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People have quite a naive and romantic view of the world. Something like looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses I believe. I won't claim for the West but here in the East especially the word love is like a hallow. Almost a religion. Love sells, so there is that but love is also wrapped in divinity for most people. Love heals everyone; true lovers ride into the sunset; love someone enough. These are common philosophies that most people here strictly abide by. Some are realists and tell you it doesn't matter if you love your partner, compromise to the end in a marriage. Some tell you to give people enough love and it'll heal them. Some are completely ignorant about mental illnesses and the social stigma they carry.
But in my opinion telling someone to love a toxic person and that your love will heal them is the most dangerous advice you can offer in your gullibility. It is a tight slap on the faces of all those people who've been in abusive relationships--as Arjun with Maya--who bear the scars, who have been ruined, mentally and emotionally abused and damaged, and then have somehow left those relationships. You tell them that they're failures. That they should've loved these people enough, that they should've been more patient, more understanding. It's ad if you're talking to the Bible and not the person. Do you realize what you're saying?
40% of abused in a recent survey go on to become abusers. It's the saddest, most tragic thing in the world and yet it happens. It is called the abuse cycle. Many serial killers had been mentally, physically, emotionally tortured in their adolescence. I'm sure they've been human. They've loved, deeply, felt loneliness. Do you know one of the serial killers said that he felt left out and so alone? That he killed people and kept their dead bodies because dead bodies never left you and he wanted company. Do you feel the loneliness, the mental disturbance, the tragedy that this was? And yet he'd killed people, destroyed families.
People aren't cardboards. Nobody's black or white. We're the sum of our mistakes. You have hurt people. You have judged people. You have made mistakes that have cost others. You have been wrong and stubborn and ignorant. But you learn and grow when you make the choice to stand above your mistakes. The worst people too have stories of such incredible humanity you might cry to think of the sum their lives make.
But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. Do people think that most people in these relationships don't make efforts? They love these people. They're crushed by them and yet they stick by them, and when the storm' over, they're left picking pieces of their life.
Nobody sees Arjun's side of story. Here's a man who is flawed, full of ambition and the need for validation and craving security. What about a little boy whose father expired in front of his eyes when he was but just a kid and he stood there helpless because he had no money? Doesnt that define his childhood too? He's selfish. He's shallow. He's a perfect example of many middle class men. They are obsessed with rising up. But he took a chance on Maya. He wanted to have a genuine relationship. He decides this is the woman for him. He helps her. He doesn't bat an eyelash on any of the social, mental problems surrounding her. She manipulates him into marrying her into a week. The biggest mistake of his life. You do not rush such things. Marriage is a big commitment, it's a mountain of responsibilities, it's a decision you take when you're 200% sure and mature enough but Arjun takes it under heroism and duress. He marries her. He finds out his best-friend always loved him. A man is murdered on his wedding. He's a suspect. His mother's being a bitch to his wife. He leaves his house for Maya. He stands up for her. Repeatedly. He's told he's going to be a father. He's handling a company. do you see all the pressure he's under? Does Maya ever, ever, talk to him about the pressures he's facing? Because he's always trying to talk to her and tell her it's all okay and that he's there for her. No, she believes that she has done her duty by giving him external benefits such as luxury and money. What about trust? She promises that she will change but does she really? She isn't ready to trust Arjun for a wink, for a second. Trust would've meant talking out your issues with your husband. Telling him about the things that are bothering you. Did she make any effort to respect and trust Arjun for once?
She tells him he's going to be a father. He's ecstatic but it's all moving so fast. His family isn't there. He's married. All of a sudden he's a father. He's living with Maya in her house and she has all these rules she doesn't even discuss with him and he wants to make her happy. He's so stressed out and under duress and he seeks his best-friend because he feels this immense easiness with her. Is it right? No. You should talk to your wife. You should tell her how you feel. But your wife needs to do the same. He makes mistakes but what relationships are perfect? I don't think Arjun for a second emotionally or physically cheated on Maya. He always loved Saanjh as a friend and he made a conscious effort to always maintain this friendship. Does he love her subconsciously? I guess we don't know, but, in his consciousness he has never even hinted at it. He's been faithful to his wife.
Arjun makes mistakes but then what relationship isn't full of them? Your partner might lie to you too at times. He may be angry as hell at times. He may do stuff you hate but do you pack your bags and leave? Or do you manipulate his life? What you do is talk with him, you both sit, map boundaries and talk about it.
Maya tells him she lost the baby. And then he's busy helping her again. But what about his grief? The grief of a father who lost his child? The pain of losing a baby! A baby that potentially didn't even exist. Does Maya care about the pain she's causing him?
I find it funny how people think it was a normal relationship. It was always toxic. Right from the moment she issued an ultimatum to him that said if you say no, we'll both die (the air balloon)
I don't back Arjun or Maya or Saanjh. My heart goes out to the baby Maya, the woman who's still fighting for sanity inside. But she needs to understand the venom she's spreading, she needs to know what destruction she's leaving in her wake and she needs to know that her choices are wrong. She needs medical attention. And Arjun cannot give her that. He deserves to be free of the most toxic relationship he has ever been in.
We can all romanticize toxicity and whitewash it with love. We can say that love conquers all and that you need to love a person like that. But facts--hard cold statistical data--says otherwise. You cannot help this person. You cannot heal them. You can be supportive but you need to get out of these relationships. You need to put yourself first. Because otherwise you'll die. If not physically then mentally. And these are the words of most experts who deal with a thousand cases as such through their lives. It's the cold hard truth. And I think for once it needs to be shown.
- I totally agree with you.😆 If I were with someone like Maya I'd try to help them but as a friend. I'd have to also leave them at one point or another. Let's say that they do completely heal, then, I can pursue a relationship depending on how much being with them has damaged or harmed me in the past. Some things just leave too much of a bitter taste in your mouth.
But in my opinion telling someone to love a toxic person and that your love will heal them is the most dangerous advice you can offer in your gullibility. It is a tight slap on the faces of all those people who've been in abusive relationships--as Arjun with Maya--who bear the scars, who have been ruined, mentally and emotionally abused and damaged, and then have somehow left those relationships. You tell them that they're failures. That they should've loved these people enough, that they should've been more patient, more understanding. It's ad if you're talking to the Bible and not the person. Do you realize what you're saying?
40% of abused in a recent survey go on to become abusers. It's the saddest, most tragic thing in the world and yet it happens. It is called the abuse cycle. Many serial killers had been mentally, physically, emotionally tortured in their adolescence. I'm sure they've been human. They've loved, deeply, felt loneliness. Do you know one of the serial killers said that he felt left out and so alone? That he killed people and kept their dead bodies because dead bodies never left you and he wanted company. Do you feel the loneliness, the mental disturbance, the tragedy that this was? And yet he'd killed people, destroyed families.
People aren't cardboards. Nobody's black or white. We're the sum of our mistakes. You have hurt people. You have judged people. You have made mistakes that have cost others. You have been wrong and stubborn and ignorant. But you learn and grow when you make the choice to stand above your mistakes. The worst people too have stories of such incredible humanity you might cry to think of the sum their lives make.
But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. Do people think that most people in these relationships don't make efforts? They love these people. They're crushed by them and yet they stick by them, and when the storm' over, they're left picking pieces of their life.
Nobody sees Arjun's side of story. Here's a man who is flawed, full of ambition and the need for validation and craving security. What about a little boy whose father expired in front of his eyes when he was but just a kid and he stood there helpless because he had no money? Doesnt that define his childhood too? He's selfish. He's shallow. He's a perfect example of many middle class men. They are obsessed with rising up. But he took a chance on Maya. He wanted to have a genuine relationship. He decides this is the woman for him. He helps her. He doesn't bat an eyelash on any of the social, mental problems surrounding her. She manipulates him into marrying her into a week. The biggest mistake of his life. You do not rush such things. Marriage is a big commitment, it's a mountain of responsibilities, it's a decision you take when you're 200% sure and mature enough but Arjun takes it under heroism and duress. He marries her. He finds out his best-friend always loved him. A man is murdered on his wedding. He's a suspect. His mother's being a bitch to his wife. He leaves his house for Maya. He stands up for her. Repeatedly. He's told he's going to be a father. He's handling a company. do you see all the pressure he's under? Does Maya ever, ever, talk to him about the pressures he's facing? Because he's always trying to talk to her and tell her it's all okay and that he's there for her. No, she believes that she has done her duty by giving him external benefits such as luxury and money. What about trust? She promises that she will change but does she really? She isn't ready to trust Arjun for a wink, for a second. Trust would've meant talking out your issues with your husband. Telling him about the things that are bothering you. Did she make any effort to respect and trust Arjun for once?
She tells him he's going to be a father. He's ecstatic but it's all moving so fast. His family isn't there. He's married. All of a sudden he's a father. He's living with Maya in her house and she has all these rules she doesn't even discuss with him and he wants to make her happy. He's so stressed out and under duress and he seeks his best-friend because he feels this immense easiness with her. Is it right? No. You should talk to your wife. You should tell her how you feel. But your wife needs to do the same. He makes mistakes but what relationships are perfect? I don't think Arjun for a second emotionally or physically cheated on Maya. He always loved Saanjh as a friend and he made a conscious effort to always maintain this friendship. Does he love her subconsciously? I guess we don't know, but, in his consciousness he has never even hinted at it. He's been faithful to his wife.
Arjun makes mistakes but then what relationship isn't full of them? Your partner might lie to you too at times. He may be angry as hell at times. He may do stuff you hate but do you pack your bags and leave? Or do you manipulate his life? What you do is talk with him, you both sit, map boundaries and talk about it.
Maya tells him she lost the baby. And then he's busy helping her again. But what about his grief? The grief of a father who lost his child? The pain of losing a baby! A baby that potentially didn't even exist. Does Maya care about the pain she's causing him?
I find it funny how people think it was a normal relationship. It was always toxic. Right from the moment she issued an ultimatum to him that said if you say no, we'll both die (the air balloon)
I don't back Arjun or Maya or Saanjh. My heart goes out to the baby Maya, the woman who's still fighting for sanity inside. But she needs to understand the venom she's spreading, she needs to know what destruction she's leaving in her wake and she needs to know that her choices are wrong. She needs medical attention. And Arjun cannot give her that. He deserves to be free of the most toxic relationship he has ever been in.
We can all romanticize toxicity and whitewash it with love. We can say that love conquers all and that you need to love a person like that. But facts--hard cold statistical data--says otherwise. You cannot help this person. You cannot heal them. You can be supportive but you need to get out of these relationships. You need to put yourself first. Because otherwise you'll die. If not physically then mentally. And these are the words of most experts who deal with a thousand cases as such through their lives. It's the cold hard truth. And I think for once it needs to be shown.
- I totally agree with you.😆 If I were with someone like Maya I'd try to help them but as a friend. I'd have to also leave them at one point or another. Let's say that they do completely heal, then, I can pursue a relationship depending on how much being with them has damaged or harmed me in the past. Some things just leave too much of a bitter taste in your mouth.
CID
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
