Kool's Commentary : Oct 15 PR - Page 12

Hey Varsha,

Originally posted by: Tulsey

Hey Varsha,

Long time I have not heard or read your thoughts. I have not been current on the forum. My husband leaves for India on Oct 29th and I on Nov 07.

Your non-interference policy is excellent....I hope that all MIL, SIL, BIL do the same. I watch Sasuraal Ganda Phool... nice serial as it shows how good relations are made and maintained even with normal every day problems.

Congratulation to you and your whole family on the wedding of your 2nd son. Yes shopping in India is a great idea to get closer in relationship. You share the likes and dislikes in style, make, brand, color, store, how it appeals on her/you, what brings out the best in her. This is all so great. Everyone wants to hear that they look good, pretty, beautiful and elegant. Good job Varsha. You have a very good attitude. You are also so forgiving because forgiving is a great part in keeping good relations. Openness to create boundaries and never to cross them.....

You are right that DIL's should be treated with love and respect, even more than daughters. You can scold your daughter and the daughter/mother relationship will still patch up without daraar. DIL's are coming from another family and they want to fit into her husband's family and it become easier if the in-laws are thoughtful and very inviting.

I am so proud of you Varsha......Love you very much.

Kool, a very sad story😭 some DILs r so bad Its not always the MILs who r bad. This story reminds me of my sister and her in laws. My sister's in laws tried their very best to separate my sister and jiju. They even started looking for a 2nd wife for him. He told them I m not going to get married even if my wife (my sister) leaves me. Even now they r trying to separate them. The mother wants her son. My jiju loves his mom sooooo much but mom and dad r always soooo insecure. Cant see the couple spending even one weekend happily. Even today they indirectly give dhamkis to my dad, through his friend, that their son wants to leave his wife and come bak to Pakistan to his mom. And here, the son rejected a good job in Vancouver bcoz he wants to have his family in Mississauga or Toronto. He is treating my sister like a princess right now. He is sooo tired of all the kich kich his parents do on the phone everyday when they call. He has not gotten any peace for the past 2 years. He said I want to turn off my phone for 2 3 days and go somewhere for a holiday with my sister. And dont think he doesnt care abt his parents. He does and a lottttttt. More than what his parents think.

I dont know they hav this problem in their whole family. All the parents hav lost their married sons in someway bcoz they hav troubled their wives and cudnt share them. One son is here in Canada (my jiju's cousin) and never wants to go bak bcoz of the way his family was treated by his mom when he was their couple of years ago for 2 3 years. One son died (his family says he died but everyone knows he committed suicide) bcoz his family was troubling his wife and kids so much. Called his wife prostitute and what not. He cudnt handle the pressure. He didnt want to go against his parents but didnt want his wife to b treated like this. The only daughter who is married cannot hav children. Another son already stays away from family matters and supports his wife, and his wife is treated badly too. She was pregnant and felt dizzy and everything and her nanand and everyone said y is she doing such dramas. One son is a little crazy. The rest r not married yet. My jiju is getting away from his parents too. We dont want this. My parents always tell him respect ur parents and my sister says the same but its the things that his parents do that r making him go away. I always pray his parents get some akkal. Its horrible for parents to lose their children.

Varsha, congrats for the engagement btw😃

Hi Kools.

Loved Kools' n varshas' post.Thanks for sharing.

Sid ...........although its horrible for parents to lose their children ...........each case has to be studied individually and acted upon that way . In ur sisters case its better if she stays seperate and never goes to Pakistan to live with in laws .She will be miserable there . .

The story I told ...........in that case the dIL was the exploiter . My jusband always says .....there r two classes in the world ...........Ones who exploits and ones who gET EXPLOITED . Sometimes MILS fall in both classes , so do DILS .

Sometimes , the aged use EXPERIENCE as a tool to play GAMES and harass the young couple out of pure jealousy ....coz they cud not enjoy youth due to restrictions .So they cant bear to see son and bahu so young , healthy , happy . They create rift , pick fites , they insult bahus maayka ........what not .

Sometimes Bahus r strong headed , non adjusting , with very interfering maaykas

In such case MILS shud NOT behave stupidly like Sulochna and become bahus NOKRANIS and live with them taking care of grandkids . Taking care of bahus grandkids is nOT their job .........if they do it , its BONUS , their goodness .They brot up THEIR kids , their responsibility is over .Their old bones need rest .

Same way , bahus shud NOT beyond certain point take suffering galore from Such bad MILS like Archana and Vandu did .They shud move out , uncaring if society criticizes , if their conscience is clear .Let son manage the duty part . If MILS r making their daughters wear bahus jewellery , making bahu work while nanands loll on beds , criticize bahu openly ..........Bahu shud walk off or make herself financially independent .

I advocate financial independence for women .Then , if Even whole world turns against u .even hubby , U can STILL survive .We r NOT born in this world to DIE at the hands of an EXPLOITER human being .

Originally posted by: koolsadhu1000

Liked your post very much varsha😊

My husband's best friend's wife treated his mom ........and his sister very badly , fought and was seperated within two years of married life . The husbands mom was a widow who had lost her hubby when the boy was 5 . She made him an engineer by adjusting with sasural and taking brother in law's support . But the use ? All the fruits of the tree she tended for so many years were taken away by this quarrelsome girl who came in house as bahu and took him out of the house within two years . The boys mom died just before they moved out , just a week before they moved out . They were a lower middle class Marathi family in a chawl with only one good thing ..........The boy had studied and become an engineer . One of his first acts to do after getting jovb was to book a flat in the suburbs and the mother was looking forward to leaving the chawl and going there , doing a pooja and inviting her brother in laws , whose help she had taken for so many years to bring this boy and his sister up . She wanted to show them that Now even I am gonna enjoy some days of happiness and she wanted their blessings for her boy , some praise for herself that she finally made it ..........simple expectations of a simple woman . But where she went wrong was in getting this boy married . He fell in love with a girl , not even of his sub caste , yet she gave permission . The moment she came , she started the fights .First thing she did was took money control in her hands , picked fights with the boys sister who sensibly fixed her own marraige with a Bengali , so that her mom wud not have to go thru trouble of arranging finances for her marraige . .......and seeing her babhi's tevars , she quietly did ourt marraige and moved out one day .

The mother was left alone . The rudeness of this DIL was horrific .Throwing things in front of her , being verbose with hands on hips , constantly flinging on the mIls face that its MY husbands money , inviting maayka people for lunch and picking fights when MIL tried to help ..........the poor MIL , deeply insulted and humiliated wud go to a nearby garden and sit on the bench while the maayka party was over .

But the saddest part was telling the MIL that THEY wud be shifting to new flat , NOT She . The MIL had told all her brother in laws proudly that she was going to the new flat , so she took it hard . A week before they moved , MIL died of a STROKE .

I had gone once to their chawl to meet this DIL ..........she was out then . The MIL was alone , with red swollen eyes .........she had obviously been crying . Seeing me she said , MY Stars have changed for the =WORSE . I still remember the bleak look in her eyes when she said that .

The DIL was very happy that the MIL died . She actually told me that . Who the hell told her to roam in the sun ..........she said unsympathetically .

Well , The DIL made her hubby SELL the new flat and bought a flat in her maaykas building . She was very very happy . No responsibility of nanand .mIl gone . All was working as per HER wish . STARS for her seemed very FAVORABLE .

The boy rose to high position and roamed foreign lands in his sales side . Moneywas there , two SONS were born . But Other probs started . Her bhabis in maayka........two of them , treated her exactly the way she treated the boys sister . In fact the bhabhis turned the girls Dad against her by telling him ur daughter is creating trouble by filling ears of Sasuma . The girls father FIRED the girl in FRONT of damad ..........this boy . He told him , plz keep her in CHECK . She is causing rift in family .

Things came to such coldness that inspite of staying in same building The girl cud NOT step in her maayka . Her mom wud chori chupe come down to her flat when both bahus wud leave for work and meet her and cry and run upstairs before husnand found out . The senario was ........The girls father on side of two bahus while MOm on side of this quarrelsome gal .

This gal was VERY VERY adjusting with her bhabhis .She licked their boots so they wud thaw towards her , looked after their children with her two boys but the clever bhabhis used her babysitting but did not gve her an inch of fredom to come and go from maayka as she wished .

The last I saw her was in last trip to India .She was crying and telling me it wud have been better if she hd NOT bought a flat in maaykas building . No one shud make mistake of living TOO close to maayka , she said , weeping .

She was actually keeping relations with her Nanand now .........That bengali guy had floyurished in his businessand the nanand was very rich .She did not keep any relations with this bhabhi after her mom died but had kept relations with her bro by phoning him in office . Now THIS gal was sucking up to her as she had no maayka left .

See how Gods Lathi is . As she told me her story , I thought of the Sad face of her MIL . She had disrespected an old lady in her arrogance of youth and had brought tears of humiliation in her aged , hopeful eyes . Your punishment is not over yet , I thought sadly ..............as I looked at her two adol;escent boys . You got SONS ....no daughters . The maayka is just the tip of the iceberg , see what happens when THEY marry .

Varsha , ur a good human being . Just like u .my elder sis has excellent rapport with Punjabi bahu . But u guys did good so good came back to u . With people like this girl , the upper whiplash of karma is different . She drove her MIL to death .

"What goes around comes around" What you sow that u reap...Karma is a B ain't it 😳 Hopefully she will have a better relationship with her future DILs 😃

I would say the boy made a huge mistake by not picking the right girl...He should have known from her tevar in his dating days...Poor MIL had no control over but accept their relationship-Marriage...I blame the boy and his ambitions-aspirations...But totally sad for a widow mother...

This woman resembles to My younger sister...My sis wanted to ship her sick MIL to India to get rid of her while woman was diagnosed with colon cancer...and Why? so she can bring our mother in her house...Thank god her MIL was diagnosed 6 days prior to her trip so my BIL cancelled that trip...She stayed behind and treatment started...Woman lived 2 yrs after that and died of cancer spreading into her lungs...He is a hanpacked husband...SHe is 2 yrs older to him and used to tell her MIL "Time out MOM & stay out of kitchen when I am here" but these type of women get away with murders and still think they have not done anything wrong while good ones suffer...

We all are immature at times and do silly-stupid things when we are young...But once we become parents we realize what our parents or ILs must have gone thru...Commonsense...

In PR ...........What I HATED was Varshas disrespect to Mohanrao , her raising of voice , the way she flung that cushion . He is gem of man ...even fathers dont treat Daughters this well . Bhavna is typical saas but good lady overall , not bad like Rasika or SAvita .This family accepted her after Ashwin fiasco ............how much another family wud have hated her , Vrsha has no idea . She gets her way in 99% of things . Even if MIL got on her nerves ...this is not the way to react . Go to bedroom and lock door and rest , tell her I need to rest , dont wanna talk on this topic rite now . They had given her this flat and moved to Worli flat , why did u bring them here .to treat them this way ? Even this flat is Mohanraos only ........Its not given by Varshas maayka and its impossible for Satish to buy it at such young age . Her in laws r very nice and understanding overall . Varsha is used to getting EVERTHING her way . Rudeness to Satish , rudeness to Bhavna , she needs a lesson . Bhavna is even ready to look after baby while she commences her career . Fortwo years this dame wasnt even interested in job . And ok , if u wanna do it now only and ur MIL has other views , learn to ignore it coz in all other ways she is an Okay woman . No need to yell and snap , learn some RESPECT . Thats all I feel as I watch her story .

Kools I do not condone Varsha's behavior most of the time...Especially how she talked with her FIL and at times with Satish...Yes Bhav is a better person and good MIL most of the time...I only support Varsha in her decision abt having a career while being pregnant or a woking mother...Yes she could wait for another yr and not work until the baby is born but is it not Varsha and Satish's decision? And not Bhavs...Mohanrao is not making any issue out of it is he? He just wants baby &Varsha to be in good health and no jaghdas in family...Peace within Joshis...

I agree with you completely on your last para abt Varsha...She is not a good listener period...and talks offensively-defensively at times however it suits her....She needs to learn how to behave properly with her ILs and husband...She is going to be a mother now and must know her age and act accordingly...😳

Tulsey I am so sad to read that your dad suffered so much and was in hospital for that long thanks to your SIL...Grrrr Hope he is keeping well...

Every family has one bad fruit which ruins the peace within the family...I have one on each side maika and sasural....They have damaged things beyond repair and still live with audacity that they are right and purest souls...God help them and their denial🤢😡

This is how "Dysfunctional family-toxic relationship" created 😭

Originally posted by: Tanyaz

Kool, my brother in law got so worried about me that he took me to another doctor . He was just not getting convinced that no doctor was giving me medicine and just saying that this is viral infection when my pain was getting worse ..

So he took me to his doctor . This guy had a look at my ear and Kool, he litraly screamed ...

he said that he cannot believe how crazy and inhuman those two otherdoctors were and I have a terrible ear infection and that has gone so bad that it has gone in my gums and also spreading on my right cheek bone area .

he said , no wonder you are crying of pain ..

Anyway , he has put me on a strong dosage of Penicillin anti biotics ....

It is a course of 25 days 😲

But he said that even that may be needed to extend as the infection has spread so much ......Last night after a long time I slept for about 6 hours at last .....

But he also said that it will take at least 3 days for the anti biotic to start making a difference where the pain is concerned ..

What is it with these doctors Kool...????

Anyway , after this anti biotic is over I am going to go through a proper check uup of eevry thing ...

My husband is sooooooo furious I cannot tell you .....

My dad is back, poor thing , all night he was praying and doing dua for me so I could sleep well....

I am just hoping now that this should be the start of the end of the nightmare ...

Gosh... Tanya Di... I am at a loss for words!!!

Did the previous doctor not do a proper examination???😡

Please take care of yourself, seems to be maxillary sinusitis if your cheek bone is paining.

And please take the complete dose of antibiotics... many people stop it after they start feeling better- not done. 25 days means 25 days!!!