Why bashing Dhara?

I dont understand why everyone is bashing dhara so much. Imagine not having children to raise your husband's brothers. Dont give me the she is acting mahan crap. I have personally seen it, my best friend got married but refused to have children until her sister went to university because she didn't have a mother. Her husband was fine with that and very understanding. Dhara knew very well what she was signing up for and well accepted that. 

If you center your entire life around raising three boys then I'm sorry you have rights on those boys, equivalent to those of a mother. I am not promoting violence but dhara is flawed like everyone else. She had tried to keep the family united, maybe she didn't make the right call with Ravi. But honestly, the society we live in, who was going to marry a girl that was rejected at the altar. Didn't she try communicating with Rishita? Also imagine, you got in a fight with your sibling and they got hurt. Dont tell me your mother never beat you in anger or screamed at you to stay away from her. I know my mother has threatened to leave our house when she gets angry but that doesn't mean that she did leave. 

I am not saying that she is perfect but she is a decent human being and shouldnt be trashed so hard. 

Can I just hug you Sana for writing this post🤗? 

You have told each and everything that I wanted to say from last week. whenever I would open PS forum there is one or the other who is criticising dhara and calling her overboard and selfish and what not, I am not saying they are wrong but i just cannot understand their point of view.

First, that decision about ravi's marriage with shiva. Dhara made that decision because of two factors, one so that the relation between suman and his brother do not break again and second she wanted to keep raavi safe not just from her own suicidal insitincts but also from society, had shiva not married her, she would have become a laughing stock in the society..

The next about beating 'shish'. Now we all know younger pandya brothers love dhara like their mother, and dhara in turn have given her everything to raise those three, so does that not give her right to punish them as she seem fit. If it had been suman insted of dhara, would she be wrong too like dhara is now? Of course not. Why? Because she is their mother but so is dhara so why we are accusing her that she got overboard with the beating and punishment. 

And now if she had divided the house, that too because she wanted to make everyone understand the importance of the family, to improve the relationship of shivi so that they will take care of each other even if unwillingly... 

Ye she had her flaws, poor timing, late realisations, but that just proves that she is also a human being and is bound to make misktakes.

But the thing that matters the most is that she have everyone's best interests at heart and she is doing everything with good intentions to keep her family together.. I think we judge woman too quickly...

Sorry for the long rant,  had to get it off my chest. And i hope this post offends no one.. 

I totally agree with you on this. You just spoke my mind. I am so annoyed by Dhara bashing going on on this forum.

She recieving so much hate which uncalled for  

First of all, thank you for opening this post, as I do have a lot to say. 

Bashing/Tikhi Alochana, Criticism comes across in various forms for Dhara. Part of it sinks the heart, and part of it opens genuine concerns and a more significant debate. 

I would come back later to discuss this soon. 

I respectfully disagree. In reality, it may be true that mothers raise hands in anger when children irritate them too much, but that too is only till children remain "children".  

Not after the child grows up to be an adult who's married.  If it goes on after marriage, it means that the mother has not learnt to draw boundaries.  This is highly unhealthy and disrespectful to everyone involved.  And the fact that this violence happens in reality doesn't mean it should be accepted as "mother's love" or that she's trying to get children to "behave". 

That's simply NOT how Parenting should work.  BEATING CHILDREN BLACK AND BLUE IS A CRIME, BEATING CHILDREN (OR ANYONE) IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE which needs to be strictly condemned without any ifs and buts, and Dhara's behaviour is therefore rightfully being condemned here in the forum.  And NO, being a mother DOES NOT GRANT ANYONE THE RIGHT TO PUNISH THEIR CHILD "AS THEY DEEM FIT".  Mother is only a human, not God who can do whatever they like. 

Also, a mother needs to deal with all her children in a way that shows equality. At least, should try being impartial without being blatantly unfair.  Mothers should not let one child do whatever they like and brush their faults under the carpet in a millisecond (like Dhara has done with respect to Dev), and unleash their wrath on another child senselessly (like Dhara has done with Shiva and Krish). 

That's hypocrisy and I seriously doubt whether the person understands what being a mother is, if they behave in such an eccentric manner.  Mother's rights come with responsibilities, and one needs to have the maturity and patience to fulfill those responsibilities.  And khaana khilaana is not a responsibility.  I'm talking about the responsibility of giving the children (now adults) the space to live their lives, make mistakes and learn by themselves, rather than 24/7 micro-managing by the mother. 

Becoming hysteric just after the 1st instance when there was trouble in the family & she lost control of the house:  that's not very mother-like behaviour.  Just claiming the rights of a mother and hitting so-called children (who're actually adults) only means abuse of the advantage given to the mother figure.  And this is wrong, whether it's the real mother or the bhabhi-ma.

Further, her reasons for splitting the house are the lamest.  She's just emotionally manipulated everyone to do what she likes.  Her actions have clearly not improved anything in the house, forget making everyone understand family's importance or bringing Shivi closer.  

After the batwara, Shiva has still not accepted Rishita dil se (and rightfully so, because of Rishita's own bad behaviour), and he is forced to keep his emotions bottled up just to satisfy Dhara's ego.  Rishita should earn the respect by her own actions, not by Dhara ordering people to shut their mouths in front of Rishita.  Rishita has now developed even deeper insecurities and has clearly not understood the "importance" of family.  Shiva and Raavi are suffocated, not allowed to even fight, and are forced to be together, being denied the chance of developing a natural bond themselves. 

And if family is all that important as Dhara claims to make everyone understand, she should not have to do anything to prove that.  She should not have to do so much emotional blackmailing, threatening them of leaving the house, if it's really true that family is the be-all-and-end-all of everything.  The character of Dhara just wants control over everyone's lives and is taking undue advantage of the exalted position the brothers have given her.  That's why it's important to acknowledge that nobody is God on earth, everyone's human: to err is human.  She's condemned because her actions are going over the top now. 

And having so-called good intentions cannot be an excuse for Dhara's beliefs that her "plan" is doing good for everyone.  Lol.  Everyone can see the mess in the family due to her decision. Instead of accepting that she has made a major blunder, she still keeps justifying her actions without trying to realise the damage she's causing to people around her, including Gautam. 

There's so much more that's highly problematic with Dhara's insufferable, self-righteous, mahaan attitude, but I think it'll take much longer if I sit to write everything down.  Maybe some other day...

I can only speak for myself.

In marriage fiasco, Dhara had just one fault, she assumed the R is Raavi. That's it. Even not telling Suman was Gaumbi's decision. Other also had a fault till a certain extent, Dev especially, had the biggest fault. Rest everything she did was, in my eyes, justified.

Next regarding her treatment of Raavi and Shiva. She had been sympathetic to Raavi's pain initially, and also gave her a chance to vent many times. She has apologized uncountable times. Where she is failing now, is in giving her time to adjust. Although I do agree that she needs to push Raavi a little, she also tends to go overboard a lot of times.

Both these things are ones I am absolutely willing to forgiver her.

Next I would like to talk about her treatment of Shiva. You can of course, disagree with me, but I feel she takes Shiva for granted. I had said this on some other thread as well. She has only apologized once to Shiva, that too she didn't say anything further when he denied being wronged. Except that one time, she always complains to him. That he needs to change his way of living, his clothes, his attitude towards Raavi, etc. Even when he expressed his vulnerability in front of her, that she has never judged him in the past, no matter what others said. Then also she did not say much to reassure him. I used to love Dhara-Shiva bond pre-marriage, but off late its disastrous.

You have to accept, she is indeed partial to Dev and Rishita, and her treatment of Krish, Shiva, Raavi is wrong.

Now coming to the beating part, while do agree that she has rights of a mother, it was not justified in my eyes. Its not that in anger, by mistake she hit them once, no. She took a stick and took a very much conscious decision of beating them so harshly. Even when Krish kept pleading with her that its hurting too much, she did not stop. No person who consciously decides to cause their children so much pain can be "worshipped" as a mother figure. Poor Krish couldn't even speak properly towards the end, that's how traumatized he was.

Regarding the separation of house, I was not totally against it. We can see it has brought some good changes. But most of the things have gone bad, tbh, so again not a very smart move. As to Suman finding out from Rishita, not Dhara, again I realize is because of what CVs decided, so not going to blame Dhara for it. However, again she went a little overboard in this thing a lot of times. To quote Gaumbi, "Kisi ko bhi waqt ki nazakat samajh nahi aa rahi hai."

She is becoming the total mahaan character, who always cries instead of looking for solutions, is hellishly stubborn and being a moron these days, which is something contrary to pre-leap days. Which again, I realize is CV's mistake.

Regarding bashing of character, it is something I never agree. She does get unnecessary hatred, yes. But most of the criticism she gets is rightly deserved (most of the time).

I think the issue I have is Dhara forcing everyone to get along and live happily ever after by doing some take on this batwara thing. Yes fair enough they lived happily in a joint family, but clearly Rishita is not liking it. She's disrespectful and insulting to everyone. Dhara should've simply scolded Shiva and Krish for their bhoot act and made them realise the danger of the prank upon Rishita.

 Dhara should've given Dev and Rishita the option of moving out or give them the ultimatum if you stay here then you have to treat everyone with respect. If not, then Dev and Rishita can form their own little happy family. 

Dharas approach to make things better made no sense and as she admitted herself it was a decision she took out of anger.

Originally posted by: HahaHeheHuhu9

I respectfully disagree. In reality, it may be true that mothers raise hands in anger when children irritate them too much, but that too is only till children remain "children".  

Not after the child grows up to be an adult who's married.  If it goes on after marriage, it means that the mother has not learnt to draw boundaries.  This is highly unhealthy and disrespectful to everyone involved.  And the fact that this violence happens in reality doesn't mean it should be accepted as "mother's love" or that she's trying to get children to "behave". 

That's simply NOT how Parenting should work.  BEATING CHILDREN BLACK AND BLUE IS A CRIME, BEATING CHILDREN (OR ANYONE) IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE which needs to be strictly condemned without any ifs and buts, and Dhara's behaviour is therefore rightfully being condemned here in the forum.  And NO, being a mother DOES NOT GRANT ANYONE THE RIGHT TO PUNISH THEIR CHILD "AS THEY DEEM FIT".  Mother is only a human, not God who can do whatever they like. 

Also, a mother needs to deal with all her children in a way that shows equality. At least, should try being impartial without being blatantly unfair.  Mothers should not let one child do whatever they like and brush their faults under the carpet in a millisecond (like Dhara has done with respect to Dev), and unleash their wrath on another child senselessly (like Dhara has done with Shiva and Krish). 

That's hypocrisy and I seriously doubt whether the person understands what being a mother is, if they behave in such an eccentric manner.  Mother's rights come with responsibilities, and one needs to have the maturity and patience to fulfill those responsibilities.  

Becoming hysteric just after the 1st instance when there was trouble in the family & she lost control of the house:  that's not very mother-like behaviour.  Just claiming the rights of a mother and hitting so-called children (who're actually adults) only means abuse of the advantage given to the mother figure.  And this is wrong, whether it's the real mother or the bhabhi-ma.

Further, her reasons for splitting the house are the lamest.  She's just emotionally manipulated everyone to do what she likes.  Her actions have clearly not improved anything in the house, forget making everyone understand family's importance or bringing Shivi closer.  

After the batwara, Shiva has still not accepted Rishita dil se (because of Rishita's own bad behaviour) and he is forced to keep his emotions bottled up just to satisfy Dhara's ego.  Rishita should earn the respect by her own actions, not by Dhara ordering people to shut their mouths in front of Rishita.  Rishita has now developed even deeper insecurities and has clearly not understood the "importance" of family.  Shiva and Raavi are suffocated, not allowed to even fight, and are forced to be together, being denied the chance of developing a natural bond themselves. 

And if family is all that important as Dhara claims to make everyone understand, she should not have to do anything to prove that.  She should not have to do so much emotional blackmailing, threatening them of leaving the house, if it's really true that family is the be-all-and-end-all of everything.  The character of Dhara just wants control over everyone's lives and is taking undue advantage of the exalted position the brothers have given her.  That's why it's important to acknowledge that nobody is God on earth, everyone's human: to err is human.  She's condemned because her actions are going over the top now. 

And having so-called good intentions cannot be an excuse for Dhara's beliefs that her "plan" is doing good for everyone.  Lol.  Everyone can see the mess in the family due to her decision. Instead of accepting that she has made a major blunder, she still keeps justifying her actions without trying to realise the damage she's causing to people around her, including Gautam. 

There's so much more that's highly problematic with Dhara's insufferable, self-righteous, mahaan attitude, but I think it'll take much longer if I sit to write everything down.  Maybe some other day...

You've articulated every single point I wanted to say. Dhara is dismissing literally every single person's emotions aside from her own. 

"Shiva and Krish don't respect Rishita? They have to! Doesn't matter what their reasons are". 

"Rishita has plans with Dev? To hell with it! I'll still keep pehli rasoi today and inform her later!" (Rishita stated that she was making plans in the morning in the living room in front of everyone.)

"Raavi has problems with Shiva and they keep fighting? They can't! They should magically accept each other in five days!"

"Rishita is rude to everyone? Well okay i'mma ignore that one" (aside from the one time she stood up for raavi)

And I also disagree that Dhara had no fault in the marriage fiasco. Raavi has shown how much she trusted Dhara. They seemed to have a good rapport and communication pre-marriage. 

Yet when the push came to shove, Dhara first approached Janardhan (a known goon) on the same day when Raavi's Sangeet was taking place, to ask for Rishita's hand in marriage. What an incredibly shitty thing to do. Ethically speaking, she should've approached Raavi and told the truth to her, before taking Dev's rishta for Rishita. Also "kasam" as reason to not tell Raavi only goes so far. If she can, despite Gaumbi's kasam, go to Janardhan, she should've approached Raavi first. 

In my opinion, the marriage fiasco was the fault of Gautam, Dhara, Dev and Shiva. All four of them. Despite knowing everything, they were ready to use Raavi as a sacrificial scapegoat since Rishita's rishta couldn't be worked out. (Yes shiva too, he's known Raavi for a long time, it would've been basic humanity to tell Raavi the truth of her then would-be husband). 

As far as what Dhara is doing right now, its just basic gaslighting. She literally dismissing every person's emotions, and when things don't go her way, she trivialises other's emotions. I'm actually glad that her actions are being called out be the fandom, since gaslighting and the emotional abuse done by parents in India is often normalised as a "Parent's Right" which is frankly, not okay. 

And another thing, this forceful rishton ka lihaz thing she has going for herself and imposes on everyone is also weird. If it's about Krish calling Raavi bhabhi or not, its not for her to decide that, it's Raavi and Krish's decision. Rishita may be elder in terms of relations, but that does not and should not allow her to publicly humiliate Shiva. And when she does, Shiva's supposed to keep quiet because "rishton ka lihaz"?! That's bullsh*t. 

Basically Dhara needs to grow boundaries and understand her limitations in terms of her "rights" over her children, especially when they are married. Also Dhara has NO RIGHTS OF A MOTHER OVER RISHITA AND RAAVI. Period. They have their own mothers, and are under NO obligation to consider Dhara one too. I honestly agreed with Rishita in the bus scene, both about the toasted sandwiches and Chunar, Dhara needs to stop poking and prodding into every matter.

Whilst I can respect a part of your viewpoint, I actually completely disagree with it. Characters are there to be criticised. And Dhara did wrong, plain and simple. 

She spent 10years with a family, taking care of them, treating them with love - and guess what? She got her fair share of praise for this. But it doesn't give you a right to do anything. Even my own mother brought me up telling me about my own rights, telling me that we are a family but you are also an individual with rights. I can understand that she 'sacrificed' her time to bring the boys up, and that's commendable, but it doesn't naturally mean their lives are hers. However much they all say it, we don't have to agree with it. And let's not pretend she hasn't been more favourable towards some more than others. (I use sacrifice loosely as I always saw it as a choice, a kind one, but still a choice).

After all the love she got, one day she decides to turn abusive, and yes it was abuse, why shouldn't she get criticised for this? Maybe we would've criticised her less had she just done the whole illogical separating the kitchen nonsense, and not beat two people black and blue or used threatening language towards a girl who tried to suicide a few days ago. I for one cannot look at that scene and be okay with it. It made me sick to my stomach, she made me sick to my stomach. Her methods were weak, sickening and plain disgusting for me...for me she shouldn't be representing mothers at all. I thank God I haven't been habituated to seeing such things growing up. After all that why should people be expected to think of her as some poor woman? She's clearly not. 

We all know she's not perfect. Which is why prior to that scene I used to back her alot. I felt bad for her because she was trying to do her best but failing badly. I saw her intentions rather than her failing actions. But since the day I saw her violently abuse two people, something in my head changed about her. But I still held out hope for her. Still nothing changed, she continued with her abusive traits. So I was done with her. I can't look at her in the same way, unless her redemption is as big as her actions were. She even made the whole thing about her. I might forgive her one day, but I can never buy this whole bhabi-ma crap. For me she's just their bhabi. 

And actually I will say that my mother never beat me in anger...because she hasn't. She has yelled then calmed down, disciplined me (non-violent) and explained to me properly, sometimes it's taken a whole day of talking but no she's never beaten me...even those punishments had a sense of control. So I'm sorry I can't support someone who does. 

One of the issues is that the channel has glorified this, they are saying this is okay, which is why Dhara is intolerable for many. Maybe this does happen in real life, but that doesn't make it okay. The amount of people who watched this and justified it by saying its a mother's 'haq' is very disturbing to me.

Whilst I can understand people who love Dhara will get annoyed by the bashing of her character, I will say that a character is there to be criticised and maybe it's better to ignore it if it doesn't sit well with anyone. Or feel free to keep expressing your love for her. No one will have issues with that. 

I for one cannot stand her.