Resurgence | Arshi FF | Thread 3 | Thread 4 link updated on Page 150 - Page 105

Now I am going way against almost everyone and will be lambasted. True, the deed if it happened, was gray because he wasn’t in his full capacity although I guess enough to do the deed. But, anyway, mentally he wasn’t in full capacity. He knowingly put himself in a situation that this could happen. He didn’t anticipate it but he stayed and drank too much. His poor decision.

In my mind he did commit infidelity. He did the deed even though he was taken advantage of when his inhibitions were down. His fault for making a poor decision to let himself be put in this position. He remembers some also. Now I don’t think it was cheating because no emotions were involved. He didn’t do it with premeditation. It’s semantics but here intentions do matter.

Like I said earlier, his deed although gray when it happened is a black and white matter for Khushi. Her life is forever altered. It happened, black. Her life forever altered, white, as blank and as numb as she is now.

I just can’t absolve Arnav for his poor decision. I can understand it but not absolve. I think our society in trying to be broadminded and enlightened make too many excuses for people’s mistakes. That doesn’t mean we can’t forgive them in the end but he is responsible for letting himself be put in that position.

Also, I don’t think being taken advantage of and rape are the same thing in anyway shape or form. His inhibitions were down but he still participated in it and in a hazy way realizes it is not his wife on a couple of occasions.

Originally posted by: Pujakrishna

You are right.

I think for woman it is easier in such cases, to sympathize with them because precisely of how things are done biologically.

I was trying to reverse the gender and think... if it would have been a woman, probably in her super intoxicated situation she would have been an active partner too but because she said no once, we would have sympathized with her.

But when it comes to man it gets very very complicated, even much more if the man is the one doing the deed. But the compassion should stand correct here too, no here also means a no. So even if the participation happened it was a consent taking by deception.

Ps- this thought atleast gives my own mind some peace because the opposite of it makes me crazy.

Very true if it’s a woman, after saying no she can still carry on the deed in inebriated state , but it’s still a rape. A man getting raped is still not accepted in society and unfortunately in many cases like ,here where he is thinking maybe he should have said no more angrily , men do not admit to themselves let alone society that it was a rape.

So no matter what happens going forward, Arnav did cheat. His admission, when Lavanya was kissing him, that she was not Khushi was proof enough.

He had made himself the judge, the jury, and the executioner when he decided to divorce Khushi.

But I am worried about what will happen to him once he comes to the depth of the plotting that went behind that night in Panchgani. Arnav will be devastated. Because that one mistake has led to unfixable and unforgivable things.

Arpita, a request to spare us from any LaMa POV if you have planned. I don't know if I can take it without cursing out loud when reading and then crying for my poor Arshi. Would love it if Aman could play the detective and break it down for us.

Also, this update has made me greedy. I keep wanting more! I need to know what happens next. I am trying to be patient here and not pester you for updates as though you have just updated today. But I can't help but ask for more.

Originally posted by: BollyBabe75

Now I am going way against almost everyone and will be lambasted. True, the deed if it happened, was gray because he wasn’t in his full capacity although I guess enough to do the deed. But, anyway, mentally he wasn’t in full capacity. He knowingly put himself in a situation that this could happen. He didn’t anticipate it but he stayed and drank too much. His poor decision.

In my mind he did commit infidelity. He did the deed even though he was taken advantage of when his inhibitions were down. His fault for making a poor decision to let himself be put in this position. He remembers some also. Now I don’t think it was cheating because no emotions were involved. He didn’t do it with premeditation. It’s semantics but here intentions do matter.

Like I said earlier, his deed although gray when it happened is a black and white matter for Khushi. Her life is forever altered. It happened, black. Her life forever altered, white, as blank and as numb as she is now.

I just can’t absolve Arnav for his poor decision. I can understand it but not absolve. I think our society in trying to be broadminded and enlightened make too many excuses for people’s mistakes. That doesn’t mean we can’t forgive them in the end but he is responsible for letting himself be put in that position.

Food for thought Bolly here it is from wiki

"

common societal belief is that a male must be aroused if he gets an erection or has an orgasm, therefore that means that he is willing and enjoying any sexual activity. Roy J. Levin and Willy Van Berlo wrote in an article in the Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine that slight genital stimulation or stress can create erections "even though no specific sexual stimulation is present". An erection does not mean that the men consent to sex.[30] Males can get erections even in traumatic or painful sexual situations, and this does not indicate consent.[29]

Much like female erectile response, male erectile response is involuntary,[31][32] meaning that a man does not need to be aroused for his penis to become erect; mechanical stimulation is all that is necessary. Arousal and stimulation are distinct things. Stimulation is a physical response to a stimulus. Men can be physically stimulated without feeling aroused and thus causing an erection. Men can be scared and intimidated into an erection, especially if the person is older or an authority.[33]"

This is for him doing the deed and yes we can ignore all his Nos prior because he should not have stayed in the party. He asked for it. Like many women are accused when they cry rape.

Edited.

It is the same argument given by many that women should be fully clothed to not attract men attention..the list of do nots is long. It does not fit with today's world. One cannot absolve the perpetrator of crime Bolly

Originally posted by: Learrntowrite

I don’t think it even matters to the story that the area is grey.

arnav himself is convinced that he was wrong. Now he has convinced Khushi too. Let’s say Aman comes up and tells him his drink was spiked. Arnav will still have these memories where he knew it wasn’t Khushi and according to him he didn’t say no enough times.

So the damage is already done. The more I think the more I believe is that Arnav has already declared himself guilty.

It also speaks a lot about his behaviour towards self. The way he has behaved with Khushi in the last months was not normal. Him not being able to even be in the same room did not emerge from any hatred towards Khushi. It emerged from his hatred towards himself. I know after reading Khushi’s pov all of us have forgotten it but he has been his harshest critic on this whole Lavanya episode. His behaviour on the Nepal trip was a proof of that. Him believing that Khushi didn’t deserve to be married to someone like him is a proof of that.

So I am choosing to let this topic go because my heart hurts for him. No human, male or female should ever be subjected to inappropriate touches. Let’s say he walked out towards the end and did not give in. Would that make it okay that Lavanya kissed him repeatedly against his wishes? What if it was a girl in his place? In my mind, he has been violated and it’s a very sensitive topic.

But in the story, it doesn’t matter anymore because Arnav is already guilty in his eyes. And he is more than willing to endure the punishment. He had slightest of hope that Khushi may forgive him for this too because her letter has really shook him. But now that Khushi has confirmed she can’t forgive him for this, I know that he won’t forgive himself either.

so at the end of the day what I think of him doesn’t matter. He already thinks the worst of himself. It has already been said here enough times. It hurts more when mighty falls from pedestal. And he holds himself to inhuman standards. He always has.

I am crying again as I type this. But the more I read this chapter the more I realise that this whole pain that I felt from Khushi was from Arnav’s eyes. Arpita di confirmed too. We are feeling this distraught for Khushi because Arnav gave words to the anguish she went through. We actually felt what he felt and I cannot imagine how disappointed he is in himself when we are unable to read through Khushi’s pain.

He was unable to stand straight after reading her letter. He is not going to be able to live with the guilt of realising what he has realised in last chapter. The way his character has been drawn up, now I’m sure that he is going away. Maybe for good. Because at the end of the day, his love, however twisted it was, did not hold a candle to Khushi’s love and he knows that now. He is going to dissolve in the background and we already have someone new for Khushi.

this is it. I’ve never cried while writing a comment but this is just giving me clarity on what both these beloved characters went through.

Arnav does have a bad habit of being judge jury and executioner. And he may have done this to Khushi but he did it to himself too. He is ready to hang himself too without giving a chance for explanation and I think this FF here has finally pushed me over the edge. I don’t think I have words left after the last two chapters.

I think this is the main issue in him. I think from childhood he has been expected to and got told off (something parents do unknowingly) or even abandoned for not doing right by everyone.

Originally posted by: Arilip

I think this is the main issue in him. I think from childhood he has been expected to and got told off (something parents do unknowingly) or even abandoned for not doing right by everyone.

yeah 'chotey do the right thing' is so irritating

thank god that statement didn't make appearance in today's chapter. was that deliberate Arpita?

@Isha does that statement only appears when arnav is dealing with lavanya or was it there before too?

if my hunch is true then why arnav only remembered it when he was dealing with lavanya and a guilt that he ruined a woman's life?

Bakwas, I do know enough about male physical anatomy to realize how and when men can get aroused. And things can happen when your inhibitions are down. But was he scared and intimidated when the deed was done? Was she a person in authority where he was coerced in doing it?

I see it as a very, very bad unfortunate mistake that he said no to but eventually gave in because of being drunk and his inhibitions were down. A very simplistic example: your child harangues you for something, you are tired after saying no repeatedly and you eventually give in. Simplistic, yes! Do the seriousness of the actions equate, NO! But the examples can equate.

I just don’t see that this rises to rape. He does have some awareness of what was happening.

Originally posted by: BollyBabe75

Bakwas, I do know enough about male physical anatomy to realize how and when men can get aroused. And things can happen when your inhibitions are down. But was he scared and intimidated when the deed was done? Was she a person in authority where he was coerced in doing it?

I see it as a very, very bad unfortunate mistake that he said no to but eventually gave in because of being drunk and his inhibitions were down. A very simplistic example: your child harangues you for something, you are tired after saying no repeatedly and you eventually give in. Simplistic, yes! Do the seriousness of the actions equate, NO! But the examples can equate.

I just don’t see that this rises to rape. He does have some awareness of what was happening.

The quote I had was on male rape myths..because how I did my search. To me it still points out the act. Anyway what I understand from.your argument are

1.To you that he drank and stayed in that party..was his first grave mistake. The rest is consequence of that.

2. All his nos when she was coming on to him in the terrace..is useless as he stayed there and eventually kissed her. He should not have and he did it because he drank so much.

3. The final act is all his doing because he is aware. He is a man and he should have stopped. If not, all consequences of it..is his responsibility. Including the pregnancy.

Lavanya in all this was just falling is cue and she has no responsibility.

We will always look at this differently. To me a No is No and it ends there whether you are inebriated or not. To you it is don't ever be in that state.

I feel she was hurt the most, if that is even possible anymore, is when she asked him if he would have come had it not been shyam... and his silence gave her the answer, he would not have.

I wailed at that part. This may be has cemented her belief even more that it was all a responsibility for him all along. He would have let her go away if not for shyam particularly.

This has hurt her the most, more than la.

Seriously!???

Bakwas, where in the world did you ever get the idea, that I don’t hold Lavenya responsible for anything that happened? I have said repeatedly she is immoral and her life style is repugnant. Just about each thing I have posted on this subject I have conceded she took advantage of his drunken state.

But taken advantage of someone and rape for me don’t necessarily equate. Please read my responses carefully before you generalize.