Hindu Marriage Ritual: Kanyadaan - Page 5

This is for the people who are saying there is no need for debate or the topic is against a particular religion.

It is easy to say that couple can choose which custom they want but in reality it is not. There are old people/ relatives who force you to do that. Parents especially girl's parents usually don't stand with their children.

One of my female friend was forced to touch her husband feet in the name of custom.

If you want change, then it need to be speak up in much larger platform. TV and Movie are good way to promote that. That's how changes are made to society.

Remember it is always 1% girl who dare to go opposite of society's thinking and inspire other. First even the women will oppose that 1% girls saying this is small issue and is not part of feminism. For eg, girls wearing short dresses. It started with bollywood copying hollywood then girls in big metro city start doing that which inspire others girls in smaller city. Now they have freedom of choosing what they wear.

We need to talk about those customs which are actually problematic.

I don't support touching of feet by a wife to her husband as it is actually wrong.

But Kanyadaan is not exactly problematic.

What exactly is problematic we need to talk about it, dowry is still around, we need to talk about it, and DV is still around.

But making an issue out of something which is not causing harm to anyone is making an issue of a particular religion especially when the same happens in other religions too.

In Sanskrit daan simply means "to give"... There are no theories or definition attached to it. The theories come to it when it gets attached like a suffix/prefix for eg. Tamsik Dana, Dana dharma etc... It is beautifully explained in Geeta. Dana in Kanyadana doesn't mean donation, it simply means to give daughter in marriage... Sanskrit is a complex language and unfortunately for us our texts are written in it. Similar rituals can be traced down in other religions like Jewish and Christian traditions.

Does it objectify women?

To me, No.

Should people alter?

My question how exactly? By #kanyadanban.... We should realize we live in a secular democracy and ban on every second thing just cuz it offends someone nullifies the essence of it.

Should people having problem opt for civil ceremony?

Their life their choice. I'm a believer of Brahmoism and Vedanta.... Believe it or not Hinduism can be flexible, if you want to get married in tradional ceremony without Kanyadana it will find you way without making your marriage incomplete 😳

Originally posted by: Harish111

This Link puts india at no 3

https://nwrcegypt.org/en/10-most-unsafe-countries-for-women-in-the-world/

This list puts india at no 9 with 5th in terms of partner violence

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/most-dangerous-countries-for-women

This list by rueters places india at no 1 most unsafe country in the world

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-women-dangerous-poll-factbox-idUSKBN1JM01Z

In fact you just have to google and look at any list, articles or survey and india is guaranteed to be in the top 10 and above many poor or third world countries

Clearly something is going wrong. And its not the rituals themselves but the mindset behind it. In this thread itself people who are trying to justify saying these are just rituals still use terms like debts or responsibility when it comes to women marrying men.

If someone is considered a debt or responsibility to be given away, the mindset adapts accordingly. In the long run it leads to parents not wanting a girl child, women being seen as inferior and also violence against women when they say no or want to stand up for themselves (how dare an inferior person say no to me or how dare they dream of their own careers)

If such an ancient country after all these years since independence still ranks among the most dangerous to women in the world (when we have made lots of progress in many other indexes including poverty, total economy, employment, education etc) clearly something is lacking and something is going wrong and something needs to change

Claiming everything is hunky dory or that sexism in india is just a mindset or something created by feminists is problematic. In fact such claims has led to us going back on the little progress we had made before as genuine problems are now being dismissed as just feminists seeking attention

In olden day each couple used to have more than 5 kids. In which they atleast had one male kid to take care of parents in their old age. Now a days a couple can hardly raise 2 kids and if both are girls both has to move out to boy's family. It's a ritual understand but why only girls parents needs to stay alone in their old age just because they gave birth to girls. Even girls are made to prioritize all husband family functions over her own family functions. Even though girls parents may not express but these behaviours will definitely make them feel that wish they had a male child.

If marriage should happen either both girl and boy should decide to stay nuclear or ask both parents to move in and give both parents equal importance and time.

I am not against those who are okay with doing it but i still regret being a girl in this world for the same reason. It's sad that world expects girl to leave her parents alone somewhere and raise her own family with a whole new family. 💔

Originally posted by: Sanskruthi

In Sanskrit daan simply means "to give"... There are no theories or definition attached to it. The theories come to it when it gets attached like a suffix/prefix for eg. Tamsik Dana, Dana dharma etc... It is beautifully explained in Geeta. Dana in Kanyadana doesn't mean donation, it simply means to give daughter in marriage... Sanskrit is a complex language and unfortunately for us our texts are written in it. Similar rituals can be traced down in other religions like Jewish and Christian traditions.

Does it objectify women?

To me, No.

Should people alter?

My question how exactly? By #kanyadanban.... We should realize we live in a secular democracy and ban on every second thing just cuz it offends someone nullifies the essence of it.

Should people having problem opt for civil ceremony?

Their life their choice. I'm a believer of Brahmoism and Vedanta.... Believe it or not Hinduism can be flexible, if you want to get married in tradional ceremony without Kanyadana it will find you way without making your marriage incomplete 😳

Right..Vidhyadaan is imparting knowledge..Jeevandaan is giving/saving life..Raktdaan is literally life saving..

How does daan have a negative connotation?

Anyways it's Sanatan Dharm..that's always evolving. Jo Sach hai aur samay ke saath chale..time tested.

So to each his/her own.

If a girl doesn't want to follow what her parents or anyone is forcing upon her she can choose to do it in her own way. Religion doesn't forbid her..

So something that's forced by society cannot be said to be forced by religion.

Kanyadaan might be minor issue but discussing about it will bring change in mindset of people.

It is wrong to say we should not talk about hijab since it is minor issue compared to triple talaq.

It is wrong to say that people are targeting one particular religion because somebody choose specific topic. When we discuss about hijab, some muslim point at Gunghat which is equally wrong but the topic was whether head veil should be allowed in school or not in which only hijab come.

Here the topic is Kanyadaan. Sure the people can compare it with same type of tradition which is happening in other religion like father walking with bride in Christian marriage. But what is happening in other religion/custom can't justify what is happening in your own religion/custom. Because both comes from Patriarchy society rather than particular religion.

There are many issues which Indian girls faced because it is considered that daughter in law should serve her parents in law but same is not expected from son in law.

One of the reason where working woman has problem with their mother in law (especially if in law are from village) is that they treat their son as chief guest but their DIL as maid. I heard many story where they don't want to keep maid for cooking and demand their DIL to cook. This kind of mindset should go.

Kanyadaan or similar kind of tradition exist in those days where brides goes to husband's house. Still this tradition is followed. So I don't see any problem in following old custom. But for the couple who are both working and living separately and sharing everything equally, this type of ritual could be problematic.

There are many reason because of which I think Kanyadaan should be removed.

1) In the past Brides goes to Groom's house (usually joint family). Nowadays people are shifting for nuclear family (especially both partners are working in different city).

2) Before Girls literally separate from her family. Nowadays because of mobile and flight, they are easily reachable to their family. Couples are becoming mature to handle both family together.

3) Before ancestral/father property are not given to married daughter. Usually parents gave lot of gold/jewelry at the time of her marriage. Now dowry is illegal and married daughter has equal right in fathers property. So the thinking that daughter is paraya Dhan should be removed.

4) Daan mean giving. Whether this is a positive word or negative, only question arises why it applies only for girls

Why every ritual of hinduism is questioned and not of other religions ... ??? Please open your eyes wide open 👁️👁️ and think ....

Bass aur kuch nahi bolna

Originally posted by: devashree_h

Here is a case where Delhi Court said Kanyadaan is a sacred responsibility of the father.

https://www.etvbharat.com/english/national/bharat/divorce-not-excuse-for-father-to-ignore-marriage-expense-of-daughters-delhi-hc/na20220109171711619

I find it disgraceful that any court would declare what is "sacred" rather than "required by law." However, this article is about the expenses of marriage celebration, presumed to be borne by the bride's family, not the kanyādāna ritual.

I agree i dont have problem with the word kanyadaan my major issue is the expectation women has to fullfill in the name of parayadhan.

Now a days women work outside and i have heard from many of colleagues how their mil taunts them for not taking care of kids and not being available for kids and not cooking and all.

It's always expected from a girl irrespective of religion to perform double amt of duties than she can in the name of wedding. She has to take more responsibilities along with the house work and office work. Career oriented women do not even have gurantee that if they will have career post marriage or not. They may have to leave everything for her new family and they have to hear taunts from society too.

But if she was lived in her home will her ambition questioned no. Will her parents taunt her for doing office work and not helping mother if a girl works in a office where she may extend up to 10.

Will they complain if she takes some extra nap just because she spent whole night upskilling herself to get better opportunity.

By doing daan the girls are just becoming orphan where she can't even be with her parents who actually care for her and majority of her sasural treats her as paraya 🙃

PS: This is applicable to only those families who expects more from dil and less from their son. Who force her to prioritize them over her own parents. There are some families who are understanding but that's still rare.

Originally posted by: BrhannadaArmour

I find it disgraceful that any court would declare what is "sacred" rather than "required by law." However, this article is about the expenses of marriage celebration, presumed to be borne by the bride's family, not the kanyādāna ritual.