Tears Of The Devil
On the cold empty streets of winter
Breezes of pain passed by my body
I heard cries of loneliness
Far away from a dark place
And I knew it was him
I felt his pain and strain
I felt his dead soul right in mine
I felt his struggle and trouble
I felt his lonely tears in my eyes
I felt his heart tear apart
And I knew my heart was a lost piece of his
Dear Devil, is it really you
That's causing all this injustice in the world?
Dear Devil, would you stop
If we loved you as we love the Lord?
~ Even the devil may cry ~ when he looks around the hell and realizes that he's there alone ~
Sherrilyn Kenyon
"The big bad wolf had already eaten the grandmother and was now hungry for more. He had his insights on red-riding hood", a gentle silver-haired woman was reading the book to her 7 year old grand-daughter. "Why he was so hungry when he had already eaten grandma", horrified the little girl widened her eyes owlishly.
"He was greedy sweetheart, he wanted more", she stroked the little girl's hair gently. "I find him amusing, stupid wolf, so greedy", she chuckled. "Yes people are greedy", grandma agreed. "I pity him", Astha shook her head and grandma burst into laughter at such an answer from a childish mouth.
"You say as if you are almost in love with the wolf", she tickled her. "I don't know, but how is it to be in love with a wolf", Astha widened her eyes with interest. "Hmmm, very bad, very very bad, you'll cry forever", she gave her grand-daughters a conspiratorial wink and seeing this Astha dissolved in a fit of giggles...
"You can't seem to lie well nowadays can you, or maybe I know you too much now to understand when you are lying and when you are not", Astha stared at Shlok with an exasperated look in her eyes. "Why are you not believing me?", he looked at her with bewilderment.
"Why must you be so stubborn? Why don't you just believe me that I am tired of you, you bore me and your pregnancy has made me loose all interest in you", holding her shoulders he shook her, trying to emphasize his point...
"It's you who does not believe in yourself, that I can make you happy and that my leaving would only make you miserable", she slapped his hands away from her shoulders. "Oh wow, when you had that much hold over me, that you are now saying that I would miss you in my life", he answered in a sarcastic tone. "I have, even if you try your hardest to not understand it", she answered in the same sarcastic tone.
"Feel this", grasping his hand once again, she put his palm over her baby. He tried to snatch it away as if it was placed on hot coals instead of over her stomach. "it's your blood of blood, your seed, your child, which you would be able to hold in your arms after 7 months and which you are denying yourself", she put her hand over his cold hand, pushing it deeper in her soft flesh.
"Leave it", he said coldly but his hand trembled under her palm, which denied the cruel words that were falling from his mouth...
How long before he would shatter into a million pieces infront of her and give the game away. Even at the time when he had asked her to be his mistress he had been trembling inside like a child afraid that she would reject his offer, afraid that she would wander alone on the streets and be the prey of countless wolves prowling on the darkened streets just like once he had been.
So he had made her accept his offer, and in the end he had shown her that he was one of them, making her chose between the bad and the worse...
"Take it away, if you can, but just answer one question of mine, why are you denying yourself from feeling love again", she raised her shining eyes at him. Perspiration broke over his forehead and he snatched his hand from under hers. He was loosing it, his sanity and his heart and it won't be good for him as well for her. He was not going to loose this time.
"Still believing for a miracle princess, get a grip on yourself this is reality and I am the same man who destroyed your life so easily", his face twisted in the mask of self-disgust. What was she made of this china doll on whom he had tried every evil trick in his book, to crush her to break her but she refused to bow down, refused to cower before him, refused to hate him...
"If you are saying that to me to make me leave you, don't bother, you won't succeed", stepping near him she roused on her tiptoes, until her nose touched the tip of his arrogant nose. "I won't bother you if you want, but I am not leaving that place even if you want me to get out of your sight", she whispered into his face.
He needed her hate, why was she not hating him just like everyone did. Even when he had wanted people to love him, he had gained back only hate so he had started to travel on the course of hatred and revenge, making people hate him and curse him.
So that it would be easy for him not to expect love from someone and not to be hurt in return. But she was the first one who was not able to hate him in the last, however much he had tried. Now he knew why did Astha was able to wake that part of him that was still left untainted by all the evil of the world? Cause she was his younger pure self, when he used to believe in love, expected to be accepted and loved by people...
Her eyes were his mirror, his reflection was shining from their crystal depths. Hatred, love, desperation, hopelessness it was all him. That child that offered him the ice-cream, gave him the ray of hope was her, his soulmate, drawn to him by fate at first sight, cause their souls were intertwined by destiny. And now that child was still shining out of her eyes, offering him hope...
Hope which had once lured him in like a concubine in its trap and had shredded his heart into pieces, never to be whole again. He won't be taken in so easily. If he was stubborn not to accept it, than it was better, he would remain stubborn till the end...
"You won't leave will you?", his asked calculatingly. "Not ever", she smiled, her heart in her eyes. "You love me don't you", he asked after gazing deep into her eyes as if gauging her response to his calculating questions. "Yes forever", her smile deepened. "Okay then", he heaved a deep breath.
"I'll give you two choices accept them and I'll let you live with me", his tone darkened maliciously. "Whatever", she was too lost in the thought that he would let her stay with him to notice his manner of tone.
"Fine then, come on", holding her shoulders he steered her in the bedroom, across the carpet and then made her sit on the bed while he sat on the floor, his arms laying over her knees, in case she would try to get away after listening to his conditions...
Closing his eyes for a moment he tried to gather his courage, while Astha nervously fidgeted at the edge of the bed. "Okay here are my conditions", opening his eyes he stared coldly into her nervous gaze. "First that you can live with me if you would abort the baby", shocked a fidgeting Astha froze into her tracks. Before she could retort he was placing his second condition infront of her like an executioner preparing his victim for the axe...
"Second if you don't want to abort the baby, then get ready to hand over all of the child's rights to me, then and only then I will let you live with me", he continued harshly...
He had really cut her through with the axe of his words...
Astha's mouth was beginning to open and close like a gold-fish as she was too shell-shocked to find words inorder to reply to his cruel conditions. "I have a third option too in case you don't want to accept those", getting up on his feet, he casually brushed invisible specks of dust from his trousers. "And what is that?", her voice came out too thin and fragile. "Third option is just get the hell out of my life", cocking his head to the side he told her in a mocking voice...
"You contemptible b****d, how could you do this, to your own child", she shook her head with sadness. "I just can, I told you it's easy for me, as I don't have a heart", he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. I guess so, your loss, because I still gave you a chance despite that, she swallowed back bitter tears.
"I told you I don't want your pity princess", he answered in a cold tone. "I know", she sighed. His eyes narrowed into slits, why she was giving a cold reaction towards his words as if she already knew that he would be saying this to her. He had thought that she would be throwing fits over his cruel littany but she was too much calm, too much composed. As if she knew somehow what was going inside his head...
As if she pitied his weak, contemptuous scheming ways...
As if she was ready for his blow...
"If you had wanted to make me leave, be happy that you got victorious after all, because I am leaving you after all", she got up on her trembling legs, which looked as if they would melt like a hot chocolate from underneath her. He started to move forward, his arms raising to support her but then checked himself in midstride, his hands curling at his sides inorder to control their yearning to hold her for the last time...
So easily, she would be going so easily. He had somehow succeeded in making her leave him, but did he really succeeded?
"I'll tell Ramu Kaka, he'll take you to your mother's house, which I have leased in your name, you'll be provided with all material benefits, comfort...", he was listing the benefits to her. "Stop it", she snapped, looking at him with daggers in her eyes. Finally some reaction, he thought heaving a sigh of relief. What was really going through her pretty head. Would she really leave him, he didn't know why the thought of her leaving him, after her confession that she won't be leaving him ever disappointed him...
It didn't mean anything, he consoled himself with the thought. it just showed that she didn't love him after all just as he had predicted...
She was going back on her words, so she wasn't really in love with him. He felt a little disappointed with the thought and empty and that really disturbed him a lot...
"What did I do princess, I was only listing the benefits, did I do something wrong", he blinked owlishly. She threw him a fuming glance but didn't say a word to his face. Instead she turned on her heels and headed towards the door.
She was really leaving. A wave of anger crashed across him and he felt a tremendous loss where his heart must be...
"No goodbye princess", Shlok didn't know why he felt hurt...
Astha halted in her midtracks...
"You didn't even put a fight princess and accepted the third condition so easily, after all of your high and mighty talk about not leaving me", even his sardonic remarks didn't make her turn her face towards him. "That just shows how fake your love, trust and concern was princess that you don't love me at all as our unborn child holds more priority and love over me in your eyes, neither you trust me as you are afraid that I'll kick you out after you hand over all of our child's rights to me", his voice was like a deathly blow to her eardrums, whose echo resonated deeply in her heart even after he had stopped speaking...
The manipulating devil, he had twisted her insides, made her accept his bargain, made her fight for his love and his trust and in the end he was the one who had defeated her in her own game. Fuming with anger, pain and defeat she turned to face him.
The cruel b***d wasn't grinning as she had thought he would be. His face was all taut and pale, like a cold wax mask. Only his eyes were burning with flames of rage and pain and in their depths she could see the ashes of hope and mistrust...
His look acted as a catalyst and acting purely on anger and the feelings of defeat she strode to him raised a hand to slap him, but his hand shot out and caught her wrist in midair. His unbuttoned cuffs fell over his elbow revealing white marks of healed tissue and flesh all over his arm.
Of her own accord her eyes rose towards the diagonal marks etched deeply on his wrist. They were shaped like as if someone had tried to slash his wrists open in the past. She had never seen those marks, as he always wore full sleeves and even when he had been sleeping in his pyjamas only, it was always dark. So she had only seen a glimpse of his scars on his naked back, but never got the chance to look at the scars that he was hiding on his inner wrists...
Shlok saw where her gaze had moved, so he dropped her hand like a hot potato. Pain, agony, fear filtered with rage made her lift her hand again. This time he didn't stop her when she slapped him right across his cheek. Before he could react, she slapped his other cheek, snapping his neck to the side with her hard blow. Calmly he raised a hand and brushed the corner of his split lip and it came back smeared with his blood.
"Keep it as a souvenir, you need it more than me", her voice was empty of any mockery and her heart felt no victory as she knew that even if she would beat him to death, he won't stop her, instead he would take it gladly as his due because the man she knew, that Shlok Agnihotri she knew now has only hatred for himself...
It was her hearts fault that it had fallen for such a twisted heart that he owned...
"You think that you got victory over me because you made me leave you, then you are wrong", she heaved a deep breath to calm her raging nerves. "It's true that I am going empty-handed from here, but I am leaving with both our child and you as well", she continued. His head snapped upwards at her words, confusing lightening his pupils to a darker hue...
"The child is mine as well as yours, so in that case I am the victorious one as I'll be leaving with the baby who also holds a part of yours", she answered quietly. Something akin to pain slashed across his features but it was only momentary, but he remained stock still staring over an imaginary spot over her head, giving her an expression of boredom...
"I am leaving with both of you", Astha swallowed as she felt her throat convulsing with salty tears...
"I pray to God that you should be as miserable without me as I will be without you", a sob broke out of her throat. His body jerked and he turned to face away from her, teetering on the edge of his sanity.
"I hope that you should feel the loss as your child would learn to say father, I hope that you should be in agony when you'll miss the first step our baby would take", she was crying openly now, while inside him a storm was brewing, his body seemed to be quite in the grip of an earthquake. He felt short of breath as someone had sucked the whole life out of him...
"Just leave", he bit out with difficulty. "I am not going to disturb you more, I am leaving", she turned over her heels and headed towards the door.
"Goodbye Asthu", she caught his heartfelt whisper that came from behind as she crossed the threshold of his room and it made her heart shatter, leaving tiny pieces in its wake. For the life of it her heart won't be whole again ever. It would love a beast...
The same beast who had received the payment of love by tearing it into pieces...
Harsh sobs broke from her throat as she went tearing outside. She had never been able to get outside in her sanity, but this time miraculously she didn't lost her direction even once when she burst out of the double doors that lead in the patio outside and into the garage. Even the heavens wanted her to go and that thought made her broke into fresh sobs...
Ramu Kaka was waiting outside beside a white Bentley frowning at her reaction. Shlok must have given him instructions to drop her at her new house. Before he could open his mouth to ask about her state she opened the door and hurtled herself in the backseat. A thin-lipped Ramu kaka had gotten on the driving seat and when he reversed the car, Astha looked for the last time at the white marbled house, and towards the window in the third storey which looked upon the driveway...
And just as she knew he would come so he had. A lone figure in white glinted in the daylight, looking back at her from behind the grill of the window...
Shlok Agnihotri hadn't been able to stop himself atlast from having the last glimpse of the girl that held his beating heart in the palm of his hand...
When the car went tearing outside, with a crunch of gravel and leaving a trail of smoke in its wake his knees collapsed beneath him and his hands fell away from the window. She had gone from his life just as he had wanted then why did it felt as she had left him with a deep black hole where his heart must have been. But wait it was always a blackened hole so when did it had started to fill up and why?...
For this question he seemed to have no answer...
And for the first time he started to cry, not the thin wail of a child, but great belching sobs, that seemed to come tearing out from the deep cavern of his chest. He cried as if he had never cried before, not when he had been left alone in the world as a child, nor when his wife had left him for good and neither when his young son had died right in his arms...
He cried feeling as if someone had torn up his insides now and his organs were bleeding profusely inside the cage of his body...
He cried feeling as if someone had thrown gasoline over him and was now watching him going up in flames...
He howled like a lone wolf mourning its loss, while facing the moon...
The pressure was immense, suffocating, blinding him, until he could hear nothing but the crying of his son Abhi, his mother, his father, his sister and now there were two new voices that were mingling with their crying...
Astha's crying...
His unborn baby's crying...
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