Thanks to you all for liking...
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@all I loved each and every heartfelt thought and reply to my update. I feel honoured truly everytime and I hope that you continue to enjoy the remaining journey of ShaNak's lives... their Pride and Prejudice... their love.. as love wins always...
Special thanks to Ramz, Mani, heena, deepalisawant, Vandu, may, dishbhan,sonali, candy, Pranjal, shalini_s, Shals, minnu, IF_rida, roshni, Ann, mystory (pri), iluvmanar, k.krithika, Deepali88... for letting me know in more than lovely words of their feelings for this Pride and Prejudice... love ya all..
silent or not I appreciate each one of you... thank you..
Enjoy another upheaval and recriminations... reprimands, reprivals and forgivenesses...
Pride and Prejudice - part 33 - to be continued
Part 32
Shantanu felt himself freeze as his body reacted out of automation... his hands grasping her shoulders and roughly turned her to frantically assure her... "Now where in the world did you get that thought from? I don't love you!! Yes like the plants don't need water to live, yeah like the sun just rose from the west!!!" He sighed as she looked into his face still a morose expression in her eyes... he counted backwards swiftly from 10 to 1 and then taking several deep breaths softly brought her close to him and cupped her face again... "Jingles listen carefully... you are wrong.. How can you even think this... I love you Jingles.. I.. I.. can't stay without you.. I feel empty.. bereft..."
She closed her eyes as she knew that he was speaking the truth... yet.. she had to jerk him... so she spoke in a soft tentative voice... "Then why.. why do you go away from me... You... don't even like to ta..." She said that as she touched his chest intimately as she spoke and he froze half listening to what she meant... what she was indicating.. and the three groves deepened as an angry flush rose on his face... "JINGLES... " He cut her off exasperated as he grabbed her forearms and brought her even more closer to him... "How can you even think that? Our night last week...does it not say anything..." She then cried out in a shocking gasp and pulled away from him... surprising him even more but silenced by the tirade that ensued from her...
"Dr. Shantanu Khandelwal... do you think... that I think... that our love is limited to some satisfying of the physical carnal needs? Then you have another thought coming... how dare you!!! How dare you.. make our love sound so petty... so... materialistic... so cheap and dirty!!!! Is our love in your eyes only assuaging of the needs of this body... Is our love not of something embedded in our souls.. our hearts? God... " She choked and turned away leaving him standing there looking stunned as the gravity of what she had meant earlier sunk in... As he closed his eyes in self reprisal and he moved forward to clutch her shoulders.. only for them to be shirked away as they shook... obviously she was upset and sobbing... her head in her palms... he felt like a love sick teenager... a heel... fickle and he knew he had got it all wrong... but took in a deep breath and slowly slid his arms around her middle and brought her into the circle of his arms... his chin on her shoulder... the evening stubble scraping the soft satin there.. as he planted a kiss and murmured softly...
"Jingles..." With that he rested his forehead against her shoulder as if asking her forgiveness... but she was too angry... and she jerked away as the tears slid down.. she murmured... "Sorry?!! No Shantanu.. you know already there is no place for Sorry or Thank you in between us... No wait.. I am wrong.. if you can think that our love is limited to physical appeasement.. then okay.. sorry and thanks can just as easily..."
He did not let her continue now his anger too rising...jerking her by grabbing her elbow in a hard grip... he knew he was wrong and was asking forgiveness too... "Dammit Jingles.. I did not mean it... you know it in your heart... I.. I truly love you and you know it" She winced at his hard grip but hit back through clenched teeth... "Oh yes.. love.. I forgot about love... Love what does it mean to you Dr. Shantanu Khandelwal... You are in pain, but do you tell me? No.. You are hurting but do you share? No... You need to speak and confide.. but do you trust? No... Love is all this above and everything else in marriage Shantanu... not not just a physical craving... I.. I am saddened that you don;t think me to be fitting as your life partner... which means sharing everything.. love and happiness... I .. I failed somewhere..."
He knew every word that she spoke was true... and he swiftly silenced her by pulling her to his chest.. he wanted to assure her that she was right.. and that he truly loved her in every sense.. but he had to be careful... he could not come what may let her know of the truth... it was not the right time yet...
"No JINGLES... you have not failed are you listening to me God Dammit!!! LISTEN TO ME... I HAVE FAILED NOT YOU!!!" He leaned back to cup her face where those darned tears were streaming down the cheeks... he wanted to break everything... he hated to see her in tears... his heart wrenched and his guts tore... he wiped each trail unconsciously and murmured huskily with an effort...
"Jingles... I am truly sorry... I never ever once felt that our love is only something... it is more ... I I.. Jingles... please..." Her eyes caught the sincerity ringing in his voice knowing that she had him truly in tune with her soul and she then softly in between hiccups asked him... "Then trust me Doc... I will not crumble.. what is it that you are hiding... what is it that you will not tell me yet... I am strong Doc... you know it... tell me... why will you not trust me then? Tell me Doc.. what is it?"
He froze with that... knowing somewhere within where this conversation was leading.. they each looked into the other's soul... seeking answers... one asking the other in war... the muscle jerked in his jaw... as the three grooves deepened at his forehead.. a playt f emotions flitting in his eyes... his face yet impassive... she could see but did not understand anything.. she knew a war was raging within him... she wanted him to know that she was there holding his hand... but to no avail as she saw that his face became even more clammed... she felt a sinking in her heart as she knew that expression in those eyes... like a clam.. shut even more tight... yet his voice soothed... "Jingles... do you believe me? Trust me?"
She closed her eyes so that he would not read her reply.. he knew in his heart she did but she did not want him to know that now... "Doc... do you? Trust me?" He moved away then in a rush.. his breath exhaling in an exasperated sigh "Jingles don't reply to my question with a question.. you know I do.." She then slowly walked up to him and turning him, cupped his face and spoke softly.. "Then why.. why do I get this feeling that you are hiding something... why Doc?" He looked into beseeching dark orbs as he tried to calm the storm that shook his own world.. the tumult and before he could reply.. the soft buzzing of his page broke into the heavy silence and he felt relief flooding him as he moved away and she bit her lip from letting the fresh deluge over flow...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dadi looked at her grand daughter-in-law... and murmured "Kya baat hain. tum itni murjhaayi hui kyon lag rahi ho subah subah.. Shaan did not return last night?" Khanak hid behind a glass of orange juice as she sighed.. "Nahin daadi... aisa kuch nahin hain. He.. returned but had to go back as the patient was serious... Dadi.. I.. I spoke to Manu and he is very excited about the Khandala project. He had some plans which he said he will drop in a day or two for your approval. I was thinking of visiting the site... Will you come with me?" Dadi looked at her with sharp eyes... knowing that this girl was hiding something... and before she could speak anything Shaan walked in looking tired and haggard.
"Shantanu Khandelwal.. this is absolutely not done!!! I understand your dedication but this is not something you can continue... you have other responsibilities and a life too..." Shantanu took in a deep breath knowing that daadi was right and he looked in apology at daadi and stopped his sharp intake of breath. She looked so ghostly... pale and tired.. her eyes were a tinge puffy... and his heart cringed again knowing that she must had howled her eyes out after he left... He murmured a soft "I am sorry Beautiful... I..." But before he could continue.. she murmured in a soft snide and very unbecoming of her voice... "Rehne dijiye daadi... Shantanu ko apne kaam poore dedication se karna aataa hain.. Never mind about the rest.. this is his love.. his passion.. we.. must encourage that..." And so saying she plonked a cup of hot tea in front of him and murmured to daadi.. "Let me make the arrangements and we can leave then... okay?"
Daadi quietly observed as Khanak moved towards the kitchen to get something. She also sensed the tension in between this couple. She saw that her grandson was tired and was containing the anger that Khanak's comment had raked... but before he could give a resounding reply daadi murmured... "Shaan... pehle khaana... apni shakal dekhi hain? Aur tum.. baitho yahaan. Kya kal se tumne bhi khaaya peeya hain theek se? Tum dono ko mazaak lag rahaa hain... saare pareshaan hain aur... tum dono... koi gudde guddi ka khel chal rahaa hain jaise..." Khanak dared not refute this daadi. Shaan closed his eyes in further regret... as he ate the toast and eggs...
But it felt like he was eating cardboard... and she managed to swallow some more juice... and then after what seemed like eternity and only after he had managed to finish all on his plate and she on hers, did daadi finally rise... "Shaan, Khanak, you are adults. So I expect you to behave likewise. Shaan you have more responsibilities now and must fulfil your duties... I hope there won't be further delinquent displays like such..." she went leaving them sitting there next to each other... like boards... till she took in a deep shaky breath as tears threatened but she held on and murmured... "I.. I have to go for a meeting.. on site... see you later..."
He sat and stared straight ahead as she said that and felt her slowly rise... his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist as he heard her gasp... He pulled her across his lap and looking into her surprised countenance leaned forward and deeply kissed her cutting out her gasp... She was lost soon and after a few moments he leaned back reluctantly and murmured softly... "Please Jingles... you know I regret.." She swiftly reached up to place her fingers on his lips... and then smiled a beautiful breathtaking smile as he inhaled sharply his pleasure... his eyes reflecting his pleasure felt within... as she shook her head chiding him for apologising.. and he smiled and then reached to fish something from his pocket and then smiling opened the small silver dibbi, placing it on the table and taking a pinch of sindoor filled her maang...
She closed her eyes in deep satisfaction and as usual a little dusted onto her nose... she bit her lip and opened her moist eyes to let her happiness shine across.. the pain from last night prevalent yet she did not want to make him feel ill at ease.. after all this is what she wanted.. for him to share... knowing that he will spill... later.. it will take him time to open... but open he will...
He gazed entranced into her happy eyes momentarily squashing the feeling of panic and fear within... as she smiled and he pocketed the dibbi back she made a move to rise "I.. I have to go.. else I will be late..." He pulled her back as she protested softly.. "Doc.. this is not our bedroom.. might I remind you" He hugged her closer to his chest and murmured in her ear... "Really now?" so she giggled as his breath tickled her and in spite of secretly enjoying these precious moments, she murmured "Yes... and I am getting late and someone might walk in at any moment... so Dr. Khandelwal, let me go..." He smiled, a devilish glint in those chocolates as he leaned forward as if aiming to peck her again on her lips and she protested trying to avoid his lips as he then let her go... and she smiled quickly pecked his lips before and that brought a satisfied smile to his lips... as he held her wrist stopping her from rising and she looked with her eyes in askance... 'what...' He murmured.. "You remember out appointment tomorrow with Dr. Raichand?"
She nodded and smiled feeling something burn within but she suppressed it... 'Not now..' He smiled and stopped her again and she looked again endearingly as he softly murmured "Have lunch with me" as she gazed happily her mouth slightly agape with pleasure at this surprise wish that he conjured.. and he grinned and she nodded vigorously... He leaned forward and murmured... "Here at home... I will cook"
She was taken aback, though her face was suffused in a soft pleasure pink flush... and she tried not to laugh as she took one hand and rested it against his forehead "Hmm.. Doc.. you seem to have temperature.. surely overwork.. and exertion" He grinned biting his lower lip and looking dangerously he swatted her hand away and murmured "Ha ha.. you think I can't cook... okay done.. 1.00 pm and I will cook for you..." Least caring for the surroundings now, she leaned her elbows on his shoulders and resting her chin on the backs of her hands she gazed into his eyes her breath clashing with his as she dreamily looked into his eyes... "Surprise me... Doc..."
He smiled then a devilish smile and her heart rejoiced.. at least her Doc was back.. and she giggled as he leaned forward and murmured at her lips... "South Indian... do for you?" She nodded lost in the swirl of of dark chocolates and sighed as he took her lips in another sweet kiss... only to be interrupted by a long theatrical cough... "Aaahhheeemm..." She was off his lap in a flash as he raised his hand raking his hair and bade a short.. "Good morning ... Dad..." as Khanak fled from there and Sunil called out after her... "Oye.. sambhal ke... lag jaayegi..." Shantanu tried to adjust the cutlery on the table when Sunil hid a smile and said.. "Good going Shaan.. but.. ahem some things should be curtailed to ahem.. you know your room..."
But Sunil spoilt it all with a grin and Shantanu too barked out his laughter... as Dad continued... "Accha hain tumhaari Ma ne nahin dekha.. nahin to it would be.. OH EMM GEE.. Shaan..." Khanak giggled as she skipped the stairs hearing the bark of laughter from the men at the dining table and felt a relief yet a weight bogged her heart down. but she refused to be let down... But there was a sprite in her step... Luncheon date...
Edited by jparker - 14 years ago
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