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HIii
FIRSTLY KAAN PAKAD KE SORRY TO YOU ALL FOR BEING MIA FOR LIKE A WHOLE WEEK AND THAT TOO WHEN OUR SHOW ENDED...I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE...BUT I ACTUALLY ENDED UP INJURING MY BACK PRETTY BAD AND WAS ON BED REST FOR THE BETTER PART OF THE LAST WEEK N WHEN I GOT BETTER WAS STILL NOT ALLOWED TO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON MY LAPTOP HENCE COULDN'T FINISH THE CHAPTER AND UPDATE EARLIER...SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU ALL WAIT SO LONG!!!
Secondly a TEDDY BEAR HUG TO YOU ALL FOR ALL THE LIKES AND COMMENTS!!! 🤗AM SO TOUCHED... I have read them all but have not replied to any yet...will do later, i figad you would want the update more then my replies so thats why updating first and will reply later, when I can...
Thirdly, I have some good new and some not so good news...will start by telling that latter first, I will be away from the forum for the next month, am travelling so won't be able to update until Jan...sorry i know that means i will leave you all hanging but I can't help it so hopefully you all will still be here wanting to read the rest of the SS when i get back...
Now coming to the good news...cuz I have been away for so long and will be going away again for a month, I have two chapters for you all instead of the one...enjoy and don't kill me, remember am still unwell...😉
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Chapter Six
When Khushi came out she found Arnav pacing in front of his car, clearly irritated with the way things had gone. This was not how he had planned for the 'chat' to go. He had wanted to have a civil conversation and do things in an easy manner so as not to cause more trouble and more importantly more problems for Aarav. The boy had seen enough sadness in his life and he had wanted their union to have been a happy one. One which would bring some calm, some happiness into his life. One that would finally join the two families together, something that couldn't happen all those years back. For Aarav's sake he would have gotten past his grudge with Viraj. They wouldn't be best buds, like they once were, of course not, but he would have kept a cordial relationship with him for Aarav's sake. But the way Viraj had reacted and the way his anger had flared; that peaceful communion that he had foolishly hoped for seemed totally out the window. He himself had threatened to use force to get Aarav.
'Ugh!!' he let out groan, why was he like this. Why could he never control his temper. He always said and did things in it that he regretted later. So much for making things better. Now things would get even worse before they started getting better, unless he could figure out a way to salvage the damage. May be if he waited a few days; Viraj's anger was fresh. May be if he gave him some time then Viraj may come around and he may not have to bring the law in and because of tha,t the media, who followed any story related to him like vultchers. He had thankfully stayed out of the media since his wedding, which they had broadcasted on the top socialite news and printed on the front page of every social, industrial magazine and paper. However, if they got wind of a him fighting for a paternity suit that would be scandalous, not just for him but for Khushi and Anjali. He didn't care what the media said about him, but it mattered to him if what was said affected his family and he definitely did not want any media member harassing Khushi, Anjali or the rest of the family. That he would not tolerate. He would have to figure out the least ugly way possible to solve this mess. He let out another groan, this time from the pain in his chest was responsible for it; from the shallow sounds of his breath it seemed like one of Viraj's punch's had cracked one of his ribs. They weren't broken, he checked, but there was immense pain and his breaths were shallow, sharp and short.
His face was contorted with pain, and he was massaging his rib when he saw Khushi looking at him. There was a queer expression on her face, which he didn't quite understand. He tried to give her smile, but it ended up being more like a grimace than an encouraging smile. Seeing Khushi reminded him of the one good thing that had come out of this disastrous visit to Viraj's house. Khushi was with him. She had his back. She had supported him, and with her by his side all the trouble that was threatening to erupt seemed manageable. As long as she was there, he would be able to stay sane and operable. He knew that things weren't right between them and it would take a long time for them to get better, but at least she was there. At least she hadn't left him, which was what he thought she would do; what she should have done. But she was here, and it was a miracle. He didn't know how or why she was with him: Khushi and her decisions weren't something he had ever been able to comprehend. But today he didn't care, today he was happy; just happy, that she was with him and he didn't want to push his luck by trying to figure out why after knowing such a horrendous truth about him she could stay with him.
Khushi approached him cautiously, her eyes fixed on his hands that were tending to his chest and gut. When she was near enough, she asked in a soft voice, 'Are you okay?'
He leaned onto the bonnet of the car as he replied, 'Yeah I'm okay, may be a cracked rib, but a couple a painkillers and I'll be fine.' She winced at hearing that he had a cracked rib but nodded still looking at his tattered shirt, under which his skin was blotched and bruised. She opened the passenger side door and brought out the first aid kit they kept in the glove compartment. And found a bottle of paracetamol, they weren't strong enough but they would have to do for now. She handed him a bottle of water and the medicine, he threw back two of the pills and washed it down with water; then rinsed his face with it too, getting the dry blood of from it, that had trailed from his nose and smeared his face. When he was done Khushi turned to ask,
'Will you be able to drive?'
'Yeah.' She nodded again and then turned to go sit in the car, but then stopped and said in a small, but determined voice, 'I want to go home Arnav ji.'
'Yeah I was going to go home anyway, I'm not going to work or the lawyers office in this state. We will go home first, and then once I have figured out what to do I will go about accordingly.' He turned to open his door, but stopped when he saw Khushi didn't move.
'No Arnav ji, you don't understand, I want to go home. My home.' A tear trickled down her cheek as she spoke. Her eyes evaded his.
Annoyance now began crawling in Arnav's veins again, he was tired, in a lot pain, physical and emotional, and Khushi was making no sense, 'Khushi that is what I just said, we are going ho-' but he stopped short as what she had said registered. My home. My home. She had said my, not our. She...she wanted to go to Bua ji's house. She wanted to le...lea- NO!! He couldn't even finish that thought.
'Khu-' his voice was dry, 'Khushi, no. Please...' there was so much pain in his face, and it wasn't because of the cracked rib, but because of his breaking heart.
She held up her hand to silence him, but she needn't have, for he was unable to put his plea into words. 'Arnav ji, please, please don't make this harder than it is. I love you. I do. Sooo much and its' because of that why I need to go. Why I need to be away from you, to be able to understand what I am feeling, to be able to decide what I want. To be able to find a way to be with you. Sometimes...' her voice broke, 'sometimes Arnav ji, in order to spend a lifetime with someone we...we need to spend some time apart.' Now the tears were in full flow, the tears that she had quenched, the tears that had been paralysed by her shock earlier. They were now flowing, in no hurry to stop. His were flowing too. It was his nightmare from this morning coming true. He was losing her, and there was nothing he could do stop her.
'Khushi please, please, if you go, then I won't be able to survive. Khushi you are the one who saved me. You are the one got rid of that monster inside of me. Please without you, Khushi, I ...I...'
'Arnav ji, please don't. If you love me please let me have my space, I, I can't be near you right now. You scare me. And that scares me. The fact that I am afraid, truly afraid of the man I love, pertrifies me to the core. Please try and understand...I, I get why you did what you did. As twisted and weird as it is, I actually understand, you were doing it to avenge your Di, as misguided and horrific a thing it was, it was done out of love and pain. And you were only nineteen and had been through hell and back, therefore in no condition to make a rational decision. So I understand, I do. But, but I, I just can't be with you right now.'
'Khushi, if you understand, then why. I don't get it. I mean if you didn't it would make some sense to me, that you were plain horrified and disgusted by me. But you're not, you get it, then why can't stay. I know, I know it's not easy and it will take ages for you to be able to trust me, to be with me, but why do you have to go. How will that make things right between us. If you want to make things work then we should work them out together, not separate.'
'Arnav ji, I can't. I need my space. Please. Try understand, and don't ask me why, because I really cannot answer that, without hurting you more.' With that she looked away, and hugged herself, as a shudder ran through her. But Arnav was not willing to let go, he needed to know, if he didn't than how would he stop her. How would he be able to win her back, and make things right.
'Khushi, why? Please, tell me why.' He begged her.
She hung her shoulder in resignation. He wouldn't let it go, and maybe it was better to let him know, may be that may help him understand her better and may help solve their issues faster. She turned to face him, her eyes beginning to redden from her steady tears.
'Because Arnav ji, I, I can't stop thinking that, that could have easily been me. That I could have easily been Sheetal ji. And then what would have happened.'
Arnav stared at her in shock. Not comprehending at all. What did she mean? How could she even think that she could have been Sheetal, that he would have left her?!!
'Arnav ji, today I glimpsed a side of you that I had long forgotten, may be because so much time had passed, or may be because my love for you had blurred those memories. But today hearing about how you manipulated Sheetal ji, seeing your anger towards your Bauji, Viraj ji. It all came back. And I can't stop thinking how I could have easily been a one night stand for you too.'
'Khushi, I would never...you...I...I love you.' He exhaled exasperatedly.
'Yes you do. But what if you didn't, then? Then what? I would have ended up just being like Sheetal ji, ok may be you would not have done what you did to her to me because she was part of your revenge but if not her than I would have ended up like Lavanya ji, someone you spent time with and when you had enough discarded.'
Arnav clutched the side of his chest, unable to believe what he was hearing. How could Khushi even think that he would leave her. 'Khushi-' he began, but she cut him off.
'No, I can see your not understanding. So let me try and make you. Arnav ji, today I witnessed your fury, your rage again. The rage in which you destroy everything. And it triggered something inside me. I remembered our wedding night. When I waited for you at the altar, but you didn't come. I waited and waited, believing our love would win out, that you would come. And yes you did in the end. But Arnav ji, you came when I lost all hope, if you had arrived moments later you would not have found me there. Do you remember Arnav ji, when you got there I wasn't sitting in the mandup anymore I was in the aisle that led straight from the mandup to the exit, and I would have left if Amma had not called out and stopped me. Arnav ji, do you know what was going through my mind at that moment...' a hard lump had formed in Khushi's throat, she swallowed and brushed away the salty tears that were blurring her vision, 'Arnav ji I was thinking about the night we had spent and how the very next day you were no where to be found. I didn't want to believe it, but circumstance was telling me that you had left me. You had gone after spending that one night. Yes again it wasn't because you didn't love me, but because you loved your mother. And while that was correct one should love their mother, what was my fault in it, why were you leaving me. Just the way how was it Sheetal ji's fault about what happened to Di. And if you hadn't seen reason that night Arnav ji, then what? What would have happened to me? Where would I have been? May be dead like Sheetal ji.' She gulped hard.
Arnav staggered back. Unable to believe what he heard. But what she said was true. The cold, hard, truth. That she could have easily been Sheetal all over again, due to no mistake of hers but all his. She was right, if he hadn't seen reason that night and gotten to the marriage venue in time he would have lost Khushi, if not to death than definitely to insanity.
Seeing his despair Khushi regretted telling him, but he had forced her to. And she knew that not until he got the reason he wouldn't let her go. And she needed for him to let her go in order for her to find her way back to him, if she could that was. She hoped she could, because regardless of any past, one truth would always remain, a truth no past, no memory, no horror could tarnish. The truth that she loved him and would never be able to love anyone else the way she did him. And in order to protect that love, in order to give life to that love, make it survive, she needed this separation, where she could think with a clear mind. For the first time in her life she had to be selfish, she had to think about herself, preserve herself in order for her to preserve him and their love. That decision was hard enough, putting herself first, let alone having to bear the separation, but she had to, that she knew. For the hesitation in adding his name to hers', recoiling from his grasp, being unable to touch him, all showed how she wouldn't recover from this shock in his presence, instead would move further away; and that more than anything else scared her. She couldn't bear the thought of not being able to be near him and so the only thing that made sense to her was to stay a few days away from him to allow her to understand, and accept what he had done so that she could find a way to be near him again, because with him near all she could think of was what he had done, and how it could have easily been her.
'Arnav ji,' she said after a while, 'I'm sorry, I know you need me, now more than ever, but I can't, I just can't be near you right now. I know I'm being selfish and I'm sorry for that, I really am, I want to be with you, like I promised, but right now every time I come near you, I...I can't help but think about what you did to Sheetal ji, and what happened to her, when it wasn't her fault and how I could have been that person if you had not loved me either. I would have ended up right alongside Sheetal ji, and Lavanya ji, both of whom gave their hearts to you but you just broke them. I'm sorry I keep bringing this up, I know it hurts you, but I just, I need some time to get past this. I'm sorry Arnav ji, I...I...' but her words were muffled by her hands that cupped her face. She hated herself for not being able to be strong for him, for blaming him, when he needed her, when he was changing and trying to make things right.
Seeing her break over not being able to support him brought a new wave of guilt over Arnav. He couldn't believe what he saw. What was this woman made of, she was more angry at herself for not shunning him for his actions than for what he had done. What was wrong with her?!! How could she be so mad herself? She had every right to want to leave him, not want to be near a monster like him, yet she writhed in guilt. Oh, Khushi...What am I going to do with you? Why are you so kind? I don't deserve you...you have too pure a heart for a demon like me. He thought miserably.
She was shaking uncontrollably now and was on her knees. He approached her cautiously, not wanting to upset her more, but he couldn't take her like this, blaming herself for reacting in the way she should. 'Khushi...' he hesitantly placed his hand on her shoulder. She didn't seem to notice at first, but when he increased the pressure, she froze, realising that he was holding her. He froze too, unsure about why she had so suddenly stopped shaking. Was it because she had just felt his hand and not realised that he was there next to her, or was it because she couldn't stand his touch anymore. He didn't want to think it was the latter, but was afraid it was because of that.
The pressure of his hand on her shoulder had suddenly infused such warmth into her trembling body that the shock of the sudden change in temperature made her still. It was like someone had placed her freezing body into a hot furnace. The change amazing yet distressing at the same time. Before she could decide whether she liked that touch or not it was gone, Arnav had mistaken her momentary paralysis to his touch to be rejection on her part. She looked up to try and clarify, but was unable to as she didn't know herself whether it was rejection or not. He was looking away as she looked at him. There was something different about him, something she had never seen before. He...he seemed nervous around her, like he didn't know how to act or be around her. This shocked her more, she wanted scream out to him, tell him that she was his Khushi. That he needn't be any different but again she couldn't find her voice to say that.
When he turned to face her he saw that she was looking at him all flustered. Confused, like she didn't know who he was. That left another pang in his heart. He wanted to scream out to her, tell her, let her know that he was her Arnav. The Arnav she had fallen in love with, but something stopped him. He knew that it didn't matter what he said, for she had to figure that out on her own. That this Arnav , the one sitting with his arms spread out before her, waiting to hold her, was her Arnav, the man she loved and not the monster her love had unknowingly tamed and then changed.
'Khushi, come, I will take you home.' He said in a flat voice. He had wanted to say a lot more, like how she shouldn't blame herself, how he still loved her. How he understood that she needed her space and that he would give her as much space and time she needed, for he was willing to live through a few days of separation than a lifetime's. That he would wait, as long as she needed he would, he would never give up on her, on their love.
Hearing those words from his lips made Khushi's heart sink. She had broken him. This was the last thing she had wanted to do. She needed him to understand that this was not the end, but a mere break, a break that would allow them to strengthen their relationship, she hoped. But his head hung low as he got up and opened the door to her side, waiting for her to take her seat. She moved like a ghost, just staring at him but unable to say anything. Once she was in he shut the door softly and was in his seat a moment later.
He was about to start the car when he noticed she hadn't put her seatbelt on, out of habit he bounded across his seat and arched his body over hers' to reach for the seatbelt, it was only when his face was inches away from hers, that the awkwardness of this situation appealed to him. They stared at each other for a moment with baited breath, before Arnav let go of the belt buckle, as though it had stung him and leaped back into his seat; a hot tear forming in his eye. In a thick voice he said, 'your seat belt Khushi', and without waiting for her to put it on he put the car into ignition and wheeled it out of Viraj's ruinous driveway.
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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