KR OS : Our Angel

"Happy Birthday Mr. Reyaansh , its really great to see you and Mrs. Reyaansh here today .." Mother Margaret said as Rey and Kria entered her office with the huge cake and lots of sweets and gifts for the kids of the St. Anne's orphanage …

It was a routine which Rey followed every year .. he spent his B'day with the kids here .. he did give donation but more than that .. he understood that the kids needed time .. so he just loved spending his time here whenever he could ..

Kria was not very keen on joining him .. but for his happiness she always accompanied him ..

"Thank you Mother .. so how are the kids " Rey asked ..

"They are just waiting for you .. " she couldn't complete before that sister Susan came and whispered something in her ears ..

"Reyaansh .. we will be back in sometime .. something urgent has come up .. please make your self comfortable here .. " she had a worried look on her face ..

"Yes Sure .. " ..looking at the tension on Mother's face .. he asked "Is everything alright ?"

"Ya .. I will be back "

***

Rey and Kria sat in the office .. but Rey was getting restless as he could hear a baby crying out miserably .. he was pacing the floor .. finally he couldn't take it anymore and rushed outside ..

Kria ran behind him …

He generally knew where the young ones were kept so he went to that area ..

He saw Mother Margaret and Sister Susan trying to console a tiny baby girl .. they were trying to feed her the milk bottle .. but the baby was just wailing … she had cried so much that she had become totally red ..

Rey immediately went and picked her up in his arms and rocked her close to his heart .. she must be hardly 3 months old .. she just fit in his arms perfectly .. he gently talked to her ..

"Shh .. " he kissed her on her forehead .. on her cheeks .. "I am there .. I am gonna take care of you " .. he blew air on her head .. suddenly feeling the air .. the baby started to calm down .. her crying stopped a bit .. but her small sobs went on ..

He kept rocking her .. and kissing her forehead .. "Baby .. its fine .. " "Shh " ..

Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at Rey .. Rey kept looking at the pure innocent but tired face ..

"Are you hungry .. should we drink milk .. " he took the bottle from Mother and put it in her mouth gently .. she sucked at it hungrily ..

Her petite fingers clutched his shirt .. but as she drank the milk .. she relaxed and slowly her breathing returned to normal .. she felt safe and secure in his arms .. and her eyes began to drift in the sweet slumber ..

Rey put her in the cradle carefully and looked at Mother ..

"We found her at our door step 2 weeks back .. she was totally drenched in rain .. she was burning with high fever .. we thought she would never make it .. but she is a brave girl .. she is in much better condition now .. but still needs to be taken care a lot .. " Mother said looking lovingly at the sleeping child ..

Rey felt a tug in his heart .. How can people be so cold hearted .. how can anyone just leave a tiny life to die .. that too so harshly ..

"We have named her Angel .. She is just above 3 months old .. we did all her medical tests .. she is recovering soon .. " Mother continued .. "But .. we have a lot of problem in consoling her .. she just keeps crying and crying .. but today you were able to help us .. It was very nice of you .. Thank you "

Rey just smiled ..

He again looked at the child .. he just put his hand over her head .. gave a gentle pat .. "You are gonna be great .. no more crying .. ok .. "

Suddenly the baby smiled in her sleep .. Rey's heart skipped a beat .. he just felt his heart crying with joy when he saw that blissful smile .. he bent and kissed her forehead and rushed out of the room before he knew tears would just drop from his eyes ..

***

Kria who had been a witness to all that happened just couldn't move from her place .. she just stood rooted and saw .. she did feel her heart wince once when she heard the baby's cries .. but she didn't move .. she just kept looking at how Rey held her .. how he calmed her down .. how the baby felt so comfortable with him ..

As a woman she should have been the one to go and hold the crying baby first .. she should have been the one to feed her the milk and make her quiet .. but she did nothing of that .. infact she just watched as the poor soul cried her heart out ..

She wondered whether she really had the heart of a woman or no .. maybe she had the heart of a woman but not of a mother .. she sighed ..

Now when Rey and the other nuns left .. she slowly went and saw the child in the cradle .. she bent down on her knees .. for the first time she saw the child's face so closely .. she was so beautiful .. looked so serene sleeping ..

How can her parents abandon such a lovely child .. she thought ..

Unknowingly she touched the baby's cheek and then put her fingers over her tiny hand and caressed it .. the child felt the touch and immediately clutched her finger ..

Kria realized what she herself had done .. she tried to pull her finger away .. but the child's grip tightened ..

Kria looked here and there .. a bit worried .. Kria didn't want to touch her .. she didn't want to be near the child .. but now the child had caught her finger .. Kria tried again to pull her finger .. this time with a little force .. as the child was in deep sleep ..she gave a low whine and left her finger ..

Kria almost ran out of the room ..

***

"Kria .. I am sorry .. I know you don't like it .. but I just couldn't resist myself from holding the baby .. It will not happen again " Rey said while driving back from the orphanage .. He put his hand over hers .. just to assure her ..

Kria could hear .. feel .. and see sadness in his eyes .. in his voice .. on his face ..

"Its ok " she said and started looking out of the window ..

She knew Rey had cried when he rushed out of the room .. because his eyes had become red .. she should have said something more to him .. comforted him .. he needed her and she had kept him at a distance .. she knew how he felt about children .. he just couldn't see anyone cry or be in pain and especially a baby ..

But .. still .. she didn't say a word .. why ..

What's happened to me .. why have I become such cold hearted person .. that too towards Rey .. my husband .. who loves me more than anyone else in this world .. he would do anything for me .. and here I just can't move over to him and hug him also ..

She hated herself for this .. but still she remained in her position staring out of the window with nothing in particular and her mind just full of thoughts ..

Kria and Rey were married for 7 years now .. Kria had never been this kind of a girl .. she was the most caring .. kind hearted person .. she and Rey had the most loving and satisfying married life .. the only thing which was missing in their life was a child which would make them a complete family .. They both craved for a little being which they would bring up with their love and care ..

Rey was mad for kids .. he pampered Kria as if she was a child herself .. Many a times she wondered whether he really needed another child to pamper when he showered so much love over her ..

God had been kind to them .. she had conceived after the first year of their marriage ..

When she came to know that she was pregnant .. it was already 7 weeks .. Everyone in the family were so happy .. but Rey's happiness had no comparison .. he was on cloud 9 .. he actually kept all his office work .. his business .. on least priority and Kria , her health and the baby were his prime focus .. he was so excited about the baby that he had already thought of names .. one for boy one for girl as they were not aware whether the child would be a girl or a boy .. he even had everything ready for the children's room ..

But this happiness was short lived .. it was as if God showered them with joy with one hand and then snatched away for no reason at all .. or maybe for a reason unknown to them ..

In the 12^th week .. Kria had a mis-carriage ..

Kria was devastated .. Rey was shattered inside but on the oust he was as strong as ever .. because he could never let Kria see what he felt inside .. if she ever knew how his heart bled .. she would never be able to take it ..

The doctors couldn't give them any reason for the misfortune .. a number of tests were conducted on Kria and Rey .. everything was normal .. a number of senior doctors were consulted .. no one could find any fault or the reason behind this event ..

So this incident was assumed to be just an accident and the doctors told them to try again for a child ..

Its said that sometimes .. the shadow of sorrow looms for a longer time ..

Kria conceived 2 times again but the baby met with the same fate .. she had mis-carriages at around 11 or 12 th week again ..

Even after this the doctors couldn't pin point as to why this happened .. as everything else seemed to be normal ..

Kria was was totally broken .. she had gone in her own shell .. she just didn't want anything from life now .. the once smiling .. mischievous , optimistic and full of life Kria .. was now just a piece of flesh .. who could breathe .. see.. talk … but lost all her feelings ..

Rey had seen the change in his Kria .. he had tried his best to get his earlier Kria back .. but all his efforts in vain .. he had put aside his grief in a small corner of his heart which was totally hidden from everyone outside .. he never showed how much he was affected ..

His main attention was Kria .. he devoted his every breath to bring a smile on her face .. but even that fell short .. getting a reaction from her was so difficult .. smile was a faraway dream ..

***

6 months before Rey's b'day ..

"Kria .. I want to talk to you about something " Rey seemed a bit excited and tensed too …

Kria without any emotion looked at him .. "Ya"

"I was thinking .. you know .. " he faltered a bit to find the correct words maybe .. "as we have tried 3 times for our own baby .. but .. " he left it mid way to pause .. he looked at her eyes .. he could see no emotion .. no feelings at all .. "I was thinking .. should we go for adoption .. " he said with a little difficulty not sure how she would react ..

Kria looked him without any expression on her face for a long time .. For a moment Rey thought she didn't hear him ..or maybe she didn't understand what he wanted to say … so he continued .. "I mean I don't want to force anything on you .. it would be finally your call only .. but I am just saying that .. we could think on these lines .. we could go over and meet the counselor of an orphanage or adoption center and then decide … you know .. nothing to hurry about .. you can take your own time .. but I just thought maybe .. if we adopt .. you would feel less depressed .. actually we all would grieve less for the loss we have had in the past and we would shower all our love on the new member .. "

He kept speaking .. but he could see nothing in her eyes .. she kept staring at him .. he felt as if he was speaking to a statue ..

He came close to her and gathered her in his arms .. "I know you want a baby ... "

This time she didn't let him complete .. she jerked herself out of his arms .. and now he could see a mix of pain and anger in her eyes .. "NO"

For the first time in so many months he saw a strong emotion in her eyes ..

He was shocked .. but he actually felt a bit relieved that at least she had reacted to what he said .. even though it was in the negative sense ..

"But .. why Kria .." he again tried to hold her arm ..

She held her hand .. to indicate him to stop ..

She turned her back to him .. "Rey .. this is the first and the last time we will talk on this topic .. I don't ever want you to bring this up again …

I know I have had 3 mis-carriages .. we don't know the reason for it .. doctors still say that I can conceive again .. all our reports are normal ..

I know how you feel about kids .. at one time even I was like that .. but at present I really don't want a child .. because I am scared .. I feel worried .. if I conceive again and loose the baby again then I will die .. "

She almost choked … her voice caught in her throat .. but still no sign of any tears in her eyes ..

He came and wrapped his arms around her quickly and held her possessively " No Kria .. nothing will happen to you … I will not let anything happen to you ... " he gritted his teeth ..

But .. she took a deep breath .. " Let me complete what I want to say .. "

"I know from past so many months I have been reclusive .. distant from you .. I am really sorry about that .. I am not opening up to you .. but I need time .. I promise I will be normal again for you .. "

She put her hands over his .. he felt a bit assured about what she said ..

"About the adoption .. I really don't want to bring someone else's child in my home and call it ours .. I want our baby .. I want a baby which is a part of me and you ..

I can't bear to see some other child calling me Mumma .. and whenever I see his or her face .. I will think he or she doesn't look like any of us .. at the back of my mind .. I would have thoughts of his or her parents .. who are they .. their character .. their background .. why have they left the child ..

I won't be able to bear that .. "

"But Kria .. what is the fault of the child here ..if the parents have themselves abandoned their own child .. it might be due to financial condition or social stigma .. or anything .. but we will bring up the child with our affection and care .. we will nurture and imbibe all the virtues which we want the child to have .. I know some qualities in the child would be in born .. from the parents .. we can't do anything to that .. but how we nurture is what I think is most important .. we will make the child think and see from our point of view .. so I am sure the child would be like one of us only .. " he tried to reason and put his point to her ..

"Rey .. I know you think I am being hyper .. but what I have seen and felt is what I have told you ..There is another reason too …

Do you remember my neighbours .. Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor and their daughter Simran .. she was an adopted daughter ..

She was just 2 years elder to me .. we were really good friends ..

But when she turned 16 .. her parents told her that she was adopted .. they meant it to be taken from the positive side .. they thought instead of she ever coming to know from some outsider .. its better they tell her the truth ..

But.. it had a reverse effect on her .. she wanted to meet her original parents .. it was not possible as Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor didn't know them and the orphanage doesn't disclose all these details ..

She remained adamant about this .. she accused them of snatching her away from her real parents ..

Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor were hurt .. after showering undying love for 16 years what they received was the wrath .. the doubt .. accusation of a young teen ..

They pleaded with the orphanage to get the details of her real parents .. they found them and Simran met her mother ..

As destiny would take its evil turn .. her real mother brain washed the hot blooded teenager .. and Simran started blackmailing her parents and started playing with their emotions ..

Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor could have dragged her real mother to the court and taken Simran's custody and she would never have been able to meet her real mother .. because legally she was their daughter ..

But .. they had loved her like their own daughter .. they couldn't bear all these .. they just gave whatever her real mother needed and also gave their daughter to her .."

She paused .. closed her eyes .. and composed herself from the deep memories of her past ..

"Rey .. I would never be able to face anything like this in my life .. I am not that strong .. "

She turned to him and buried her face in his chest and cried her heart out ..

Rey held her securely in his embrace .. he understood what she was going thru .. but he wanted her to see that not every child is like Simran .. but now was not the time .. he just kissed her hair and ran his hand over her back gently to soothe her ..

"Kria .. I understand .. I will never take this topic out again .. "

She looked at him ..

"I love you .. Kria .. you and your feelings are most important for me " he said looking deeply in those tearful and tired eyes ..

She just hugged him tight ..

***

From the time Kria had left Angel .. she just couldn't take her out of her thoughts .. whenever she closed her eyes .. just that vivid image of Angel holding on to her finger flashed in front of her eyes .. Kria would just shake her head .. to remove that image ..

But she was unsuccessful .. she tried her best to occupy herself in something .. but again and again Angel's face and her hand clutching Kria appeared before her ..

Kria spent a sleepless night thinking about Angel .. Kria was not sympathizing with her .. or feeling pity for the baby .. Kria's thoughts were not on her parents .. why did they desert her .. but all her attention was on the baby itself .. .

Kria knew the baby was in pain .. she must have been thru mental and physical trauma .. she is a tiny being .. but definitely with feelings .. she wants to see one face everyday with whom she would feel attached .. safe and would feel happy ...

Kria felt something different about Angel and that confused Kria .. she was not sure what she was feeling for Angel ..

Kria felt as if Angel was pulling some string in her heart and drawing her towards her ..

***

In the morning when Rey left for office .. Kria .. without letting anyone know ..went to the orphanage .. she told Mother that she would like to see Angel ..

Mother Margaret was more than happy to let Kria be with Angel ..

Kria sat a bit far from Angel and just watched the baby .. Angel could see her too .. the other Sisters came fed her .. tried to put her to sleep .. rock her when she was hauling again ..

Kria just watched her the whole day .. she saw how Angel sometimes cried agonizingly as if she wanted to hear that one heartbeat which she had heard for 9m when she was in her mother's stomach .. how she smiled suddenly when she slept .. how her little snores and heavy breathing made her sleep peaceful .. how she saw with fearful eyes if one of the sister's brought her a new toy .. how she greedily drank her milk till the last drop .. sometimes her non-stop babbles to gain attention .. how she looked with wide eyes at the other kids who came to play with her .. how she raised her finger to touch their cheeks .. sometimes how she stared without blinking at the ceiling as if trying to find some face there ..

Kria never came and touched or held Angel in her arms .. she just sat and watched her from morning to evening ..

***

Kria's coming and watching Angel had become a routine .. it was now the 3rd week when she had come and was watching Angel sleep ..

Kria just sat and looked continuously at the little girl .. sometimes Kria felt she didn't even blink because she didn't want to miss looking at the child even for a second ..

As it was late afternoon .. none of the sisters were around .. Kria kept looking at the baby from her place ..

Suddenly Angel woke up from her sleep .. her eyes were tightly shut .. she shriked once .. and then she opened her mouth .. as if to scream .. but no voice came .. and then she started crying in low whimpers .. her hands were near her face and her whole body was shivering .. her cries were not loud .. she seemed to be choking .. her breathing was uneven .. Kria had not seen her cry this way till now .. it was new to her .. she was shaken up to the core .. without even thinking she felt herself rushing to the baby girl .. in a moment she had picked Angel in her arms .. she held her close to her heart ... almost hiding her inside her embrace .. rocked her gently and moved her hands over her head .. As the child felt the touch .. the warmth .. and heard her heart beat .. she started to calm down ... "Shh "

"Angel … na .. nothing happened .. its just a dream .. "

"Baby .. Mumma is here .. don't you worry .. I know you had a bad dream na .. no one will harm you .. Mumma will protect you .. you are in Mumm's arms .. Mumma will always be there for you .. "

" Mumma loves you .. Shh … " she kept saying these words in the baby's ears .. Kria kept walking to and fron the length of the room so that with the movement Angel would become quiet .. slowly and steadily the baby relaxed and went back to sleep ..

Kria heard the gentle snores of the baby and then realized what all she had said .. she looked down at her face .. she found her own reflection .. again she felt the tiny hands holding on to her finger ..

Kria held her on her shoulder to take her to the cradle .. the little girl wound her hands around her neck and gripped it tight as if she didn't want to let her go ..

Kria felt a lump in her throat … and as if a dam were broken .. her tears just made their way out of her eyes ..

She had read somewhere that you choose a path to make your destiny .. but in fact its destiny who chooses you .. she understood that Angel had chosen Kria ..

***

1 year later ..

"Hey .. my strawberry cupcake .. wake up Sweety .." .. Rey came in Angel's room and the minute she heard him .. she just instantly opened her eyes and flung herself on him ..

She started her chanting of .. "Da .. Da .. Da …" she was so happy seeing him that she had gripped him tight and was shaking her legs up and down with glee ..

"So my Sweety missed me .. " he said lovingly .. kissed her cheeks .. and held her above his head high in air ..

Angel started laughing loudly ..

Then he brought her down and looked around to see an angry Kria with a pout on her face looking at them ..

"O .. O .. Mumma is again angry with us " he said wrinkling his nose to Angel ..

And she imitated him perfectly .. she wrinkled her nose and made her eyes small and then gave a naughty grin to Kria ..

Kria just flung the pillow which she was holding on the bed and sat on it .. "Huh .. I just hate you both .. I am here trying to wake her up from last half an hour .. and she is just rolling here and there on the bed .. and the minute she hears you .. she runs into your arms .. She is always on your side .. Everyday this happens .. "

Again Kria said with a baby pout and fake anger looking away .. ..

Rey whispered in Angel's ears and they came close to Kria .. and he lowered Angel a bit still holding her .. Angel ran her petite fingers around Kria's neck .. the moment Kria felt them .. she started giggling because she couldn't stand tickling even for a second ..

Angel curled her hands around her .. Kria sighed and took her in her arms … kissed her lovingly .. and she felt Rey's arms around both of them .. squeezing them both in his embrace ..

***

As Kria sat and watched Rey bathing Angel in the tub .. she couldn't help smiling because it was hard to find whether he was bathing her or she was bathing him .. he was equally or more wet than her .. Angel was happily splashing water on him ..

She gently touched her belly ..

Angel .. thank you from coming our lives .. thank you for choosing us to be your parents .. showing me what love is .. I feel so proud to be your mother ..

Now we are having a new member in our family .. I promise Angel .. its all because of your good luck that this is happening .. I promise you one thing .. you are my elder daughter … my favorite who completed me from a woman to a mother …

****