Ok, People. I am back with the final installment of this update. I was in half mind to write an epilogue but decided against it. From the beginning, my entire thought process about this confrontation was about deliving into the unknown past of Ishita and exploring her healing process. I gave a fair glimpse of that in previous update and continue to do so in this next update. I have also tried to touch base on the changing equation of Raman and Ishita. As we can see in the series as well, they are right now unknowingly acknowledging new feelings for each other but it is still a foreign territory to them. I have consciously stayed away from exploring this part in detail as I felt the CV's are doing a brilliant job already and am sure we will have ample opportunities in the future to write something related to it ...
As I explained in my previous post also, though I have made an honest attempt to put my thoughts into words ... but am no professional so kindly excuse any unintentional mistakes. I have taken few lines from one of favorite songs of all times, I feel it puts down the pain of both Raman and Ishita beautifully ... am sure everyone would have heard it before ... and if you have not, please go and listen to "Chingari Koi Bhadke" from "Amar Prem". It is one of favorite Hindi movies and shows true love is a very different and beautiful perspective ...
To conclude my rambling, It was wonderful to get so many reviews on my maiden venture and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the heartfelt appreciation and reviews ... without any further ado, lets dive into my own version ISHRALAND one final time ...
Part 4(B)
Hamse mat poocho kaise, mandir toota sapno ka;
Logo ki baat nahi hai, ye kissa hai apno ka;
Koi dushman thes lagaye, to meet jiya behlaye;
Manmeet jo ghaav lagaye, use kaun mitaye;
Raman knew that whatever he had heart till now was only the tip of the iceberg, yet, presently, he was too overwhelmed to react. He never realized that a silent tear slowly escaped his already moist eyes. At the moment, all he wanted to do was to engulf his wife tightly in his arms and tell her that it's ok but something in him was stopping him. He feared that he will end up scaring her and she will again withdraw herself inside the shell no one ever knew even existed. Moreover, he perfectly knew that no words could comfort her, nothing could heal what she had gone through. They say time is the best medicine but life had taught him the hard way that some wounds can never be healed and its pain lingered with you forever. Instead, it becomes a part of your soul and had a knack of resurfacing at most unexpected moments of your life.
Ishita, who was yet again lost in her turbulent world, spoke after a few moments, "Do din ke baad vo apni amma ke saath hamare ghar aaya aur hamara rishta formally tod dia. Vo apni Amma ke khilaf nahi jaana chahta tha aur unke liye ab is shaadi ka koi future nahi tha. "
"Haan ye sach hai ki mai Ishita se bahot pyaar karta hoon, par pyaar ka kya hai shaadi ke do chaar saal baad ye pyaar vyaar sab khatam ho jaata hai. Do jane saath rehte hai to uski sirf ek vajah hoti hai aur vo hai bache; par agar kisi rishte me vo vajah na ho to vo rishta kya chalega."
It did not take a genius to guess that Ishita must have replayed these words in her mind at least a million times to find just one sparkle of hope. She uttered those words like a child reads something from a book. There was no emotion, nothing. It was the voice of a defeated woman.
"Mujhe samajh me nahi aa raha tha ki mai kisse naraaz hoon. Amma appa se jinhone mujhse meri zindagi ki itni badi baat chupyai chahe uski vajah unki mamta hi thi, akka jeeju se jinke liye dono rishto ko sambhalna ek majboori thi, Subbu se, jisne itne saalo ke rishte ko todne me ek pal bhi nahi lia ya fir apne aap se ... jo shayad itni badi bevakoof thi ki usne is rishte ko apni duniya maan lia aur kabhi kahin kuch aur dhoondne ki koshish bhi nahi ki."
"Mai amma ki god me sir rakh ke rona chahti thi, akka ko gale lagake chillana chahti thi, bhagwaan se shikwa karna chahti thi ki aisa mere saath hi kyu hua? Lekin, meri kismat ne mera saath kabka chor dia tha."
"Kisko kehti. Appa ko, jo kabhi kisi se kuch kehte nahi the, bas raat me chup chap akele baith kar rote the. Akka se jo apni behan ke karan apne sasural me sabke khilaf hoti ja rahi thi aur kahin na kahin ye uski ghrihasthi ko bhi effect kar raha tha.
"Jeeju ko, vo bechare to khud se hi lad rahe the ... Mere karan apni saari family ke khilaf to ja rahe the and upar se unhe is baat ka depression unhe khaye ja raha tha ki unke apne bhai ne mere saath aisa kia ..."
"Ye baat shayad koi ahi jaanta lekin jab jeeju ko maloom hua ki ye rishta toot chuka hai to vo ek din mere paas aakar chup chap baith gaye ... aur thodi der baad foot foot ke rone lage ... unhone bhi mujhse vohi teen shabd kahe ... I am Sorry, Ishu."
Kitni ajeeb baat hai na Raman, dono bhaiyo ne mujhe ek hi baat kahi ... lekin jahan ek ke lafzo mujhe hamesha ke liye akela kar dia, doosre ne mujhme us insaan ke liye beintehaan respect bada di. Jeeju ke liye ham dono hamesha se unke bacho ki tarah the and usne kisi ek ko choose karne ki expectation rakhna cruelity hoti. Its like asking someone to choose a favorite eye. Chot kisi ko bhi lagti, dard to jeeju ko hi hota. Bas us din ke baad, ham dono me ek ankaha sa agreement hai jiske karan mai unse apne dil ki koi bhi baat kar sakti hoon aur kar bhi leti hoon ... lekin Subbu ... Subbu can never be a part of our conversation."
"Rahi Amma ki baat. Agar sabse jyada koi is sab me tadap raha tha to vo thi meri Amma. Vo bechari to ek taraf mujhse ye sab chupane ki guilt me tadap rahi thi, to doosri taraf unki life ka mission meri shaadi karwana ban gaya tha. Is incident ne jaise unka kisi se bhi vishwaas hi utha dia tha. Ek ajeeb si kadwahat bhar gayi thi unme. Saara din sirf pooja karti rehti thi ya fir mere liye rishte dhoondti rehti thi. Koi unse baat karne ki, unhe samjhane ki koshish kare to ulta usse hi lad leti thi. Hasna bhool gayi thi. Akele baithe baithe roti rehti thi. Meri Amma ham sabse kahin door chali gayi thi."
"Mera ghar toot raha tha Raman. Meri duniya bikhar rahi thi. Agar mai us vakt apne aap ko na sambhalti to shayad mere paas jo bhi bacha tha vo bhi mujhse chin jaata. To mere paas sivaye sab kuch bhool ke aage badne ke alawa koi option hi nahi thi.Vo kehte hai na, When you can't change your circumstances; change yourself. To mujhe vakt ne majboor kar dia ki mai sab kuch bhula ke apni zindagi ek naye sire se shuru karu taaki mera bikharta hua parivaar vapas ek ho sake."
"Kahin na kahin maine is baat ko to to apni kismet maan ke accept kar lia ki ab mai aur Subbu kabhi ek nahi ho sakte lekin mai is baat ko aaj tak accept nahi kar paayi ki mere bachpan ke dost ne ek baar, sirf ek baar bhi mudkar meri taraf nahi dekha. We were friends first, and everything later on. I miss my best friend. Roz koshish karti hoon apni dost ko bhulane ki par I cannot help but miss our friendship."
"Vo itne saalo ki dosti ko ek pal me bhool gaya. Kaise ... Kyu? Kya kami thi meri dosti me, ki jab mujhe mere dost ki sabse jyada zaroorat thi, tabhi usne is poori duniya me akela chor dia. Kahan tha vo, jab hafte dar hafte har koi mujhe reject kar deta tha, ya fir jab har doosri aurat apne bacho se mujhe door rakhti thi ki kahin mai unpe buri nazar na daal doon, ya jab mere friends mujhe apni baby shower me bulane se katrate the, kahan tha vo jab mai apne clinic me late appointment ka bahana banakar akele ghanto roti rehti thi. Meri life uspe dependant thi, to mai bhi to uski life me kuch mayene rakhti thi, kya use ek baar bhi nahi laga ki uske is decision se ham dono apne bachpan se bhi hamesha ke liye juda ho jayege. Ham dono fir kabhi apne bachpan ko haste hue yaad nahi kar payege. At least mai to nahi ... kya karu samajh me nahi aata ... apni purani yaadein, albums, friends, reunions har cheez se door rehti hoon par fir bhi ... lakh koshisho ke baad bhi ... vo mere bachpan ka ek aisa hissa hai jisko mai chah kar bhi nahi bhula sakti ... Kabhi nahi ..."
Ishita slowly shook her head and started crying while she constantly whispered ... "kabhi nahi, kabhi bhi nahi."
It will be the understatement of the year to say that Raman was both shocked and astonished by the revelation of his wife. His heart went out for the girl sitting beside him. Yes, the female sitting beside him sobbing uncontrollably was not anyone's wife, or mother, or for that matter a daughter or daughter in law. She was simply a girl whose heart was brutally crushed and thrown away to tend to her wounds, alone ... all alone. At the moment, he would have happily sold his soul to bring a flicker of smile on her face, albeit a genuine one, to give her one ounce of happiness, he wished it could be ordered it from somewhere, he sighed.
The arrival of Ruhi in his life had changed his perspective about the opposite gender immensely. True, he was always the elder protective brother to Simmi and Rinki, but, despite the unfavourable circumstances of Ruhi's arrival, as soon as he had held the little infant in his arms, he immediately had a new found respect for females. He could not wish something even remotely as turbulent as this to happen to even Shagun, who will probably be the only woman in this world whom he hated from the bottom of his heart. He had long ago made peace with the fact that probably she was destined to be with Ashok and it was for the best for both of them.
So, the thought that someone so compassionate like Ishita being ostracized by this society made his blood boil, worse he had been a part of the same society once. He was now even more ashamed of the fact that he himself had called her a gold digger, mocked her for her inability to conceive and her constant rejections. And, he had made no attempts to apologize to her or show any contempt at all even after they had gotten married and he now knew that she was far from what people perceived her to be.
And how did Ishita return his favor? She reacquainted him with his own daughter, brought the entire family closer, and became a part of his so called same society with open arms; only because she had Ruhi. As per their mutual verbal contract, this marriage was a farse and only for Ruhi's sake so there was no need for her to accept his family, his problems, his culture, nothing. She could have easily stayed alone with Ruhi and it was no secret that she had a fangirl in Ruhi. His daughter would have happily taken the path her Ishima would have directed her on. But this woman, inspite of all the history with their family, accepted each of them with open arms and became a part of it in no time.
And all throughout this, no one had any idea about the existence of this lonely girl who still longed for her friend, a companion, someone who held her hands during difficult times and assured her that it will be ok. It was like, there were two personalities of Ishita, one which was visible to the world, and the one which he got aquainted with this evening. Only that the latter never showed up. Instead, she silently went through the entire ordeal all alone for so many years and had already accepted defeat. And this revelation perturbed him to no end. He really did not have any words to describe the plethora of emotions which were brainstorming his mind at the moment, and he had no idea about how could he make her feel better, even if for just a second.
So, he did the first thing that came to his mind, something that he had been wanting to do for a while now, and something which seemed apt given the circumstances. He leaned forward and engulfed Ishita in a bone crushing hug. Ishita, who was sobbing uncontrollably in her own trance for sometime now, was immediately shocked by this gesture. She immediately became rigid as if trying to put the same mask yet again in which she had successfully hid her turmoil over the years. She tried to free herself from his arms, but her feeble attempts were no match to his strong arms. Raman who by now could understand her predicament did not made sure that his grasp on her did not loose one bit.
Unable to move, Ishita looked up into Raman's eyes for a moment. And that's when the realization stuck her. Raman was one of the most complicated characters she had ever met in her whole life. And, while, he had a way with words when it came to witty comebacks, he seemed to get tongue tied as soon as any conversation headed towards an emotional path. Therefore, her husband was in his own twisted manner, trying to be there for her, be her support, and be someone who was there for her no matter what.
This thought and the compassion and concern in his eyes was enough to dissolve her last resolve and she made no further attemps of any protest; instead buried her head in deep inside his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck and cried like there is no tomorrow. Raman made no attempt to stop her, he just caressed her hair with soothing touches and slowly rocked her like a baby. He knew this was long overdue and she needed to mourn the death of her relationship, more of her friendship, acknowledge the pain which was buried deep inside her for so long.
Both of them did not realize one wee bit for how long they were like this. Ishita's cries slowly gave way to sobbing and whimpering and finally when any more tears refused to come out, she realized the position they were in, the proximity between them. For a moment, her sane mind again told her to end this righaway but something inside her told her that she did not mind all this even wee bit. His strong arms provided a strange warmth to her which seeped into her heart and slowly melted her fear of being left alone. His soothing caresses assured her that no matter what happens, he will be there. He will protect her, he will be there. Always be there. And she loved the thought. It made her fee alive again.
While she was going through this internal debate, Raman noticed her subtle movements and also noticed that she was no more sobbing, so he made an attempt to move. This seemed to break the trance for both of them and Ishita slowly moved to the side and started fiddling with the pallu of her saree nervously as the realization of her breakdown settled inside her with each passing second. She could feel Raman's eyes on her all this time and after a few seconds, she looked into his eyes. For a split second, she feared that now that she had bared her soul in front of him, what if the Ravan Kumar was back and made fun of her ... but as soon as looked into his eyes, she was assured that all her fears were baseless. Those eyes were full of care, tenderness and yearning.
Raman offered his hand to her and spoke, "Ghar chalein." As soon as Ishita placed her hand in his hands and he made a move towards the stairs, she stopped him and spoke with a fond sincerity in her voice, "Raman, Thank you. Thank you so much." Raman looked at her face for a few moments, nodded with a faint smile; entwined his fingers with hers and both of them finally moved towards their home.
While a simple Thank you had evoked various new and strange emotions inside the sleeping heart of Raman, Ishita who was way too emotionally exhausted from the events of the evening failed to register that Raman had not uttered a single soothing word to her during the entire conversation, and yet his eyes, his gestures were a give away. They assured her that she was no more alone.
Even though she did not know, God had been watching her, so somewhere deep inside her heart, her missing friend, her companion was silently being replaced by a so called Ravan Kumar and though she had not realized it as yet, she had finally found her soulmate.
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