Arshi FF : Merger Thrd #3 Chp 34 - Pg 86 - 2 Posts - Page 30

Originally posted by: arshi_sarun

Finally he confessed... Waiting for khushis confession... It was a dhamakedaar update.. Thanks for the pm.

khushi is a rough ride...

Originally posted by: steffi_angel

Awesome Update...

The way you portrayed Arnav and Khushi's thoughts and insecurities is just incredible...😊😊

Well Done...👏👏

yes very beautiful.. and emotionally written 👏 👏

A/n: Hey all, back with the next update. I know it has taken as long as normal.

In hindsight, I should have put both the Chapters together, but then it would've been too delayed and too lengthy.

I hope you get to know both their perspectives in this chapter.

Just a small thought from me.

Presumption and Friction in any relationship is inevitable. But only when your feelings are honest, the bridging becomes easy. Confessing your love is not the end. Your partner needs to know that s/he is loved. And I believe one facet is to let them drop their facade and stand bare in front of you, with all their scars and insecurities. And the most delicate part after that is to not let them feel ridiculed when they share their worst fears.

Arnav and Khushi are young adults. In a phase when they are still exploring their own personalities. I think, this journey of exploring one's own personality transcends throughout our lives. We are bound to make mistakes. That is ok. But what's important is to find a way back to each other. And let our partners find their way to us.

CHAPTER 32

Arnav looked at her note book as the lift took him up to his floor. His ASR self had consumed him. He went home and put up a straight face. He called Maami aside, taking stock of what was still pending in the wedding preparation. Not surprisingly, most of Di's things were at home and ready. Khushi's clothes and accessories were yet to come. Arnav did not prod for the reasons and neither did Maami elaborate. She knew Arnav liked the answers to be very precise.

He told Khushi to meet him at the office in couple of hours. He had some work to finish up. And then they would go shopping for his sherwani. She had smiled cheerfully and that p*ssed him even more.

***

Khushi stepped into the empty office. Slightly pleased with herself today. She had enough cash now, to buy Arnavji the Sherwani of his liking. After all, the girl's side was supposed to bear all the expenses for a wedding. She was already spared that burden. But she would definitely give her groom and his family some befitting gifts. She had personally taken the rest of the family to buy clothes and gifts of their choice. Her Amma didn't want it any other way either. Now only Arnavji was left.

She walked inside his cabin. He was not working on his laptop, for a change.

"Arnavji, before I forget, I need to update about the Brasso Garment Company's take over." Arnav was silent. He was just spinning his pen on his notepad.

"The merger agreement does not cover the labour law requirements. I think you are planning to retrench some employees. And the cost of retrenchment is not captured in the merger costs. And the company has not complied with some DoCA's requirement for the last 18 months. I don't know how our lawyer and accountants missed it. I have highlighted. They might write to you about it in the next couple of days."

"Does it bother you?"

"Huh?"

"Why does it bother you? What ever happens in my company... its my headache isn't it?"

"Aap aise kyun keh rahein hain? They are not doing their job Arnavji. Kal ko kuch ho gaya toh?"

"Toh? Kya ho jayega?"

"You don't understand Arnavji. Labour laws and company laws are very stringent now a days. You can get a notice any time. At the end of the day, it is you who will be in trouble. All these lawyers and business consultants and accountants will escape giving one or the other reason. It is you who are answerable to the authorities."

"Toh? Its me right? Why does it bother you?" He stressed on the "you".

"Why are you talking like this Arnavji? If something happens to you, if you are in trouble, if you are worried, it is my concern as much as it is yours."

"Oh really... Hmmm, I didn't know it worked that way, you know? I thought you were an individual who wants to live in your own world... This is enlightening actually." She didn't miss the sarcasm. She didn't know what to say. She went silent, very disturbed with his demeanor. And Arnav wasn't helping with his silence either.

"Do you think we will have a marriage Khushi?" He asked her all of a sudden.

With that the blood drained from Khushi's face. This conversation was not about something small. It was growing gigantic and scary. Was Arnavji hinting at calling it off?

"Arnavji... whaa... what are you saying?"

"It's a simple question Khushi. Do... you ... think ... We will have a 'marriage'?"

"We are just a week away from the wedding Arnavji. And you are asking me this question now?" He sensed her temper was raising. Exactly what he wanted. He walked to the adjoining conference room, her erstwhile cabin. She followed him as expected. Arnav sat on the table posing a casual demeanour.

Was he having cold feet, just as Anjaliji feared about Amanji.

"Arnavji, Is something bothering you? May be you can discuss with me, like a friend. May be we will come up with a solution."

"Oh! I can discuss my worries with you? Hmm, again enlightening. Thanks, but no thanks." His voice was indifferent, his tone was insulting, demeanour was distant, and altogether unapproachable.

Khushi was trying really hard not to loose her control.. "Arnavji," she said as stoically as possible. "Is anything the matter? You can tell me whatever it is." She readied herself to hear the dreadful news.

Arnav walked to her, like a man with a target. He stood just a breath away, but did not touch her. Khushi heart ached realizing the miles of distance between their hearts.

"Yes Khushi, there is something. You see, unlike you I can't pretend. And I don't lie."

Khushi's eyebrows twisted in confusion. Eyes tried to recollect when she had lied, when had she pretended?

"Arnavji, I have never..."

"Don't... don't lie again Khushi."

"Atleast tell me when do you think I have pretended. When have I lied?"

"You lied to me, when you said you wanted a lifetime with me. You have not given yourself completely into this relationship. You don't trust me. You have no faith in this relationship. You don't recognize the relationship between us."

"Arnavji, where is all this coming from? Why are you accusing me of things which are not true?"

Arnav went silent for a moment. Khushi asked the inevitable.

"Do you want it out of the wedding, Arnavji?"

"O ho..ho..ho... Again a petty interpretation of marriage. We 'will' have a wedding in a week, because, I know, for sure that we are hopelessly tied to each other. We will not be able to breathe another breath without knowing where and how the other person is. I am not blind to reject that fact. But we will not have a marriage. Because for that, I need to belong to you. And you don't want that."

Khushi looked on confused, exasperated. What was Arnavji pointing out? Wedding, Marriage, they were all the same, isn't it?

"We will be wedded, lawfully. We will be husband and wife, but only on paper. But not in essence."

"Why do you think like that Arnavji? Aakhir baat kya hain?"

"Frustrating isn't it? Do you realise how frustrating it must have been for me, when you keep talking in a convoluted language?"

"Then how do you think I feel when you hide things from me. When you pretend everything is alright in your life, when it isn't?

"Arnavji..."

"Don't Arnavji me, Khushi. I have reached the end of the tether. I have no place in your life. Accept it. Accept it out loud. Accept that you have no faith in me."

"Arnavji, why are you thinking like this... you are mistaken."

"No I am not. Then tell me. Why did you pay Aakash back the money he spent for those things he bought for you back at your home? Why didn't you use the mobile phone that I sent you while you were with your mother? It was ok for you cry for two whole weeks, by not ok to use the phone. Why?! Because 'I' gave it to you. Why did you travel by train here, when I wanted to book a flight ticket? Why are travelling in Delhi by bus, when we have our own car and driver? Why have you given order for your wedding lehenga to a cheap tailor when you have the best of the designers in my own company. In fact why didn't you buy it with Di from the boutique? Where are your bangles and payal Khushi?"

"Woh..."

"Don't you dare lie to me... I know where they are..." He pulled out a packet from his pocket and banged it on the conference table.

He was furious, not out of anger, but out of hurt. His eyes were red, and slightly glazed with tears.

"Why Khushi... why do you think I am a chauvinistic pig?" He held her by the arm and shook her. "Kya mein itna kameena hoon? You are almost sure that I will be like my father, aren't you? That I will cheat on you one or the other day. I will betray you sometime in the future. That's the reason you are holding yourself back isn't it. Protecting yourself, in case I hurt you...like father like son... isn't it Khushi?"

Bitterness dripped from every word uttered from his mouth. But Arnav knew that her reaction at the moment would drown him in guilt all his life. She was scared. Scared and distraught. Cornered!!

"Talk to me damnit... talk to me before I lose it!"

"I don't know." She stammered her reply in a whisper. She was looking down, arms raised slightly in her defense, covering a part of her face.

"What?" He barked. She cringed and winced at his shrill hateful voice.

"That's my answer Arnavji. I don't know."

"Is that even an answer? Don't try to sneak out of this situation Khushi!" He warned her.

"I don't know Arnavji. I don't know what it means to ask something for myself from another person. I don't know if any other human being, other than myself, has any obligation to do anything for me. So, honestly, whatever you are expecting out of me, is the exact same thing I imagined out of my marriage. But then again, I don't know how to go about it." She tried to give a voice to her insecurities.

"What?" Arnav frowned in confusion. "If you think you are going to weave some psychological crap and fool me, then you are utterly wrong Khushi Kumari Gupta. Lies, excuses and more lies. That's what you have for me at the moment." Arnav was mad at her. And his rage was spewing nothing but bitterness towards her.

Khushi kept her mouth shut, lest the rage bubbling within her might damage the situation some more. How dare he?! How dare he call her a liar? When she was shameless admitting to her flaws, he was accusing her of pretentions and lies. But her eyes, they never lied. And most of the time they got the message through.

"Kyun, surprised that I figured out the truth by myself?" Arnav smirked at her in anger.

"I am waiting for you near the car." She said blandly, even as her lips quivered in anger and she dashed out the door, banging it behind her.

"Don't you dare... don't you dare walk out on me Khushi Kumari Gupta!!"

And she came back, a lioness ready to pounce on him.

"Toh? Kya kar lenge aap..."

He held her by the arm and shook her hard. "Accept it... accept that you don't trust me... you don't have faith in this relationship...and you constantly keep comparing me with my father..."

"Stop it.." she shoved him. He didn't budge. "Stop it..stop it... stop it..."she slapped on his chest. He didn't even move.

"Alright... what do you want?"

"The truth!!"

"Do you have the ability to receive the truth Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada. Just pure untarnished truth. Without changing it with your prejudices."

"Don't you dare turn this around on me Khushi."

"Whomever I turn this around, it's "we" who would be losing." She was feeling hapless, and a tear finally dropped out of her eye. She roughly brushed it aside. No he would not appreciate her turmoil now. And she wouldn't share any with him either.

"And you want to know the truth... then hear it Arnav Singh Raizada."

"If you think it is about our fathers, then it was never about "your" babuji but about "my" babuji."

"Huh... how does it make a difference...both are equal cheats... who betrayed their families..."

Khushi stilled... and shoved him real hard... how dare he speak like that... so disrespectfully about their own fathers.

"Stop... stop talking filth."

"Don't you dare change the topic Khushi. Our fathers have been long gone. I told you, what they have done has nothing to do with us. With our future." He towered on her for trying to mislead him.

"Your father... "your" father is in past. MINE ISNT!!" She shrieked and pushed him hard. He fell on the couch. She lunged on him and held his collar.

"You just want to listen to what 'you' want to hear, but never to what 'I' have to say."

"You tell me that I have no faith in this relationship? What are your parameters Arnavji? Using your money? Then how come I have not spoken about returning the expenses you are incurring to protect my mother and my sister? How come I have lived in your house, gorging on everything you are providing me with? How come I have not offered to pay any of the other flight tickets?"

Arnav was stumped. Yeah she had a point. "May be you have another Expense statement for that, which you will reveal as and when you please." He spat back at her, just out of scorn.

"Chup, ek dum chup, nahi toh maar khayenge." She admonished him raising one hand. Signalling she would hit him if he spoke bitterly again.

Given the shift in his eyes, she sensed, he had taken a step back. Time to clarify. She didn't realise that she was still leaning completely on him.

"Ok, here is the truth. No matter whether you choose to believe me or not, I will be honest."

"Giving Aakashji money was not my idea. You can ask Chutki as well, how much I tried to stop Amma. But she insisted that it is not right to get ladki ke sasuraal waley to spend on the girl's family.

I did not take the flight, because I was scared to fly alone. Silly, but as simple as that. And more over you spend way too much on flight tickets. So be warned, you will see a lot of this behaviour."

"Don't give me these stories ok? And how do you explain not using the mobile. And selling off your gold for the wedding expenses."

"One question at a time Arnavji."

"No they are all linked. It's all because you fundamentally don't want to share anything with me."

"Stop it, stop it will you..." She shut his mouth with her hand. Tears finally streamed out of her eyes. "What is with all of you? MANDATES and more MANDATES and endless ACCUSATIONS! That is all everyone around me keep giving. And bombard and badger me with your expectations. I am still willing to accept the others. But you too Arnavji...? I thought atleast with you I can be myself. Every person, including my Amma have a long list of instructions and expectations from me. But not one is interested in knowing what 'I feel' or what 'I want'." Her voice went hoarse.

Arnav knitted his brows... When had 'he' disregarded her feelings?

"Fine." She roughly wiped her tears. "Here is the truth about them. Believe it or not. The mobile incident and selling the jewellery are two different issues. I did not activateuse the mobile when I was with Amma and Chutki, because... because.. I was feeling miserable."

"If you missed me so much, what stopped you from picking up the phone and talking to me? But no, that would have hurt your pride, for using stuff that "I" bought for you."

"I have been using the phone since I came to Delhi, I am sure you must have seen the bills. Then how come the same rule doesn't apply now?"

She was? How come he didn't know about that? Then why was he calling on Di's mobile all the time, given that she was with Di most of the time.

She sat there, almost lying on him, accusing him of accusing her for things she did not do.

"Arnavji, if you have made up your mind as to what my intentions are, then there is no point in clarifying to you. Whatever I say, you will steer it to the conclusion that I did it because of my pride or ego. You will never believe what I say, then what's the point in all this explanation." She moved to get up, but Arnav held her by the arm and pulled her back onto his lap.

"Try me..." He challenged her to come out clean.

"And you will promise to keep an open mind?"

"NO!!" He replied stubbornly.

Her face fell again. Arnav was hell bent on letting her know how much he was hurt. She hurt him first, didn't she?

Khushi saw his face. She could no longer look into those angry hateful eyes. She bent her head down, continuing to explain her situation, sitting on his lap.

"It is about my Babuji."

"Khushi, for the last time, don't play your Babuji card on me again. When you ask me to put my past behind, don't you think the same holds good for you too?" He lashed out at her.

She closed her eyes, trying to avert his angry taunts. She focused on what she had to say. Tears were welling in her eyes, but Arnavji would not buy her hurt anyway, so she gulped them in, as much as she could.

"I CAN put my Babuji in the past, IF ONLY he were in the past Arnavji. How many times have I tried to tell you about him, near the stairway? But you always told me you are not interested in the past and shut me up."

"Khushi, don't..."

"Either you are going to keep quiet till I finish what I have to say, or else, I am walking out right now. And you call me, when you are in the right frame of mind to hear my entire explanation. And to repeat, I have been using the phone you gave me since the time I reached Delhi. So you can reach me on that."

She again tried to get up, but Arnav pulled back again. His constricted jawline was not at all encouraging, but she continued nevertheless.

"First of all, you need to know something important. My Babuji is alive, not dead." She paused to let the information sink. She did not know that Arnav was already privy of this piece of information. She had expected him to be surprised and prod with more information, but he didn't. Did he know already? May be Kaka told him? Well, that was not relevant now. She focused on what she had to tell him.

"Arnavji, when Amma said a yes, I was overjoyed. But something at the back of my mind kept telling me that it all doesn't fit."

"At Kaka's home, when you tried to come close to me, I resisted. The superficial explanation I gave myself was that we should be doing all that only after the wedding. But something more was gnawing at my heart. I couldn't point to it. It was only when you all left, and I was left alone with Amma and Chutki did I realise my worries. Would Amma stand by her words, or was she pretending in front of all of you. Because I have seen it Arnavji. I have seen how Sarita suffered. She was intimate with NK. But despite that, he called off the engagement and the relationship. I have seen her break."

"That was the first moment I missed you.Fantastic, now you think I am a scumbag like NK?"

"Arnav Singh Raizada, another bitter word from your mouth, you will see the worst of me. She bellowed. Can you for once in your life, see things beyond your rage...? Can you keep your ASR avatar aside? I am speaking about heartbreak. And I am not selfish to worry only about myself. I am more worried about 'you' Arnavji." Her voice had a plea. "Back then you were dreaming away about our future. I have dreamt that dream. It broke when I saw you and Lavanyaji together in your cabin. It broke when I heard her talk to her father that she liked you and that you were planning to ask her hand in marriage. It broke when Amma spoke about marrying me off to Shyamji. I know how it hurts when dreams break. I understand the depth of your feelings for me. And you know how? I understand because I am there too." She poked at his chest.

"Despite that, I was holding back. Why? Because of money? Because my aukad is lower than yours? Don't you think we have pretty much covered that area when you first spoke about your feelings for me?"

"Tell me one thing. Would you have gone ahead with this relationship, if your Amma was adamant about marrying you off with another girl?"

"Think hard Arnav Singh Raizada. Because I know how much you love your mother." She warned him to give it a good thought.

She saw Arnav pondering over the point.

"Arnavji, all I am asking you to do is to see the circumstances from my eyes. Then, I know you would've reacted just as I did. Because, I do realise, deep down, our fundamental character is the same."

"Arnavji, you need to get into my psych during those days. When I last spoke to my Amma, she was hell bent on marrying me off to Shyamji, on getting 40 Lakhs which, according to her, would secure all our lives. And I don't know how much you are aware, but the truth is that, she didn't have that good an opinion about you. And then all of a sudden, you come and tell me that she is ok about us? Don't you think I had a deep reason to be sceptical and apprehensive about it? My Amma, who had not spoken to me for two whole months, because I walked away with you, was now suddenly ok with everything. And that too just because, Kaka spoke to her."

"Don't you think I was justified to not believe the information that you were relaying to me? Was my Amma playing along, just to get me back? Or was Shyamji involved in this?"

"Lots of questions were gnawing at my heart Arnavji. And when you kept coming close to me, I was pushing you back. I know I did that to you. And you have no idea how terrible I felt about it. Amma's sudden change, Sarita's plight, Shyamji... All these things were messing my mind. And to top it, my conventional thoughts. And do you think I haven't noticed, how much you took care, to make me feel comfortable? I did Arnavji. And I was warmed because of it. I kept asking myself, what have I done to deserve you?"

"And so, there was all the more reason to confront my Amma. I will die a thousand deaths if I ever saw you hurt in my lifetime."

"I had to wait till all of you left, to confront Amma. To ask her if she stood by her words, or was she pretending in front of all of you."

"I missed you as soon as you left, because ironically, I felt alone despite being with my own family. But then like always, I closed my eyes, to feel you close to me, as if you are there with me. As if you had never left."

Arnav identified with that feeling. Isn't it what he feels too?

"I braced myself to ask Amma what were her true feelings. But to my surprise she was genuinely ok with us. I tried to convince myself that may be Kaka had really got to her."

"Then a minute later, Chutki complained of being extremely hungry as they had not eaten all day the previous day. And one thing led to another and finally I got the truth out of them. They had gone in search of my Babuji the previous day and had met him!"

She went silent for quite some time and her eyes had phased out. Arnav saw her face transform. She was distraught, the pain was building up within her and slipped out, only a little bit, in the glazing of her eyes. She blinked once and tried to come back to the present.

"Arnavji, I was 10 when my Babuji left us. I remember that day clearly. We had just finished up dinner and Amma was at the back, washing the vessels. Babuji put on his best clothes and readied himself nicely. Out of curiosity, I joined him when he stepped out of the house. We walked to the lamp post at the corner of our road. He bent down and told me I am a big girl and have to take care of everything." Tears filled her eyes as she saw the incident relay in front of them. "And then he walked away, in to the dark." She bit her teeth and pursed her lips, to control the tears. Unaware, that that control was coming, because she was pressing and squeezing Arnav's lap.

Arnav's heart constricted. She was just 10 years old? What did you know when you were 10? He was 13 years when his parents passed away. He was atleast able to understand what was going on around him. He kept silent, to let her continue.

"He never turned back. Not once then, not once in all these years. The first few days were chaotic. Some speculated that he ran away, some that he committed suicide. Every body asked me the same question. 'What was your last conversation with him?' And I must have repeated it a 1000 times or may be more. Each person dissected those last words and came to his own conclusion and then would mess with our heads. But for that, they did not help in any way. Only Kaka's words resonated within me. Take charge of the situation, he would keep telling Amma. She never did. And finally, when my small brain started to make sense of all that was happening around me, I took charge."

CONTINUED IN THE NEXT POST

"Somehow, I tried to keep us all afloat. There was no adult who would help. Amma went through these bouts of insanity. Chutki was just two years old and needed to be taken care. Forget about helping, sometimes it was as simple as telling me what to do and how to do it. I had no one to turn to. And that happened for 13 years. I would fall and falter along the way. But pick myself up and get through tough situations."

Arnav visualised a young Khushi, cluelessly trying to figure things out. He gulped hard. He knew how hard it had been for him. Despite having his Maama and Maami backing him. Then how had she come out of her situation, with absolutely no one to bank upon?

"So, you see Arnavji. When I said I don't know what it means to claim a right on a person, I actually don't know. But it is a concept I am warming upto. Because of you. And ONLY ON YOU!!"

Arnav sucked in a breath. She had unambiguously confessed, that HE was her family, in the true sense of the word! Just as he himself thought of HER!

Khushi continued, phased out into the past again.

"And one fine day, you came into my life. Things finally started to fall in place. We had good bit of money to get us through. Everything was going smooth. Till that day... When I had gone for a movie for the first time, with Sarita and NK. I saw my Babuji. He... he has married again and has a son. I came to know he was the CEO of his father-in-law's company." She went silent again. Face and eyes were bland.

Arnav remembered that day. She was standing outside his apartment complex, drenching in heavy rain.

"I had shared it with Kaka as soon as I came to know. And had forbade him from telling Amma and Chutki. They would be as heartbroken as I was. For many days, I did not know what to do with the information. How was I supposed to react? It just lay there as an abstract thing."

Arnav remembered the days after that incident. He had appreciated her resilience. He himself had drawn inspiration from her ability to hold it together, but was he wrong in understanding her? Had he erred in judging her? Guilt peeked in and pricked him a bit. But Arnav Singh Raizada is never wrong. So he pushed the guilt aside.

She continued.

"I had told myself several times over that I didn't want to cry or feel hurt. I didn't want to tell Amma about it either. There was no telling which way she would go; how would she react. I just didn't know how to deal with the situation. And then something you said stuck with me. You asked me to let it go. Not take it to heart. You had meant it in the context of work, but it made much more sense for me personally."

"I just went about my day, doing the things I should be doing. Remembering your tag line - What is the right thing to do, right now?" Arnav's heart swelled. She not only remembered every thing he told her, but had seriously acted on them too.

"A lot of things happened after that, which helped me forget about the incident. But whenever I did remember about it, I was still clueless as to how to deal with it." Arnav remembered what she had said just a few days ago. It's like the dirt of the house which has been brushedswept into a corner. It sits there, and you have no idea what to do with it.

"And then Chutki told me how Kaka told Amma the truth about Babuji. And their meeting with him. Amma sternly ruled that nothing about him should be spoken in the house. He is dead for all practical purposes. And she and Kaka decided that neither you nor anyone in this family should come to know about it. They warned me that if you ever come to know about it, then you may end this marriage. I told them you would never do that. That I have faith in you. But they insisted that if anyone from your family objects, then you might be forced to end the relationship. They bull-dozed me, and I let them. You can accuse me of that." She bent her head down, submitting to her failure.

"Amma seems to have gone back to normal self. Not the one in the past 14 years. But the one before that. She is cheerful and full of life. And Chutki is very indifferent to the entire incident. It made no difference to her. But not once did anyone check with me how 'I' felt about it?"

"I know... I know what I am going to hear. To not be too touchy about it. To get a grip on myself. It happened 14 years ago. And I cannot keep repeating the drama over and over again."

Arnav knew he would never say that to her. Because he himself had pursued for a closure all these years. And SHE had given it to him. And he didn't even realise that she needed a closure as well. If not the closure, atleast an opportunity to vent it out. He had provided her with neither.

"Even though it sounds right... it wasn't enough for me Arnavji. And do you know the funny part in all this? Apparently, my Babuji did not even ask about Chutki or me even once!!" She scoffed.

"Those two weeks I was away from you, I felt miserable. I used to hold on to the mobile phone close to my heart and weep on the pillow. Trying to find you in both of them. Silly, but that's all I had of you."

"Despite living with my own family, I felt alone all over again. I wanted to talk to you badly. I knew you would understand. But I feared Amma would be upset if I went against her wishes. She didn't want to be belittled in front of this family because of her worthless husband. And I was worried that she might get upset if I told you. What if she changed her mind about this relationship and went against the marriage? Then it would be a different battle altogether." Khushi came clean, laying out the conflicting situation she was in.

Khushi closed her eyes and raised her head upwards. Tired... Exhausted. So much that she didn't even have the energy to cry. She felt a palm against her cheek. It slowly pulled her... Towards him. Keeping her eyes closed, she leaned to his side. As she fell on his chest, her arms encircled him on their own. She slid to come closer to him. And he pulled her closer.

They sat there in silence for a while. Khushi finally spoke up.

"Is it so easy to snap a relationship, Arnavji? How are they all able to forget it? My Babuji, Amma and Chutki...how come they have been able to snap the cord while I am finding so hard to break it?"

"You should have called me immediately." Arnav pointed out the delay, gently brushing his cheek against her hair.

"Yes, I should have..." She sat back straight to come face to face with him. "Believe me Arnavji, I would have told you eventually. And I pretty much guessed this would be your reaction. You would be upset with me and worried for me at the same time."

"And if I had told you then, then you would have come to me leaving all your work. I didn't want that either. I didn't want you to waste a minute of your time for a pitiable situation like this, especially one which keeps recurring all the time." She put down her own situation.

"You would've have come after me if I were feeling that miserable, isn't it?" Arnav pointed out the obvious.

Yes, she would have. Khushi had to admit... But she silently snuggled into him, conveying her yes. After a few minutes, she sat up straight and cupped his face.

"Arnavji! Whatever you said some time ago, that I do not have faith in you and this relationship, it is not true. You have to believe me when I say this. There is no one for me other than you. I cannot fathom a future which doesn't have you in it. Deep down I completely acknowledge that we are irrevocably tied to each other. But something is holding me back. Some questions... like why would a boy like you want to be with a girl like me? I know... I know how you are subtly trying to push these insecurities out of me. But the truth is that they are there. And I need to fix it. Not 'you'. It is 'my' battle with my own self. It is my search for my 'self-worth'. I promise Arnavji, I will come out of this. Not because I have to. But because 'I want to'. Not only because I want to have you in your entirety but want to be yours completely." Their eyes were locked as Khushi called out to his heart to understand her plea. She was battling with her insecurities and she badly needed him to be patient with her. Arnav's eyes dropped to her lips and then went back to her eyes.

"Arnavji... about us.. being close... I am sorry... I disappoint you all the time..." She dropped her head down...

"Hey, don't do that to yourself... it can wait... as long as you want...only when you are comfortable..." He pulled her chin up with his forefinger.

"You can call me conventional, but I need that mangalsutr and the sindoor, Arnavji. Then I will dare a Shyam Manohar Jha to letch at me. I will dare the society to frown upon us when we are together."

"Khushi, I am telling you again, all that is only a formality as far as I am concerned. They mean nothing to me."

"Yes they do Arnavji. Deep down you recognize that without the wedding, there are boundaries between us. And you respect them too. We wouldn't be sneaking out in the middle of the night, lest someone spots us. We would be talking to each other out in the open. Our upbringing and the society that we are within have instilled these concepts in us. And I am sorry I am not able to let go of them. And the fact that we are going to be married soon isn't helping either. There is always this feeling that we will be together soon. So, why break the boundaries beforehand?"

"Tch... its alright Khushi..." He pulled her back on his chest. "I understand... We are only a week away from being together... forever...Hamesha..."

"Hamesha..." Khushi smiled into his chest...

Arnav asked her the one question which was bothering him the most at the moment.

"Was I too hard on you earlier...?"

She sat up straight. "Nahi Arnavji... I asked for it.." came her prompt reply. She didn't want him to feel bad even for a moment.

They went silent again. And then she asked him earnestly. "Arnavji. I have messed it up badly. And I want to make it right... will you help me? Will you show me how to?"

Arnav breathed heavily. How much had he misread about her? He had presumed she had figured out how to live. But no, she knew nothing. She had no idea what a normal relationship was. Atleast he knew that. He had a benchmark. He had seen it at close quarters - his parents, his aunt and uncle, his Naana and Naani.

She hung her head down, bereaved at the situation between them. That was the truth. She did not know what liberties she was allowed to take in a relationship. Because in the name of a family, she had a mother, who had wandered very far away from her and a little sister, who was too young to expect anything out of. So she was used to fending for herself - in all aspects of life - physically, financially, emotionally. She had given herself small treats, but even they had been very rare in her life. And all of a sudden Arnavji is in her life now. And she didn't know what liberties she had, to make a claim on his facets of life. Because, truthfully, no one had ever given her that liberty.

"And there is another reason why I did not share anything with you. I don't want you to think of me as someone who is inferior to you in almost all aspects of life." Arnav saw her gulp hard, trying to hold her self esteem intact. And he cursed himself for putting her in such a spot.

Arnav contemplated the situation. When she had heard about his past, she had all but ran to be by his side. She had fought the battle of his revenge and punished his chacha, as if she had been the victim all along. Today, it was his turn. To be there for her where she needed him the most. She had put her pride and self respect aside and had openly asked him to help her to come out of her shell. And he wouldn't disappoint her.

After a considerable pause, Arnav replied.

"How about looking at me the way you want me to be, instead of clouding me with your presumptions. You never know, I may actually live up to your expectations." He cocked an eyebrow, as if suggesting a genuine idea.

"What if I dissappoint you? What if I fall flat at your expectations?" She countered.

"The same may hold good for me too, but you are too stuffed in your shell at the moment to see what I am saying."

"So here is an idea. How about we be ourselves. Be how we want to be in our marriage. And when there is a friction, that I guarantee there will be, we fight it out. I think the thrill will be in being aggressive and demanding than to be passive and defeatist."

"So Khushi Kumari Gupta!" he got up and took two steps behind. "Will you consider... stepping out of the gloom of the past and merge into this new world you have created for me? And build the world just like in your dreams. Claim me just as you claim me in your dreams. You never know, I may not be as difficult as I was just a while ago." He wriggled one of his eyebrow, slightly embarrassed with his own behaviour.

He spread his arms and called out to her. "Come to me Khushi. Come to me to Claim me! Let me belong to you as much as you belong to me. Make me your family, as much as you are mine. Let go of your apprehensions and want me. Merge us Khushi. Own me ... please. Own my time, my attention, my things... everything about me. Can you do that...? For me? That's the only way we can have a true marriage. Or else, we will live a lifetime in misery. And I am done living in misery Khushi. I don't want to put either of ourselves through it any time in our lives. I am done..." He couldn't complete his sentence, because Khushi bolted towards him and crushed herself on to his chest.

She stood up, looking at this man. Who, out of his own accord, wanted to be everything she wanted him to be. Like a bee to the flower, she rushed towards him, peeling away a thick layer of apprehension. Arnav felt her embracing him, without restraint or reluctance. Her breaths came in heavy. Clinging tightly onto his chest. Arnav felt a tiny smile of happiness teasing the tips of his lips. Her embrace was very different. This is the embrace he was waiting for all along. An embrace where you do not know where you end and where your partner begins. All you feel is the enjoinment of both of your bodies, souls and minds. And he felt this, even without enwrapping his arms around her. He felt her place a warm kiss at the V of his open collar. She must have then smiled serenely, because that's what the whiff of her breath against his skin indicated. Arnav took in a long breath, but his heart and body were already revelling in the oxygen of her love. He descended his hand and wrapped her within him. He hid in the crook of her neck and she inside his chest.

"Humein maaf kar dijiye..." she whispered into his chest. "I am sorry Arnavji... I am so sorry... I won't do this again..." Khushi promised herself to never hold herself back in this relationship.

"I am sorry too sweet heart." Arnav chided himself being too hard on her. She had tried so many times to tell him about her Babuji. The things that had hurt her the most. And he had stopped her all the time. It might not have come this far if he had let her share her feelings a long time ago.

It was a wake up call they both needed.

Both of them tried to find peace, but it would be a while.

***

For the next 24 hours, Arnav went on a long guilt trip. She had indeed been using the phone he had given her. She had sold the kangan and payal, at the behest of her mother. He had overheard her speaking to her mother, confirming that she had sold them. Munna had come home first thing in the morning, with almost all of Khushi's wedding clothes. She had given only for alterations. Even Di had given some of her clothes. Agreed that she had far fewer clothes than Anjali, but she did buy the ones that were necessary. And Aakash had swiped the card for the combined purchase. Arnav specifically confirmed this with Aakash. The worst was the revelation about not using taxis. Di told him how Khushi was completely scared to hire an auto or a taxi. She had been duped on the day of their parents' barsi. That explains her delay in reaching the office on that day. She did not take time to think. She was held back because of a crazy auto driver. And as an unwritten rule, the prerogative of using the office car was left to Aman and himself. So the family chose to travel in taxis.

In the afternoon, after lunch, Arnav slouched on the sofa. Everyone were tired and were mostly in their rooms napping or otherwise resting.

Arnav rubbed his brows introspecting. The more he came to know the truth, the more he questioned himself. Before raising the finger on Khushi, he had to ask himself. Did "he" place enough faith in her? He had never guessed that she might have had her reasons. He had jumped to conclusions and accused her. Bombarded her when she had least expected. Unlike Di, who did not have any family on the in-laws (Aman was an orphan), Khushi was trying to manage the temperments of both sides of the family. It did not take him too much time to notice that Di was pampering herself in the name of the wedding. While Khushi and Aakash had become the key aides to Maami to arrange for the event. Khushi had made a similar book of expenses and work list, which Maami referred all the time. And she had the added responsibility of managing her mother's side of work. He could hear her talking to her Amma, outside in the balcony near the main door. Assuring and reassuring, taking instructions, giving options and advice.

She had never compared him with his father. But that insecurity had leaped out, much to his own surprise. He had prided himself to have come to terms with his past. And yet, this was a revelation.

He had to acknowledge that the insecurity about being compared with his father had been one of the main reasons why he never ventured into the path of love. He wouldn't be able to bear the sight of contempt in the eyes of the girl he loved, if she ever compared him with his father. And in that fear, he had accused Khushi of something she had not even contemplated. He had done this earlier too. When she had tried to take care of him, when he was sick. When NK had practised his proposal with her. He had presumed and jumped to his own conclusions. Because of this very insecurity. Back then he did not know. But now he was warned. He wondered if there was any other facet about himself, which he did not know. But the worst of all was that Khushi, like always, was able to see past all the friction and continue to do the right things. She never let anyone know how stressed she was feeling. And add to that his own badgering.

All she had been doing was to find her sense of self-worth. Who could identify with that feeling more than him? Hadn't he done the same for 13 long years? And he had let his ego to be poked just because she was trying to keep her self-esteem intact, despite being with him. He couldn't be more unfair to her.

He promised himself to be cautious before he hurt her again. Because, no matter what, his love did not deserve this. His Khushi did not deserve to be treated the way he had treated her the day before.

***

Khushi had seen Arnavji from the window outside while talking to her Amma. He had been kneading his brows and was brooding on something. Must be a headache. Once she was done with the call, she went into the kitchen to make his coffee. Most likely he needed one very badly.

After the previous day's hard conversation, Arnavji had gone very silent. And she had to take the blame completely this time. Her own insecurities had driven him to think the worst of her, worst of their relationship. And most of all, the worst of himself. Never ever had she compared him with his father. But what she had failed to see was that she was hurting not only herself, but also him, while lulling amidst her insecurities. She promised herself, not to hurt him anymore. She promised herself to live her dream. Live their dream.

She walked to him with the coffee mug. He straightened up looking at her and took the cup from her hand. His face was grim and she didn't like that one bit.

"Arnavji, if you promise me to not get angry, then I want to ask you something." She chirped.

"Tell me." He nodded his head.

She looked here and there to ensure no one was around. Came and sat close to him and held his arm. "This is something I had wished to do... you know when our wedding was fixed." She hesitated. Arnav was damn sure it was something that would piss him off, given all the stage managing she was doing.

"What would you like as a wedding gift? Think hard, it should be very unique. Something only 'I' can give you." She raised her eyebrows, indicating how special it should be. "And don't worry about the money. My fianc had lots of it." She wriggled her eyebrows and smiled.

Arnav smiled in return and gave it a real thought. "Well I have something in mind." He cocked an eyebrow. "But I guess you would be too scandalized if I told you right now." His lips turned into a lopsided smile.

"Nahi Arnavji, you can tell me anything. After all we are going to be married in a few days."

"Nahi, rehne do. You will not be able to take it."

"Achcha, aisi kounsi cheez hain?" She was irritated.

He put his arm across her shoulder, and pulled her close. "I will tell you on our wedding night." He nuzzled his nose against hers.

The implication dawned upon her. She poked him at the chest and smiled feeling shy.

"Tum batao. What do you want?"

"Do you know what I really want?"

"Hmmm?"

"It is something that I always fantasised about my marriage." She phased out and Arnav could see her dreaming her dream. She looked at him softly and cupped his face.

"I always wanted my husband and me to be the best of friends." She told him sincerely. And almost immediately, Arnav saw a glimpse of guilt in her eyes.

"Arnavji, I know it must feel strange and ironic to hear these words from me. But I do mean it ... And I am working towards it... And I never meant to..."

Arnav quickly placed his coffee mug aside.

"Shhh." He placed a finger on her lips. "Friends don't apologize." He said softly and genuinely. She had precisely put across what he had wanted from this relationship all along.

Khushi looked into his deep apologizing eyes. And she couldn't take it anymore.

Arnav felt her raise herself and lean her lips towards his. He sat still, deliberately not dropping his finger on her lips. Her hands combed through his hair as she came closer. Arnav felt a subtle quiver on her lips. Just when he was about to presume that she was forcing herself to be intimate with him, he looked into her eyes. And he felt it. She wanted him to know, that he meant the world to her and that she was sorry. He knew that she wouldn't stop even if he dropped the finger. But then came another surprise realization. "He" didn't want to drop the finger. It just didn't feel ...appropriate till the wedding.

Khushi had to let him know, that she had dived as deep in the relationship as he had. And there were no second thoughts about it. Words had been failing her all along. And then her heart showed her the path. Her lips quivered, with the affection that was flowing out of her. They descended on his, the tips caressing ever so slowly. They closed their eyes, getting soothed by the soft caress. And the finger was trying hard to keep up the barriers.

A/n: So how was it... Do share what you felt by leaving a COMMENT or hit the LIKE BUTTON.

I leave you with a thought and do let me know what you think about it.

In a relationship, I feel the first step is to know what we want. And know it in absolute terms and not camouflage it with wishful thinking or presumptions. And the next step is to make a sincere attempt to understand what our partner wants. Bridging can happen only if you know the facts and truth. And bridging can happen, only if 'both' want the merging. One partner cannot weave it for both of them.

Thankyou and thankyou again, for being with this story.

Lots of love and take very good care of yourself

-Suri

it was superb you have beautifully written how kushi felt about relationships in life also her view of seeing life and how she faced the trials of life without a father at a young age she had become mature at a young age

what a superb take on relationships..loved it

wow long time..but u gave us a fabulous update...no words for me to describe this chapter...

Awesome ... The reasoning is fab

Originally posted by: Manishi1

Thank you for the most awaited update. I love your writing . Agree to your views on marriage. Never give up relations unless it is like death to stay in. Thank you so much. Stay healthy😊

yes.. never give up on yourself

Originally posted by: saakhi01

Finally the confession in the much needed words <sigh>

I loved the update a lot. In this update we saw a new avatar of khushi , the khushi who was ready to fight anyone for arnav ,the sweet khushi getting ready to take arnav's revenge.

N now with the fake documents of sheesh Mahal , surely by getting them checked khushi has hit the jackpot.

This would be a great gift to arnav from khushi's side .

Update the next chappy asap pls.

P.S- Aakash is a genious , the only intelligent guy in the story 😉 , varna arshi toh kaam mei hi zindagi nikaal dete.

ya she is the one protecting him

yes akash did it well