#4 Ashlok Dark FF - My Ransacked Heart/ UPDATED/ Chapter 55/ (Pg-147) - Page 99

Into My Veins

My veins run ice cold in the warmth of my body,
Tempering the heat of my temper,
Turning me to stone,
There lays a furnace deep inside me,
A furnace slowly burning, slowly dying
The heat from this furnace is unwavering,
Fighting against a mind mind that's failing,
And though this heart beats
It weeps for the chill of my body,
A warmth has left it long ago
A warmth that has blessed this body so,
Yet it left. Why? No one knows.
Now an icy chill runs through my veins,
An icy chill attacking my heart,
Driving me insane,
From whence did this chill come?
But the dying embers in my own temperament,
In the chill of night my red hot spirit dwindled,
It has burnt out, and cannot be rekindled,
The heat that ran through me,
The red hot passion that rushed through me,
Is gone, lost to me forever,
Tempered and cold,
Turned to stone,
Where is the warmth gone from inside of me?

~ If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks ~ then I'll follow you in the dark ~

The water was icy numbing him to the bones, pelting like hails of snow over his head and then flowing down his face in rivulets and touching his body like a silver-forked icy snake. He could smell cold, feel cold and even taste cold on his tongue. Shivers danced across his arms which were wrapped around his thin torso and his legs juddered from standing there in the pouring rain for so long. But still his punishment was not over...

He must take it all, if he wanted to survive. He had to experience the winter rain inorder to live, what a tragedy for a 10 years old child like him. So without protest he took his punishment until his muscles started to ache from constant shivering, until his feet felt as if he was standing on two blocks of ice...

He started to cough, his breath wheezing in his throat as numbness started to set inside his chest. He could feel no more pain after sometime, just a vast emptiness and numbness, as if his body belonged to some other human being in some other place...

He could see his body falling like an uprooted tree before his eyes. He could see his flesh turning blue and his lips white from cold as he floated over his body in an out of body experience, an alien experience. He was there, yet not there. He didn't know who he was, what was his identification and how did he belong to the body lying on the wet, cold street...

But he felt a deep well of sadness where his heart was, an utter loneliness that he would die while no one would know and no one would care that a child was dying of pneumonia in the cold rain...

And now after 23 years he felt that same loneliness and coldness creeping inside his veins as the thought hit him that he was once again alone after he realized that Astha was gone from his life forever. He felt as if someone had torn out his heart from his chest and had filled the bleeding hole with a block of ice, such was his agony that he couldn't breathe. He fell sideways on the carpeted floor clutching his heart. But this time there was no rain pouring over him and no wet tiles against his cold cheeks...

Breathing heavily he got up on his knees, still clutching a hand to his chest. Once he reached the drawer of the bedside chest, he drew it out with trembling fingers, searching for his medicine. But the darkness that took over his brain was swift, all consuming. His hands falling away from the drawer, he slid again on the carpeted floor.

Before he could lost his whole mind to the consuming darkness, his last thought was that this time it will be too late for him and he would never see Astha again...

"Wake up Shlok", someone was shaking him. His wooly mind caught the note of strain inside the woman's voice. "Please Shlok wake up", the voice was filled with so much of emotion , that he felt a wave of distress hitting his body and he started to judder in his unconscious state. Everything was burning up, just like his dreams had once. "Quickly Ramu Kaka, hold him", the woman was panicking. He wanted to reassure her that she shouldn't feel sad, but no sound came out his throat to voice his concern to her.

"Quick someone bring me a piece of wood", she was snapping instructions at someone. He winced at the sharpness, who was she? Her voice seemed o much familiar. Was she an angel? Did they have angels in hell?, he thought. His mind seemed to be woozy and his throat felt as if someone had filled it with cotton-candy and there was an extreme pressure at his jaw, so much pressure that he felt as if his bones would snap beneath it, crushing his tongue along the way...

"It's okay child", a cold hand touched his already clammy brow, soothing him and someone inserted a hard something between his teeth and they crashed, grinding on it sending a shaft of pain to his temples. He wanted to shout no, that he didn't want her to touch him, that her touch was so cold that it was agonizing...

He tried to open his eyes and saw white from the slits of his eyelids. Everything was sterile white, the room, the walls and the nurse too. "Go away, don't want you", he was mumbling. "Shh, child it's okay", she was whispering again, but her hands were rough, calloused and her caress was painful on his sensitive skin...

"Don't want it, just go away", he was hallucinating, in the grip of his past demons. They were torturing him, sometimes putting him on the stake, and sometimes tearing him from limb to limb. He could feel the pain, he could feel the blood pouring out from his torn insides and it was pure agony...

The burden was too much to bear, so much that he felt that it would crush his soul...

Shlok was shifting between past and present, experiencing the same torment again but this time the woman who was tending him had a more warm and soothing aura around her, rather than the nurse of his childhood. "It's okay Shlok", she smoothed away his perspiring brow, calming him down. And he wanted to receive her touch again, wanted her to take away his cold and fill it with her warmth...

"I am here with you Shlok, I am not leaving you". He was floating and the same woman was caressing his hair and he could already feel a deep contentment settling inside his bones. He felt saved, warm and happy all of a sudden. And certainly not lonely at all with his guardian angel watching over him forever...

"Thank God, we arrived at the right time", Astha heaved a sigh of relief, wiping her tears that seemed to be falling as if they had a life of their own. "Yes", Ramu kaka nodded his head, releasing a sigh himself. "If I had known that he was doing this because of his past-experience with his ex-wife and the death of his child I would have never left him alone, even for a second. "Thanks for telling me on the way", she threw him a thankful glance.

"Yes he is more human, than he show himself to be towards the world", Ramu kaka released a breath in a pent up emotion. "But I am curious, as to how he had this type of fit, when all the time I was with him he never had those attacks", she looked questioningly at Ramu Kaka.

They were both sitting outside Shlok's room in the corridor. Astha was keeping a constant check on Shlok, by looking inside the room time by time. He was sleeping peacefully on the bed where they had laid him after finding him passed out on the carpet. He seemed to be having a seizure while still remaining in an unconscious state. Astha had been quite baffled at his condition, as she had seen her mother having these type of fits endless of times. But why was he having them, it had really baffled her...

She had never known that she would be seeing another human being having it too and that too Shlok who had hid his condition so easily from her eyes. That man was truly an enigma, what more was he hiding from her, she was really felt frustrated at that thought. "He started having them, when he caught pneumonia as a child. The shop owner where Shlok used to work as a child made him stand him in the cold winter rain for the whole night as punishment", he answered after seeing confusion in Astha's eyes...

"How could that man...to a child...so cruel", she sputtered with rage, flexing her fists at the thought of the anonymous owner making Shlok stand in the rain. "And I had thought that he had enough of cruelties as a child to scar him for a lifetime but there are still more", she seethed. "Many many more", Ramu Kaka heaved a sad sigh.

"His life is really a mess, doesn't it", she bit her lower lip mercilessly, shaking her head with pain. "He didn't have those fits from a long time as he took healthy diet, didn't stress himself out, didn't involve himself with any human being. Cause his doctor warned him not to take stress otherwise he would trigger those long forgotten asthmatic attacks", Ramu Kaka was explaining the reason...

"He must have been in pain because of me leaving him", she whispered as a feeling of self-guilt began to eat at her insides like caustic. "Don't blame yourself Asthu beta, it's not your fault", Ramu kaka caressed her head with a gentle hand as she began to weep softly. "You are different, this time he is different as he has really involved himself with you, even after he promised himself that he won't ever do that", Ramu Kaka explained in a faraway voice...

"I never knew about his wife and the child that he lost, he never told me he is really like a closed book isn't he", her lips curled in a forlorn smile. "He don't share his past with anyone, he feels as if he is betraying a part of himself to that person", Ramu Kaka returned her smile with a soothing smile of his own. "Yes he would be right to feel like that I guess", she answered while staring glumly in the empty space...

"Still you shouldn't feel discouraged at his behavior, he will certainly come round in his own time", Ramlal patted her cheek gently. "I won't", she blinked back the fresh tears that were forming inside her eyes. "Don't worry, it will be alright in the end", he waved his hand breezily. "I guess so", her face broke in a wet smile. "Don't worry he will be alright and young lady you take care of yourself too, in this condition its very necessary for you and the little one", he admonished her, while getting up from the chair...

"What about Shlok, what will be his reaction after seeing me", she asked him with a worried expression on her face. "I told you not to worry child, leave him to me, I will take care of him, you just stay worry free from now on", he winked at her. "Okay boss", she grinned playfully...

Shaking his head Ramu kaka swung himself towards the spiral staircase that was heading towards the groundfloor...

Shlok was dreaming. An angel in white was hovering over him, smoothing his perspiring brow. It was hot, hotter than hell. The flames were licking his body, as his soul writhed inside it's cage, screaming for release. He was truly in hell, but do angels exist in hell. It seemed that they did, as the one smoothing his brow stated. Her face was kindly, gentle and her touch soothed him, lulling him back into peacefulness.

But wait it was icy cold now, his teeth began to chatter from the freezing cold that was permeating through his bones. He wanted to shout to the angel to stop touching him, cause her touch hurt. He felt himself floating away, drifting through soft cotton-like clouds, away from the angel, away from hell. He could hear the gushing off water from a nearby stream as he stood at the bank of the river, peeping at the gloomy but peaceful darkness.

"Shlok", someone called him. He turned to look back towards the other side of the river bank. The same angel was calling him back, looking ethereal in white and glinting like stars in the light of the rising sun. He shielded his eyes as the sunlight hurt his sensitive pupils that had become too addictive to the darkness. "I don't want to, the light hurts", he whinnied like a child.

"Shh, it's okay, it won't hurt, I promise", she spread a hand towards him and true to her words when he took away his hands from his eyes, the sunlight didn't hurt, instead it was soothing and pleasant, warming his cold skin. "Take my hand and forget everything", she asked in a cajoling voice. "How?", he asked desperately, looking at the frothing and gushing water of the river. "How should I come there?", he asked again.

"Very easily, take a leap of faith", she spread arms widely. Hesitatingly, he put a foot forward and to his horror the gushing crystal like water turned to crimson. Just like blood. "I am not able to, it's blood", he swallowed painfully.

"You will be able to Shlok, it's just your imagination playing tricks on you, it's not blood, just plain water", she consoled him. He turned to look behind, at the gloomy thick darkness. "I should go back", he said to the angel in a forlorn voice. "No, you shouldn't, just take my hand", the angel was persistent. "How, tell me how should I move forward?", he pleaded.

"Only one thing, just plain simple forgive yourself Shlok Agnihotri ", the angels voice hit his ears like a soft breeze and with a whooshing sound the river vanished, complete with the angel...

"Don't leave me here", Shlok's voice was a wail of agony...

He was crying running after the angel, running into empty space, salty tears were burning in his eyes obscuring his view. "Don't Shlok, don't cry", someone was whispering nearby, trying to stem the flow of tears falling heedlessly from his eyes, smoothing them away. Was it the angel? He tried to think, but his head was pounding and his strength was waning.

But he still didn't want to give up chasing after the angel. Following the sound of her voice he tried to jump after her and suddenly he was falling through the mist, cart wheeling towards the ground but someone tugged at his arm to break his fall and he landed softly on his feet out in the open...

"Come back, Shlok, come to me", the angel was pleading to him, tugging him towards an unknown place. "Don't go", he tried to capture the hand again, which was slipping through his fingers. "I am not, I am here near you", her voice was soothing...

To his astonishment he was standing at the edge of the cliff, looking at the waves butting their heads on the surrounding cliffs. And faraway the horizon was stretched before his eyes, like a colorful palette of a painter, streaked with orange, yellow, golden and pink colors...

When the first ray hit the surface of the blue waters it refracted, bouncing towards him, sending signals for the arrival of the golden platter that was just ducking his head out of the glinting water...

The sun was rising over the waters, illuminating the world all around him and silhouetting the angel that was floating over the water...

The angel hadn't left him afterall, he saw her wings fluttering in the sea breeze and felt content to his bones...

"Wake up Shlok", someone was shaking him lightly. The sea vanished, the cliffs surrounding it vanished, but the sun was still there warming his skin. Could it be the angel that was calling him? He wanted to say that he didn't want to wake up, but he also couldn't ignore the call of the angel whose voice was so sad that it hurt...

He didn't want the angel to feel sad because of him, so he tried to open his eyes with utmost difficulty, but the sun was too blinding hitting him in the retina like a laser beam. "Switch off the light", someone said sharply.

There was a sound of swishing fabric and then with a whisper of a click the sun disappeared and with it the blinding light too. He opened his eyelids again but couldn't see anything in the dark. Panicking he tried to get up from the bed, but he had no strength to move. And the wound on his left shoulder hurt like hell too. Groaning he fell back on the bed.

"Don't move Shlok, it's okay I am with you", the angel was whispering nearby. Feeling disoriented he tried to see her face in the dim light of the table lamp which she had obviously snapped on. But everything was so hazy and his strength was waning so putting his head back on the pillow he closed his eyes again.

"I am sorry Shlok that I bad-mouthed you before leaving, I didn't know you would be in so much pain, I am so sorry", the angel's voice was heavy with unshed tears. His hand beneath her palm twitched as if he wanted to console her.

"If I had known that you would be this miserable, I wouldn't have left you no matter how much you asked me to", a rebellious tear found a way to leave her eye, splashing on his chest. Why was the angel crying, did he have hurt her somehow. "Don't cry, it hurts", he mumbled and the angel stopped crying at once...

"I won't", Astha whispered gently, lowering her head to place a tender kiss on his forehead...

"I won't, if it hurts you", she said, kissing his brow...

She was content, as she was back with the person whom she loved the most in the world, with her Shlok...

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