Originally posted by: usernameyrkkh
Bapu ji's refusal to realise that he too is responsible for Anu's lack of education is a dead horse. Discussed enough.
But this man lectures the family a lot for someone who refuses to take any responsibility for his actions whatsoever.
- Blaming society for Vanraj's toxic masculinity. Well.. It's a father's job to teach his son a positive version of masculinity. His job to protect his kids from society teaching them evils. But alas! Let's blame the mother or society if the kid turns out bad. Typical.
- Calling Anu his daughter but doing the bare minimum. All the support he provides Anu is normal for a FIL in normal families. But does that make him a father? What kind of father emotionally manipulates his daughter into living with her abusive ex & gf-turned-wife? What kind of father never asks his sick daughter if she has taken her meds on time, or never offers her a glass of water?
- Sexualising Kavya. For all his chatter about treating DILs like daughters, gender equality, etc.. He was the quickest to sexualise Kavya's nighty. I still don't get what was so vulgar about it that he had to walk away. It was a very loose gown with a robe, down to her shin. He thought Kavya's ankles were vulgar? Again, typical. 70 years back my grandma also faced the same issue with her FIL. But now it's 2021. Pakhi walks around in shorts all day as a 17-18yo. Vanraj often roams the house in a ganji. So what's different? Status. Kavya's status as a female & a DIL.. Exposing Bapuji ka convenient feminism. Typical FIL signalling his wife to control the DIL's attire lengths.
Bapuji might be a good husband & grandpa, but he's a bad bad father. I hope his next lecture is about attaining some self awareness.
Frankly, I don’t think he’s a bad FIL nor do I think he’s unprogressive. Let me explain this point by point:
1. Well yes I agree that blaming Vanraj for his toxic masculinity and Baa for supporting him isn’t right. He too had many responsibilities to teach his son such as correcting his behaviour towards women. He just can’t leave everything on Baa and then blame her for this. He only had 2 children to look after and probably his parents. Even then he raised his daughter with freedom and open mindedness but at the same time didn’t teach Vanraj at least some basic values of treating a women either outside or at home. Bapuji was a big failure on this part and can’t justify this now.
2. Frankly he supported Anu way more than expected. No one in an Indian household does that. Plus, I don’t like saying this but many a times an FIL being too supportive to his DIL is taken in the most pathetic manner by family members. They even start linking the 2 in order to break all the support system in the house for the DIL. This happens even in big families and a lot by people like Baa even for their own husbands. Hence as a basic understanding, men usually prefer to stay away from these household matters and support DILs whenever required in the most quietest way to maintain her dignity and peace at home.
I feel Bapuji not supporting Anu much during her initial years of marriage is only because of these reasons. This hasn’t been highlighted anywhere in the show but is too disgusting to get any focus. But I’m happy he’s doing his best now. He raises valid points in front of Baa, V and other family members in support of Anu which are quite convincing and genuine.
3. As far as Kavya is concerned, it’s not about modernism or anything against Kavya but even V feel awkward standing with Kavya in front of Baa and Bapuji with that night dress. There’s some dress code in Indian households, especially for North Indians or Gujaratis, except may be punjabis, that women need to be well-dressed in front of their in-laws and wearing such nighties isn’t apt. Believe it or not this is the harsh reality. But I don’t think it’s something so objectionable. If elders members of your family haven’t been used to such things, I don’t think it’s right to force them to switch in the name of modernism especially when the household is a typical Gujarati family. Remember even Kinjal doesn’t wear such clothes in front of anyone except Toshu probably. And yes as far as Pakhi is concerned, well she has grown up in that family from a kid to an adult. Not saying she should be treated differently but baa and Bapuji especially could have seen her even w/o clothes in her childhood so they are used to it.
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