#4 Ashlok Dark FF - My Ransacked Heart/ UPDATED/ Chapter 55/ (Pg-147) - Page 103

Chapter 54

Picture Of Reality

I am one step away from falling down

into the abyss of my consciousness

Am I awake or just dreaming?

is this a dream or a nightmare?

A nightmare or reality

mocking me?

I can't tell the difference anymore...

~ Shadow owes it's birth to light ~

John Gay

There are only three events in a man's life ~ birth ~ life ~ and death ~ he is not conscious of being born ~ he dies in pain ~ and he forgets to live ~

Jean de la Bruyere

"You've betrayed us brother", Sanjana was admonishing him. "How could you've fallen in love with that man's daughter and betrayed our love", his mother was saying angrily. "Mother, father I didn't betray you, please believe me", he was on his knees, begging for their understanding, his head bowed and his hands clasped together.

"You did son, how could you, we trusted you", his father's eyes were glinting with tears of betrayal. His mother and sister were standing faraway from him, looking at him with mistrustful eyes. He felt himself tearing between loyalty and love, trust and betrayal...

"Don't leave me, or I'll be alone", he was begging them. "You don't need us now son", his father looked at him sadly. He wanted to shout to him that he didn't want to hurt them at all. That his heart didn't listen to him anymore, that he wasn't it's owner anymore. It's owner was that girl. His enemy's daughter, their enemy's daughter...

"I did wrong father, I am at fault, forgive me, please I beg you", he was crying but his family didn't listen to him. They were already fading away in the mist, away from his memories. "Don't leave me here to die, take me with you", he was running after them. "I am guilty, I know I did wrong, I'll atone for it somehow, but don't leave me here", he fell to his knees as before his eyes, the vision of his family faded away completely, leaving him behind in the dark...

"Wake up Shlok", Astha was shaking him. With a start he got up in the bed, looking around to see where did his family go? "Hey, what are you looking for, I am right here", a cheerful Astha waved a hand infront of his eyes. He was looking pale, disoriented and his forehead was gleaming with perspiration.

For a moment he stared wide-eyed at her, with a strange blank look in his eyes then memories started to come back to him and he fell back on the bed with a groan, shielding his eyes by putting up an arm over them. "Hey, get up Shlok, look I've brought your breakfast", she was tugging at his arm.

At her persistence he removed his arm from his eyes and threw a cold look at her. She was looking extra cheerful this morning, clutching a tray lade with breakfast over her protruding belly. He couldn't think of what he had said to her last night to earn that ear-to-ear smile of hers. For the last 7 months he was giving her silent treatment and in other words ignoring her completely.

When Shlok had gotten up from his sick bed 7 months ago, he had found her at his side taking care of him. He had tried to ask of her that why did she come back and ordered her again to leave him at once. That order she had refused stubbornly and when he had persisted, she had called on Ramu Kaka's support.

Ramlal had shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly threatening that he'll leave too, if he ever tried to make Astha leave here. From that time Shlok had resigned himself to Astha following him 24/7. There wasn't a moment that went by where she had stopped talking to him, irrespective of his cold behavior.

Shlok had stopped answering to her altogether, only nodding his head in a yes or no only for the questions that he thought were important. But this hadn't lowered Astha's spirits at all, she had grown more talkative, nagging him all the time. Telling him stories of her school and college life, about her friends and her adventures. But everytime she took special care in omitting everything related to her father from the stories for his sake...

During that 7 months period of her pregnancy Astha had once visited her mother on the way to her medical checkup. Her mother had shown various emotions at her visit first shock, than surprise and in the end excitement. She had started to speak to her daughter in broken words, as she was still unable to hold a full conversation. Astha had told her that she was good and that she would be having a baby of her soon.

She hadn't told the whole story to her mother, less she would be worried and would stop recovering. So, Astha had lied to her mother with a heavy heart that she was married to the man who had saved her life and would be having a child of his soon. The same man who had found her mother in the hospital and had saved her too. That saving part was atleast true even if the whole story wasn't...

Her mother had looked suspiciously at her, it was true that she hadn't believed a word that Astha had told her but she didn't want to spoil the moment of mother-daughter meeting that's why she hadn't brought those questions to the forefront that had begun to nag at her mind. She had tried to ask about Avdhoot from Astha in broken sentences, but Astha had pretended not to understand her and even admonished her on tiring herself...

Her mother had wanted to ask a lot of questions, but had kept silent on purpose. The whole story could wait, until she would recover. Astha had than told her in a hurry that she had to go this time as her husband didn't know about her visit and he would be worried for her. She had also added that she would come again to visit her after the birth of her baby...

Astha had at once told Shlok about her visit to her mother as she didn't want to keep any secrets from him. Shlok had only given her a noncommittal answer on this piece of news which had been a little disappointment but atleast he hadn't been angry, that was a relief too...

That had boosted up her courage and she had started to converse with him. Although it was a one-sided conversation, meaning she was the only one who talked and he was the one who only listened...

At every night Astha would start a new story, while knitting sweater for her baby in the lamplight. While he would listen to her, his back constantly turned towards her. Although he never once asked anything from her or answer to her, but her intuition told her that he was awake, listening silently to her word till the time she would grow tired and yawning would turn off the table lamp, sliding beside him to sleep.

She would place her head on his back and would sleep in an instant, leaving an arm around his waist, listening to him sighing with a smile everytime she did that. And everytime she would wake up in the morning he would have already left quietly, leaving no trace of him behind.

Only a small indentation in the pillow beside her head, would show that he had slept here last night. Sometimes he would sleep late in the morning, being disturbed all night by her restlessness whenever the baby kicked in her belly. She would wake up with a start and with him he would too...

Then looking at her shining and laughing face, he would grumble and would turn on his stomach, hiding his face in the pillow and instantly going to sleep again. Sometimes he would mumble in his sleep, growing restless because his nightmares would come back to haunt him. When that would happen she would clasp him in her arms, patting his back and kissing his tears away and soon he would grow lax in her arms, going back to sleep again...

It had turned into a pattern for the last 7 months, but last night he had been calling her name in his nightmare, telling her not to leave him ever and this had added quite an extra cheerfulness to her mood this morning. But after waking up from his sleep he was again showing her the same cold shoulder.

"Leave the tray on the side-table", taking off his arm from his eyes, he said in a cold voice. "No, I'll be feeding you this time, from my own hands", she batted her eyelashes at Shlok on whose face a look of horror had appeared at seeing her flirty smile. "No way", he said in a horrified voice. "Yes", she giggled.

But it seemed that the goddess of fate had truly another idea in her mind. Shlok looked sharply at Astha as she broke off in mid laughter. A look of panic appeared on her face as she stared down towards her feet and then back again at his face.

"What happened?", he asked sharply. "My...my...water broke", she swallowed. Gasping Shlok sprang off from the bed and took the tray from her hands. "What to do, what to do", slamming the tray on the bedside table he he raked a hand through his hair. Astha started to laugh again as she saw an always meticulous looking Shlok, floundering and looking totally out of his depths.

"Don't laugh, it's a serious situation", he snapped. "Don't worry, it's okay just get me on the bed", she extended her arms towards him. "No I should be taking you to the hospital, but wait your due date was after 5 days, so how", he swallowed nervously.

"Sometimes it happens, just get me on the bed, there is no time for the hospital now", grabbing his arm she shook him to emphasize her words. "On the bed, but...", he spluttered as he saw Astha doubling over with pain. Without waiting for a second he lifted her up in the arms and placed her on the bed, securing the fluffy pillows behind her head...

"Hurry, tell someone to bring hot water and towels", she gasped as another sharp wave of pain rolled over her abdomen. "Okay, I am going...going", flustered he raked another hand through his already disheveled hair and took off for a run, calling the servants on top of his voice as he headed downstairs. As if he had waved a magic wand, in a short time two maids, a nurse and a female gynaecologist were beside her...

Shlok had persisted on remaining inside the bedroom, but the fierce looking gynaecologist had waved him outside, telling him that some things should be left on women and that Astha will do fine without him there, making her tense with his own restlessness...

His chest had swell with outrage, and he had tried to threaten the doctor that if someone went wrong with Astha he will be coming after her but a profusely apologizing Ramlal had dragged him away. The doctor had thrown him an annoyed stare from beneath her glasses as if he had been a particularly arrogant child throwing a tantrum over his favorite toy...

And now with the way he was pacing outside in the corridor, Ramlal was afraid that it would be a matter of time before he would wear the carpet out. With every wail and scream coming out from the room inside, Shlok would clench his fists at his side, biting his lips with frustration at his helplessness...

And before Ramlal was able to stop him on particularly a sharp scream Shlok's patience gave way, and pulling the door open he barged right inside on the scene of birth. The two maids gasped and the doctor tried to shoo him out but the way he was looking Astha was afraid that he would knock the doctor out. So on her insistence the lady doctor had grudgingly given Shlok permission to stay at her side...

But after pulling up a chair and sitting on it by her side Shlok was looking so unsure and at so much loss of words that a wave of tenderness broke out over her heart. "Here hold my hand", she asked him in a raspy voice. Swallowing the salty lump which was beginning to form inside his throat he put out a trembling hand to hold hers.

His large masculine palm swallowed her tiny fingers at once. She was the one who was going through the pain of birth, but looking at his guilty face she knew at once that he was in much more mental pain than her physical one so she squeezed his hand reassuringly...

But the gentle squeeze became a painful one as her abdomen contracted painfully. He gasped sharply as she dug he fingernails in the back of his hand, drawing blood. "It's decided I am not going to touch you again", he said as she wailed, riding another wave of contraction. "We'll see", she gasped putting all of her effort in pushing the baby out...

And three hours later it was still not over. Digging her toes in the bed spread Astha bowed back, pushing out with all of her effort. Her insides tearing with pain she screamed with all of her might, like a battle cry and pushed once more. Perspiration broke out over Shlok's forehead at seeing her in so much of agony.

It was because of him, all because of him, condemning himself he got up on his feet. "It's okay I am with you", shifting on her bedside he held her shoulders, wrapping an arm around her chest so could dug her fingers in his arms and lean back on his chest...

"Shh, it's okay", he swept her sweaty braid aside and placed a tender kiss on her bare nape. She shivered in his arms as her rapid heartbeat started to convey the arrival of desire in her nervous system. Even in this condition of hers, he was able to rouse her so effectively, she thought and a giggle broke out of her mouth.

"What is there to laugh about", he asked sharply. "Hey you are so uptight all the time, loosen up a bit", she started to giggle but it turned to a moan as her abdomen contracted sharply. "Doc, give me anesthesia, knock me on my head, but just take the baby out", she wailed. "You are so funny princess, but why I am unable to laugh at your horrible joke", he clenched his jaw, glaring at the back of her head...

"You are doing good sweetheart, I can already see the head coming out, push once, just one time again", the doctor was consoling her...

"I am always fun...fun...fun...AHHH", she screamed right inside his ear. "God princess have you got a hidden agenda on making me deaf for a lifetime", raking his ear he growled at her. "Push again dear, the baby is coming", the doctor broke in.

"Help her will you", the doctor threw an admonishing glance at Shlok. "I am", he returned her stern stare without flinching. Digging her fingernails in the muscled strength of his arm, her neck cords straining and her body on fire she pushed with all of her might. A tiny wail rent the air at once. The baby was out of the mother's womb, breathing his first breath in the world...

Deflated Astha fell back into Shlok's chest. "You have to push once again sweetheart to release the after birth", the doctor was asking her in a gentle tone but she was too tired and too weak to push again. "I can't, wanna see the baby", she slurred, her eyes dropping off.

"Hey Asthu listen to me, if you want to see the baby than you have to push once again, I promise it's only once", he gently stroked her wet hair behind her ear. "You promise", she whispered opening her eyes with difficulty. "Yes, I promise", he kissed her temple gently.

"If you say so", she mumbled then gathering all of her strength she heaved herself up by holding his arms and pushed the after birth out. The doctor cut the umbilical cord and the nurse took the baby away to clean him."Congratulations dear, it's a baby boy", the doctor was grinning...

After wrapping the tiny bundle in a fresh blanket the nurse held it out to her... Something stuck in his throat he saw the wizened like child crying on the top of his lungs. He was all red and his skin was wrinkled like an old man. Just like Abhi was, he was same like Abhi...

Placing Astha on the pillows he got up on his feet. "Hey baby, how are you? it's your mom here", Astha was cooing like a dove in baby's ears. The child stopped wailing at once and begun to gurgle. "Won't you hold him", Astha asked as she noticed him silently edging away from the bed. He swallowed as he saw the mother and child duo, lying on the bed.

The mother looked so beautiful, serene and innocent, her eyes shining like stars, ethereal in white nightie while the child wrapped in the white blanket was waving his arms in the air, gurgling happily...

The picture was complete, beautiful, and just like a dream come true. The only difference was it was the picture of reality...

Not the dream which would become a reality...

But the reality which would soon become a dream...

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