The night was pleasantly balmy. Illuminated with the high flames of the scores of torches and lamps, the quadrangle lounge in the middle of the palace garden contested in every way possible with the cloudless sky shimmering with a myriad stars. Sitting in the middle of the lounge was, Princess Nandini. Her waist length waves coiled in a pattern of their own, she was a serene beauty, her eyes the only traitor of the secrets of her wild childlike spirit. Surrounded by her friends she chatted animatedly. Friends as she liked them to call, Yes persons as they knew they were.
"Dhat prem mein aisa thode na hota hai, prem mein toh har kshan bas uss ek manushya ki kaamna rehti hai, jiss se aap prem karte ho, uske bina ek ek kshan ek varsh ke saman lagta hai", the princess spoke dreamily with eyes gleaming in rapturous joy, as she broke into a ecstatic laugh. A laugh which only a jejune youth can afford.
[Come on it isn't like that in love. In love, all you desire is the company of that one particular person. When you are in love, even a moment without your beloved seems like a year]
Standing at the window, Nandini, the Queen, watched the image slowly fading away. Shaking her head she smirked. The foolish and unworldly she had been, she found restlessness romantic. Not having the remotest idea that when time stretches and contracts depending on the absence or presence of one particular person, there's nothing pleasurable in it. It's painful actually. When sky looks dreary or dazzling, when birds chirp noisily or musically, when moon shines palely or brightly depending on the absence or presence of him. There's nothing romantic in learning lessons such fundamental.
"Maa..."
It was Bindu, bored of playing with his toys, now looking for a new interest. Sitting on the bed she held him in her arms, while Bindu played with her earring, repeating "maa every now and then. He has been too quick to say his first word, and was now temperate in continuing the exercise further, much to his father's displeasure. She herself had caught him, secretly complaining to his son of how it is unfair of him to pronounce a maa and not baba, while he coaxed him to say baba. More than Bindu he looked like a baby making claims that since he loves him more than his mother, Bindu should be more considerate towards him. She smiled at the memory, as she brought Bindu to her eye level.
"Bindu, aye Bindu! Bolo baba" [say Baba]
"Maa", the toddler said looking at his mother with beguiled eyes.
"Maa nahin, bolo ba...ba", Bindu gurgled happily looking at the animated face of his mother.
But baby Bindu was soon done with the monotonous exercise. Off lately he anyway was quite bemused at his parent's obsession with his speech. He looked around to hunt some other object of interest and found one soon, a piece of paper, perfect to sooth the itch of his new germinating teeth. With lots of kicking and grunting he had finally managed to get down from his mother's lap and was really excited as he almost laid his hands upon the paper but alas, just at the nick of time, his mother took it away from his reach.
Now, he was angry, very very angry and he had no qualms in displaying it as he threw away the rattle, which his mother offered to pacify him.
As his lips pouted in displeasure Nandini braced herself for a tantrum, but to her luck her sequined drape had caught Bindu's attention and he soon was engrossed in playing peek-a-boo with it.
Nandini unfolded the paper to read it; losing the number of counts she had already done it. She thought about the night before, the night when she broke down into his arms. She doesn't remember much about the night, except for waking up once from a dream she has no memory of now. But it must have been a scary one, because she remembers him right beside her. Pacifying her, patting her gently back to sleep, as he pressed her temple. And she had felt anchored, sheltered. There is one more detail she remembers vividly. She had wished that he places a feather kiss on her forehead, and when he didn't she regretted it while drifting back to sleep, only to wake up and not find him the next morning. According to the message he left with Dadi, he had went to Paatalgram.
She looked again at the paper. Unsettled and weary of the restlessness his absence has caused, she had gone to his room. Feeling privileged, acknowledging the fact that she is the only one allowed to enter the emperor's room even in his absence, without any prior permission. She was in his room, their room as he liked to call. Entertaining an irrational idea of hers that his presence could be felt through his belongings. Inhaling his fragrance that still lingered in the room, she tried to absorb him. Agreeing that she is wet behind her ears, she sat on his side of bed, the right one, rolled her eyes at his minute systemization, noted that the roli of his tilak has the same hue as her sindoor, slipped his rings on her fingers, grinned childishly as they hung loosely around them, was elated looking at the pen tucked in the pen stand, a gift from her. It was then; going through his stationary she had found this paper. Her name scribbled all over the paper, Nandini, in Devnagri script. Never ever her name sounded so elegant to her, then now being written in a handwriting, meticulous enough to look like calligraphy. Coined after her bloodline, she had always liked her name, but today she fell in love with it. She smiled as she realized that her husband intended to write a letter to her at one point of time. His emotionally dry vocabulary not helping him much, he had ended up writing her name again and again. Hard to believe but she found that she could read it all. All what he had intended to, but couldn't write.
" Vaanar kahin ka. Mere jaagne ke baad nahin jaa sakta tha"
[The monkey he is, couldn't he wait for me to wake up, before leaving]
She busied herself with Bindu, thanking his otherwise annoying odd sleeping pattern; which has now kept him awake and his mother gratefully busy.
The next morning...
Nandini felt her mind was swaying in the same motion as Bindu's cot. Sitting beside his cot, she tried to shake away the uneasy feeling that was gripping her.
A messenger has came to them in the morning saying that kanika maa has been unwell and Chandra will take a day more staying there, but what has surprised her was the information that he had came back yesterday to attend matters requiring his urgent attention and had returned to Pataalgram without coming to the rani niwas, without meeting her. And she knew that something is wrong with him, something which he doesn't want to face and that's why avoiding facing her as well. Somehow she knew she should join him, that he needs her. But that didn't sound a very feasible idea with a Bindu who has just recovered from fever. But her gut feeling, which in every possible sense was pushing her towards him, was hard to suppress.
Standing at the doorway Rajmaata Moora looked at her daughter in law, the only one who managed to penetrate the unyielding shield and reach to his son's heart. A heart his son had kept so well guarded that he completely forgot its existence until this girl came to his life. The girl whom she had called daughter, did she meant it as well? Moora didn't know. The only thing she was sure about was the alarm she felt every time she saw her son's gleam- less eyes with dark circles and puffy patches surrounding them. The daunting silence almost becoming a defining trait of her son. Her son who was just 27.
Nandini plastered a polite smile as she sensed the presence of her mother in law. Moora mentally shook her head in disapproval at the puerile attempts her son and daughter in law made to conceal their stressed relationship. Little did they know that the more they tried the more it becomes evident: the coldness of their relationship. A coldness which was chilling. But for the past fifteen days, even the maids and the servants could decipher that their king and queen were not on their best of terms with each other. Somehow the distance was too visible and tension too palpable. Moora was losing hopes that the depressing silence that lurks, despite all the hustle bustle, in the palace, will ever be replaced by his son's roaring roof blasting laughter while he would tease his wife. That the corridors of the rani niwaas will ever hear the melodious enchanting voice of her daughter in law while she would practice her music. That Bindu will ever manage to permute his parents into the husband wife they were once. But today as Nandini attempted to gather as much as information possible about Chandra, while listening to the limited details the messenger has to offer, again and again, Moora could notice, the frown on her forehead as a result of genuine worry, the concern that filled her eyes, the flutter her voice had every time she mentioned about her husband. Today Rajmaata Moora and her mother in law, both could feel Nandini genuinely connected to her husband, genuinely bound in a bond. The same bond which she shared with her husband one and a half years ago, the bond so endearing that it was whelming for some and envying for many. She knew the turmoil Nandini was going through, that's why she was here but suddenly, initiating a heart to heart conversation didn't looked as easy as it had sounded as an idea.
She looked at her as she bent down to pacify Bindu, who jolted in sleep. He probably saw a bad dream, very common for babies, thought Moora. But Nandini looked almost panicked. Her heart went out for this inexperienced girl, who wasn't groomed for womanhood or motherhood either. It came to her without knocking and before she could realize the arrival, she was already struggling to fit into the shoes which she never intended to wear in the first place. She was expected to get it right in the first time; the fact never considered that it was her first time. Knowing Avantika, she could make out how many motherly duties she must have performed. And then at that moment for the first time Moora knew what she should do to amend her misdoings. She had tried to be a mother Nandini already had and failed. This time she would be a mother she never had. A mother whom moora was lucky to have in her mother in law. She knew that the distasteful impression she has casted upon her in the past few months, will take time to fade away, a lot of time probably. But she would wait, patiently. Meanwhile, subtly manoeuvring her daughter in law through the tricky paths of womanhood, just like a mother. And this time a mother not just for the namesake.
Putting a hand on her shoulder, she said, "Nandini! Putri main jaanti hoon ki tum vichlit ho"
[Nandini! Child! I know you are worried]
"Nahin Rajmata woh bas..."
[No, Rajmaata, it's just that...]
Cutting her midway Moora said "Main jaanti hoon Nandini ki humare beech ke matbhed bhale mit gaye ho, manbhed nahin mite hain. Parantu phir bhi putri, mujhse chupaane ka koi arth nahin hai"
[I know Nandini that we have reconciled our difference of opinion but our differences with each other are still there. Still it is pointless to hide your troubles from me]
"Nahin Rajmaata aap aisa kyun..."
[No Rajmaata, what makes you think so...]
"Inn baton ke liye bahout samay hai, abhi jo main keh rahi hoon woh suno"
[We have enough time to sort out our issues, but for now, listen what I'm going to say]
Nandini was caught off guard. Off lately she had made a point to avoid her mother in law's vicinity as much as the polite decorum allowed, but suddenly this woman seemed to asserting all her rights while she took the rein of the situation. That too so astutely that she didn't know what to make out of it, except that it felt nice and assuring.
"Nandini, ek stree ke jeevan mein aise anek kshan aate hain jab woh apne pati aur santaan ke beech mein duvidha mein phasi hoti hai, jaise aaj tum ho. Ek oar tum Chandra ke paas jaana chahti ho aur doosri oar tumhe Bindusaar ki chinta hai. Parantu putri ye toh ek choti si duvidha abhi aise kayi kshan aayege jab tumhari duvidhaa aur bhi kathin hogi. Smaran rakho ki tum Chandra ki patni ho aur bindusaar ki maa, dono hi tumhare hriday ka hissa hain, issi liye tumhe tumhari duvidha ke uttar apne hriday se hi milege aur wahi sahi uttar honge"
[Nandini, there often comes many moments in a woman's life when she is torn between her husband and her off spring, in the same way as you are today. On one hand you want to join Chandra and on the other you are worried about Bindusaar. But child this is a very minor kind of dilemma you are facing, there will be moments when you will face situations much tougher. But remember one thing, you are Chandra's wife and Bindu's mother, both of them, a part of your heart. So you will get all the answers to your dilemma, from your heart only and those will be the right answers]
"Parantu Rajmaata, Bindu abhi abhi jwar se utha hai, usey bhaar kaisey..."
[But Rajmata, Bindu is just up from a fever, how can I take him out...]
"Dekha tumhare paas uttar hai, tumhare hriday ko lagta hai ki tumhe Chandra ke paas jaana chahiye. Toh jao, bindu ko le ke jao. Jab tum usske saath ho toh phir kaisi chinta. Tumse behtar uske swasthya ki dekhbhaal kaun kar sakta hai. Nandini tum uss ki maa ho, tumhe poora adhikaar hai uss ke liye nirnaya lene ka, ussi tarah tum Chandra ki patni ho, uss ke paas jaane ke liye tumhe kisi ki anumati ki avayshakta nahin hai, swayam Chandra ki bhi nahin. Khud pe vishwaas rakho. Dono pita putra ke liye kya sahi hai ye tumse adhik koi nahin jaan sakta hai"
[See, you have your answer, your heart feels that you should go to Chandra. Then go, take Bindu along with you and go. What is there to worry, when you are with him? Who else than you, can better take care of his health? Nandini, you are his mother, you have every right to take decisions for him, in the same way you are Chandra's wife, you don't need any one's permission to go to him, not even Chandra's. Trust yourself. What's good for both the father and son, nobody can know better than you]
"Dhanyawaad maa", Nandini looked at Moora with a childlike awe. [Thank you maa]
Moora smiled contently, she had addressed her as maa', be it sub consciously but she was glad, she had.
" Jao! Chandra ke paas jao. Main tumhare prasthaan ki tyaari karwaati hoon"
[Go! Go to Chandra. I'm going to make preparations for the journey]
Nandini watched her leaving, a sense of relieve sweeping in her. A kind of relieve which you feel when somebody else says the things for you which you want to listen but dare not to say.
****************************************************************
"Chandra ye kya kar rahe ho? Apne pita par haath utha rahe ho?"
[Chandra what are you up to? Hitting your father ?]
It was precisely at this moment when Nandini with a beaming Bindu in her arms made an entry. Only to find a combative Chandragupta, hands raised in air, ready to hit his father. The old man, more than scared, which he should be considering the damage his son was capable to cause, looked shocked to his core. While knaika with a bandage on her forehead made a feeble attempt to stop the tyrant, which was now Chandragupta.
Cursing her luck for the bad timing and thanking her wits for asking the royal caravan of prince to halt a few metres away from the cottage, Nandini felt like an interloper. Meeting her gaze with her husband she knew that he disapproves her arrival. As he stormed out of the cottage without paying attention to Bindu, who blissfully ignorant of the gravity of the situation, was squealing in joy seeing his father, Nandini knew he really really disapproves it.
It was only when he crossed his way past her, she heard him say. "Lautne ki tyaari karo Nandini." She tried saying something but was stopped by his firm "abhi" (now)
[Make preparations to leave back for the palace]
Holding Bindu in her arms, who slept peacefully, clutching her neck chain, Nandini spotted him, among the villagers. He was listening to him attentively with a sight frown. She couldn't hear them properly, but she guessed that they were complaining about the decreasing level of ground water. Summer this year was exciding its limits, being the toughest for the farmers. But it was assuring in its own way. The hotter the summers would be, the more likely it was to have good rains. Something quench essential for the sowing of kharif crops like paddy and cotton. He was now assuring the villagers, he looked pretty much unperturbed. She wondered if it's only she who could sense the turmoil inside him. She could tell, looking at his tensed back muscles that a storm is brewing inside him. A storm, waiting to be unleashed.
The tit bits she could gather from a fatigued kanika weren't really pleasing. She had slipped from the ladder while attempting to pluck pumpkins from the climber which lay on their roof top. Her husband wasn't at home but thanks to the villagers she was attended on time and was taken well care of. She being the king's mother was an additional advantage. The moment Chandragupta got to know about her accident he had made up his mind that it was a result of his father's violence, who afterwards ran away leaving a bleeding kanikaa at the mercy of neighbours. No witness, no testimony was enough to change his mind. Now he was insisting, Kanika to join with them in the palace, leaving his father behind. An insistence which was more a compulsion. In case Kanika persists for the proximity of her husband, they will have to abide a strange condition put forth by him. According to which she gets to stay in the palace, while her husband stays in the outhouse and will never be allowed to come inside the palace. Of course it didn't went well with the elderly couple who despite their sour past weren't ready to be parted, leading to a feud between the father and the son, taking the ugly turn, Nandini had witnessed earlier.
As the villagers took a leave, she approached him. Sensing her he turned around. He fondled Bindu's head lovingly as the guilt of ignoring him earlier, kicked in.
"Lautne ki tyaari kar li?" his voice was extraordinarily calm. Not a good sign, she noted.
[Done with the preparations to leave?]
"Woh maa keh rahin hai ki abhi se le ke sandhya tak Raahu kaal hai, Bindu ko le ke safar karna theek nahin hoga"
[Actually maa is saying that from now onwards to the evening it's Raahu Kaal. It wouldn't be auspicious to travel that too with Bindu]
"Nandini main inn bekaar ke andhvishwaas mein nahin manta"
[Nandini, I don't believe in such stupid superstitions]
"Chandra, ruk jaate hain na. Ek din ki toh baat hai. Bindu ke liye"
[Chandra let's stay. It's matter of a day. For Bindu]
"Bindu ke liye hi toh",... he said this more to himself.
[ That's why, for Bindu...]
Not getting him, she frowned, but before she could ask anything he had already left.
She sighed as she realized that it was probably more tough than she had estimated
(Next part in following post)
Bigg Boss 19
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Kumkum Bhagya
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
