Part 27...
Worried and shocked chocolate browns looked into intense and brilliant blues... "But Dr. Raichand.. you.. told me that the progress is good. Then why this now?" Aryaman took in a deep breath and murmured.. "Shantanu.. listen carefully.. I don't want to raise any false hopes. As you know in our world we believe only in statistics and results. But then we also believe that miracles do happen in this scientific world of medicine and logic. Sometimes, medicine has been defied by the Supreme Power.. and inspite of my years of association with this world of logic, I firmly believe in those miracles... So all I am telling you is that these are the facts. Even if they suggest that there is no hope on medical grounds, I still have hope. One must never leave hope..." Shantanu looked at the senior man in front of him... not much older than his own father... who had a wealth of experience and charm behind that strong demeanour that he displayed... He felt an energy oozing from him which seemed to surround him with a strange thrill.. an expectation a hope... which made Shantanu sit up more straighter. He looked with an immense awe and respect at the brilliant blues and nodded as if understanding what Dr. Raichand wanted to convey.
He had heard something about Dr. Raichand's personal life. Something involving his wife in a similar situation. But he was not the one for listening to rumours or gossip.. and as if on cue Dr. Raichand's face took up a nostalgic look as he murmured... "Shantanu, I have been there.. and I know how it feels... have you ever treated a close family? If yes then you know how difficult the situation becomes when you have to take decisions... which may or may not be favourable... but as a doctor, I take my profession as of the utmost and prime importance.. the rest just fits in..." Shantanu could only look on with awe and doubled respect as he then nodded and then they finally discussed Khanak's line of treatment... It was now almost a week since shec.. I had been told and she was recuperating well physically except for the emotional issues which naturally persisted. They all knew that such things took time. Time would heal all and she was coping pretty well... But today... she was being taken home and Dr. Raichand was instructing Shantanu...
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Settled well in her bed... she looked out of the huge french windows at the night sky... the glimmering water of the swimming pool reflecting against the stone wall on side... giving it a dreamy blue hue... as a nurse fluffed up her pillow and made sure she was comfortable. Daadi had just spoken to her at length... softly urging her to smile. She had done so with gentle ease... to appease her... Her cell buzzed at her side and she taking a deep breath spoke into it... "Hi.. " the voice boomed at her from the other end... "Hey that doc of yours has turned you into a lunatic!!! Kya itna rookhi sookhi hi... bilkul bezaar ho gayi ho... tumhe maine pehle hi manaa kiya tha... aise akdu doctor se shaadi mat karna... But why will my Kanks listen to me... " that brought a smile to her face and he entered just to see that... He felt a thrill within, making a mental note to thank Manu. He had just been on the phone a minute ago and had prodded him to call her... Between him and Manu, they had done every thing possible in the book to make her smile. She had smiled only once, when he had retold her in the hospital of the incident when she had been mistaken about Chand's identity at the restaurant... She had smiled a little sheepishly then but for the first time the sparkle in the dark coals had returned only to be dispersed as she saw the lines fanning around his eyes...
Presently he walked in and her eyes acknowledged him as the smile disappeared and she sat up.. He walked towards the study table and placed his wallet and watch there... and then he moved towards her holding a slim red package in his hand.. She spoke in soft monosyllables with Manu and as she rang off saying... "Okay I promise.. Manu.. ab jao.. Mahi ki aawaaz sunaayi de rahi hain.. " He rang off and she smiled a false smile at him.. suddenly looking awkward. He sighed and sat down by her side and gently tucked her curl behind her ear and spoke gruffly... "Welcome home... Jingles... " handing her the package. She could not contain the curiosity as she took it in her slim frail hands... He swallowed hard.. but waited... as she gently peeled the red wrapper off and her breath ended in a soft gasp... as she stared at the object in her hands...
Gently he slid closer to her and whispered in her ear... "I want my Jingles back..." She felt numb though her eyes filled and she whispered hoarsely "I can't Doc... I.. I..." She began to put the wrapper back on when his fingers stilled hers and he made her look into his darkened depths... "Jingles... listen to me... you have to let go... I know it is not easy. But let go... Make this fresh start... You owe it to... to.. our.. b.. to us.. to everyone who loves you.. let g..." She jerked then and her eyes flared coming to life... throwing angry daggers at him... "Ha.. you are a fine one to talk... and you tell me I owe it to you!? You Dr. Shantanu Khandelwal... I owe you nothing.. especially you... who.. who himself is a murderer!!!"
He stilled, stiffening like a stone wall at her side as the weight of what she uttered sunk in and she closed her eyes as the tears rolled down.. He groaned but angrily took her arm in a hard grip and spoke though the skin of his teeth "Damn it... stop that.. stop wallowing in the grief.. and I.. I am not a murderer... How can you even think that Jingles.. I I tried .. moved heaven and earth to... Dammit.. how can you even think this?" He was close to shaking her and she shivered as he suddenly realised that she was in a delicate condition and he closed his eyes grimly as he could not bear any longer her pain when she spoke even in a more softer voice.. his hands moving down to hers to grab them to assure her...
"Yes you are a murderer... you murdered the one man I truly loved... Dr. Khandelwal, you murdered him.. my Doc.. where is he? Where did you put him.. locked him in some place where even I can't find!! Why.. tell me why.. yes you are a murderer... Typical.. you are thinking coldly... like reading a clinical report.." He did not let her continue as he again held her upper arms and spoke huskily "What.. are you talking about dammit?" Confused chocolates gazed searchingly into spitting dark coals.. her eyes looked even more dark in her pale face... "I know it... Shantanu... you are telling me to let go... Did you.. let go?"
The last four softly spoken words tore his insides up... a raw pain ripping his guts... his evenly, calculated well balanced life suddenly was tumbling around him in a flash, a heap at his feet... her eyes saw through that cleverly constructed wall, that barrier that he had erected.. it crumbled... and she looked into his very soul where he was a slave bearing his own cross in his very own private hell... which of course she was privy into but not yet... but she did break to peek into it... now and he had no clue as to how to stop this tumultuous flood that will arise due to the breaking of the dams... She never called him Shantanu unless she was dead serious...
It seemed like seconds were ticking neither moved... as they gazed into the other's soul searching for replies... finding none at hand... neither wanted to make the first move... yet she wanted him to as he wanted her to... grimly she saw the grinding of his jaws as the three furrows appeared on that broad forehead, a lock falling out from te rest to make him appear rakish and dangerous.. yet she knew that he was like a small child right now.. like little minds his mind too was afraid to let go... to erase and leave behind where it should rest in peace... She saw the bobbing of his Adam's apple, his eyes appeared like pain had sharded them in splinters... she felt his knuckles go white from clutching her hands hard.. she felt a pain, but nothing as bad in comparison as the pain he was feeling within, that he fought to keep his sanity... she knew but she had to do her bit... he had to let go...
He turned away from her facing his hard back to her, she closed her eyes momentarily feeling drained as this was emotionally as well as physically tiring for her. But she pushed herself as she had promised this to her. Dr. Raichand had let her in on this and indirectly prodded her with Manu's help. He had related to her how Shantanu had hidden so well the pain... She bit her lip and taking a deep breath she needled on with purpose... "Turning your back away is not a solution to everything Shantanu..." That did the trick rubbing his ego and he turned anger flaring in the soft dark browns as he grimly glared at her as she raised her chin and looked.. suddenly he closed his eyes and she tentatively touched his arm... He turned his face just a wee bit away and muttered through clenched teeth with a effort... "Leave it... Jingles... don't... don't go there..."
She could see the war in his countenance... in his eyes as he fought valiantly but she pushed on... "Why Shantanu, what pleasure do you get in doing this. Don't you see that this pain that you are hiding behind is doing you more harm to you and the others who love you too get pained with it? Can you not judge that this is not going to solve anything. Erasing something will make it go away. Face it..." He turned angry eyes at her regardless of her condition now as she pursued "DAMMIT I SAID DROP IT!!!!" Unintentionally he grabbed her upper arms in a wincing grip, making her bite her lip to not show her pain, and also she blinked the gathering wetness in her eyes determined to go on, seeing the chink in the armour... finally deciding to make that one last blow... hitting below the belt.. She knew that was not the right thing to do yet she had to try...
"Oh I.. I thought.. you.. you loved me!! I see that you.. you don't anymore.." The sudden change of her stance threw him completely as his face contorted in confusion even more and the frown deepened as the 3 lines made a groove and he spoke through fazed lips... "What?!! Now where did that come from?" His mind grappling with the train of her thoughts.. judging professionally that this was normal as post surgical depression was common.. mood swings and especially in her condition where she had had an abortion.. this was a normal reaction. He tried hard to fight the duel that warred within him and at the same time to remain calm to be able to help her, assure her that he was there for her... at every step... as she uttered those words he merely pulled her closer to him and spoke "Jingles.. you know that is not true... God why are you doing this? Why dammit, why?!!!"
He must have shaken her in frustration least realising that she was finally making a breakthrough... as the tears gathered there not because she felt that he did not love her, but she felt his pain... as they tumbled down, much to his further displeasure as he sighed and softened his stance as one hand left her arm to travel to cup her chin and wipe one trail gently and then the other, only for the tears to roll down more faster... He groaned and pleaded softly.. "Jingles.. please.. no tears.. I hate them.." But she was relentless... "No.. you don't hate tears.. you you hate.. me.. Yes you never loved me.. Because if you did.. you would not have.. not have done what you are doing... you.. let go after... after Natasha..." Again his face construed and in warning his eyes flashed telling her that she was crossing all limits and what she inferred was not true... but she pushed knowing that this was her only weapon.. and her last hope... everything was fair in love and war...
He looked at her through shocked eyes... in total disbelief that she could suggest something like this... as she mustered up the courage and had the temerity to continue striking while the iron was hot.. her final blow... "You know I wonder now.. whether you really love me... Whether.. you will.. like you did for Natasha.. shed any tears for me.. if.. if I had.. too.. along with our baby.. die..." He did not let her continue as he roared a hard expression in his eyes... his hand almost lifting to slap her... anger lending a dark flush to his face... "STOP IT... JUST STOP THIS... YOU.. YOU KNOW IT IS NOT TRUE!!!!" And then just as suddenly as the angst had come it left... she could see the swirl of emotions flitting on his face.. the devils chasing, his relent.. as suddenly she was crushed to his chest as with the weight she fell back against the propped up pillows... as he with an animal sound buried his face into the soft crevice of her neck... she closed her eyes feeling a rush of relief... as he hoarsely mumbled a hard warning there... "DON'T.. EVER.. EVER AGAIN..DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN JINGLES... MY GOD!!!!" She closed her eyes as she bit her lip from crying out as she felt his angst, his pain... his fear... as it transmitted to her... through his voice, his touch.. through his very being... as her arms slowly lifted and circled his hard, unrelenting shoulders... and then a small tear rolled down from the corner of her eye as she finally felt a dampness at her neck... Relief coursing through her as the dams had finally burst...
She sagged back in relief feeling spent after the storm had passed... he had let go finally... as the sobs racked his strong frame... she clung to him, as he broke down against her bosom... venting his pain, his woes... as he cried like a small baby... in between he told her how he tried.. he had tried hard... but he could not save their baby... as she silently bore his pain along with hers... murmuring a pained.. "Yes Doc... yes.. I know... you did the best... yes doc..." After a long long time she felt his breathing regulate to some normalcy, though she still felt the rawness there, as his warm breath grazed the skin at her chest... He refused to let go of his haven... as he drew strength from her with every passing moment... as she too was unwilling to leave her own paradise... in his arms.. and like true partners... were there for each other.. in Happiness or in Sorrow, in Sickness or in Health... for each other... forever...
She stroked his hair slowly as his fingers curled into her neck at her shoulders and the other clutching her closer to him... afraid to leave her.. as finally the storm had subsided.. the deluge had stopped and she heard his husky voice speak softly to her... "Jingles... you were right.. we.. had a son.. if.. if he had..." His voice broke again as he felt the pain as her fingers clutched his neck more closer and her lips grazed the silk on his crown as she murmured... "Shh... bas.. enough Doc.. I... I know. I wanted you to let go.. else his soul would not rest in peace.. Shhh... shhh..." he took a steadying breath and nodded too full of emotions to speak... he was lying down next to her now and she was soothing his frayed nerves, caressing his temples too soothe his pain away.. at the same time drawing the strength from him to lend him her support.. and be strong for them both... As slowly her eyes became heavy as she felt his weight getting more heavier at her bosom and she reached out to turn off the single night lamp... and she sighed as the gentle moon light filtered through the light drapes that were drawn at the French windows... as sleep took over them.. the millions of twinkling stars in the dark velvety navy blue sky, the full moon and the night life were the only witness of this beautiful bond of love, faith and hope... She had a soft smile on her face as she remembered the night when they had finally belonged to each other... that night after holi...
"Welcome home... Jingles..." A soft voice had murmured in her ear making her jump... as a pair of strong arms wound around her... a soft shy smile replaced the initial surprise and she turned in his arms hiding her flaming face in his shoulder... as he sighed hugging her closer to him... feeling a soaring happiness swell his chest and a certain heat that rose from her close proximity.. her fragrance her softness enveloped around him... as his hands rose from her back to the nape of her neck and she trembled with delight as her eyes lifted slowly to look into his blazing ones... and she heard him speak... "Jingles... Say them... you still have not..." She bit her lip shy to even look into those warm brown eyes... as he slowly tipped her chin up and once more spoke in a hoarse husky voice... "Jingles..." Urging her softly as she summoned the courage to slowly lift her long curly lashes and look into his eyes.. to see the love mirrored in them, which were baring the tale of his soul... she unconsciously licked her lips and heard the sharp intake of his breath and coloured even more as he dipped his head... losing all control to capture their softness in a sweet drugging kiss that left her even more breathless than before... her hands had found their way into the silky hair at the strong column of his neck as his were around her back... playing havoc with her nerves...
A fog horn sounded far away in the sea... the dark midnight blue sky appearing like a soft velvet which enveloped the millions of twinkling stars and the moon lending its magical light as they stood silhouetted in that soft light in his apartment at Cuffe Parade. After the celebrations of Holi and Manu-Mahi's engagement, they had left Radha Kunj.. He had driven her here.. their journey had been quiet and yet full telling its own tale... He had made sure that her journey up to the top floor had gone unnoticed by her as he had kissed her on her lips inside the elevator and she though after her initial protest had been totally lost till they had reached the top floor... As now the fog horn jerked her as again shy now she moved out of his arms... to look out of the huge window into the sea... They had both showered and she had been forced to wear his over sized towelling robe though it barely reached her knees as she had no clothes here... he was in his track pants and she felt very vulnerable... she had felt his smile as he had followed her to the window and had hugged her from behind to tuck his chin at her shoulder as he looked into the darkened horizon and she closed her eyes leaning into him as he whispered... "Jingles... you are testing my patience... I... am... waiting...Just... three... words..." The last had been said in between nibbles of stolen kisses at her neck... inhaling a fragrance that was so fitting her... her very own essence... as she moaned softly...
She trembled anew and tried to move out again but this time he was not going to let her... he brought her more closer to his body and she gasped at the same time many things told her of the screaming desire that he felt... as he deliberately slowly turned her and cupping her face in his huge hands... raised it to look into her eyes which were like two pieces of burning coal embers... glittering screaming their reply yet he wanted to her to voice it... as his eyes told her that and she bit her lip again hit by another bout of shyness... and she shook her head as he leaned closer to her and whispered... "think of the penalties involved if you don't say those three words..." All the tiny hairs on her body stood up... at the grate of his husky baritone... her fingers clutched harder the strong steel at his shoulders and he smiled as he knew that his words had made their mark... as she looked in contemplation... and she spoke softly then... "Doc... please.. you know it... I.. too..." He made sure he held her eyes with his and she with a shy giggle looked away as he groaned and swinging her up into his arms spoke... "Okay then... punishment time..." Not heeding her shocked gasp of surprise... "Doc!!! Put me down... I.. I will say it..." That stopped him and he waited still carrying her...
She slowly took in a deep breath as she felt the strong thumping of his heart against her palm which was there and one was around his neck... as she moistened her lips and spoke in a soft voice gazing into the deep swirls of dark chocolate... "I... love... you..." His hands tightened their hold on her in pleasure as she said it softly... and she could see the look of immense pleasure writ there.. as his eyes shone like two bright jewels and he lowered her slowly onto the bed and then sealing his lips with hers he murmured against their silky softness "Me too Jingles.. Me two..." She moaned softly as his lips found their mark and swayed behind onto the array of soft white pillows... lost in a world of a myriad of sensations... Into a paradise where she knew only one soul.. her soul mate, her life.. her partner, her friend.. who now would also be her lover... as he took her to those known dizzying heights to which she was slowly getting accustomed to... as she held him and spiralled to reach the highest pinnacle from where she did not want to return ever...
The grand father clock struck the hour somewhere and she stirred from her sweet reminiscing memory... to find the same man who had taken her to great heights sleeping in her arms.. she looked down to see the tousled hair, one lock separating form the rest as she smiled gently and tenderly tucked the lock back and ran her fingers through his hair with love... He had relief on his face yet he appeared like he had travelled far... for a long gruelling time.. she sighed as she knew that everything will be alright now... Yes things will take time to be normal.. yet she had hope in her.. She stretched her hand to take some water not wanting to disturb him, and accidentally knocked the diary to the floor. Luckily he was too exhausted by his emotional out burst to awaken and she gently adjusted herself to take the diary and place it back on the side unit and drinking some water she clutched him back to herself and soundly went back to sleep...
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
