2.8 The Confrontation
She knew the exact moment that he realized that she was there.
It was in the subtle way that he stiffened - the slight move of his shoulders that indicated that he was preparing himself in some way.
It was maddeningly confusing - why did he always seem to know everything about her and yet nothing at all - all at the same time?
She knew he was hurt.
She had felt it even before Omkara and Rudra had rushed down to tell them and usher in an almost magically appearing family doctor.
Did they have an on-call doctor just waiting at the gate or something?
But she didn't know why she still let herself feel the panic that three days ago would probably - No Annika!
No. She refused to surrender this time. Not again.
Those twenty or so minutes of panic were enough - the absolute stillness that enveloped her heart when she saw him lying unconscious and so obviously writhing in pain.
He was sweating. His face was twisted in an obvious pain. And she had felt that someone was suffocating her.
He was murmuring something about 'truth' but really it was such a jumble that she really didn't think that it made any sense.
And really the sight of him - so still - so lifeless had already crippled her. It was physically painful.
Infuriating.
What the hell had happened?
And that was the whole point wasn't it? Nothing about this absolutely crazy man made any bloody sense. One day he was sweet as honey... next as closed off as if somebody was asking him for his kidney...and then obviously sometimes downright maniac-y... almost inaccessible.
But nothing frustrated her more than the fact that she still couldn't stop her heart aching for him.
Of course once the doctor had bandaged his absolutely gruesome looking hand and given him a heavy doze of what he had later revealed as glucose - the panic had slowly left her.
That's when the learned defenses slowly started coming back in place and she had slowly backed away.
She couldn't let him see that this affected her. He affected her. Even now, even after everything.
So now, almost an hour later - she determinedly had walked into an increasingly familiar room.
No - Annika... focus...
She needed some answers - and there was only one person who could answer them.
And with that in mind, she quietly knocked on the door to his room... giving herself a firm little shake in preparation (just in case).
So when she noticed Tia in the room - she really didn't even flinch - but silently waited for him to turn around and acknowledge her.
And as he slowly turned around to face her - she couldn't stop her eyes' involuntary reflex of checking up his carefully bandaged hand.
A little resigned, a little anxious... a little bitter - but years of experience growing up in a neglecting and almost scorning society had ensured that even though her insides were battling an all-consuming storm, her face wore a careful mask.
And never before had she been more thankful for her hardships...because she would never want to reveal another vulnerability to him. Not now, not after what he had already pulled.
She sighed a little in resignation.
Why did everything remind her of that day?
Of course the first thing she noted were his eyes - they were stormy grey - and this actually alarmed her - because they were actually the exact same color from the day he had stood taking those hits from those stupid goons after the whole police-standoff that they had all been involved with in the house during the murder scandal.
And in an increasingly familiar force of habit, she first tried searching for her answers in those eyes.
Mainly because he never actually told her what was on his mind anyway... so she had now started learning to read his eyes...but it was a slow process it seemed - because really understanding this man was as difficult as understanding Chinese. And she was not good with languages.
At the exact moment the thoughts were still running in her mind, Tia's annoying shrill pulled her away.
A little startled at that, she moved her attention to Tia who looked like she was going to strangle her.
Annika couldn't help but almost smile at that.
Because honestly she really felt just too exhausted to even be bothered about her anymore.
If Tia thought that she was going to indulge her in any stupid mind games she had something else coming her way - because Annika really had more than enough on her plate concerning some sort of mind game that Shivaay seemed to have dragged her in.
So when Tia hotly questioned her why she was here, she only looked pointedly at Shivaay as an answer.
And if someone had asked her then, she could probably swear that she had seen him grin slightly at that. But it had disappeared just as quickly which in return made her roll her eyes.
She had half a mind to turn around and leave the two alone - god forbid that if there was ever a pair that absolutely looked like they were a match made in heaven - they were it.
She noticed that Shivaay's eyebrows had shot up at that.
What? Can he hear inside my head now? Oh my god - what is this man?
But before Shivaay had any chance to reply - Tia pulled on his arm (forgetting that it was heavily bandaged) and he reflexively winced at that.
And Annika didn't know why or when - but the next moment she was suddenly at his side supporting his hand.
Startled grey-blue eyes now bore into hers as she slowly felt her grip loosen.
No
Instantly snapping out of it - she stepped back even as she heard Tia now profusely apologizing for her 'distracted energy'.
Still grappling with herself, she wasn't prepared to have an unleashed Tia now directly and out rightly verbally attacking her.
"Its all your fault. Why are you trying to bother Shivaay baby even now? Why are you still here?"
Patience Annika.
Inhale - exhale.
Come on, you can do this.
Straightening up she was about to answer when Shivaay suddenly butted in and started - "Tia could you please go and get me those painkillers that you had brought from London?"
Obviously startled - "But baby those are at home -?"
"Perf - no I mean - they were so perfect that I would really appreciate if you could get them for me? I really could use them now"
Annika bit back a grin.
This was interesting. This was new.
"Okay" Tia shrugged before she turning to leave. But even as she stepped out - Shivaay suddenly called - "Tia... don't forget to take the security with you."
Annika almost flinched at that.
Of course he cared for her.
"And you already know that Annika", she quickly berated herself.
Before she had taken a full grip on herself - Shivaay had now turned to her.
And she looked and considered him fully.
He looked unreadable. But she also noted a difference in him that was much more subtle - there was some kind of battle raging within him and there was definitely some kind of unmistakably hollowness - not very dissimilar to the one that she was constantly struggling with since the last 48 hours.
Could it be possible that all of this was nothing but a consequence for some kind of a huge misunderstanding?
What was going through his head?
No Annika. Stop.
No light at the end of this tunnel. The more excuses you make for him - the more this is going to hurt.
Annika carefully crossed her arms around herself.
In a way it was supposed to be a kind of a physical barrier between her and his next hit.
But Shivaay simply turned around and walked to stand by his huge pool-facing window.
Not looking at her, he simply and patiently asked the one question that she had never thought he would ask.
"What do you want me to do?"
How did this man always surprise her? Was this another of his tricks to make her lower her guard? And she had been so sure that nothing he could now do could take her by surprise.
So she countered. "What do you want to do?"
And then he turned.
And in what can only be called as an act of complete surrender - he let his mask fall.
Annika stepped back in horror.
There was too much there. There was too much emotion - was it humanely possible to even feel that much pain?
Even as she fought herself all through the way - she couldn't help but walk with small hesitant steps towards him.
She couldn't see him suffering like that.
The torment there was too real.
It was too much.
He..he shouldn't be hurt. She couldn't stand him being in pain.
She couldn't see him suffer anymore then she could see Sahil hurting. And that was another revelation.
And just as she stood almost within touching distance - he pulled on the mask again. Slowly - almost as if he was trying to ensure that he didn't startle her.
What did that mean?
Almost in a trance, she heard herself asking the one question that had haunted her every single moment of the last 48 hours - "Why?"
He looked straight in her eye as he took some seconds to consider her question - and then it seemed like he was actually struggling to find the right words - "because I could"
And the answer was as frustrating as the man himself.
She shook herself now - and she could see him almost smiling through his eyes at that beneath the mask of course.
"That's not a good enough reason"
She didn't know what reaction she was hoping for, but laughter definitely wasn't on her list.
"Don't I know it?" He said as the mirthless laughter died on his lips.
And then she felt all the built-up rage in her building up - but really before she could reply back - they were interrupted as the whole family suddenly started filing in one after another.
Daadi came and lovingly caressed her arm - and she willed herself to calm down slowly. A small part of her also rejoiced slightly at the fact that his daadi was still giving him the clear cold shoulder.
She almost smiled at the way Omkara and Rudra lazily stretched along the bed - she could easily imagine them popping popcorn while they watched the rest of them in this now extremely crowded room.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... inhale...exhale... you have to deal with this Annika...
Annika forced a gentle smile as she looked around the room - stiffening only slightly at Pinky aunty's reluctant acceptance.
"Have you both thought about the next step?"
Jhanvi aunty's voice broke through her evaluative observation - and she considered the question for the first time.
What next? What do I want now?
She had always been on the reactive' edge when it came to Shivaay Singh Oberoi - so she had never really considered the question.
And that realization was another new one for her that day - but it was also one that was appropriately true.
Ever since they had first met - she was always reacting to him wasn't it?
Shocked - she was surprised at herself for a second? When did I start reacting to anyone?
How did he say it? What the wuck? Yeah... that's really... what the wuck?
Shaking her head, an alarming question arose in her mind. Sahil'
She turned to immediately go and look for him when she realized that she had actually left him in Rudra's room as she had been busy with making some calls with both her office as well as the boarding school in Panchgini while they were all waiting for Shivaay to wake up.
As she calmed down she started paying more attention at the conversation that was now starting... "So Annika and Shivaay are married?"
She closed her eyes painfully at the reminder.
Of course everything about him had reminded her instantly, but the words were like a knife being dug through the heart.
Everyone in the room stiffened instantly.
"No - no - I don't consider this a marriage at all" Pinky aunty's stubborn voice brought her back and she opened her eyes only to look directly into hauntingly beautiful now blue-brown eyes.
Really how many colors can someone's eyes have now?
Jhanvi aunty now started a little carefully - "ma - we really cannot consider this a marriage if both Shivaay and Annika are clearly themselves not accepting of this marriage. A forced marriage really is not a marriage."
That's when daadi squeezed my arm and raised a halting hand - "I want to hear what Annika has to say."
Annika was still staring into the most gorgeous eyes - and she didn't even know what she was searching for in them - but she took a deep breath before answering.
"This marriage was my choice - I was given two options - and I chose the only one that I really had"
The brown in those eyes melted to a more steely grey and for a moment Anika felt her heartbeat quicken. This was the first time that she had actually seen the color change happening.
"No it wasn't a choice Annika" Shivaay's whisper was rough as it was anguished.
"It was a charade for a choice."
Finally
Answers
She could feel her tears well up. But she didn't flinch. No. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that the charade had worked.
Each cell in her body trembled with both anger and anguish.
Hollowness clawed at her and she felt herself walk right up at him - and then slap!
The sound silently vibrated through the room. Transfixed she watched him - but the mask refused to budge.
She could feel each pair of eyes on them, but she refused to turn around.
Her vision was blurry because of all the built up heartache and the absolute anguish that had engulfed her in the past 48 hours.
"You should not have used Sahil"
The words hung in the air as everyone slowly let that sink in.
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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