1.3 Not love
It was 9 pm by the time she had finally gotten Sahil to close the TV and fall asleep. After yesterday's night, it was time that she brought back some form of normalcy into his life. Or maybe at least a facade of normalcy. Because really, whether he sometimes acted it or not, Sahil was just a 8 year old. And it was her responsibility to give him both the opportunities he deserved and shelter him as much as she could from some of the harsh realities of this world.
Having learnt every single lesson of her life the hard way, Annika knew no matter the circumstances... life moved on.
And the biggest lesson was learning to put on a mask - if you lied and said you're okay enough times, you eventually even convince yourself of it. And that was exactly what she was doing right at that moment.
Of course from within, she felt hollow. Everything inside her seemed to have been broken.
Broken by someone who she had involuntarily started thinking of as part of her small world. Someone who she had unintentionally started depending on. Someone who she had trusted to have only her best interest at heart.
Shivaay
Even thinking his name brought the same heartbreak. A broken dream, a broken heart...and broken trust anchored the pain within her so deep and fresh that she felt almost lifeless now.
Ever since she could remember, Annika had always been cautious about letting people in. Truly letting people in. For while she had always effortlessly tried to make it seem that she was close to every single person who she met, it was very rare that she actually let her guard down and let anyone see a vulnerable side of her.
So that night when she had been attacked in her own home, she had instinctively reached out to Shivaay. Maybe it was because deep inside she felt that he would be there for her. That he would stand by her - even protect her if it came to that.
She had had faith in him.
And so that night, after he had left, she had finally, finally let herself admit that she was... maybe... just maybe... she really was falling in love with him.
But inch-by-inch, as if in some absolute nightmarish slow motion movie - each base of the foundation on which she had started having these alien feelings for him started collapsing in front of her eyes. And all she could do was stand and watch as her heart shattered in a million pieces in front of her.
First with his words - did he really think so little of her that he would think that she was after his money?
And what in god's name was with him and thinking that she was obsessed with him?
Then of course there had been that gift that Tia had so graciously delivered to her on his behalf? What had she said that was for? So that she would let him go? This was his tip?
Each of those incidents had stabbed her already broken heart - wasn't this punishment enough that he had then gone and thought that he could control her life for her? Trample all over her dignity and self respect too?
And this had led her to finally snap. The moment when she had finally agreed to marry Daksh - a stranger. Because honestly, she was tired of him. On one hand he wanted nothing to do with her and on the other he wanted to pull the strings of her life?
Again the irony didn't escape her.
Ever since the engagement with Daksh, she had imagined that she would be settling for a marriage based on compromise.
So life really did have at least one hell of a sense of rumour, she thought sourly.
This was the bitter thought that brought up the final flood of memories - memories that Annika wished would turn to be her worst nightmare.
Jo ladki paison ke liye kisi ke sath so sakti hai
The words burned her ears even now. For him to have raised such a question on her character?
Tum mujse shaadi karogi
It was the completely crazy look in his eyes had caught her completely off-guard. Because she had known this look before. Only this time it was worse. This was the Shivaay that she had met six months ago...the one who had wanted to buy her. The one who had obsessively tried to break her.
But that had been a misunderstanding. Hadn't it?
For one horrible moment, she had thought he had again started doubting her loyalty? What the hell had happened in the last few days that had made him turn into that older version of himself?
Had Tia leaving him actually affected him so bad? Had Tia actually meant so much to him?
Did he think that she had had anything to do with Tia running away?
And as she searched for those answers in those familiar seven hued eyes, a cold shiver gripped her. She didn't recognise him behind those eyes then.
This was a stranger. An almost familiar stranger... yet more crazed...more anguished.
Because really through every single one of their fights, their arguments - or even their silent exchanges - Annika had always felt a strange fixation with his eyes. A strange compelling pull towards him when she looked right into his eyes - as if there was something from inside them that awoke something extremely deep within her.
But that's when the last image popped up in her mind. The blast...the long horrific moment when she had thought that Sahil had been in the car.
That's when the illusion had truly and completely crumpled. Because love could never be capable of doing what he had done to her.
So this couldn't be love.
Even as the inner turmoil in her head continued, her feet pressed on the remote by mistake and the sudden flashing news on the TV distracted her.
And the images in front of her turned her face ashen.
Shivaay Singh Oberoi's reception was being live-streamed as some of the most glamorous celebrities of the city made their grand entrances at the venue.
But the image that actually caused another pang in her heart was the image of the couple itself - Mr. and Mrs. Shivaay Singh Oberoi.
A small part of her actually wanted to smile at the irony (again) - this was actually exactly how she had planned to see the reception. Alone, and in her own home - probably fighting both her feelings as well as her instinct to help him by protecting him from Tia's betrayal.
Well life does indeed give you some things that you had imagined.
She sighed as she closed off the TV. There was no point in discussing anything further. She didn't actually think that it was her place anyway - no rituals or rituals - this really was no marriage.
And love - well he had ensured the cruel end to that particular emotion now hadn't he?
Though she was certain that there would be no escape for her in sleep, she stubbornly switched off all lights except the faint night-lamp next to the bedside as she got into the bed and pulled on the covers determinedly over her and Sahil.
She then closed her eyes firmly and started counting sheep - a trick that she had used often in her childhood - wherein she had lived through nights worse than this one where she was fighting for her own life.
And this gave her a little more courage. Yes, she had survived worse. And she would survive this too.
Obviously exhausted, when sleep finally got her, the last bitter thought that registered itself was of a certain pair of startlingly beautiful blue eyes and faint murmurs...this is not love.
This cannot be love.
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2.1 Aftermath
Edited by LilyJames0194 - 8 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
