September 23rd 2010 ' Personal Journal of Aham Parag Modi
I am at a total loss about what happened today. The day started out normally, I had a great day at work, even though I had to stop off at the police station to check on the chor case. Then at dinner Chirag Kaka spoke without thinking and his thoughtless words devastated mom. I can't stand seeing her hurt. She has dedicated her life to this house and family and doesn't deserve to be treated so disrespectfully. It boils my blood to see tears in her eyes and I couldn't take them away today. When I am the head of this family then she w' *big sigh*
Then that whole incident with Kinjal's jewellery again tonight' When I first heard Kinjal yell for me, I thought the chor was back and I couldn't run fast enough to get to her. In my head Gopi's confrontation with the chor was replaying. I was thinking how brave she was and the danger she exposed herself to. I didn't want her to do that again. When I saw her in the room with Kinjal, for a minute my heart skipped a beat because here she was again in the face of danger. But Kinjal was implying that Gopi was the thief. How can that be? But the evidence was in front of me. Again! I cannot articulate how I felt at that moment. It was like, at that moment, my skin had turned inside out and all my nerves were exposed. Why does she have to be a thief? An unpar and gavar? When I feel so'*can't finish his sentence* Why does she touch a place inside of me that no one has reached. In the heat of the moment I just reacted and lashed out at her with the full blunt of my anger and frustration of the day.
In retrospect, mom was right I should not have spoken about Gopi, the bahu of this family, in that way. I know better! She taught me better! But at that moment I felt so exposed. Like someone with a bleeding wound. Too much has happened today and I couldn't keep a lid on my emotions and hold myself together. This is too much I can't think anymore. *puts the journal on the bedside table and turns off the light*
September 23rd 2010 ' Recorded Diary of Gopi Aham Modi
Kanaji today was the worst and best day of my life. Kinjal ben accused me of being the chor and stealing her gahani. And Ahamji, of course, has to believe her after, all she is his sister. He loves his family so much and thinks so highly of them. I don't blame him for taking her word. I am nothing to him. I just wish that I was one of the people he considers worth listening to. *big sigh*
Never mind that Kanaji, Maaji believed me! She said she trusts me! That I don't lie! If I said that I didn't take them then I didn't do it! Her love, her trust and her confidence in me made me feel like I am something. I have never felt like this before'no one has trusted me, believed in me or loved me. Except you Kanaji and now maaji. I will never do anything to disappoint her or hurt her. I will work harder to make things easier for her so nothing or no one can hurt her. *smiles and turns off the light*
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