Moth To The Flame
I am the moth, you are the flame.
I am blinded in the darkness,
Surronded by the cold.
I am fragile, weak and fleeting.
I am the moth.
You are the flame.
You burn bright and true,
Chasing away shadows with your light.
You draw me closer and closer,
Enticing me with the heat you exude.
I am the moth intoxicated by the flame.
You are forbidden, yet irristable.
The fire is seductive, untameable, and wild.
My desires are undeniable.
But to touch is to be burned.
I am the moth, killed by your flame.
The emotion that can break your heart ~ is sometimes the very one ~ that heals it ~
Nicholas Sparks
It takes a strong heart to love ~ but it takes a stronger heart to continue to love after it's been hurt ~
"How falling in love feels like Angie?", Astha asked her with a dreamy smile on her face. "It feels like as if you want to eat another plate of French fries", Angie answered while gobbling down French fries from the plate that was placed in her lap. "Don't joke seriously Angie", Astha thumped her friend on the back.
"Why should I joke, seriously I only love food, so I am telling you the truth", Angie answered in a muffled voice while chewing like a goat over a mouthful of French fries. "Angie, seriously I am talking about a human, not your damned French fries", she rolled her eyes at seeing the almost empty plate of French fries.
"You damned my French fries", Angie asked tearfully. "O Angie now please don't cry", Astha said cajolingly. "It hurts", Angie pouted. "Okay my teddy bear, I know now you love food, okay I am sorry", she pulled at her ears. "Sorry accepted", Angie winked. "You were faking it na, trying to make me feel guilty", Astha narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "No it seriously hurt, you no na how much I love food", She smiled.
"Yeah yeah I know", Astha rolled her eyes. "Seriously Asthu don't ever fall in love with anyone or anything ever, not human not even food, it really hurts when you don't get it in return", she grasped Astha's hand. "Okay dear I'll keep that in my mind before falling in love with anyone", She winked playfully...
Who would have thought that Astha Kirloskar, the obnoxious brat, the queen of selfiishness would fall in love with someone and that too with someone who don't really give a damn whether she would live or die...
Whether she is here or there. For him she was an empty vessel just a tool to relieve his frustration on. But was this to be her fate from now on, dying every day giving herself to him with the thought that she loved him to death and he doesn't, that its agony for her when he touch but can't stop herself from loving that hurt, can't stop him from degrading and humiliating her like this...
That she would die if he left her and she would still die if he come near her...
"Angie it hurts, it hurts a lot", she sobbed curling herself in a fetal position. But there was no Angie, no mother no father who would be near her to console her, to take away all her pain. When an outsider gives you pain you take shelter in your parents love, but if the parents hurts you somehow, where would you go?...
"Shlok", she whispered, even taking his name was agony but she chanted his name again and again because she wanted to punish herself for loving him. He was her savior and he was her tormenter and he would be the one who would kill her in the end...
She would have been dead after he left her like a broken doll, but the realization that she loved him had kept her alive...
She should have died, why did love have to keep her alive, to give her hope. Why did she have to bear another torture, hoping that he would love her someday like she loved him. Bear his nearness, fearing that he would somehow know what is inside her heart...
Because for the life of her she didn't want to reveal him what was inside her heart and how much she loved him that she would die for him or die at his hands and still be glad, that it was her lover who touched her and was near her till the end...
And she also knew now that she could no longer hate him, maybe she never did. You can't ever hate a person whom you understand and she knew that he was hurt more from inside then outside...
She was the moth to his flame, whose wings his love had singed, but still it kept coming back for more, because the flame was its sustenance...
People only see behind the moth's love for the flame but don't see the candle which melts silently for the whole night. He was that candle who would die but won't tell anyone that he was hurt from inside...
She had felt his hurt, his pain as her own because she had loved him , when did the love start or maybe love has no beginning and no end?, she thought getting up on her feet...
Her love , pain and hate all mingled together and she felt stifled. She had to get away from that room for sometime, anywhere but not here where she had realized her love for him...
Sobbing she hurriedly pulled the nightie over her head then opening the half-closed door ran outside barefoot, the belt of her gown trailing behind. No thought of accidently crossing the path of someone or being cold outside crossed her mind. She just wanted to run, till the world ended, wanted to cry till the oceans overflow. She was dying inside yet the feeling of love wanted to keep her alive...
She was Heer, Sassi, Leila all rolled in one, running for her love yet away from her love. Crying, falling then scrambling to her feet to sail through endless corridors. She ran faster, until she whizzed past a sleepy-eyed butler and an astonished Seeta who was coming out probably from her quarter, her open mouth pausing in the mid of a yawn...
She hadn't been able to find the way outside before, but now she burst out from the double oak doors that lead her outside in the grounds. She ran along the cobbled path with no destination in her mind. She didn't know where she was heading .She just wanted to get away from everything for sometime to bring the confused state of her mind under control...
She sprinted towards the dense growth of trees, without any conscious thought towards danger. She was no longer afraid of the dark now...
Wheezing and totally out of breath she paused to take breath inside a circle formed by tall mango trees. The scent of jasmine hit her nostrils and she felt a cool breeze rustling the foliage of the trees gathered around her like silent spectators watching her...
What place it was? But whatever it was it was very vast with endless rooms, huge grounds with dense growth of forests and plants surrounding them and the cobbled pathways leading to them...
After sometime realizing the eminent danger that would follow if she would go deeper in the woods she halted in midstride. God knows what type of creatures resided inside the dense growth even the trees now looked giant monsters in the dark, she shuddered with the thought and turned to go back but stopped in her tracks. She had forgotten the way back and now she didn't know where she was and how much farther she had come from the living quarters...
Oh God What to do, she thought panicking. Some creature howled in the deeper part of the woods and she jumped like a skittish filly, her heart thumping crazily inside her chest. "Asthu beta, you've lost now, what to do", she chewed her lips nervously. Fear was beginning to rise inside her heart like jack of the bean stalks sprouting its roots...
She felt herself as a lost Alice or a Red Riding Hood trying to find her way out of her crazy wonderland or trying to get away from the wolf, the wolf of her rising love, that was gnawing at her heart...
There was a soft sound of something striking against something and a light flared in the inky darkness nearby her, spreading its glowing warmth all around her, like a moth she hurried towards its source squinting her eyes to see who had lit the fire and to her astonishment find a shadow of a tall human form outlined in the flickering light. Then the light went away leaving her in the darkness and instead the man was holding a glowing cigarette in his hand...
She recognized him as Shlok, how could she not remember the same proud tilt of his head, the same straight posture, the broad shoulders which supported his arrogant neck and the same loneliness surrounding him...
"What are you doing here?", he didn't need to turn around to know that it was her he could recognize her from the soft patter of her feet, like a child's tread, innocent and pure...
"I don't know", her voice was lost, drifting in the air like the smoke spiraling from the end of his cigarette. "You should go back", he said quietly taking a puff of cigarette. "I would have gone if I would have found the way back", she said irritably. He didn't spoke for a moment and she thought that maybe he hadn't heard her answer so she was about to reply again when he turned towards her, his eyes glowing in the dim light emanating from the cigarette...
The moon chose that moment to peek from behind the curtain of clouds and a soft mystical light flooded the grounds transforming hi silhouette of a grown man, sharpening his features...
"Why do you always do things like that which hurt you?", he asked in a tired whisper. It was like he was asking that of himself rather than from her. Did he know that I love her and it is hurting me? , she threw a nervous glance at him but he was staring at the moon and seemed to be too lost in his thoughts to pay her any attention. Maybe he came there every night, trying to make something out of his scrambled life, she thought and a streak of pain like a jagged spike struck her heart...
He was truly a lone wolf, stranded, wandering those grounds, going deeper down with every second until he would be too lost even for her love...
"Come here", he suddenly commanded, moving his gaze to her again, but she could feel that it was no order just a statement asking her to be near him and share his loneliness. Without giving a thought to any consequences of being near him she moved slowly towards him like a hypnotized moth, caught in the glare of the flame...
When she stood toe to toe with him and raised her gaze to stare deeply in his shadowed eyes, he stared silently back at her ethereal form glowing in the moonlight, her white silk gown billowing back like the wings of a fairy...
"Hug me", it was the voice of a tortured soul, a lament of a dying phoenix, that tore out from his chest. His face was in shadow, so she couldn't know what he was feeling but his voice indicated a well of deep misery that he must be hiding inside him...
Off her own accord her arms rouse to engulf his large form in her small arms, wrapping them tightly around his back. She buried her face in his chest, her ear against his heart, trying to listen to the dull beat of his heart while he stood there with his arms at his side...
She rubbed her nose against his chest trying to inhale his masculine scent, while her fingers clutched his shirt desperately as if she never wanted to leave him, never wanted that moment to stop...
A white fairy hugging her demon lover...
Astha nestled closer to Shlok, until her warmth become his warmth, until she could feel his heart beating inside her own pulse, until her every pore brimmed with his nearness and her heart overflowed with her love for him, pouring the warmth of her love inside his frozen veins.
Until the earth shook beneath their feet from their combined heart beat...
But she still felt incomplete without his arms around her, so she raised her head from his chest and lifting his limp hands put them at her hipbones. The magic of the moonlit filled night working on her she raised her hands towards his face and cradled his cheeks in her tiny hands, his rough beard bristling against her palms...
Let the moonlit capture that moment forever in her light and let the sky and earth be witness to her love for him, she thought as her eyes welled with tears of love and happiness. She knew that the sun of next morning would rise with his rudeness and cruelty but for now at this moment he was her and hers alone, his heart beating with her heart, feeling the magic of the moon in their combined beats and the scent of jasmine mingling in their breaths...
And she wanted to die in his flame to rise again with his cruelty the next morning, because she was the fragile moth seeking warmth and sustenance from his flame and the pain was worth it...
We humans get easily scared with the pain. Let all the pain break loose over you once and the pain will no longer pain you anymore...
She went on tiptoes and slowly drew his head towards her. He sighed, his warm breath whispered across her face and her eyes fluttered close. Her lips parted in anticipation of his kiss and his hands slid across her back, enfolding her tiny waist in them...
He touched her mouth in a soft kiss and she sighed in his mouth, her hands moving towards his temple. She opened her eyes and looked into his shadowed face, on whose surface moonlit was throwing dancing patterns, making him look like the creature of night. His mouth moved across her lips, like a butterfly sipping nectar from a flower...
The kiss was sensual yet tender, passionate yet innocent weaving a web of warmth and sensuality around her. Her hands moved to stroke at the hair at his temple and she felt his arms tightening around her making her sink deeper in the cocoon of his embrace...
There was no need for words nothing was spoken between them. The night was hers, the kiss was hers and he was hers for the night...
For this night the candle was burning with the moth...
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Tum Se Tum Tak
Sampoorna
Jhanak
Shiv Shakti
