Playboy chapter-4
~ He was the Candle who lighted many lives. Alas, he killed himself in the selfless attempt.~
I woke up and saw her. She was still sleeping. It was 5:30. I held my stick and walked upto laksh's place. I knocked the door. Syra came out. I lifted her up.
Syra- Sanskaar where is mom.
Sa- Syra my princess she is tired Na. She is sleeping. Now u come I will help u get ready.
Syra- okay, bye chachu.
L- bye princess.
We came in. Swara was sleeping. I helped Syra get, ready made her breakfast and Lunch. It was 6:30am.
Sa- Syra kanhan ho.
Syra- coming.. she replied.
Something was fishy. I went to the room and found her sitting on the floor. She was admiring Swara.
Sa-(low voice) Syra .
Syra- she is so pretty. Can I kiss her cheeks.
Sa- yes u can.
She pecked her cheek. Swara's lips curled into a smile in her sleep.
Syra- Sanskaar ...
Sa- bolo.
Syra- her skin is so soft.
Sa- yes so.
Syra- nothing. I just love her. See she gave me a ring the way she gave u.
She showed her ring.
Sa- That's so nice of her isn't it.
Syra- hmm.. that's y I love her.
Sa- we r getting late. Challen. Wese bhi today I will drop u come fast.
She Pecked my cheek n embraced me.
Syra- I love u Sanskaar. Ur the best
Sa- love you too my doll.
I lifted her up n feed her the breakfast. I dropped her to the bus stop. I saw people passing disgusted looks at Syra for she being with me. I Pecked her forehead n made her sit in the bus. She waved her hand.
I returned back. It was 7. I lifted my books but then had a bath. Swara was still sleeping. The sunlight disturbed her sleep. I drew the curtains. She slept peacefully. I moved to the kitchen and prepared tea for us.
Sa- Swara.
I wisphered. She didn't wake up. I kept the cups on the side table besides her and patted her shoulder.
Sa- Swara. Wake up.
She nuzzled more into the blanket. I smiled. I simply patted her once again.
Sa- Pls Swara wake up or u will be late.
Finally this time she slowly opened her eyes. She perhaps didn't expect me to wake her up and she sat on the bed quite nervous. I smiled and forwarded her a cup of tea.
Sa- (cheering charming voice)Good Morning.
She smiled.
Sw(nervously)- Good morning. Sanskaar ji.
I held my cup of tea. She had folded her legs I sat Infront of her. My one leg the left paralysed one rested on the floor. The right leg was on the bed folded. We sipped the tea.
Sa- Swara hope last night u were comfortable.
Sw- yes I was.
She smiled.
Sa- AMM.. I suppose u would be missing ur dida. Do call her.
I conversed further.
Sw- Ji.
I smiled and we finished the tea. I could see fine lines of displeasure and discomfort on her face. I know she was trying to hide them under her smile but I could read them. I know I was the reason. I was the reason for her smile being lost. The most painful is to know that I would only cause more pain in her life even when I wish to be the reason for her smile, I will be unwillingly cause her tears. Her already lost smile and peace were the proof to my words. I silently dragged my body and stood with my support stick. I limped to her. We had finished the tea. I forwarded my hand and asked for the cup. She was surprised.
Sw- Sa... Sanskaar ji no I will do it.
Sa- it's okay give it to me. U go and freshen up.
She was still motion less. I bent a little and slightly took over the empty cups. I placed them back on the tray and moved out. I was moving out when she spoke up.
Sw- Sanskaar ji
I turned to her.
Sa- bolo.
Sw- woh. . Hope u won't mind if I will wear Jeans and top for the college.
Sa- it's all your wish Swara. Wear what u like and as you wish. No compulsion. Intact not even about bindi Vermillion etc. Be the way u wish to be in ur own place okay.
She smiled a little and nodded. I moved out and washed the dishes. I did not know weather to ask her to prepare some halwa for her first kitchen or not. Confused I decided to prepare poha for the breakfast. She came out. She wore a red net top. Her hair tied in a ponytail. Her hands had a black strap watch. She wore matching earrings. A small red bindi at her forehead. I small patch of Vermillion in her partition and her mangsutra around her neck gave me a little hope that she started accepting me. I was mesmerized by her simple look. She held her bag. She kept it on the couch and moved to me.
I moved my gaze down on the poha from her face.
Sw- Sanskaar ji woh I wanted to make some halwa dida told me about first kitchen.
I faintly smiled.
Sa- No worries. Wait I will give u sugar and everything but just one help.
Sw- Ji.
Sa- u have to bend down and pull the jar with suji it is in the lower rack. It's tough for me to bent so low with my .. aamm.. leg u know.
Sw- yes sure.
I moved to the racks and gave her sugar, ghee and then as I described she pulled out suji jar from the bottom most rack. Ahhh.. this could have been challenging for me I need Syra's help for this.
I left for the washroom. I saw her bag. It was still out. I pulled my jeans & shirt out of the Almera. It had ample of space. There weren't much clothes that belonged to me and Syra. I shifted my clothes on a side to give some space to her. Rest the lower rack was for Syra and upper for her toys. So I think the lower middle rack was enough for Swara or should I get a new closet for her.
I exhaled and moved, I needed to freshen up n leave for college. Fifteen minutes n I took my bag. Swara was waiting for me. She had prepared a lot of Halwa I wondered why?
Sa- Swara isn't it too much?
Sw- no Sanskaar I thought to distribute it among the children outside the temple.
I nodded. We served it in several disposable bowls and I accompanied her to the temple. She didn't walk with me there was a huge gap in between us. Perhaps she was ashamed of me. My heart sank in the pit of my stomach. I was sad but in a way it was good less people will know that we are married.
We reached the temple. We prayed together. I wished for her happiness even when I wanted to ask for her with me for everforth. I knew she is there with me for a short time span. Once she will know I am a male escort she will leave me n Syra I know I will leave Syra in the safe custody of Laksh n Ragini once they r settled. My insurance n accounts would be enough for Maa n Uttara. This is enough. No responsibility on my shoulders n then... I pulled out a bottle of poison from my pocket. This is what all will lead to. I know Swara will hate me all her life. Ragini Laksh n Syra will be free from unnecessary shame of my presence. The only guilt I will die with will be playing with her emotions. It is a sin for which I deserve to rot in hell. I was looking at my poison bottle when she called me n brought me back to the reality.
Sw- Sanskaar ji... Kya dekhne Rahe hein ??
Sa- nothing. Come let's go.
She nodded. Before going we bent down n touched the feet of the elderly priest in the temple. He blessed us and wished for our happy married life. I smiled because I knew it won't be one.
I again followed Swara but in b/w I called her. At first she ignored me but then turned.
Sa- (panting) SW.. Swara...
Sw-(ignores n continues to walk)
Sa- (panting but a bit louder)- Swara... Swara...
Sw- (irritated but controlled) ji
Sa- Can.. (breaths heavily ) Can we talk pls.
She hesitated at first but then she nodded. We moved to the garden in the temple.
Sa- Swara u can be honest here in the temple about everything.
Sw- I know Sanskaar ji.
Sa- okay so I want to talk we still have 1 and half hour for college. Can we just talk for 15 minutes.
Sw- yes say it (disinterested tone)
Sa-(exhaled) I hope you weren't forced for the marriage. I mean was it really your wish.
Sw- If u want me to be honest then no actually sometimes we need to do things our elders wish for us. Dida says you r honest and trustworthy and so I believe her words. I am sorry if it sounds rude or harsh but as u said I need to be honest so I am honest. Sanskaar ji trust me I wish to be loyal to you but I need some time to accept you. I like you now as well but still I need time.
She looked down.
Sa- I understand Swara (her eyes shifted to me) I know you need time n I am thankful atleast you are trying to be with me in my harshest times. I am sorry for the shame I am causing you.
I said and almost choked. Her eyes were filled with tears, they rolled out. I was feeling more guilty about what I was doing to her. Moisture welled up in my eyes as well. Tears were all set to escape my eyes. I wiped them.
Sa- Swara.
I called her in a wet shaking voice, she gazed at me. I wiped her tears, I needed to. They were my unpleasant gift to her. I was the cause of her tears, perhaps I had complete R8 to wipe them.
Sa- I don't know if it's the correct time but I just want a promise from you.
She nodded.
Sa- Pls Swara take care of Syra. Pls. She needs you. Pls fulfill the vaccum of a mother in her life.
I requested, my hands joint.
Sw- And you, don't you need my support.
Sa- I .. I do need u, ur support but not more than Syra. She needs you in her life as a mother more than I need you in my life as a wife.
She nodded.
We began to move out.
She this time stayed with me. I tried to be a step behind her but she slightly held my hand elbow. She was trying to help me descend down stairs.
Sa- Swara it's okay u go I will follow back.
She stopped for a second. I gave her an assurance smile. She too left my hand and moved down.
We reached back home. We had breakfast.
Sa- Swara did you like it.
Sw- yes. U cook good Sanskaar ji.
I smiled.
Sw- wese when will Syra return.
Sa- she will be with us at about 3 pm.
She nodded. We did not converse much after that. She served some halwa as a part of her first dish she made. I wished to gift her something here. I moved to my Almera n grabbed a blue box. All I wished that she should like the gift. I moved out but did not know what to say.
Sa- amm.. Swara.
Sw- Ji Sanskaar ji
Sa- woh aaa.. I wanted to give you something.
Sw- what
She blankly quizzed.
I moved to her limping. I indicated my hand to the couch and signalled her to sit. So much I wished that I could softly press her shoulders and make her sit along. She looked at me perplexed but then sat. I sat besides her and opened the box. It had two gold bangles. They were my mother's.
Sa- Swara see if mom would be here then she would surely gift you these.
Sw- but ..
Sa- shh.. these are yours now.
I lifted her hand and placed the box in her hand. She smiled. A slight blush appeared on her face. I wiped the little moisture that formed on my eyes.
Sw-(conserned) Sanskaar ji Kya hua.
I nodded in a no.
Sa- (breaking but controlled voice) Swara. Let's go we r getting late for the college.
I diverted the topic. I pulled my phone and messaged Madav. It was to transfer a check to the hospital today itself.
Message
Me- Send the check to the hospital today itself.
Madhav- why are u spending so much on that old lady and her daughter. Sujata can die any day and after that Uttara will do what her mother did.
Me- Shut up, I won't let her get pushed into prostitution. Mind your own business. Just do as I say.
Madhav- Why you want to help the people who r not your responsibility.
Me- when people like you brush out your responsibilities then someone has to take them.
Madhav- Huh.. I will do it. So today no money in ur hands all transfered to the hospital and don't forget to come at 9:30 sharp today. More money more work.
Me- Done. But don't forget.
Madhav- have I ever.
Me- nope. Just reminding. Good bye.
Madhav- bye. Jerk married a girl to spoil her life. Huh...
My guilt increased after his message. I looked down and then at the innocent soul in front of me. Ragini and Laksh left with her. I slowly moved out and as usual limped to the college. I silently moved to the last bench as usual. Swara was avoiding me. It was better. I didn't wish her to look at or converse with me. She was involved with Ragini and laksh. I was sitting almost hidding into my ownself. I didn't wish the professor or student to mock me again. Our attendence began as soon as the professor entered.
Professor- Sanskaar Kumar.
Sa- present sir.
Professor- Where are u Kumar sahab come out. Let the class have a watch at ur handsome face.
He called me out. I was numb again. I didn't wish to get insulted Infront of Swara. I simply lifted my stick and began to limp out. Just two steps and Zain (a student) entered.
Zain- May I come in sir.
Professor- nope how come you r late.
The professor quizzed him, his eyes turned to me he smirked.
Zain- I went to buy a pack of Sanskaar.
Professor- WHAT??
Zain- sir sorry I mean Kurkure. U know they are like him crooked.
The whole Hall was giggling. Professor Dubey has done what he wants. He has a general haterate towards me. Some one told him about me n from that very day my life is hell in his classes. I don't blame him, it's me and my fate. I sighed and moved back to my seat. I sat silently.
Professor- Swara S.
He called her name. My heart popped up with her name..
Sw- Present sir.
Professor- you r the new girl. Marriage case r8!!
Sw- Yes sir.
He glued his eyes back into the register and nodded in disappointment.
Professor- All the best for your married life.
He said in a disinterested tone. I couldn't register her reaction properly but as far as I think she wasn't happy.
The lecture as usual began. The recess bell rang after 2:30 hrs. I as usual sat back. Ragini and Laksh along with Swara left. She didn't even bother to caste a look at me. I just rested my head on the desk. I didn't wish to eat my share. People while walking out copied me. Simply to make fun of me. Swara didn't reveal she is married to me. She is ashamed, I even want the same
No one should know that we r married. I stayed in the classroom. I pulled out a book n began to read I wished to completely avoid thinking about anything else. About 5 minutes later the hall was empty when I heard Swara.
Sw- Sanskaar ji lunch!!.
Sa- NO. I don't want you go n have urs.
I said without looking at her. I continued to gaze down at my book. My time went a bit harsh, rude n disinterested.
Sw- hmm..
She turned and left. Her voice clearly showed she was hurt. I lifted my gaze only to see her going out. I didn't wish to hurt her, no one does that. It hurts me more to respond this cold to her gesture. It was too cold, I know it will cause loss of this sweet gesture of hers but this was my best. Situations will go worst for us if we both will be seen together. With his new pin in my heart I began to study again.
3 pm
I returned back home with Syra. Swara was already back. I rang the call bell. Swara opened the door she was wearing a white kurta and baby pink slawar n chunri. She had a little bindi on her forehead with little Vermillion n mangsutra around her neck. Her pink lips were curled into a little smile. Her eyes were sparkling but just because of Syra who was equally happy to see her. It pained a little because my presence didn't even matter. I brushed it, her smile was all that I wished. Even though being a reason for it could have been the most fortunate. Alas, my density isn't that pink.
Syra immediately left my hand and embraced her. She was petite and hence her arms were around Swara's legs. Swara lifted her up and Syra pecked her cheek.
Sw- Hello Babu how was your day?
Syra- Awesome. I was just thinking about you whole day mumma.
She smiled and turned to move in. I limped behind and closed the door. Swara and Syra were talking it soothed my heart to see them talk. Atleast now Syra will have a complete family. My eyes watered but simply blinked to remove the mositure. I am here standing at the verge of a new beginning unknown to where these paths will lead me and Syra. I could hear n feel the miserable n dark future. Perhaps more difficult if it has to be without her but still I had a little ray of hope. I was expecting some miracle to happen and I wished to feel this serene emotion for everforth.
Ah.. Do mircales happen?? I let a sigh out.
"Perhaps NO." My my screamed.
"Just keep believing, they will." My heart countered my mind. I smiled.
~ Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story."
-Jennifer Smith~
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