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Part 14: States of being (edited)
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19 years of Omkara
Day: Thursday 11.00 AM
Manhattan...The big apple where everyone went to realize their dreams. Geet had hers, but that precise moment she was caught see-sawing on the decision to move there. She couldn't tell anymore if her marriage with Dev would survive the final test of their relationship, in enduring the long distance that came with taking up the job in the heart of New York. Not that their marriage was on the rocks. It simply wasn't there. But what could one do when a relationship existed as no more than a name? When it couldn't define what they felt for each other.
Dev, her husband - a self-made entrepreneur - spent more than most of his day screening his consultants over phone and for the rest he was always planning to go away, taking his prospect employees around for client interviews. Despite being the man who'd spared little attention to her, he'd been her biggest enthusiast when it came to getting her own identity and had gone a step further in sending her away for her college studies some three years after their marriage. But now, she couldn't help but think, he'd wanted her gone too and for reasons that were unspoken, but understood nevertheless. The spark just didn't die down between them; it hadn't been there to start with. This much they acknowledged, in the long span of silences they'd grown guiltily comfortable in over the years. Everything in their day went around like clockwork, the tranquil of their solitary state of being uninterrupted, while they were nestled in the far corners of the same room. All, until her mother's call would echo in its eerie wake.
"When will I see my grandchildren puttar?" Her mother would ask, wailing insistent in her soft voice.
"No Ma. Not now. He wants to settle first and we need a bigger home too when the baby comes" She would say all the time, not knowing who she was lying to when she'd already begun questioning if she was cheating herself with that ready response; by conveniently assuming that her mother wouldn't see it all through her lies.
The days were longer at home, she thought as the appointment letter fluttered in her hand; the nights, even longer. She'd been only eighteen when she'd taken his hand, afraid and unsuspecting what held in their future and at twenty three she couldn't convince herself she no longer wanted a career for herself or sought that milestone of having achieved a proud independence and not be tied down to Dev financially. Secretly, she suspected she didn't even require him to be invested in her. But that was a fight every friend of hers fought, craving to find that sweet spot where they could still savor a sense of welcomed aloofness in a sometimes crowding relationship. It was just natural, she assumed, she was coming down with the same fever when all of them either had full-time jobs or ran establishments helping out their families. Sitting at home and listening to the clock tick by didn't exactly count for treasured personal space when it felt she was exiled to endless boredom, even when there was that quiet slowness in the movement of time.
Her thumb traced over the letterhead and as she explored the raised print of the company logo on the offer letter, she was nearly half-way through sending the job acceptance email over to the HR. And to carry her over the frightful ledge there was always Meera, her childhood friend who'd gotten her the interview at the same company she worked.
Without a thought, she picked up her phone and dialed her desk and after a few rings Meera was there on the other side of the line, gay at first from hearing heard from her and surprised, her spirits gone surly, only seconds later when she reckoned Geet was still only considering the offer and not accepted it already.
"Don't tell me it's Dev who is stopping you from it...Since when did he really care where you stayed?" Meera tried putting her argument as mildly as she could. She wasn't best known for her niceties when it came to men who took women in any relationship for granted.
"No he actually wants me to take it up..." Geet hurried to tell, "You know how he is. Personal space and all..."
"So it's you...I mean you who is hesitating?" Geet heard the clear mocking in Meera's tone, in how she dragged on the you as she questioned, which really wasn't a question at all.
She paused for a long minute and Meera waited, perhaps realizing she needed that striking clarity that sometimes came from vocalizing one's scruples.
"It's not that easy, Meera. The long distance might just put an end to our threadbare relationship. If there is even one...I'm feeling guilty that by moving to New York, I'm taking away the last chances to revive whatever this undead thing between us is..."
"Well" Meera drawled dispassionately, "If you still think this relationship could work, then for all you know...this separation might put things into perspective for you...you know? The distance and fonder crap and all"
Geet laughed. She wouldn't be surprised in the least bit, if Meera was observing regular fasts on their behalf to see to the end of their long over marriage.
Indeed, long over...Or did it even start at all?, she asked herself. Dev hadn't been a doting husband even when she'd been a new bride, when her ideas to impress had still run high, her appeal intact. Eventually and without having spent years at figuring him, she'd realized in a short time that he was as interested in her as he was about the door nail in one corner of their bedroom. Hell! They hadn't even been consumed by a passion to drive each other mad. Babaji only knew what they were doing together living in the same house for five years now.
Meera was speaking now, fast, with a sense of urgency she wished she had to make the decision. "Talk to Dev and make the call. Perhaps, that will save you the guilt trip and do it now...it's not like you have all day. They need you to start by Monday and until end of day is all you have to send in your acceptance"
Geet nodded absently, forgetting it was a phone conversation, but was soon reminded of that little detail, when what she heard next didn't make sense,
"Hey...Arey...Yash...I'm still reading it" Meera yelled and her voice felt removed, distant and Geet could make out that she wasn't speaking into the microphone anymore, curiously distracted by this Yash person.
The call soon ended abruptly after Meera had still managed to rant a complaint or two in those brief seconds, about how incorrigible Yash was and that despite him being a total ass, Geet could still have fun working him. That he lacked logic only to be compensated with a joker's sense of humor. There had been a subtle hint of a compliment Meera had overlooked, but she wanted to point that out later; in person if destined.
She could phone Dev and find out from his ever-present indifference that she was doing him a favor by leaving to New York. Or, she could save the burn and just go to New York on her own terms. Her fingers tingled with an unknown anticipation and her feet suddenly felt swift and light, making her step with an added bounce as she went around collecting her personals and clothes. The email to the HR was sent shortly after and now that it was all official, there was still new office attire and knick knacks she needed to buy. At first, she thought she would at least call Dev before she would charge his credit card and burn it unto its limits. However, when she picked up the cell phone to dial his number, her fingers refused to move and she decided against calling him. She would tell him when they would lie in their beds with their encroaching thick wall of silence and its stuffy presence day after day.
Evening rolled by and when trudging through the shopping mall, painfully weighed down by bags that felt like granite on each of sides, she sensed an abrupt itch to show off the latent excitement that was just beginning as a drone in her insides. She thrust her shopping bags into a bench and dug for her cellphone. Smiling, she began typing a text message, indiscreet in her show of eagerness.
"Meera, you she-devil, watch out for your promotion this year. Coz, I'm here to take it and while you are at biting your nails about that, make some place in your closet. Sunday at 6.30pm, JFK"
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