What if you had a life partner like Maya? - Page 6

Originally posted by: TheUnique

Maya is not normal ...the signs were just out there. The day she proposed him on hot air balloon and threatened him that she would jump if he says no .. it was out there !
The day she sat eating those chillis at his breakfast table without consuming a drop of water it was out there
The day he saw her walk to the sea and just clean her face with water ... the day he was told to go down 15 storeys ..the way he came up ..sign was there.
I think there were at least a 100 clear signals out there that she wasn't normal. So if I was a man with minimum intelligence I could see all this & leave her job if possible the city.
But Arjun ne sab undekha kiya ...cuz he was blinded by her beauty money & power. So now he has to go through everything & I don't even feel an ounce of sympathy for him. He was a man who never had respect for any of his relations ..a selfish man who loves only himself,
i could think of a thousand ways of him to escape this marriage ...specially with so many CCTV cameras all over its even more easy ..but the guy is brain dead so he cannot escape.

I always maintained that Arjun is not so bright & callous in his life. But whatever Maya did before marriage could be seen as desperate attempts of a love- lorn woman. While it was foolish for him to over look the signs, I can't hold that against him. He doesn't deserve a toxic life where there is hardly any space for his individuality for that, does he? Arjun has always had love and respect for Saanjh, his BFF and his step brother until Maya came in his life.
Regarding being blinded by wealth - who wouldn't love a woman who is pretty, loaded and also loves him? But again, that is not a sin. After understaning Maya, I don't blame him for wanting a way out. Not everyone can handle a dangerous & controlling life partner.

Originally posted by: gaymsk

suicide

Originally posted by: FleetingWishes.

People have quite a naive and romantic view of the world. Something like looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses I believe. I won't claim for the West but here in the East especially the word love is like a hallow. Almost a religion. Love sells, so there is that but love is also wrapped in divinity for most people. Love heals everyone; true lovers ride into the sunset; love someone enough. These are common philosophies that most people here strictly abide by. Some are realists and tell you it doesn't matter if you love your partner, compromise to the end in a marriage. Some tell you to give people enough love and it'll heal them. Some are completely ignorant about mental illnesses and the social stigma they carry.

But in my opinion telling someone to love a toxic person and that your love will heal them is the most dangerous advice you can offer in your gullibility. It is a tight slap on the faces of all those people who've been in abusive relationships--as Arjun with Maya--who bear the scars, who have been ruined, mentally and emotionally abused and damaged, and then have somehow left those relationships. You tell them that they're failures. That they should've loved these people enough, that they should've been more patient, more understanding. It's ad if you're talking to the Bible and not the person. Do you realize what you're saying?

40% of abused in a recent survey go on to become abusers. It's the saddest, most tragic thing in the world and yet it happens. It is called the abuse cycle. Many serial killers had been mentally, physically, emotionally tortured in their adolescence. I'm sure they've been human. They've loved, deeply, felt loneliness. Do you know one of the serial killers said that he felt left out and so alone? That he killed people and kept their dead bodies because dead bodies never left you and he wanted company. Do you feel the loneliness, the mental disturbance, the tragedy that this was? And yet he'd killed people, destroyed families.

People aren't cardboards. Nobody's black or white. We're the sum of our mistakes. You have hurt people. You have judged people. You have made mistakes that have cost others. You have been wrong and stubborn and ignorant. But you learn and grow when you make the choice to stand above your mistakes. The worst people too have stories of such incredible humanity you might cry to think of the sum their lives make.

But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. Do people think that most people in these relationships don't make efforts? They love these people. They're crushed by them and yet they stick by them, and when the storm' over, they're left picking pieces of their life.

Nobody sees Arjun's side of story. Here's a man who is flawed, full of ambition and the need for validation and craving security. What about a little boy whose father expired in front of his eyes when he was but just a kid and he stood there helpless because he had no money? Doesnt that define his childhood too? He's selfish. He's shallow. He's a perfect example of many middle class men. They are obsessed with rising up. But he took a chance on Maya. He wanted to have a genuine relationship. He decides this is the woman for him. He helps her. He doesn't bat an eyelash on any of the social, mental problems surrounding her. She manipulates him into marrying her into a week. The biggest mistake of his life. You do not rush such things. Marriage is a big commitment, it's a mountain of responsibilities, it's a decision you take when you're 200% sure and mature enough but Arjun takes it under heroism and duress. He marries her. He finds out his best-friend always loved him. A man is murdered on his wedding. He's a suspect. His mother's being a bitch to his wife. He leaves his house for Maya. He stands up for her. Repeatedly. He's told he's going to be a father. He's handling a company. do you see all the pressure he's under? Does Maya ever, ever, talk to him about the pressures he's facing? Because he's always trying to talk to her and tell her it's all okay and that he's there for her. No, she believes that she has done her duty by giving him external benefits such as luxury and money. What about trust? She promises that she will change but does she really? She isn't ready to trust Arjun for a wink, for a second. Trust would've meant talking out your issues with your husband. Telling him about the things that are bothering you. Did she make any effort to respect and trust Arjun for once?

She tells him he's going to be a father. He's ecstatic but it's all moving so fast. His family isn't there. He's married. All of a sudden he's a father. He's living with Maya in her house and she has all these rules she doesn't even discuss with him and he wants to make her happy. He's so stressed out and under duress and he seeks his best-friend because he feels this immense easiness with her. Is it right? No. You should talk to your wife. You should tell her how you feel. But your wife needs to do the same. He makes mistakes but what relationships are perfect? I don't think Arjun for a second emotionally or physically cheated on Maya. He always loved Saanjh as a friend and he made a conscious effort to always maintain this friendship. Does he love her subconsciously? I guess we don't know, but, in his consciousness he has never even hinted at it. He's been faithful to his wife.

Arjun makes mistakes but then what relationship isn't full of them? Your partner might lie to you too at times. He may be angry as hell at times. He may do stuff you hate but do you pack your bags and leave? Or do you manipulate his life? What you do is talk with him, you both sit, map boundaries and talk about it.

Maya tells him she lost the baby. And then he's busy helping her again. But what about his grief? The grief of a father who lost his child? The pain of losing a baby! A baby that potentially didn't even exist. Does Maya care about the pain she's causing him?

I find it funny how people think it was a normal relationship. It was always toxic. Right from the moment she issued an ultimatum to him that said if you say no, we'll both die (the air balloon)

I don't back Arjun or Maya or Saanjh. My heart goes out to the baby Maya, the woman who's still fighting for sanity inside. But she needs to understand the venom she's spreading, she needs to know what destruction she's leaving in her wake and she needs to know that her choices are wrong. She needs medical attention. And Arjun cannot give her that. He deserves to be free of the most toxic relationship he has ever been in.

We can all romanticize toxicity and whitewash it with love. We can say that love conquers all and that you need to love a person like that. But facts--hard cold statistical data--says otherwise. You cannot help this person. You cannot heal them. You can be supportive but you need to get out of these relationships. You need to put yourself first. Because otherwise you'll die. If not physically then mentally. And these are the words of most experts who deal with a thousand cases as such through their lives. It's the cold hard truth. And I think for once it needs to be shown.


- I totally agree with you.😆 If I were with someone like Maya I'd try to help them but as a friend. I'd have to also leave them at one point or another. Let's say that they do completely heal, then, I can pursue a relationship depending on how much being with them has damaged or harmed me in the past. Some things just leave too much of a bitter taste in your mouth.

What an insightful post Fleeting!
Have nothing to add and it's great how you have summed up Arjun's side of the story! I wish more people read your post and understand how Maya has been inflicting pain on Arjun and pretty much ruined his life too.

I am a realist - And I don't believe in janam janam ka pyaar per se. So I get what you have been trying to say about love and how it's perceived. Many victims of domestic violence also use this LOVE nonsense to continue staying with the abuser & defend them too. One should try and see where love ends and the sense of possession begins.

And so true about the 9 year old Maya - the reason I want her to heal completely and start life anew.

I am not sure abt it, but m sure i wud hv handled it better.

Originally posted by: Lilac_N_Maple

What an insightful post Fleeting!
Have nothing to add and it's great how you have summed up Arjun's side of the story! I wish more people read your post and understand how Maya has been inflicting pain on Arjun and pretty much ruined his life too.

I am a realist - And I don't believe in janam janam ka pyaar per se. So I get what you have been trying to say about love and how it's perceived. Many victims of domestic violence also use this LOVE nonsense to continue staying with the abuser & defend them too. One should try and see where love ends and the sense of possession begins.

And so true about the 9 year old Maya - the reason I want her to heal completely and start life anew.

Originally posted by: Actomyo

How do you usually give medical help to the person? Taking them to a doctor or convincing them to take to the doctor. How can it be done to Maya when she doesn't accept and not ready for a treatment, if you insist then she is capable of harming herself and others too, on top of it all your moves are watched by her.
Btw, my point of disagreement with you was on feeling pampered and flattered for having a partner like Maya and curing her with love and care.

My point is not "how" it can be done, i just said "what" i would do if i were in such a situation
if i were in arjun's place, against all odds, i would keep on trying to help her...bcz no matter how she is, maya loves arjun...and if someone loves u that much, u dont just (in good conscience) leave them bcz they have a mental problem...arjun always said he loves maya and she is his life...well then he should deal with it now, not by manhandling her...but with proper care and attention...if u love someone just for their beauty, or sanity, or riches...and the second u find out the person has mental problem, what do u do? run off? that's not love


(once again, these are all my personal views about what i would do, not what arjun shoud/shouldnt do or what he has done or will do) 😊

as far as ur disagreement with my "feeling pampered or flattered"...thats our own personal views of 2 people...but that's not what this topic is about

Originally posted by: ---Khushi---

@FleetingWishes:(Rida,right?)

This has gotta be the baap of all posts...👏

But the most striking point of the entire post is that your heart goes out to 9 year old Baby Maya...So does mine...So much, that I wish I was a doc who could help her, heal her, cure her...

Coz, while the makers can depict what havoc she's creating in Arjun's life, it's totally unimaginable the extent of havoc that's still going on in Maaya's mind...

Yeah. (naam toh suna hoga cliche)😆

To think about a little girl so bound in fear and agony and being tortured--it's the worst worst thing you can imagine as a person and it breaks you from inside and makes you bleak. But time is the harshest of prosecutors. It's so astounding when you think about it.

Think of a person 4 years old, a boy let's say, playing and yearning for a little ball--eyes full of wonder and glee, lips smiling, the ball dribbling in his tiny hands--someone comes and kicks him away, the balls go rolling. The boy's left gasping and crying and hurting. That's his life for the next decade. A little, tiny boy.
He grows up--becomes an adult--he's charming, he's witty, he's trustful. He finds a woman. They're happy. that's the sum of 24 years of his life. In this moment time says this is someone who has overcome his past. He's a survivor. Let's say the time is 8:10 pm. Something happens in the next ten seconds of his life. An accident happens and in anger he backhands the woman an she goes flying. 10 seconds. 10 seconds against 24 years. Against a little gasping, hurting boy. And ten seconds later he's not just anybody. He's a man who physically abused a woman. 10 seconds change lives. Now he has let his abuse pass onto someone. Now he has scarred a woman. Now he has left an imprint that will hurt her like cigarette burns. What if it keeps happening? And he apologizes everytime. You see this man who's amusing, and charming, and funny and you think of that little boy who has been through so much abuse.

But you cannot forgive his present for his past. You have to make a decision. Even if it breaks your heart and put yourself first. Before you're nothing but ashes.

Isn't it the most unjust, tragic, gut-wrenching thing in the world? it's so wrong. and he deserves all the love in the world and he deserves a chance at life. But does she deserve this?

This is what the true world is like. It's not romantic and idealistic. It's so bloody tragic it breaks you. And so goddamn hard.

But your past cannot atone for your present. Your present is answerable for your deeds too. Maya--that little girl, this grown-up amazing woman, this powerhouse, this scared victim--she breaks my heart but she is accountable for her actions too. She needs medical attention and she needs to also stand accountable for all her wrongdoings. Arjun's love cannot help her. Nobody's love can erase the damage she's caused or the help she needs. Arjun deserves to be free and heal himself.

To say that Arjun's love and support can heal Maya is to say that woman should stay with that man because she will heal him too. It is to say the same to a hundred thousand other victims of toxic relationships and people suffering physical, mental, emotional abuse. It is also to say that statistics isn't on your side and the chance of this happening is 1/1000.

Mental illnesses still need a lot of awareness and support and love. Humanity and science needs to do as much as it can for all these people but at the same time the people who surround them need to put themselves first too. Otherwise they too will be wasted.

Originally posted by: CaptiveFreedom

Maya is a fictional character whom people love not because they want a life partner like Maya but because she has broken the set convention for a FL. Having said so I wouldn't even want a life partner like oh so hot Arnav, Maan, RK and Randhir. If we like a character that doesn't mean we want a life partner like them. We watch TV for entertainment a few like thrill therefore they are prepared for everything that follows. I've seen saner people doing a lot worse without any mental illness whereas Maya is having mental illness she should be treated and handled smartly. I would love to see Maya going Amy's way and I will still love Maya's character. Killer is revealed? Did I missed anything?? oh so the killer is Maya?

Fantastic again, Rida...So so agree with you...