BAARISH (tie changed from PLAYBOY) chapter10@pg12 - Page 5

Playboy Chapter-5

A/N- Guys this part has the last chapter's events retold in Swara's POV so don't get confused. Also don't co- relate Swara's POV over Sanskaar as my POV towards differently abled people. I respect them. I adore their courage n hard-work. Dispite of their inabilities to do certain physical activities. They still work hard in their own ways. I think it was important to clarify this before I update any further. I don't wish to offend any physically challenged people. It's just a wrong POV Swara has which is something grey for her character. I need something for the plot hence I have to write them. I apologise in advance if the events unintentionally offend anyone. Hope u will enjoy the update.

Regards

Harshita

~"A perfect marriage is about two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other."~

Swara POV-

I woke up in the morning at about 5. Sanskaar was asleep. His face had content, I smiled. I walked to the washroom. I needed to use the loo. After a few minutes I drank water. I wondered what to do. I simply cuddled myself in my blanket. It was cold n I felt warm in the blanket, the soothing warmth made it easier for the sleep to embrace me. I began drifting back to sleep. My eyes were closed. I was almost asleep when I heard Sanskaar's stick tap on the floor. He moved to the washroom n then out of the room. I continued to sleep. I could hear Syra and Sanskaar enter back.

Sanskaar- Babu go n get ready, I will keep your uniform out side.

Syra- okay!!

She replied all cheerful. I heard the washroom door open and close. Sanskaar's stick was tapping the floor. I was clearly irritated with this tip tap sound always accompanying him. I was about to wake up and ask if I can help but then this irritation towards n from him restricted my actions. I did not wish to get any further irritated nor I want him to know that I don't like him at all. There had been enough of embarrassment I had gone through before I married to him.

Long story short, I stayed on the bed still as if sleeping. He soon left the room. I was relaxed. I don't like his presence around me. I heard the washroom door open. Syra was out. I heard him cripple back to the room. He perhaps helped Syra get ready. He combed her hair, I can say because she was constantly asking him to do it lightly. He was pulling her hair with the comb.

Syra-(low voice) Sanskaar it's paining. Pls don't pull my hair.

Sanskaar- (low voice) Sorry babu!! Just hogaya!!

He pecked her cheek and left. Syra was walking here and there in the room. I could here her geometry box open and close. I opened my eyes a little. She was checking her bag. She moved out and n brought her tiffin and bottle. Then she turned to me. I immediately closed my eyes. She moved her finger close to my cheek, I felt her heat around but didn't touch it. She then sat down on the floor. She began looking at my face. I opened my eyes a little when I felt no moment from her side. She was looking at me as if I was gem. She was moving her hand close but was afraid to touch me. I so much wish to catch her hand and peck it but I restricted my actions when I heard Sanskaar's voice.

Sa- Syra kanhan ho.

Syra- coming.. she replied but didn't move even an inch.

Sanskaar enter inside the room. He perhaps settled down with her.

Sa-(low voice) Syra .

Syra- she is so pretty. Can I kiss her cheeks.

Sa- yes u can.

She pecked my cheek. My lips curled into a smile. I forgot everything. I was lost in her touch her soft lips seem to melt my cheek. I suddenly became the happiest. Her words were deep from her heart n touch was extremely pure n soft like pure gold. My heart felt solace with her gesture. I was already lost in her act when her melodious voice ecohed again in my ears.

Syra- Sanskaar ...

Sa- bolo.

Syra- her skin is so soft.

Sa- yes so.

Syra- nothing. I just love her. See she gave me a ring the way she gave u.

Sa- That's so nice of her isn't it.

Syra- hmm.. that's y I love her.

Sa- we r getting late. Challen. Wese bhi today I will drop u come fast.

Syra- I love u Sanskaar. Ur the best

Sa- love you too my doll.

Sanskaar and Syra left the room. I smiled. Syra was really a sweet kid. I like her so much. Perhaps the only person that makes me happy here. I was lost in my thoughts about Syra when it stuck me that what will happen when Sanskaar will certainly back. Will he beat me for waking up late. My body became more numb after this thought. Stressed I somehow managed to sleep. Lazy me.

I finally woke up when Sanskaar's voice tickled my eardrum. I woke up nervous. I wish he did not beat me or something. To my surprise he was smiling. He handed over to me a cup of sizzling tea. I was shocked but then held it. I folded my legs to give him space. This man always makes me feel guilty for whatever I think of him. Here I was getting irritated with him, hating him and he instead of being a jerk and proving me right or giving me a reason to hate him, gives me a reason to feel guilty. He killed me with his care. I felt guilty for thinking bad about him.

Sa- (cheering charming voice)Good Morning.

I smiled. His voice was cheering n fresh it made me smile. Yet I was nervous and tensed about his reaction.

Sw(nervously)- Good morning. Sanskaar ji.

He sat with little difficulty and we sipped tea.

Sa- Swara hope last night u were comfortable.

Sw- yes I was.

I smiled n replied honestly. Last night I liked him because he didn't touch me physically. I wouldn't mind if he did but then he was being a gentleman giving me time to adjust. I was hurt at first. I thought he had married me just for Syra but then I was happy that the gap he maintained was for me getting comfortable. He again spoke up and pulled me out of my thoughts.

Sa- AMM.. I suppose u would be missing ur dida. Do call her.

He conversed further

Sw- Ji.

I agreed to what he said. I was clearly missing dida. After mom passed away it is my habbit to wake up with her voice. He smiled and we finished the tea. I didn't wish to show him that I was sad. Hence was smiling to cover it up. He limped to me and asked for my used cup of tea. I was shocked. I was guilty, guilty for getting irritated with him. He was quite too good.

Sw- Sa... Sanskaar ji no I will do it.

Sa- it's okay give it to me. U go and freshen up.

I was still motion less. He bent a little and slightly took over the empty cups.He placed them back on the tray and moved out. He was moving out when I spoke up. It just stuck my mind that I had to go to college and I surely didn't wish to look like a weirdo.

Sw- Sanskaar jji

I turned to her.

Sa- bolo.

Sw- woh. . Hope u won't mind if I will wear Jeans and top for the college.

Sa- it's all your wish Swara. Wear what u like and as you wish. No compulsion. Intact not even about bindi Vermillion etc. Be the way u wish to be in ur own place okay.

I smiled a little. He was understanding. He wasn't forcing me to accept him. He moved out I felt light. I took out my clothes from my bag and packed the books into the college bag. I moved to the washroom.

Some 15 minutes and I was out and ready for the college. I wore my favorite red top. My mind was perplexed, I did not know weather to wear Vermillion and nuptial chain or not. Confused I looked at my reflection through the mirror. I lifted up the lotion and applied on my arms and body. I pulled out my pouch I had brought from my place. I applied my face cream. I applied face powder over it, followed by deo. I tied my hair up in a ponytail. I applied little pink gloss over my lips. I wore my black strap watch and matching earrings. I exhaled the carbon in my bronchi. I continued to adore my own lips, hair, eyes,y cheeks that had a tinge of warmth due to the reflection of my red top. I smiled. It was perfect. I took out my little silverly nose pin and wore it as well. I like it a lot. It is simple elegant and classy. It makes me look smart. I winked my own reflection and smiled. I checked my teeth they were perfectly white and clean.

I was ready and all set to go. I had just two things remaining, the ones which were a question for me. Should I wear Vermillion n nuptial chain or should I not. I was confused but then I had promised to myself that I will anyway try to accept him and be with him. I let a sigh out and put a little Vermillion in my partition. It was very very little. I didn't wish it to be visible to too many people. I tied the nuptial chain around my neck. I smiled a little or may be tried to smile. I held my bag. I was looking at my reflection in the mirror. I smiled I wasn't looking that ugly or perhaps they both were adding more to the glow of my face. I didn't know. I simply moved out.

I set the bag on the couch. Sanskaar was looking at me. He was stairing at me as if clicking my pictures in his mind. I felt happy. I lifted my eyes to him. He began looking down at the breakfast. I smiled. The room was filled with the fragrance of sizzling poha. I wished to grab a spoon now but then I had to prepare halwa for the first kitchen. Trust me if he cooks so good, I will fall for him now.

I moved to him brushing my thoughts.

Sw- Sanskaar ji woh I wanted to make some halwa dida told me about first kitchen.

He faintly smiled.

Sa- No worries. Wait I will give u sugar and everything but just one help.

Sw- Ji.

Sa- u have to bend down and pull the jar with suji it is in the lower rack. It's tough for me to bent so low with my .. aamm.. leg u know.

Sw- yes sure.

He moved to the racks and gave me sugar, ghee and then as he described I pulled out suji jar from the bottom most rack. I realized it could be tough for him but how did he do this when I wasn't here. Perhaps Syra. Idk I began preparing halwa. He left to freshen up.

Fifteen minutes n he came out with his bag. I was waiting for him. I had prepared a lot of Halwa He was perhaps surprised n I grew nervous.

Sa- Swara isn't it too much? (

What a miserly man? Huh!!..

Sw- no Sanskaar I thought to distribute it among the children outside the temple.

I cleared his doubt.

He nodded. We served it in several disposable bowls and he accompanied me to the temple. I didn't walk with him there was a huge gap in between us. I wish to accept him, but I couldn't this soon. I was quite embrassed to walk with him. He was crippling behind me. I was guilty for my behavior yet I cannot help it.

We reached the temple. We prayed together. I didn't know what to wish for but then I prayed for Syra's good health and happiness. I know he should be a part of my prayers but for now he isn't. Neither I wish to include him this soon. I opened my eyes, he wasn't even praying. He was looking at some bottle. I wonder what was that perhaps his medicines. He is a sort of strange man he wasn't even praying here in the temple. Does he have no faith over the Almighty. Perplexed I quizzed him...

Sw- Sanskaar ji... Kya dekhne Rahe hein ??

Sa- nothing. Come let's go.

I nodded. Before going we bent down n touched the feet of the elderly priest in the temple. He blessed us and wished for our happy married life. I smiled. I wish it could have a beautiful start, I wish my husband wasn't a lame man. I wish I wasn't married this soon. I wish my mom n dad were alive. Alas, I had to face the harsh reality.

He again followed me but in b/w I heard him call me. At first I ignored him but then turned.

Sa- (panting) SW.. Swara...

Sw-(ignores n continues to walk)

Sa- (panting but a bit louder)- Swara... Swara...

Sw- (irritated but controlled) ji

Sa- Can.. (breaths heavily ) Can we talk pls.

I hesitated at first but then nodded. We moved to the garden in the temple. He won't leave me alone right now we will be spending time together in this garden at the temple. He won't stop adding more to the embarrassment I felt with him. I was irritated and disinterested. I wanted to go home and lock myself in my room or rather lock him somewhere so that I don't have to talk to him or be with him.

Sa- Swara u can be honest here in the temple about everything.

Sw- I know Sanskaar ji.

I replied him calmly looking down. I felt like rolling my eyes as if I don't know that we can't be honest here. Intact you ask me anywhere anything, trait me I won't lie.

Sa- okay so I want to talk we still have 1 and half hour for college. Can we just talk for 15 minutes.

Sw- yes say it (disinterested tone)

Sa-(exhaled) I hope you weren't forced for the marriage. I mean was it really your wish.

Sw- If u want me to be honest then no actually sometimes we need to do things our elders wish for us. Dida says you r honest and trustworthy and so I believe her words. I am sorry if it sounds rude or harsh but as u said I need to be honest so I am honest. Sanskaar ji trust me I wish to be loyal to you but I need some time to accept you. I like you now as well but still I need time.

I looked down. I said what was there in my mind. I felt light, but then I realized I might have hired him. Perhaps quite badly.

Sa- I understand Swara (her eyes shifted to me) I know you need time n I am thankful atleast you are trying to be with me in my harshest times. I am sorry for the shame I am causing you.

He said and almost choked. My eyes were filled with tears, they rolled out. I was feeling more guilty about what I was doing to him. I was ignoring him, hating him for no reason, hurting him.

Sa- Swara.

He called me in a wet shaking voice, I gazed at him. He wiped my tears, I felt more guilty. No dida was right I won't ever get a man like him.

Sa- I don't know if it's the correct time but I just want a promise from you.

I nodded.

Sa- Pls Swara take care of Syra. Pls. She needs you. Pls fulfill the vaccum of a mother in her life.

He requested, his hands were joined. I felt putty over him but then these words were hurtful. What he had married me for? Is it just Syra? Anger and irritation again builded up in my heart.

Sw- And you, don't you need my support.

Sa- I .. I do need u, ur support but not more than Syra. She needs you in her life as a mother more than I need you in my life as a wife.

I nodded. I wasn't happy with his reply. It could have been better if he had pulled me into a tight hug and said yes he needs me and my support. I would have been the happiest, perhaps he doesn't need me.

We began to move out.

Sa- Swara it's okay u go I will follow back.

I stopped for a second. He smiled a little . I too left his hand and moved down. Perhaps he actually didn't need me. He had married me just for Syra. Tears welled up in my eyes with this thought. I wish dad was here with me. I wish I could go back now. Alas, I am left with no option but to stay with him. A lame man, a man not from my dreams atleast.

We reached back home. We had breakfast.

He smiled. He was really a good tea. It was very impressive. He made superb tea and now delicious poha. I served him some halwa after which he gifted me two bangles.

Sa- Swara see if mom would be here then she would surely gift you these.

Sw- but ..

Sa- shh.. these are yours now.

He simply kept the box in my hand. They were simple yet beautiful. I saw some moisture in his eyes, perhaps he was Missing his mother.

Sw-(conserned) Sanskaar ji Kya hua.

He nodded in a no.

Sa- (breaking but controlled voice) Swara. Let's go we r getting late for the college.

We left. I was feeling better. Yet I didn't wish to be with him, neither Ragini or Laksh wished, that is why we they were also avoiding him. They were moving ahead with me. I felt bad for doing this to him but then I couldn't just accept him yet, moreover Ragini n Laksh too seem to hate him or perhaps they too feel embrassed by his presence that is why we three sat on the first bench and he silently sat on the last bench. Was is embarrassed by his own self? My heart sank in the pit of my stomach. It was wrong. I should sit with him, be with him. My heart insisted me but mind countered, what about all the embarrassment. No I won't!! Not here in the college atleast.

Attendence began as soon as the professor entered. Soon his name was called.

Professor- Sanskaar Kumar.

Sa- present sir.

Professor- Where are u Kumar sahab come out. Let the class have a watch at ur handsome face.

I wondered why was professor calling him and saying like this. Suddenly a student entered. I quizzed Ragini who was he, she said he was Zain. He was handsome, good looking, young guy.

Zain- May I come in sir.

Professor- nope how come you r late.

The professor quizzed him, his eyes turned to Sanskaar he smirked.

Zain- I went to buy a pack of Sanskaar.

Professor- WHAT??

Zain- sir sorry I mean Kurkure. U know they are like him crooked.

The whole Hall was giggling. I frowned. I didn't like it. No how dare he say anything like that to Sanskaar. Okay I don't like him but then he is my husband. Only I have the right to hate him or love him. I have right to point out what's wrong or right with him not this jerk. This professor is also a jerk too, he also insulted Sanskaar. These all people had no right to laugh at my husband. No!! No one else accept me. I don't like him is something different. Only if I had guts to accept the reality I wouldn't let this happen. Sanskaar didn't even say a word. He sat back on the bench. His eyes were glued to the desk. He didn't even look up once. I felt bad n worst. I hated myself for Hating him. Alas, for now I had no option in mind to love him.

Professor- Swara S.

In no time my name was called.

Sw- Present sir.

Professor- you r the new girl. Marriage case r8!!

Sw- Yes sir.

He glued his eyes back into the register and nodded in disappointment.

Professor- All the best for your married life.

I felt low. This is the reason I didn't wish to get married. It is the dead end to ones dream and carrier. I wished to be something in my life. Now whenever anyone knows that I am married they take it like I am done. Now I don't need to study any further. Now it's a waste for me to study or follow my dreams. No it's not. I felt hurt.

The lecture began. The recess bell rang after 2:30 hrs. Sanskaar sat back. Ragini and Laksh I left. We left the classroom. People were still making fun of Sanskaar and I was still watching it happen. I felt liking slapping each and every one of those guys who were saying shit about Sanskaar. It stuck me that he had not come out of the class yet. I excused myself and moved to Sanskaar. He was alone in the class and drowned in his books.

Sw- Sanskaar ji lunch!!.

Sa- NO. I don't want you go n have urs.

He said without looking at me. He was cold. Perhaps his rage n irritation came out on me. This is the reason may be Ragini and Laskh avoid him. I left without talking much. If he isn't interested to talk to me I won't be wasting my time.

We returned back home from college. I had been walking ahead with Ragini and Laksh. I know that's bad of me to feel ashamed of my husband yet I have admit I am. He crawled and followed us behind. But then dida's words echoed in my ears -'He needs U' I turned to him. I began walking towards him. He noticed me and then started walking towards the other road. I halted myself in between. Was he angry upon me? I wondered but then joined Ragini and Laksh. Sanskaar had given me the keys and hence I entered into the small rented apartment. I walked upto the washroom and changed. I walked back. My thought to prepare lunch for Syra. I reheated the halwa n made potato curry. I pulled out the box which had the for for Puri. I was engrossed in everything when the bell rang. I moved out. I opened the door and found Sanskaar and Syra. I smiled automatically when I saw Syra. Her eyes were glittering with happiness. She wrapped her little hands around my legs. I lifted her up and she began to talk.I moved inside.

Syra- muma today u prepared the meal.

Sw- yes princess.

She smiled.

Syra- Acha u know all my friends like the ring u gave me so much.

Sw- aww but did you like it.

Syra- no I just loved it.

She pecked my cheeks and embraced me. Ifelt happy.

Syra- (wet voice) I love you muma.

Moisture welled up in my eyes.

Sw- Love you too Syra.

I pecked her cheek and caressed her hair.

Sw- Okay Syra babu come have a bath.

She nodded. I helped her change. Sanskaar was waiting outside. I didn't wish to talk to him. I and Syra moved out.

I turned to him.

Sw- Sanskaar ji aap bhi AA jayeye then I shall serve.

Sa- hmm

He smiled and nodded. He got up and moved to the washroom. I made Syra sit on the slab and began rolling puris. Syra was continuously talking to about her school. She was sharing every little detail about her day. In no time Sanskaar joined us. He was smiling, he just stood out of the kitchen. I started frying puris and served him. He took his plate and sat on the small dining table. He began the meal. I served Syra as well. She had her meal while sitting close to me on the slab. After they were done I had my lunch. Syra had a few bites from my plate. It was fun feeding her. I moved to the kitchen and kept the dishes when Sanskaar came out wish a red box and called Syra

Sa- Syra won't u gift mumma what you brought for her.

Syra- oh I forgot. Sanskaar. .

She ran to him and held his hand. He smiled and I was standing washing my hands. He called me.

Sa- Swara pls come here.

I smiled and moved to the couch. He signalled me to sit. He sat by my side and gave Syra an anklet from the box. She sat down on the floor and made me wear the first one and then the second anklet. They were simple, elegant and thin. The way I like. She looked at me.

With sparkling eyes she asked.

Syra- Mumma did you like it.

I nodded and smiled. She bend n pecked my feet.

Syra- I love you mumma.

My eyes welled up with moisture. I lifted her up and embraced her. I didn't want the time to end. Syra's eyes dripped moisture as well. She slept there in my lap itself. Sanskaar was silently observing us.

Sw- thank you Sanskaar ji.

He smiled. We stood up and moved to the bedroom. Syra was in between us and me and Sanskaar slept on either sides. It was a tiring day a nap was must.

We both turned to Syra. He patted her forehead, I was adoring her Innocence. Our eyes met. I smiled his lips too curled into a smiled. Unknowingly I was diving into the ocean of his eyes. Neither he nor I broke the eyelock. I could feel some heat flushing through my cheeks. They might have turned a bit red. I looked down.

Sw- Sanskaar ji.

Sa- hmm..

Sw- Is Syra your own daughter?

He laughed. I lifted my gaze to him.

Sa- U r my first wife Swara.

I smiled. It was a silly question indeed.

Sw- But then who is she?

Sa- it's hard to explain!

Sw- u have ample of time now and trust me I am a good student. I will understand things quickly.

He smiled n nodded.

Sa- amm .. promise me you won't tell her this. I don't wish Syra to know anything about her past.

Sw- Promise.

Sa- It was some 4 or 4& half years back when I was shifting here in this apartment.

Sw- where did you stay before.

Sa- Outskirts of the city. So back to the story me and Laksh went to buy some things to a market. It was there when we saw an old lady struggling with a baby and grossry. We helped her. She told us that she was her orphan grand daughter. It then became a routine. We use to meet Syra every weekend. Time was passing by.

Sw- then.

Sa- then one day aunty called us at about 2 am . She said her husband have slipped due to the water on the floor. He had stopped responding. We both rushed him to the hospital. There doctors declared him dead.

Sw- That's sad

Sa- Yes it is but it was just the beginning.

Sw- what do you mean?

Sa- aunty was shattered. We did all the funeral rituals for uncle. I insisted aunty to stay with us. Laksh wasn't ready for it yet I proposed it.

Sw- why ?

Sa- it's better you ask him.

Sw- leave it then.

Sa- Then what I took care of aunty and Syra, while Laksh was busy dating Ragini.

Sw- oho.. did they have a love marriage.

Sa- yes. He is quite romantic.

Sw- N u r quite good.

He smiled. It was what I genuinely felt. He is quite a good man.

Sa- Thanks for the compliment. Well whatever. Time passed by it was one night I came back I could hear Syra crying.

Sw- where were u?

Sa-(a bit nervous) I was out for some work.

Sw- oh. Which work btw?

Sa- Uff Swara now I don't remember it!! It was years back baba..

Sw- okay okay.. u continue. I was just worried if u were roaming with your girl friend.

Sa- (raised an eyebrow) Girlfriend MERI. Joking or what!!

Sw- why? You never had a girlfriend.

Sa- who wants to be with a lame guy?

I fell silent. He was right I was no different from those other girls. I too wasn't happy staying with him. He was doing so much for others even when he himself was suffering. Dida is right he is a good man. Our conversation for making me guilty. I wish to be with him more. I wish to stay with him and support him.

Sa- serious ho gayi Kya?

Sw- huh.. no woh..

Sa- I know I am right!! Leave that. So that night I walked to Syra and calmed her. I made her rest on the bed and left to sleep on the couch.

Sw- but where was Laksh.

Sa- he is the kumbhkaran part 2. He was sleeping.

Sw- he is quite careless. Isn't it.

Sa- yes he is.

Sw- leave it u tell me what's the next.

Sa- Then next morning aunty didn't woke up. She was in a deep fatal sleep. She died.

Sw- So from then Syra is with you.

Sa- yes.

Sw- but why she calls u Sanskaar. I mean if she thinks I am her mom then you r her dad right.

Sa- I don't know Swara I never defined our relationship. It is perhaps Syra who thinks I am her father also I never protested. Whatever it may be she is my responsibility so I will definitely take care of her. She is like my own daughter now. Leave this you tell me did you talk to dida.

Sw- no not yet.

Sa- then do it.

Sw- will talk with Syra she too wishes to talk with her nani.

Sa- wese where are your mom n dad.

Sw- it's another long story Sanskaar ji. Some other day.

Sa-but surely tell me han. I think we need to know each other before we proceed any further with our relationship.

I nodded. I felt happy.

Sa-wese what are your plans. This is the last year for college.

I fell silent. Was he really thinking about this? I was happy.

Sw- Sanskaar ji do you want me to..

Sa- what do you mean by I want? It's your life Swara don't you wish to fly.

Sw- I do ..

My voice chocked by then. I was teary eyed.

Sa- hey Swara.. what happened.

He sat on the bed. I sat along n nodded in a no. I felt his hand neat to my shoulder. I was looked at it. My eyes met his. He finally kept his over my shoulder. We needed to converse but for now I paused. I wished to live it. I wished that my feelings should change into love. Can I just rest over his shoulder. I didn't know weather to do it or not. I stayed in my position for a few seconds but then at this time my heart felt emmence happiness. I rolled my arms around his n rested my head on his shoulder. His head was over mine. His breath tickled my hair. His touch was soothing. I felt light and at peace. Perhaps this was the first step. Perhaps this is the beginning. He is slowly melting my heart and making a sweetest place for himself there. I smiled and relaxed there on my husband's shoulder. I so much wish that I could peck his hands but then refrained. I was feeling shy in a way.

"Heavenly" the only way I felt now.

~Real love is not based upon Romance, Candlelight dinners or walks along the beach...

Infact it's based on care compromise respect and trust.~

Playboy Chapter6

~ Sun saw his body, moon saw his soul; wounded, cracked, broken, scared yet it was smiling for her "Strange" said the moon~

Sanskaar POV-

Her head rested upon my shoulder. It was blissful. Syra was peacefully sleeping. Me and Swara were resting close to each other. After so long life seemed still, positive and beautiful.

It was hurting me a little that she ignored me in the morning but now I feel light. We sit here close.

After I don't know years I ate properly. Her love for Syra is all that I need. It gives me peace more than anything. Infact if she doesn't loves me but only Syra then too I will be fine.

Sa- You did not reply me Swara! What are your plans after college. Any job of your choice? Or do you wish to go for any further courses.

I asked her again. I know marriage with me is the worst thing in this world but before I kill myself actually I wish to leave behind the minimum required money for her as well. Dida is old, I don't want her to suffer in future. She lifted her head her eyes had tears.

Sa- hey Swara!! Why are u crying?

I cupped her face and wiped her tears. I don't know how will I bear them when she will get know my truth. I can't just handle them even now. It hurts me, they pearced my heart.

She nodded in a no. I couldn't help but embraced her.

Sw- You know Sanskaar ji I thought my last few days of freedom will be over! I thought you will just use my body like all men and I will take care of your kids and you and then get old and die. The marriage seemed to me like an end.

I was shocked. I never thought this way, what else does normally happens. She spoke the harsh reality of a woman's life. Men use their bodies, they work like free maids and nanies, what else remains in their life. That's wrong. There should be a space for a woman to grow and fulfill her dreams. Marriage shouldn't mark an end to her sparkling dreams. I promise our short relationship won't do that to her. I will try not to extract the color out of her dreams, heart and soul. I want to make them vibrant. I wish she fly higher and higher. I wish she stay happy forever and rest in the warm embrace of her

dreams.

Sa- I promise Swara I won't kill your soul. Trust me our marriage won't be an end but just a begining. I will try to keep it sweetest possible.

She lifted her gaze to me.

Sw- Thank you.

We parted from the hug.

Sa- so now stop this crying han. Wait.

I managed to get up. I limped to the kitchen and walked back with a glass of water. She was expressionlessly looking at me I made her drink water and sat back at my place.

Sa- hmm so now tell me your future plans.

Sw- Woh.. I... I wish to seek a job in ITs in Banglore or Pune and our college gets people from there so I thought to try during campus placements.

Sa- that's good Swara. Are you sure you want to work in ITs, I mean there is so much you can do.

Sw- for now yes. Perhaps being with you can change my opinion.

I smiled.

Sa- Perhaps!! But I would love it if you would do something more independent.

She lifted her gaze to me. Her eyes met mine.

Sw- Are you sure you want to me to try! I mean what you wish to do? Afterall we are lifepartners I don't want to ruin your dreams because of mine. I wish that we both grow together hand in hand. That's it.

I smiled. I was overwhelmed. She atleast understood and respected our relationship. It had a place in heart and value in her eyes.

Sa- I will be with you, wherever you go. Fine.

She nodded.

Sw- What if only one of us could get the job..

Sa-(cuts) Never mind Swara your success is mine. I won't be jealous.

I laughed a little. A slight shy smile spread over her face.

Sa- u rest now and let me as well. Come on, be quick and take a short nap.

I cheered her mood. She smiled and rested on her side. I closed my eyes as my back rest over the mattress.

I tried sleeping but couldn't. How to do that when I know that the happiness is momentarily. The beauty and peace I have managed to gather are based on lies. They are glass like. Once truth will strike them, everything will be shattered.

I turned to see Swara she was fast asleep. I sliently opened my drawer and grabbed my medicines. I tip toes to the kitchen and swallowed them. They are painkillers. I exhaled. I take them occasionally for I get exhausted to much because of this non working leg of mine. I came back to the room n rested. I was already dizzy.

"Sanskaar ji" her voice tickled my eardrum. I opened my eyes. I was having body and head ache. I sat on the bed. The painkillers were supposingly not working much well or perhaps it was their side effect, dizziness.

Swara was standing there with a cup of tea.

"Thank you " I smiled and held the tea.

She took her cup and pulled a chair close to me. My hands were shaking. I kept the cup on the side table.

Sw(Nervously) - Sanskaar ji!!

Sa- Han

Sw- are you okay

I nodded and sipped tea. It felt better. My head seemed to get lighter. I slowly sipped the tea and rested my head on the head rest of the bed. I had closed my eyes to feel comfortable.

In no time I could feel her hand over my head.

Sw- I think you have fever.

I opened my eyes to see her stand close to me. Very close. Her scent was sweet, my lips were surely curled into a smile, while her face showed lines of worries.

She immediately got a thermometer and checked my temperature. I could see fine lines of worry on her face. She shortly pulled it out and the frown of her eyebrows deepend. She checked my temperature again with her palm.

Sw- I was right you have fever.wait I shall..

Sa-(cuts) Swara !!

I held her wrist.she turned to gaze at me perplexed.

Sa- Swara I am fine you come and sit here.

Sw- But...

Sa- Shh! It's normal okay. I had taken medicines already.

Taking of the painkillers, feeling dizzy and yet working isn't new to me. Perhaps I am habbitual. Sleepless nights have their own side effects, Alas I couldn't help it either way. I am bound to work for her, Syra n so many others. "Work" my eyes filled with moisture, betraying her is my work. I blinked to wipe the moisture.

Not completely convenced yet she sat and we sipped tea.

Sa- Swara where is Syra? I quizzed her.

Sw- Woh she is there with kids. It's time for taking tution for Ragini and Laksh. She said she will join the kids and study with them.

I smiled nodded. I liked it, this tution class is an aid as well as Syra get to mix up with kids. She sits there with them. In a few minutes tea was over I got up and held both the cups.

Sw- Sanskaar ji you rest I will do it.

Sa- No Swara it's fine. I will do it.

I began crippling outside the room and washed the dishes. I came back and saw her studying. I took my books and sat in the other room. So as to avoid distraction and vague chinwag.

From evening 4 it turned 7:30 pm. She moved out of the room. I too pulled out myself from my books.

Sa- Swara done with your studies.

She smiled.

Sw- not yet but I will study late night. Just now I need a break and thought to make dinner.

Sa- come I will help you.

I moved to the kitchen and joined her. She pulled out lentils and flour. I boiled water and chopped onions.

Sw- when will you leave for your call center?

She asked me casually while keeping the lentil jar back on the rack. My hands froze for a second but then composing myself I continued my work n replied as casually as possible.

Sa- around 9:30

I replied.

Sw- okay. Then that's fine, I thought I might cause delay.

She said and continued to mix flour and water. I smiled and looked down. My eyes had tears not only because of sulphur released from onion I was chopping but also because all of the sudden I was all over again guilt ridden. I couldn't say a word. I could feel heat rush through my face and nose. My watery tears slipped down my cheek. I wiped them. She didn't bother to glance, I fooled her again, she like any other person thought it was Onion that caused this to me. My blurred gaze fell on the steel vessel near to me. It reflected my miserable red face stained with tears.

Perhaps having finished her task I could hear her laughter. I turned to her. I blinked my tears away just see her giggle. Her angelic face and sweet aura eliminated the pain in my heart effortlessly. I smiled as her giggles caused music to my ears.

Sw- Sanskaar ji!! I will do it. Leave

She took the knife from my hands. She was still giggling, it diverted my attention from her face to mine. I realized I was looking no less than a clown with red nose tip. Red n a gloomy face. I immediately washed my face n gazed at her. Her eyes met mine n she giggled again. I joined her this time. My eyes were still swollen.

I drank some water wiped my face n left to bring Syra. It had been long since she had gone there.

I returned back n she climbed up the slab n sat near Swara narrating her all the things she did. I couldn't Express the happiness I felt adoring their Bond. Usually it's kids who get jealous with their siblings as they have to share the love of their parents with other kid. Here I am a bit jealous, hearing to so many details and making dinner for Syra is my task. Today Swara over took it. I will miss those days n Syra's conversations. I sighed at the pink memories of good old times. I set the plates on the dinning area. Swara served me. Syra was following her talking to her continuously. I felt excluded but I was happy at the same time. It's humorous I am jealous,sad n happy at the same time. I wish this to happen, I wish to be excluded completely from everyone's life so that in my absolute absence no one misses me. I know it hurts but I know I will get used to it as well like I got used to everything n every situation.

I was silently had my dinner n found Syra talking to Swara n eating at the same time. I smiled and began washing the dishes in the sink. I got panicked when Syra coughed all of the sudden. I immediately washed hands and crippled to the water container but Swara ran n reached before I could even go halfway. She patted her back n made her drink water.

Sw- Syra babu. Take care na muma h Yanhin p. AB first have dinner n then we will talk okay.

Still out of breath Syra obidiently nodded. I limped back n washed the last dish. I silently dragged my body to the bedroom, I wasn't needed anymore anywhere around. I exhaled n packed my bag. I pulled out my jeans n shirt, I checked my message. It was another hotel room n another woman a new story today.

I moved away. Moisture n tears seemed make a permanent place in my eyes. I stood by the balcony of the room. Slow cool winds and giggles of my beloved ladies soothed me. I did not wish them to vanish. I moved to the washroom, I took a shower and then changed.

I moved to the living area. Swara and Syra were watching films.

I sliently began moving out when they both in unison bid me a bye.

SW+ Syra- BYE .

Their eyes still glued over SRK.

Sa- bye n good night.

I said smiling and left. I sighed SRK u r a thief!! U stole the heart of my wife n daughter before handedly.

I moved out, to the hotel. Again the same old story, a middle aged women quite lumpy waited for me.

She seemed quite nervous. I kept my bag on the side n exhaled I didn't wish to do what I was supposed to do. I removed my shirt n moved to her with my bare chest.

Lady- (nervously) Hi...

I smiled. She signed me to sit next to her on the bed. I followed.

Lady- I am Sammy.

She introduced herself.

Sa- Sanskaar here.

I introduced myself n played a vedio on my phone to get hard.

Sam- Sanskaar

Sa- yes how can I help you Sammy. You want a drink.

She nodded in a yes. I moved n made her a drink. She gulped it. Followed by a can of bear.She was quite drunk by now.

Sam- Sanskaar tell me am I not beautiful.

Sa(I smiled and replied) Hey you are beautiful indeed Sammy

She smiled.

Sammy- Then why am I still alone. Why my husband doesn't comes close, y??

Sa- Perhaps you have not yet met the right guy!

I assured.

Sammy- I want wrong guys I want someone close. I want to loose myself in his arms. Will you help me Sanskaar??

She said amongst the tears.

Sammy- Am I bad??

Her eyes were pleading to me for a reply.

Sammy- Am I a bad woman if I paid for an escort? Aren't my desires the once haunting me. Am I cheap Sanskaar.

I pulled out my handkerchief and handed it over to her.

Sa- Sammy u aren't bad okay. U r beautiful.

I assured.

I could hear her sob. I felt pained. It's hard not to get emotionally attached to these people. They have carved for love n couldn't get it though right ways. Eventhough you don't need anyone in this world to be happy, but I can understand how good it feels to have a shoulder to rest your head upon, it's so good to have a person who simply pecks your head and says -" It's alright". Alas, it is painful that some have to pay money for this to random men like me.

Sa- Sammy tell me how can I help you?

I asked out of duty.

Sammy- Just be with me. Stay here embrace me. Rest by my side and listen to my heart.

I followed

We lay on the sides of the bed. It was all silent. No words were being exchanged. I was relieved somewhere as well. I didn't wish to let anyother women use my body. I was gazing at the ceiling and time passed by. She held my hand and intervieved our fingers. She was still crying but I stayed silent. I wish to let her heart out and cry. I was there for listening to her.

Sa- Are you married?

Sammy- 15 years.

Sa- Then

Sammy- It's all a distorted relationship. My husband had affairs since early years, when I objected he beated me. I tried going back but couldn't. My family denied, they said I should live with him.

Sa- So still with him.

Sammy- What else to do? I have now stop expecting anything from him and our marriage.

Sa- Why ? I mean no kids.

Sammy- I had a son, he died few years back and things worsened but only for me.

I frowned.

Sammy- He never bothered about our son. He was always busy with his office and chicks around. I asked him why can't we try having a baby again. He said it's fine I should learn to live without him.

Sa- But why?

Sammy- Perhaps he loves someone else.

Sa- who

Sammy- Idk but he does.

Sa- didn't he loved you earlier.

Sammy smiled and wiped her tears.

Sammy- what should I expect from a marriage that was a business deal.

I felt pitty over her.

Sa- So u r here for revenge

Sammy- don't know people say escorts listen to you very calmly. I just wished that ; by the way are you getting bored?

Sa- No nothing like that, it's my work after all.

Sammy- Ain't you feeling cold?

She indicated to my bare chest. I could feel heat rush through my cheeks. I felt embarrassed. It never generally happens, I smiled and crippled to my shirt on the couch.

I moved back to the bed and sat by the side.

Sammy-How did you get this leg paralysed?

Sa- ahmm.. leave it, it's an old story.

Sammy- As you wish, do u like chocolates?

Sa- I don't hate them either!

Sammy - U know Sanjay my husband also likes.

Sa- Do you love him

Sammy- One sided is a waste of time. I think I should move on!

Sa- But why do you love him.

Sammy- Idk! I perhaps loved him and you know love has no reason.

We rested for some more time in silence. I did not know what to say. I know love is spontaneous and has no reason. Love is insane.

I am working in the most hurtful way just to keep my beloved smiling. Strange indeed. I turned to Sammy i didn't wish to be with her after two in the morning, I wanted to go to Swara and Syra soonest.

Sa- Sammy do you want me to ... Amm.. you know what I mean.

Sammy- U can satisfy my body but what about my soul.

I fell silent not knowing what to do. She got up and walked up to the alcohol bottle. She gulped it down in no time.

Sammy- Remove you shirt.

I felt scared yet I knew I had to follow.

Sa- I need five minutes.

She nodded, I blinked to dismiss the the mositure that had built up in my eyes. I removed my shirt, drank some water even when I wish I could get drunk or smoke weed before I betray the love of my life Alas, I couldn't do it. I don't want to give them a drunkard careless husband and father. I moved to the bed and amongst all the pain and guilt I did what I was paid for. Sammy was drunk she slept earlier. I got up took a shower changed and left. It was 2:15 am in the morning. I exhaled the carbon in my lungs and decided to meet Sujata Maa. I crippled to the hospital.

I entered her room she was still there lying on the bed like a lifeless body. I bent to peck her hand. I sat on a stool and rested my head in her feet. I did not move back home, it was peaceful here. I slept there in her feet.

Swara POV-

Sanskaar left at his due time. Me and Syra were watching Dilwale this time. During the ad breaks I decided to call dida once. I haven't talked to her yet.

Phone convo-

Dida- Shoru !! Finally you called. Han not missing dida or what?

She said and my eyes filled with tears. I wished to meet her hug her stay there.

Sw- Dida!

I couldn't help but sobbed. Syra was there in front of me but it was tough staying strong. Now I felt low.

Dida- Shona y r u crying, Did Sanskaar do anything?

She asked worried

Sw- No. I am just missing you.

I replied amongst my sobs.

Dida- PAGAL !! Acha no crying, u r my strong Shona got it. How was your day?

Sw- Good. New types but you know tough.

Dida- you will shortly get habbitual. Okay now don't cry how is Syra?

SW- Good (to Syra) u want to talk to Nani.

She smiled innocently and clutched my slawar. She was nervous.

Sw- Dida Abhi when we will come to meet you in vacations na then u meet Syra she will get more comfortable. Abhi thoda nervous and shy h.

Dida- han okay I can understand. Challo bye take. Care and don't cry

Sw- Good night. U too take care.

Dida disconnected the call. I switched off the television and lifted Syra up. Seeing me crying her face had turned pale. She tightly embraced me. I pecked her forehead. I made her rest on the bed and patted her forehead slowly. She pecked my cheek and slept in no time. I adored her Innocence. I moved to the living room and began studying.

It was 10:15 I began n got up at about 2:30 am. I locked the door and windows. I set the things at proper place and slept. Sanskaar wasn't here, to be honest I wasn't even missing him anyway but then I was worried were was he. I walked to our room and tried sleeping but couldn't. Around 3 am I decided to call him.

At first he didn't pick up the call, I tried again n again. The anxiety in my heart grew more and more with time. I began pacing back and forth waiting for him. About 5 minutes later I called again this time he picked the call.

Phone Convo-

Sw- Sanskaar Ji! Kanhan hain aap. I was so worried for you! Why weren't you picking up the call?

I bombarded him with questions.

Sa- Swara woh I am sorry I just came to the hospital to see Maa, wait I am coming back.

Sw- WHO??

Sa- I will tell you she is like my mom. U wait I am coming back okay don't worry just sleep. I am fine.

Sw- Hmm. Atleast inform me Sanskaar ji. I was so worried.

I said my voice watery I was actually worried my mind was filled with all sorts of negative thoughts.

Sa-(touched) I am sorry. I am coming asap okay.

Sw- hm.

I disconnected and slept. Night is always Scarry. I am afraid of darkness. I couldn't gather courage to switch off all the lights hence I decided to leave a dim night light on. I rested on the bed. I closed my eyes. I was at peace now. Whatever may be my feelings towards him but still he is my family now. I just grew scared for him.

I was adoring Syra again. I couldn't resist patting her forehead gently. She was an angel, so innocent while sleeping. I closed my eyes trying to sleep when I heard the door nob turn. I walked to the living room. Sanskaar had just entered. I moved to him and tried taking his bag. When he resisted and spoke up halting my actions.

Sa- Swara !! Kya kar Rahi ho.

Sw- bag ..

Sa-(smiled) I will do it don't worry.

I nodded. Sanskaar limped back into the room. He was tired, he changed into his nightwear and came back. I was sitting on the bed. He moved to me and bend a little he touched my cheek with his free hand.

Sa- Swara listen !! Don't worry Okay, I am fine. U just sleep.

His touch sent shiveres down my spine. He was gentle and soothing, his voice had an alien emotion embedded in it. I somewhere wished to stay there like that put forever. His eyes dripped concern. His smile was captivating. He had just walked out of the washroom, the scent of his soap was pleasant. Our eyes met and then neither he nor me broke the eye lock. It seemed as if the time had, paused and halted for the moments to stay, the heat to build and love to blossom.

"Swara" he wisphered my name again. I took a deep breath and my gaze went down getting fixed into my lap. Heat rushed through my cheeks.

He widrew his hand and the next moment I heard his stick tapping. He moved to the dresser and and was setting up his messed hair. My cheeks were red. He was occasionally stealing glances through the mirror. I felt happy and before I broke into a shy smile Infront of him I turned and covered myself into the warm blanket. I wrapped my arm around Syra and quickly covered my eyes. Drowning in the Depth of these new born, sudden feelings that tickled the strings of my heart as if it is a harp, I slept, experiencing emmence happiness.

Sanskaar POV-

I was in the hospital. When my my phone buzzed. I realized it after a few rings. It was Swara. I picked up the call.

She sounded really worried. I assured her I will be coming soon. I disconnected the call. I pecked the hands of Sujata Maa and adored her.

"Come back soon Maa, atleast be with your Sanskaar for these last few months of his life. Please" I wisphered. Tears brimmed in my eyes. I didn't wish to leave her side but had to go. I wanted her recovery as soon as possible.

I limped back home. Swara was really worried. I felt soothed with her concern. Today when I conversed with her she blushed. It was like a streak of light entered my heart which had been a prisoner of darkness for long. I too moved to my side and slept. I couldn't resist but out of habbit my hand was wrapped around Syra and accidentally it brushed with hers. I pulled my body a bit up. She was sleeping, I didn't wish to widraw my hand anyway. I let it stay there and then feeling her skin against mine gave me an essence of Scantification. I was guilty for what I had done today my heart was drowning in guilt. I wish to tell her Everything but not so soon. My guilt was killing me. I wanted to tell her Everything. I wish to cry my heart out in her embrace. Also, it was a eutrophic dream. Her love is my fantasy.

While my eyes were getting swelled up with the tears I slept. In between my guilt and pain. Drowning in the fanstcies of her love for me. A never possible pleasant life. All my dreams were stabbing me and my hope was healing them at the same time, in a strange painful and fatal way. Perhaps the last days of my little dark life will be toughest.

A tear again rolled out of my eye.This night also my pillow experienced a heavy shower; each tear drop somewhere lightening my heart. I rested in the lap of night, my dark mother who knew and have seen my soul. Who understood my pain. She who kissed them all. Perhaps, Night was my therapist, tears my medication and pillow my nurse; practising vague attempts to heal my already dead soul.