If Only You Saw Me (2)

As I walk towards the parking lot at the end of the day, I think about the day. Today has been a different day. For one, the speech I did was just fine. At least I succeeded without having to face the unacceptable. My friends making fun of me after seeing through my confident facade, that is. Another thing I never expected to witness is seeing her speak so confidently, so naturally, as if she is very much the way that the rest of us are - outspoken and loud. She proved today that if she wishes, she can speak out and mingle with the rest of the class like any normal girl her age will. But she chooses to remain the silent, soothing song which can calm a soul with its presence. And she has the perfect name to her subtly charming personality. Geet.

I'm pulled out from my musings when I hear my cell phone ringing. I smile as I read the caller ID. It's my best buddie. Ayush.

'Hey Ayush! Where were you today? Never came to college. Everything okay at your end?' I bombard him with my questions before he gets a word in. All my concern over his safety vanishes the moment I hear his usual sarcastic reply.

'Good Lord! I don't show up one day and you're acting like you're my girlfriend. Chill man! I just didn't feel like getting up so early today.' I smile at this. Ever since I've known Ayush, he's been this way. Never taking things too seriously and always being the wisecracker of our group, he's the one who keeps us together. Eight years of me and Ayush being best friends and we're still inseparable. I know him inside out and he knows me just the same way. What I'm never able to voice out to anyone is what Ayush can understand.

I know why he is calling me even before he says it. He wants a get together with the whole of our gang. I try to get out of it because I just want to go home and have some quiet time today but he doesn't let me off the hook. I concede and tell him I still have to go home before I can join the gang at our favourite cafe. He knows I won't bend on this. I may be a fun person but I never go anywhere without meeting and informing my mom.

I enter my house and call out to my mother. 'Mom, I'm home.' Her answering call resounds from the kitchen and I go over to give her a hug. 'I'm so tired today,' I whine.

'Go sit outside. I'll bring a glass of juice for you.' She smilingly pats my head and I come back to the living room and slump on the couch. I close my eyes for a few moments before I feel a soft hand caressing my forehead. I open my eyes and my mother hands over the glass to me. As I start sipping on my orange juice, she sits down and we start with our daily dose of 'how-did-my-day-go' chat which is exclusively booked for this time of the day. I tell her about everything starting from the speech to my classes to my sports to the plan of the get together in the evening, slyly trying to evade her sharp eyes from knowing about my peek-a-boo session just before I left college. Alas! Mothers are mothers. They know you even better than you do yourself. She says the one sentence I'm embarrassed to hear from her mouth every time. 'Maan, you didn't mention your favourite activity of the day. You didn't forget about it, did you? I don't think you can. Did my son gather enough courage to go talk to the one who's been all over his head ever since...?' I blush at that and my mother lets out an amused laugh. 'Stop it, Mom!' I mumble. The phone rings and she excuses herself to answer it.

As she chats on the phone which seems to be of a friend of hers, I gaze at the way she has changed over the years. Young, beautiful skin has aged and wrinkles outline her eyes. She is wearing a kurti with comfortable loose pants. I admire my mother for the person she is: strong, a pillar of support for me and my elder brother. Living in a place far off from our native country after my father's demise hasn't been too easy. When he was alive, we were quite well off with a small business running successfully. We had a small, happy world with just a few friends in the name of family. But life wasn't very kind to let us stay in peace. Dad suffered a stroke after a major loss in business and left the world to seek refuge in a better place. Having no place to return to since I'm the fourth generation after my ancestors left their own motherland, my mom took responsibility. She single-handedly collected and rebuilt the shattered pieces of what once was a well to-do business. I was young then but my brother joined her after a year as he completed his studies. Three years have passed since we had to face those hard times and it has been two years of my mother's retirement. My brother, Ranbir, who took over the reins immediately after getting his degree and let our mother rest, has brought the business back to the place it held when Dad was alive and even taken it beyond. We are better off now and I plan to follow my ideal's, Ranbir's footsteps as soon as I'm done with college.

I don't realise that I fall asleep while thinking. Only when I feel someone jostling me by my shoulder do I know that all my thoughts about the painful times turned to dreams I was dreaming. I force a single eye open to see Ranbir looming over me and saying something incomprehensible. Another shake of my shoulder and I sit up straight from the lazy position I have been lying in. Rubbing my eyes, I see him waving my phone in front of my eyes. When I focus, I see Ayush's incoming call. That is when I remember I have plans for the evening. I answer my phone and tell him I'll be there in ten minutes. Freshening up in not more than five minutes, I tell mom I'll be back in two hours and rush out.

I am the last one to enter the cafe and just as I sense all of them begin to get at me, I raise both my hands up and announce in a loud voice, 'Sorry! I fell asleep.' That doesn't seem to calm them down since I made them wait for half an hour so I add a 'Peace' with an apologetic face. This relaxes them a bit. Not everyone though. I see Anaya making a grumpy face sitting beside an empty chair with Ayush on the other side of it. It's a place reserved for me and I know I have to make amends to her before I'll be allowed sit between my two dear friends.

I walk over to stand in front of her and do what I know she melts at. I hold my ears and start with the squats. It might seem funny to the onlookers but I don't care as long as it makes Anaya happy. After Ayush, if I can call anyone a close friend, it's Anaya. I can't afford to lose her friendship. Three squats and she laughs. Standing up from her chair, she gives me a friendly hug and tells me I'm forgiven. Giving me space to fit between the two, she pulls me down just when the banter among the rest starts over what to order. Of course I'm a part of it all. We have a great time digging in the delicious pastries and sipping coffees or hot chocolates with it.

A quarter of an hour later, all of us head towards the bowling arena which is at a five-minute walk from the cafe. I chuckle as I hear Ayush using his poker face and soberly saying 'Bowling calls out to us. We are destined to go play there.' The eccentric person that Ayush is, he pulls out the most serious faces with the most unexpected words and have us cracking up. We have a lot of fun playing games with and against each other. I make up a team with me, Ayush and Anaya in it and our team wins two out of four matches. Empty cans of coke litter on the table we have to ourselves. The word 'fun' can't even describe the enjoyment we all have at this place.

Pulling each other's leg is a must in this group. I do end up being the target a few times but not an easy one. I get back at anyone who plays a prank on me when they least expect it. Sometimes it isn't about revenge, it's just fun when I joke around with my devilish friends. How I wish it was this easy to talk with her. With Geet.

The next day at college passes in the usual routine. I see her but she doesn't know. I walk past her during lunch but she doesn't look up. I try to muster up courage enough to at least catch her attention under any innocent pretext which can work, but I fail.

At the end of the last lecture, the professor who is in-charge of the party calls me to inform of the meeting set-up for all those students who have to take care of the arrangements. Since I'm a member of the team, I'm required to attend it. I wonder who else is going to be there with me. Since I couldn't sit in the last meeting where the team was selected, I don't know who I'm going to be working with for the next twelve days to try and make the spring bash a hit. I never bothered finding the names even after the meeting. What is the use of it when I'm bound to join heads with them even if I don't like it? I hear the bell ringing and I head back in the room to get my books.

My classes end for the day and I know this is my time to sneak a glance at her sitting there in the common room, as oblivious to me as ever. I wonder if I'll be able to talk to her before we have to part ways after our course ends. Walking down the corridor from my class, I keep an eye out for any possible people who'd catch me. No one usually loiters around this set of rooms at this time of the day. Lucky for me because I don't have to deal with the embarrassment of being caught by anyone. Just as I reach my desired destination, I notice the door is ajar. Not the usual way because it's always wide open. While pretending to just walk past the way, I peek inside only to sigh in relief that I won't be barred from my regular view as she is sitting right in my line of sight. As I turn around to take the very well acquainted position, my eyes floating over to her figure, I freeze the way I'm standing. She is looking directly in my eyes with a blank expression on her face.
I'm caught.
Oh no!