Guilt as he saw his brother reduce his life to fulfilling responsibilities for him.
Helplessness as he saw his brother refuse to let love in his life.
Anger and shame for his family as they stood in the by lines when his brother tore someone apart in his fanaticism of family honour.
He pulled off the floorboard and threw it fiercely to a side.
And for a moment he could only stare at the crystals inside the packet.
Familiarity... dependence...escape ...rejoiced.
Loss as he realised what his brother had used as a pawn in his games.
His hands trembled as he reached for the packet.
And then shame as he realised that he still could not stop loving that brother.
Abandon as he still craved for the touch - the moment of reunion - with a woman who he had openly humiliated for trying to con him.
But -
But that stopped him.
His absolute conviction of self frailty right then brought him an overwhelming moment of clarity.
Tears of loss turned into furious tears of shame.
No - He was not going to be reduced to it again - no- not now.
And a blinding rage filled him as he picked up the packet and threw it hard onto the window.
Thack
The echoing thud in the silence was actually faintly gratifying - so he almost missed the slight sound of the hurrying footsteps over his own frantic breathing.
His bedroom door flew open.
Shivaay had almost run headlong into him - but then he saw his gaze move all over the room and he felt the overwhelming rage, again.
Even then a part of him recognised the slowly paling of Shivaay's face as the things started adding up for him. Shivaay's face had gone from pale to paler as he looked from the thrown piece of floorboard to the crystal packet that was now lying by the window.
"Om-"
He honestly didn't know how he looked to Shivaay then. And if it was another time - any other time - he would probably try to put on a mask to shield him from his weaknesses.
But not tonight.
Not after what he had just heard.
So even though his every instinct pushed him to rush towards his brother the built rage within him paralysed him and he felt stuck - there on his knees next to his bed.
How would he ever ask for forgiveness from Annika for his brother now?
Would there never be a time when he would not find himself a hypocrite?
And in that moment he truly hated himself.
He hated his weakness for his family. He hated that his family forced him to abandon his principles. But more than anything, he felt a growing self loathing.
For the first time he felt tremors within him without those crystals - and for a second that halted him...but his blinding rage refused to let him continue coherent thoughts for longer than a couple of seconds.
So his breathing still laboured, he looked straight into his brother's eyes.
Shivaay tried to take a step towards him.
He put his hand up as a sign to halt him then.
It was one thing that he was too weak... but it was unimaginable to forgive him right now. No. Not after having heard those things.
"Don't Shivaay."
His own voice sounded completely foreign to him.
And as he opened his mouth - he realised that he had been clenching his jaw so hard that he had actually bit his lip that was now bleeding.
The blood tasted weird on his dry mouth.
But the masochistic part of him rejoiced at the suffering.
"Om - please... I want to explain."
And a laugh escaped him at that. "You actually think you can justify this?"
"No."
That stopped him short.
This was new.
Shivaay never admitted to having been wrong.
And for the first time he stared intently at his brother's face.
The mask was there [obviously] but Omkaara had had enough practise of his own with masks to see beyond them now.
There was an unmissable hollowness in Shivaay's eyes that he had never seen before and just like that, despite his anger... despite everything...he couldn't stop but feel his own heart break for him.
"Yeh ek kahaani ke teen hisse hai"
Shivaay's tears were flowing freely now as well as he walked hesitatingly towards him - "Om - please... please I am begging you... do not punish yourself for my mistakes."
Shivaay was fumbling.
There was no mistaking the hollowness now - the mask had slipped off.
And for a moment he almost didn't recognise Shivaay.
Each line on his face was lined with torment and there was a hollowness so deep that he almost wanted to run over and promise to help him fight those battles for him - almost.
How could he hate Shivaay? How could he ever hate the brother who determinedly fought each of his battles for him?
How could he hate him when loving him was such an integral part of what made him?
How could he hate him now when he could clearly see how much he was suffering now?
Was someone even capable of enduring this much pain?
And this brought a fresh pang of self-loath. He couldn't bring himself to resent his brother. Even now. Even after knowing what he had done to someone.
"Meri baat sun Om - I will make this right. I am going to make this right. Please -"
Legs trembling - he felt like someone was suffocating him.
But before he could continue - he suddenly felt Shivaay's arms supporting him as he found himself standing on unsteady legs.
But this ... this brought back new memories.
Lighter... happier memories.
Memories of three brothers laughing... standing arm in arm... learning... exploring... teasing...more laughing.
Memories of three brothers who grew up together.
Memories of being shielded by an elder brother.
"Woh ek kahaani ke teen hisse ha"
The echo of sounds and memories blurred into bitterness.
Charade.
Pawn.
Using a child.
These words brought him back though and he gently pushed Shivaay's support away.
And this time there was a new ache.
A burning ache.
"Om - meri baat sun - meri galati ki saza tu khudko mat de. Tu mujhe saza de - tu mujse-"
His tired mind recognised the fumbling - and he almost wanted to smile at that - but the smile died before it could come to his face.
Pawn.
Forced.
"Galati?"
He almost wanted to laugh at that. Almost.
"Shivaay tu jise galati keh raha hai na woh mere liye gunah hai."
"Jis adarshon ke saayein mein main rehta tha, aaj unhi ko nilaam hote dekh raha hoon."'
The hollowness in Shivaay's eyes became more pronounced and he that brought a new wave of pain.
Neither could hurt the other without hurting themselves.
"Who ek kahaani ke teen hisse hai"
"Om - I made a huge mistake - I misunderstood everything...But I - I can fix it. I want to fix it. I - I will -"
"You need to be apologising to someone else Shivaay."
Selfish. How would he even begin to ask forgiveness from her for his brother? For himself? For his family?
Hypocrites.
They were asking her to sacrifice her self-respect for their misplaced belief in their family honour.
How would he even ask forgiveness from her for himself? For his brother? For his family?
The memories...each burned him. Each though tormented him as he felt his own shallow breathing forced.
"I forgive him."
The words rang in the room.
Startled, he could only stare at the woman in front of him as the words still rang in his ears - not registering.
Was this the same person that he had held yesterday as she broke down?
And he tried to see if she had for some insane reason decided to play a trick on them.
But there was no laughter in her clear eyes.
There was only honesty and the most entrancing love.
And as he found himself staring into her gleaming eyes, he suddenly was reminded of his mom.
She meant it.
But how could she?
He tried to find the answers on her face - but she was staring deeply into his brother's eyes.
And the sheer love that shone from each of their eyes worked like a balm on his anguished soul - and in that moment... their unspoken, silent conversing eyes did what nothing else in the world could have done tonight - it gave him hope.
And for a second he could only marvel at the miracle.
She loved him. She loved his brother.
His brother would have love in his life.
The selfishness in his thoughts reminded him of his hypocrisy. But he would leave with it. Even now. As long as he saw his brother find love, he would be okay.
"Anika -"
Shivaay's voice was broken.
And Omkaara almost felt the chords of his broken heart tug at the most heart wrenchingly beautiful scene in front of him.
Shivaay and Annika didn't need words.
Shivaay's tears fell from her eyes and her pain bled through Shivaay's eyes.
Did this kind of love even exist?
Annika's eyes shone with tears as she now looked away from his brother to him.
"I forgive him..."
The words... surer now... breathed new life in him as felt a an overwhelming weight lift off him.
She had forgiven Shivaay.
She had forgiven them.
She loved Shivaay.
He felt himself slowly smile as he saw his brother still staring at the woman.
His brother would have love in his life.
Could someone be this self less? Why? How?
And as she saw him look from him to the open floorboard, he understood.
She had forgiven him for them.
Her selfless love gave him new strength as he let this new powerful gratitude battle his demons from relapse.
She was family.
A new ray of hope. The hope he had needed to make a new start on battling his demons.
"Thank you bhabhi"
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Edited by LilyJames0194 - 8 years ago
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