Ashlok Dark FF
My Ransacked Heart
Chapter 39
Dying Forever
Despondency; trapped and cornered"
Incapable of escaping the inescapable;
Cold and desolate with this enervating malignance.
With eyes like ice and a heart like a dying fire,
I lose myself in entity;
I fall out of perseverance.
To cope is an attempt beyond a labeled "failure""
Discrete demons creep through cracks in the soul,
Forming abominable barriers that can no longer be mended.
Time running short, energy barren,
I'm no longer able to breathe as I'm stricken with despair.
Lungs collapsing; hope diminishing"
My heart goes into cardiac arrest;
It heaves for nourishment, it begs for mercy
And with each cry, my veins shred to cells.
Ripped of dignity, ripped of strength
And failing to adjust,
I lose all trust in salvation;
I lose all faith in life
In reality hope is the worst of all evils ~ because it prolongs the torments of man
Friedrich Neitzsche
Silence hurts, more than words spoken in anger. It is more tortuous than a painful death because death at last releases you from that pain but the silence doesn't, it kills you softly while you wait for the other person to speak up. To accept you or to deny you...
"I'll never promise this", he bit out at last in a harsh tone trying to control his raspy breath. "Then you'll never get this", Astha declared coldly into his bent face. Shlok tugged at her hair to arch her neck and her spine protested as he bent her along his length, pushing his face near her, so his eyes could throw angry darts at her...
"Never", he snapped before he dragged her face upwards to latch his mouth on her lips, but they remained cold and unresponsive beneath his moving lips. He drew his head back to look at her stony expression. She looked like a stone statue, unresponsive and lifeless...
"Told you I won't respond", she smiled triumphantly. She didn't know that for how many minutes, hours or years he stared at her with hostile eyes, his gaze flitting between her cold lips and hardened eyes, until an expression of extreme hatred and self-disgust moved into his eyes making them look like live torches burning with hate's fire.
"Damn you, you witch", his venom-filled face moved closer to her own until she could feel his hot breath whispering across her face. "I hate you", her numb lips breathed. "Same here", he whispered back in a hate-filled voice.
His mouth was so close to her own now that she could feel his hot panting breath kissing the surface of her lips. She sucked in a breath but only succeeded in inhaling his venom-filled breath. His eyes flitted between her stony eyes and cold lips, a wave of self-hatred and disgust rouse inside his heart...
The vixen needed a lesson and he would be the one to teach it to her. No one had dared crossed him until now and no one had made him bend his own rules. But this pint-sized vixen was making him do what was against his rules. Surrender...
Shlok Agnihotri would surrender for the last time and that too to teach her a lesson, he thought, his eyes lighting up with a demonic light. "You won, I agree to your conditions", he whispered silently near her lips...
Astha closed her eyes in defeat and her body went slack in his arms. Two tears of surrender left her eyes, making wet tracks across her cheeks to die in her hair at last. She had killed the voice of her mind and her mindless body didn't know about pride and self-respect it only knew about surrender...
"I want written proof from you, I don't trust that you'll keep your word", she whispered hoarsely opening her tear filled eyes. Something like a hint of rage sparked in his eyes, but maybe it was her imagination because when she glanced at him again his eyes were the same cold and lifeless again. He didn't spoke for a long time, just gazed at her with calculating eyes, as if he wanted to know what lay beyond her mind...
There was silence in the room except for their panting breaths filling the vast space. "I'll call my lawyer to draw the contract tomorrow, we'll need your thumb print too", his calm voice broke the silence.
Feeling nervous she stared at his calm and composed face. How could he recover so easily? He no longer looked the passion driven man of a few moments before who had agreed to her condition. Did the man never weaken? Or maybe he had practised wearing that cold mask of his so much that it had became a part of his life...
"What princess you gone again to your zombie land"?, he clicked a finger in her face when he saw her staring at him with widened eyes full of confusion. Startled she looked at his uncomprehended and expressionless face and then at her fingers which were still clutching at his shirt. He had removed his hold on her but it was she who was still standing near him. With a sound of exclamation she left her hold on his shirt and backed away...
"Go to your room sleeping beauty and sleep well because you won't be sleeping for many upcoming nights", he stepped aside and took a mock bow. Embarrassed color flashed across her cheekbones and without looking at him she turned her back towards him and hurried to the connecting door with his mocking laughter following her to her room...
"N...no...no.. don't take them away... from me", someone was moaning like a child, the agonized crying shattering the silence of night. Astha woke up with a start. "No ...please...", a muffled cry came out from nearby. She sat up on her bed and squinted her eyes in the dark trying to adjust her vision. For some time she didn't remember where she was but when her vision adjusted her eyes caught sight of the open door...
"Don't kill them.. please", the voice was gathering force and seemed to be coming from the next room. Drawn towards the crying she hesitated once, than throwing off the bedcovers from her headed towards the voice...
"No...no..please", someone wept in agony and the pain sheared her heart. Was it Shlok?, she thought and put her ear to the door. "I beg you, don't take them please", it was certainly his voice, she thought recognizing its deep male timber. She pushed the door open and stepped nervously inside. The sight of Shlok naked from the waist up and lying pell mell among the twisted bed covers made her give a stifled gasp...
His skin was gleaming with sweat in the dimly lit room and that muffled crying was coming out from his throat. She hesitated, than took a cautious step near the bed. He was lying on his stomach and and obviously was in the throes of some sort of nightmare...
She knew what his nightmare was about. But what to do should she wake him up or should she call anyone. But better to wake him up, she thought. But before she could touch him, her gaze caught sight of a whole network of scars on his back...
Some were twisted, some jagged and some were so deep that even the tissue wasn't able to heal properly. The grooved skin was still red beneath those deep scars ...
They seemed to be the scars of some injury or a beating in the past. How much damaged and scarred he was physically and emotionally, she thought nervously chewing her lip. That's why he had stopped her from taking off his shirt and that's why he hadn't taken off his clothes when he first made love to her...
Shaking with tension Astha sat near him on the bed and lifted a trembling hand to touch his shoulder. Her fingers slipped on his perspiring back. "Wake up", she shook him gently. He moved restlessly but didn't wake. "Please wake up she whispered. Without a warning he turned on his back and dragged her in his arms. She gave a muffled shriek, when he enclosed her waist in his arms.
"Don't leave me", he whispered fearfully still in a sleepy state. Her hands which were trying to push him away fell to her sides. "Please don't leave me", he moved his upper body in her lap, his face lying against her bosom. He looked like a vulnerable child in search of comfort. She tried again to remove his hold from around her, but he hugged her tighter, his head moving sleepily on her bosom...
God had given every woman the instincts of a mother. And there is always a child in men even when they grow up, they seek that emotion from a woman...
"Don't leave me ever, please", his agonized whisper struck a chord in her heart. She squeezed her eyes shut when the pain become too much to bear for her. It felt as if her heart would burst from that emotion. Her trembling hand stilled on his head, her fingers tangling among the heavy mass of his dark hair. "Don't leave me", he whispered sleepily. "I won't", her trembling lips formed the whisper that had been wrenched out from her heart. "Shhh, sleep", she moved her fingers soothingly on his head, untangling the strands of his dark hair...
After sometime she felt Shlok's restless body growing still in her arms. His arms fell from around her, he was waking up. Astha wrenched her hand from his hair, as if they had burnt her. Shlok lifted his head to look sleepily in her face. "What are you doing here?", he asked sharply his eyes had widened from shock at seeing her here like this. "No... nothing, you were crying in your sleep", she spoke hurriedly, scrambling off the bed...
"Don't lie I was not crying", he growled. "You.. were crying, I am not lying", she stammered, crushing her night dress in perspiring fists.
"I was not, and why are you here princess, not acting on your own conditions", his barbed insult drew tears from her eyes. His taunts has always been painful to her but this time it felt as if they were gouging at her heart, drawing blood. This time the pain had tripled...
"I am not lying, I have no reason to lie", she answered hoarsely. "Go back to your room and leave me alone", he snapped putting emphasis on the word alone. That man wasn't a child anymore and she didn't need to waste her pity and sympathy on she thought bitterly. "I would", she said coldly, raising her stubborn chin to stare in his eyes. t "Good, off you go than", he nodded towards the door...
At reaching the door she threw a last glance at him. He was sitting on the bed with his legs dangling from its side. His shoulders were hunched as if he was carrying the burden of the whole world on his shoulders and both of his hands were covering his face. She raised a hand to call him, but then jerked it down at her side and turned away to go inside her room, banging the door shut behind her...
Morning came with Seeta entering her room carrying a tray laden with breakfast. Astha was coming out of the bathroom, toweling her hair dry. She pointed her to put it on the side table. Seeta nodded her head in greeting and putting the tray on the side table went outside. There was no sound from the side room maybe he had gone outside, she thought lifting a piece of pineapple with her fork.
Who cares, she thought and shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly went back to having breakfast. After finishing it, she moved idly around the whole room then peeked inside his room to check if he was there or not, but it seemed he was gone to make that contract. She tiptoed inside it and checked the exit door to see if it was open or closed. But to her astonishment it was open, maybe Seeta had forgotten to close it, when she had brought in her breakfast...
Astha hesitated than opening it wider peeked outside. She waited for a while to see if someone was coming then hurried outside in the corridor. At the end of the corridor was a grand staircase. She quickly stepped down to reach the main hall. But that was the end of her discovery. Where to go from here?, she thought worriedly. She knew the way to the dungeon but didn't know the way outside. She needed a phone so she could call the hospital to know about her mother...
The Mafioso knew in which room her mother was placed, maybe she'll find some clue about him in his diary or laptop. He must have an office somewhere, where he would be keeping these things. Underworld people have usually offices at their hideouts from where they run their criminal activities...
It was such a huge hideout but every bit more confusing. From the main hall, there left three corridors, one at the left, one at the right and one at her front. The right corridor lead the way to the dungeon in basement. She didn't want to go that way, but she had no option as she knew no other way and she was afraid that if she followed any other way she would get lost. So she headed towards the corridor at her right. On both sides there were rooms...
What sort of crazy home is that and who needs this much rooms maybe a godown to hide smuggled stuff, she thought rolling her eyes and checking each door to see if it was open or closed? But to her disappointment none was open. She was going to turn back when from the corner of her eye she caught sight of a little silver of light coming out from behind a partially open door at her right side.
She swallowed nervously, feeling herself on tenterhooks whether to go inside or not? She had to do this if she wanted to find something about him or her mother, she thought then gathering her courage opened the door and stepped inside...
Her mouth fell open in astonishment at seeing the room from inside. The whole walls were covered with posters of Mickey mouse, Donald duck and various superheroes from children's movies. There was a small bed in the corner covered with cartoon bed sheet and blue comforter. What the heck it was? , she thought dumbfounded. It looked like a child's room but where was the child, she thought dazed.
It looked clean and spotless, no sign of a child's presence. No way would it have been that clean, if there was a child living there, she thought uneasily wandering closer to the bucket placed in the corner which was full of toys.
She picked up one stuffed monkey and turned it to look at it from every angle. Maybe the child was gone somewhere, it was better for her to leave that room before someone found out that she had left her room, she thought suddenly and placing the monkey back in the basket turned to leave...
A startled gasp left her throat when she caught sight of the Mafioso standing in the doorway all decked up in a black three piece suit and glaring at her. His hands were tucked inside his pockets, molding the fine cloth of his trousers to his skin and outlining the powerful muscles of his thighs.
He looked the epitome of masculine beauty, standing there like some powerful creature who came back from a myth. She gulped, when he kicked the door shut behind him. He must be seething from inside because she could feel the threatening waves emanating from every inch of his powerful body.
Shlok slowly began to prowl towards her like a big cat agile on his feet. His hands were still tucked in his pocket and menace dripped from his eyes. She slowly began to back away feeling scared out of her wits, the room had also shrunk in size with his commanding presence...
"Please don't come near", she wheezed, putting up a hand to ward him off. She looked like a startled rabbit caught in the trap of a cat. His hands shot out to capture her hand and drag her in his arms. "What are you doing here?", he said menacingly. "N..nothing, I was feelin...ing ...stifled inside and the door was open that's why I came downstairs", she started blabbering her eyes flitting between his angry eyes and flaring nostrils...
"Shut up", he bit out through clenched teeth, his lips were drawn in a thin line of disapproval. She gulped again, her heart beating faster at his stifling presence. "Don't try to interfere more in my personal life, you already know too much for your own good", he said looming over her.
"I don't ,I just...", she began but he snapped, "Leave at once from here", pushing her away. "I am...I was ...just", she stammered backing towards the exit. "Get out", he roared taking a threatening step towards her and making her jump out of her skin. She turned and ran out of the room without once looking at him behind...
"Damn you, damn you to hell", he punched the wall, splitting his knuckles in the process and making the loosened bits of plaster fly in the air...
He felt exhausted beyond his years as if he was forever running in a desert. Walking like an old man towards the bed he collapsed on it, then lifting the pillow from beneath his head he hugged it to his chest...
Death comes only once, but he had felt as if he was dying from an eternity and will die forever...
He was the last breed of an extinct family, who didn't want to be saved anymore...
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Edited by mahirmukhtar - 10 years ago
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