#4 Ashlok Dark FF - My Ransacked Heart/ UPDATED/ Chapter 55/ (Pg-147) - Page 51

Chapter 45

Parting Of Mist

Wandering through the valley of emptiness

Haunted by old demons and new

Trying to escape the loneliness

Can't stop thinking of you

Strolling over the path of a lost mind

My love for you is breaking me

Trying to find a way out, but I am blind

I shall be never free

Walking on memory lane

Can't seem to go through

My life will never be the same

Without you

Crawling through the woods of vulnerability

No way out of this bitter landscape

Because the emptiness is inside of me

There is no escape

He saw the darkness in her beauty ~ She saw the beauty in his darkness ~

Always you wear a mask and hides the soul that is in you ~

Life sucks greatly and love is that aphid insect that sucks the life sap out of you. You take a gamble on love, playing all your emotional cards until you are left empty handed, wandering aimlessly through your life's vast desert but without any purpose to follow. And you feel that it was better to never take that risky gamble at all, that you would have survive if not lived without love at all...

Love surely makes you weaker, and for Shlok Agnihotri it had taught him a lesson to never take that risky gamble ever again...

He was a scarred monster, whom some women saw with distaste and some women liked to have sex with for the thrill of the dark and the forbidden. But not even one of them loved him for what he was...

But now a slip of a girl had again made him realize that he could feel those long buried emotions again, that the deepest dark part of his heart could beat again and that he was human after all...

She had given him all her body, her mind and now her heart but his wife Swathi had done this too, nothing different. After pouring all the lovely emotions inside him, making him breathe again, then giving him a child she had walked away from his life slapping a label of pity over him and telling him that it was never love...

And now that girl Astha too was acknowledging her love the same way, he could swear she even followed the same movements, the same back hugs, the same boldness and the same ability to hurt...

Swathi and Astha were maybe two individuals for the world but for him they were one and same...

You are my hope, my wish, my gains, losses.

"I love you", her voice came again and he squeezed his eyes as it bring forth all of the long forbidden emotions flooding back in his heart. "I love you so much Shlok and I am sorry that I hurt you", her arms were trembling around his waist. Hurt, he thought bitterly and all of his emotions went haywire, scrambling over each other trying to fight their way out, but coldness won over all, once again.

"No you don't", he answered calmly and prised her arms away from his waist. They fell lifelessly at her sides as he turned to face her. "I do love you", she whispered again, her eyes were confident of her love as she stared back at him. "And I am again telling you princess that you are mistaking pity for love", he stated calmly. "No I am not, I don't pity you, I love you", she denied vehemently. "You don't understand princess and you will never understand however much you try", his voice was empty as he turned back to gaze out of the window.

You're my faith, my honour, modesty, glory

"Then make me understand", she put a hesitating hand over his back,trying to make him see reason but she knew it was a futile effort as he shrugged her touch and moved a little away out of her reach. "You are wasting your time princess you'll find nothing here", he answered in a chilled tone. He had taken the warmth of her love and had frozen it with his cold heart, and now her love remain trapped there in his heart, enclosed in the ice, never to return back to her. She had gambled at her love and had lost it to him...

You're all I see, my pride, my deliv'rance.

"However much you try to put your mask back over your emotions but I know they exist somewhere as I have seen their glimpse inside you", she whispered. He clenched his fist tightly at his side then relaxed it. "I don't need the psycho analysis princess", his tone was dangerous now warning her to keep away from him.

Astha knew she was in deep and dangerous waters and the beast inside him would fight tooth and nail to keep her out of his territory. But he didn't know that her love had accepted him as he was, the beast and all but she had nothing to prove her love to him...

"Then what do you want, you must want something? ", her voice had turned desperate. He turned towards her again and stared at her silently, his gaze assessing her beseeching expressions. "What can you give me?", he asked shrewdly. She was in the open waters and the beast had smelt her blood.

"Anything just name it", she spread her hands in a beseeching gesture. "That's quite a risky gamble that you are taking princess don't you think so", he cocked an eyebrow at her. "All is fair in love and war", she stated calmly which belied the nervous feeling which was gathering inside the pit of her stomach.

You are my body, you are my spirit, heart, soul.

"Do you trust me?", he asked staring at her quizzically."Yes I suppose", her mouth had gone dry. "You suppose", he raised an eyebrow while the corners of his mouth uplifted in a strange smile that trickled a feeling of uneasiness down her body. The beast was now heading for the kill, cutting across the waters to reach for her. "Yes I do trust you completely", she answered in a firm tone this time. Do or die Asthu baby if you can love then you can do anything, she thought determinedly.

"You'll let me do anything", he asked in a smooth voice. His was a voice made to lure the prey in and at that time she was the prey to whom he was luring in his trap. He was the manipulative one, the smooth talking hunter and she was the guileless lamb as ever."To you", he added. "Yes", she took a pause then blurted out without thinking twice. She didn't want to think about the consequences of her impulsiveness.

You are my tasting and my ecstasy.

"Impulsive as ever princess, but you know what, I am liking that impulsiveness of yours, it makes matters more easy for me", he was moving towards her slowly circling her, weaving a web all around her, hypnotizing her with his obsidian eyes and dark voice. She stared at him mesmerized as it seemed he had hexed her and now she was cursed to love him till the end...

She stood frozen like a pigeon on her perch while Shlok circled all around her like a cat looking for a way to strike, to found the weak point. "Think again princess you'll let me do anything to you", he halted until he stood toe to toe with her. "Yes", she closed her eyes as the scent of his cologne hit her nostrils and her emotions went haywire.

"Say that again princess", he whispered, stroking a finger across her dry lips. "Yes Shlok", her breath escaped through parted lips. "Even knowing that I don't love you, and probably will never", his finger trailed down her throat. "Yes", she swallowed nervously and Shlok's predatory gaze followed the up and down movement of her throat. "You'll let yourself be shown as my mistress in public", he asked in a hushed tone. "Forever", he added in a husky voice.

You are my illness and my remedy.

Astha opened her eyes and stared at him with a vulnerable gaze taking in his delineated features that had sharpened with desire, the oval face covered with a five o clock shadow, the dark glittering eyes with a hint of hazel inside the pupil that never showed any emotion until she hurt him this morning and the cruel line of the lips that were sensual even in cruelty, the lower lip jutting out like a child's.

Love gives you hope, a chance to live and let in the happiness inside your heart to wallow in it. Love has no right or wrong, you don't love a person's deeds you love that person, all of him, the complete package. The negative and the positive, all the curves and edges...

Calling out for Ranjha for so long, I've myself become Ranjha,

Call me Ranjha now, don't call me Heer anymore.

The lyrics of the world famous poem by the sufi poet that she had once read and then made fun of flashed across her mind. She had scoffed at the thought of loving someone to that extreme. For her love was only about sweet tender feelings, a valentine's gift , some sweet smelling roses, a cake, a romantic dance with the prince charming of her dreams and nothing else...

She never knew that fate would curse her to fall in love with a man who would never return her feelings and that her love would have no boundaries, no limits and that she would touch that extreme state of madness, where love transforms her into Shlok Agnihotri and she no longer remains Astha Kirloskar anymore...

She would have done anything for him, kill for him or be killed at his hands without having an ounce of regret. She was burning in the fire of love that poets called the love that takes you towards Sufism, the mystical and mysterious state of spiritual love that only some people had the fortune of touching...

But the world called it madness, lunacy just as she once used to say. Guess the world never knew what love is...

Wander looking for Ranjhan Ranjhan,
But Ranjhan is with me

She had no reason to wander her ranjha was in her, inside her heart, inside her soul. She breathed him, could taste his scent on her tongue, could feel the warmth of his touch without him touching her physically could feel his presence and listen the echo of his deep hoarse voice forever without him being there.

You are my terror, my passion, madness

"Yes, I'll be with you forever", the phoenix was rising again from the fire of love after being burned to cinders by that same fire. "Will love me forever?", he swept a wisp of curl away from her forehead. Astha raised a hand that didn't tremble this time and put it over his chest, where his cold heart beat pumping ice to his veins. "Yes will love you till eternity and beyond", she cupped her palm over his chest as if she wanted to capture his heart beat in her palm, or wanted to absorb his frozen heat inside her...

They [dogs] don't leave the beloved's doorstep
Even if they're beaten hundreds of times, higher than you

Bulleh Shah get up and make up with the beloved
Otherwise dogs will win the contest, better than you

"You won't get love from this heart ever princess", he sounded like a broken record to himself as his voice echoed in the empty cavern of his heart. The burden of unfulfilled love was beginning to crush her but she brought her floundering emotions under control.

"Yes I know", she raised her red-rimmed eyes to gaze at him, their pupils dilated and glazed with madness. "You are mad you know", a strange smile touched the corner of his lips. "I know, what is love if not madness?", she smiled back at him. His smile vanished and he drew away from her.

"I would like it princess if you won't mention that word love again infront of me, I don't believe in it", he shook his head with distaste. It was like a blow to her heart but she composed herself in the nick of a second. "I won't", a hint of yearning had crept up in her voice.

Shlok abruptly turned away to gaze out of the window at the endless sky again which had no limit just like his worthless life. "It's all settled then princess, you are to be publicly seen from tonight as my mistress. I'll send for you tonight, there is a meeting here in the hall, where my people will gather around", he declared to a shocked Astha standing behind him.

"Me, what will you need me for?", she asked in a horrified voice. "That was your love princess, vanished so soon, don't you remember that you promised to trust and love me just now", he swung towards her.

"Yes but infront of all those people, what they will think", she chewed her lips nervously. A cold smile touched his lips. "Nothing princess, just that you are mine", he flashed her an on and off smile...

Don't chant for Ranjha so much, O Heer, You'll be infamous in this world

Even if the leaves fall down, the fragrance never quietens

His words would have brought out a sense of ecstasy inside her heart if only he would have told her that he loved her too and that he was hers too. But guess she would die someday without him confessing his love to her. But she also knew that love couldn't be forced on the other person, it was a feeling that was born unconsciously without knowledge. Maybe he would never love her or maybe someday he would acknowledge her presence but she was afraid that his confession may come too much late to her as her wait would have died by then...

"One thing more princess do wear your best dress", his voice seemed to be coming out of a well as she dragged her leaden foot towards the exit. "I will", she answered with a heavy heart and moved outside.

She had no wish of going back towards his room so she leaned her back against the wall of the study and slid down until she sat down on the floor with a thump and hung her head in defeat. Taking great gulping sobs she put a hand over her mouth to stifle her sound. She was the tantrum queen who used to shout and curse over a scratch and now she was dying inside and not a sound escaped her mouth...

Shlok stood silently until he heard the ominous click of the door resonating in the silent room. Then he was propelled into motion and snatching the tray off side table he chucked it across the room. It shattered hitting the wall with a clinking sound and showering the carpet with millions of tiny pieces of glass.

"Damn you princess", swearing under his breath he started to throw everything around whichever came in handy. Things were hitting the walls and carpet, with dull thuds but he went on and on hurling them all across the room and injuring himself on the broken glass.

"Damn you to hell", His breath rasped across his throat, burned in his lungs as his heart caught fire. Madness had struck him and sweat poured all over his body, falling from his forehead into his eyes and they burned. The storm that was raging inside him had no end, no beginning. He wanted to destroy everything until the world would end at his hands.

"Damn you", he choked on a choppy breath as he swept a long arm across the desk and everything placed neatly on the desk fell pell mell over the floor. "Damn you princess", he roared again, lifting the desk to fling it away, damning it to the same fate as of the other things...

Standing behind the door of the study a shocked Astha felt a ghost of a smile touch her lips, as hope's flame began to glow inside her heart again...

The mist obscuring her way was parting atlast, paving way for her to go forward...

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