@@FF: The Travel Diaries of Jalal and Jodha@@CHAPTER 1 UPDATED 7/14 - Page 6

Awesome update

Originally posted by: SUMESHNI

Awesome update

Plz plz continue soon

Plz pm me

Lyra - just read page one - only one word WOW!!!
You just have a way with words. Write a para and it seems like so much time has passed without missing a single detail. Eager to read it in full asap.

Originally posted by: MaddyO

Lyra - just read page one - only one word WOW!!!
You just have a way with words. Write a para and it seems like so much time has passed without missing a single detail. Eager to read it in full asap.

My dear Lyra,

So here is an objective review, which is what you wanted.

Well, I am not given to transports at my age, nor do I say Wow! ever, but I shall say that I really enjoyed Chapter 1.

First for the unusual setting. Incidentally, it is not just the Catholics who believe that the Church of the Holy Sepulchre was built on Golgotha, the site of of the Crucifixion and the Resurrection. All the denominations of the Orthodox Christian Churches also share that belief; only the Anglicans and the Protestants, having come too late to the party and thus having no foothold in the Church, sulk in a corner!.

Next for your style. I loved the parts below:

The silence had become so loud for Jodha that she sneezed and it echoed down the corridor and into the hallway. This is absolutely correct; a prolonged silence can be very oppressive, and one feels impelled to dispel it! Plus there might have been a lot of dust around.

I tried to sound calm, helpless and polite at the same time: I can practically see your Jalal trying to finesse a potentially awkward situation. Delightful!

When one pays a huge amount of (necessary, I admit) attention to the details of an expedition - the transport, the accommodation, the daily timetable with a list if the must see places to be covered, one often cannot take in the big picture. Cannot get lost in something so beautiful - an El Greco, the Alhambra, the incredible carved ceilings at Mount Abu, or the limpid waters of the lake at Interlaken - that time stands still for you. '

The sort of person your Jodha is always has a clock ticking in her head, and that takes precedence over everything else. Personally, I would rather be like your Jalal, with the ability to get sucked into an experience - visual, aural, whatever - but then one also needs the Jodhas of the world! I was relieved to see no tendency on her part to make bhashans at the drop of a hat - even a prostrate Abul Mali did not escape one!- and I hope you will keep her that way.

Personally, I am not sure that in the place of the Bhatnagars, even assuming that they are very modern and 21st century, I would have let my daughter go on this sort of trip with just another boy, not in a group. You have not mentioned how well they know Jalal; that would be a major factor in such a decision.

But why just a letter once a week? Does your Jodha not have a smartphone from which one can send e-mails and chat on skype? When do you suppose those letters would get to the Bhatnagars? Given the pathetic state of most mail services these days, not for 10 days at the very least. Why, my son mailed me a birthday card from LA, paid USD 43/- for priority mail, and it came to Pune after 11 days!!

I expect the room must have had an extra supply of pillows! Unless it was a 5 star affair, one usually has only just enough for 2 people, so I shall put this down to artistic licence!

Now I see that you are going on to Petra, where in 2000, I spent over 12 hours, from before 8 am to past 8 pm, on my feet clambering to every possible nook and corner of that rose red city. Right up 800 steps to the Place of High Sacrifice. I am sure that at their age, Jodha and Jalal can do that sort of thing without batting an eyelid, but even if they are fagged out, if you are going to put them up at the Taybat-al- Zaman, I am sure the Turkish baths there will set them up again!

Finally, why Jalal and Jodha at all? This could just be about any other intelligent, adventurous and hatke young couple. I cannot see where the link to their historical namesakes can be brought in, but then you are the boss, after all!

Shyamala Patti (my choice!)

PS: Your map of India is wrong, in both the east and the west of Jammu and Kashmir, but there is no point going into that here. It is the diplomat in me kicking in, and I expect you got it off the net .

PART 1

(JALAL'S PERSPECTIVE)

CHAPTER 1

Luved your ff and nice to read sme facts about important places and update soon😊