Why bashing Dhara? - Page 5

Thank you soooo much for this..

This was alsoo in my mind...

Everyone is bashing Dhara, but nobody is trying to understand her.. She has given her whole marriage years to Gaumbis brothers.

They decide not to have kids for Dev, Shiva and Krish. Dhara raised the 3 boys...
Soo I do think she has rights on them, maybe not as a mother But alsoo nothing less than a mother...

I agree she shouldn’t be abusive..

But like you said everyone has there flaws...

I think people should understand that Dhara alsoo has her limits and she also gets tired... you cannot expect that she will never be angry...

Originally posted by: bhavna101

@bold - I will just ask you one simple question -

Who would be that insane to bring a newborn into such a mess?

Aren't we aware of what was the condition of Pandyas at the time of GauRa marriage? They were dealing with Suman's illness, the store issues, the financial issue, and those three brothers-in-law of Dhara were kids themselves. All the responsibilities naturally fell on GauRa. Now, when they are so deep in trouble why would anyone want to have a baby? Think about this in a practical way, please!

Babies raise your expenses and at that time GauRa were in no condition to handle that extra set of responsibilities! Bringing a newborn baby into that would be an injustice to the baby, to Dhara, and to the rest of the family as well. That wasn't a sacrifice! That was the sanest, wise, and practical choice that Dhara made at that time considering their family's situation. So no, definitely not a sacrifice!

This world doesn't live and feed on emotions and emotions alone. You have to make practical decisions too which again should not be called a sacrifice!

Dhara became a mother to those three, and yes, if she can love them, she has the right to punish them. But it is also her responsibility to not be biased! Why in the world did she not punish Dev for what he did with Raavi? What Shiva and Krish did was a prank, something that ended up bad but what Dev did, that was a crime!

No matter whatever his reasons were, he played with somebody's feelings, lead her to the wedding mandap, and then just left her there because Rishita arrived?! Raavi was about to kill herself, she was played! So shouldn't Dev be punished for this?

The situation with Raavi could have easily prevented, if and only if, Raavi as told the truth! And every member of the Pandya family decided to hide that truth, so all of them are at fault! They all should also get punished for this, shouldn't they?!

@italic - would it have hurt her in any way to communicate with Raavi too?

Now, coming back to the Dhara beating Shiva and Krish. Dude, physical abuse is abuse, no matter what. Matlab parents hain toh kuch bhi karenge? Parents hain toh hamesha sahi honge? That wasn't Dhara punishing Shiva and Krish for their mistake! That was her letting out all her frustrations regarding the problems going on in the family on Shiva and Krish alone because they became the reason for her to let it all out. The pressure cooker promo is very descriptive about this on its own. All this pressure was building inside Dhara and it found escape in Shiva and Krish!

@underline - and that just makes it all better no? Oh, they are our parents whom we are taught to think nothing less than the Gods. Everything that they do is for our benefit. Even if they hit us, that is because we must have made a mistake and not them. Oh, they are the Gods, how can they even make a mistake ever! This mentality sucks! This is not punishing your children for their mistakes, this is called ABUSE, PHYSICAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

If this was Dhara's style of punishment, then Dev should be punished this way too. Get him beaten up like this and I will stop thrashing Dhara.😃

@ bold agreed.. Well put👏

Just because something is done in our society doesn't mean it should be done.

Originally posted by: chandiniebinda

Thank you soooo much for this..

This was alsoo in my mind...

Everyone is bashing Dhara, but nobody is trying to understand her.. She has given her whole marriage years to Gaumbis brothers.

They decide not to have kids for Dev, Shiva and Krish. Dhara raised the 3 boys...
Soo I do think she has rights on them, maybe not as a mother But alsoo nothing less than a mother...

I agree she shouldn’t be abusive..

But like you said everyone has there flaws...

I think people should understand that Dhara alsoo has her limits and she also gets tired... you cannot expect that she will never be angry...

@bold - being physical abusive is not a flaw, it is simply dangerous. If she is not corrected now, won’t hesitate to use it on her own kids in the future.

Characters can be flawed but not abusive,
Dhara they are showing here is nothing like Dhanam in the original. They have made Dhara an emotionally manipulative and physically abusive person post marriage of Shiva and Dev for TRPs.

Originally posted by: chandiniebinda

Thank you soooo much for this..

This was alsoo in my mind...

Everyone is bashing Dhara, but nobody is trying to understand her.. She has given her whole marriage years to Gaumbis brothers.

They decide not to have kids for Dev, Shiva and Krish. Dhara raised the 3 boys...
Soo I do think she has rights on them, maybe not as a mother But alsoo nothing less than a mother...

I agree she shouldn’t be abusive..

But like you said everyone has there flaws...

I think people should understand that Dhara alsoo has her limits and she also gets tired... you cannot expect that she will never be angry...

The audience understands very well that dhara is flawed, and her stubbornness and physically abusive behavior is a massive flaw in her character. The problem here is the makers are not showing it as a flaw. Instead they're showing that she is well within her rights to abuse her brothers-in-law just because she "raised" them. She absolutely IS NOT.

I have absolutely no problem with her if the makers clearly call out the fact that she is human, not bhagwan, and that she made a serious mistake. But this whitewashing of her character, or chalking it all to the fact that she was stressed, pressurized to maintain family unity, or her 10 year old sacrifice to not have kids is just plain wrong.

Originally posted by: TeluguAmmayi

@mpks1

True....

dhanam never hit Kathie because Kathie never did what shiva did. Kathir is a great character!

there is a difference between Rishta and Shiva.

There is a difference between Rishta’s family and their family and shiva upbringing and family,

Booth prank and revenge was an harassment. It could have gone to any length. I am not saying hitting is right but Shiva and Krish are wrong here.

We have remember that shiva / Krish / Raavi are her own where as ristha is parayi...

You always have a power on your own. I take it that way. Dhara isn’t partial because she loves Ristha and Shiva more. Dhara is looking partial because she owns shiva and Raavi more.

I guess it's agree to disagree for me, BUT...

How much ever wrong a person is, ABUSE AND VIOLENCE IN ANY FORM IS CONDEMNABLE, be it for whatever reason. Just because Kathir was supposedly a great character and Shiva is not so great (as you claim), this CANNOT JUSTIFY BEATING SOMEONE. Period. Whatever the blunder committed, UNLEASING PHYSICAL AND/OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE CAN NEVER BE JUSTIFIED.

This idea of justifying abuse is what leads to dowry deaths and rape cases: beating is just the 1st step in the Pyramid of Abuse and Violence, with the process and mindset fostering crimes of the highest order. We as humans need to CONDEMN abuse, and should not justify this insidious act with round about explanations.

Just because Rishita's family and Shiva's family are different, that doesn't give Dhara the right to push ALL of Rishita's repeated mean behaviour under the carpet and target Shiva alone for the tension in the house. That clearly means she's taking undue advantage of the love he has for her, something which has been established several times in the show.

Bhooth prank is harassment but what Dhara did in return is not harassment^100? Bhooth prank is harassment but what Dev did to a girl's life is not harassment^100? Dhara needs to punish herself and Dev in the same way then. Otherwise it's all empty talk and no substance to her mahaanta.

Dhara says all her family members are equally important to her, she wants everyone to be happy, etc. But now, when she wants to show anger, Shiva/Krish/Raavi become apnaa and Rishita is parayi? Changing definitions as per convenience. :(

And sorry, no human being holds "power" over another human being or "owns" them to the extent that they can play God and do whatever they like. That is classic recipe for barbaadi if it so happens.

A mother needs to let her children live their lives their way, let them fall down, get up by themselves, make mistakes and learn from experience. Making them crippled without her is not a sign of a healthy relationship at all.

Originally posted by: HanaKB

I can see your point! I can see why you are saying what you are saying!

Except, as a child of an abusive household, I will have to disagree with everyone on your justifications!

Everyone is thinking that we are bashing Dhara just to hate on her! This is not the case!

It's a show, we put the effort in to watch it, love it and support it in many ways, we are allowed to put our points across too and say when the characters are acting weird!

No parent should not beat their kids to teach them a lesson. Especially if they are grown adults and you are beating them in front of others like an animal! Dhara is the one who made the decision to raise the kids without having kids. The kids never asked her of that, neither did her SasuMaa! She made the decision and Gaumbi agreed too! This is on them!

Dhara is the one who made the decision and sacrifice but that should not mean that the kids should pay the price! She is their bhabhi-maa, not their mother! Even if we agree that she is as good as their mother, still doesn't give her the right to physically abuse the boys! Her emotional abuse that she pushes onto Raavi and Shiva is not cool neither!! I don't agree with Suman hitting the boys either if we get onto the topic!

Just because you give birth to someone or raise them, does not make them your property to do as you please! People are not objects! Dhara is wrong and now she should pay for her mistake!

I don't normally share my private life but here goes:

Case in point, my older sister once slapped me in front of my brother-in-law when I was 18 years old. That was humiliating for me! I resented her for that, it led to more problems between us, and till this day I refuse to speak to her! I am 28 now!

Another example: my mother herself is the devil incarnate! She physically abused (hit), emotionally blackmailed and psychologically tortured my siblings and me, to the point, where both and my other sister at some point thought about suicide! My mother has always told us how much she did for us, how much she sacrificed blah blah...she did nothing but keep us with her that's it....I cooked for myself and my little brother, made sure we both had clean clothes, we both had our homework done, picked up my brother from school, made mine and his lunch etc! Basically, I raised my little brother as well as myself!

DID I ASK MY MOTHER TO SACRIFICE? Did I ask to be born? Did I have a say in my birth? In my upbringing? In any of the decisions made before my 18th birthday? No, I did not! I endured physical abuse and mental torture until I was able to leave my home!

Being made to feel like I owe someone for raising me is wrong.

When you are a good parent, your kids won't feel like they owe you, they will look after you because you have given them so much love and they want to reciprocate the love back to you!

I refuse to speak to my mother for her bull-sheet about how a mother should be respected, how we should listen to her and talk to her and blah blah...ALL the things she denied my siblings and me!

Sorry but the older I am getting, the better I am getting at calling out the BS in our culture! Especially the one, where young ones shouldn't challenge the elders and they should just respect them.

WRONG! We should challenge the things that are wrong so we can create a better world for the coming generations, for my kids at least, I want to leave a world where they feel respected and loved at the same time!

Don't even get me started from a feminist perspective in this drama!

Satya vachan, so true! Being made to feel like a person owes the parent for giving birth to them and raising them is toxicity of the highest order. No child deserves to go through this diminution. No child asks to be born. Every child deserves respect as a human being, and most of all, every child deserves respect from the parent who's supposed to be the primary provider and enabler.

Children ARE NOT OBJECTS for parents to do as they feel like.

I agree with lot of folks here.

No human should be treated as God. No matter what.

• Dhara not gave birth to her own baby : Its not a sacrifice Its Choice. She could have handle her kid and her Devars at the same time.
• Dhara kept quite on Dev's affair with Raavi: Here I call her Selfish and partial. She should have told Raavi and support her; instead of dragging her to the Mandap and humiliate her feelings.
• Dhara emotionally manipulate Shiva to marry Raavi: why? so she dont try to commit suicide again? So silly reason.
• Dhara expecting Shivi to feel for each other right way: Dude seriously? She dont have right to interfere in their personal space or feelings. It should be their choice not hers to force.
• Dhara beating Shiva and Krish : Totally UNACCEPTABLE period.
• Dhara's punishment and hiding from Suman: I would call her Immature and Fattu [Darpok]
• Dhara's AAAHH, MAA, WOH, : 😡 Unbearable.
• Dhara thinking her separation will bring family together: Isse bada bawakuff koi nayi ho sakta. ..I will not give a single credit to Dhara's punishment if Shivi comes closer. Rather I would give Rishita a credit if they comes closer.
• Dhara forcing Krish and Shiva to address Rishita as "Bhabhi" : Why? She cant force someone. Respect should be earned not forced. Shiva and Krish should have choice to call whatever they want. [I personally hate when Shiva call her bhabhi , Ignore her insults, and apologizing to her without any reason just cz of Dhara? : Where's Shiva's self-respect?]
• Dhara ne Sabko Puppet samaj ke rakha hai.. That pisses me off.

Writer should stop glorify Dhara's. character. She is not the only Lead.

A lot of excellent points and well thought out posts. I only have one thing to say: nothing justifies physical abuse & violence.

Prior to that scene, I was sometimes upset at Dhara and at times I felt for her/supported her! Even during ShiVi’s wedding, I could still try and understand her POV. Her heart was in the right place. But the way she beat Shiva & Krish... that has zero justification! No one has the right to abuse another human being! I don’t care who they are!

As for the batwara, it’s a silly track that has no real purpose in the story. I hope the writers wake up and smell the coffee soon! This track could have been done without the abuse & manipulation. In fact, they could have given us a track that forces us to stop, think and feel for every character (even Rishita).

Dhara Making Raavi and Shiva get married - Sexist.

Dhara beating Shiva and Krish - Physocal violence

Shiva Pushing Raavi (etc) - Domestic Violence and Man handling (using physical power on a woman)

Suman Threatening / insulting her DILs - domestic Violence

Shiva and Krish’s prank - Emotional Torture

All these are v wrong in real world but it’s a everyday drama in reel world.

they are people who love and enjoy the above mentioned things too. They are people who don’t like them and complain too.

Regarding Dev - Rishta’s marriage nonsense - Lol most of the characters know Dev loves Ristha.

So much drama happened. No body spoke anything about it. No body thought about informing Raavi. Poor girl!

Regarding Dev marrying Ristha over Raavi - what should we expect from him when Ristha does a scene at Mandap.

regarding Raavi suicide attempt - spineless

regarding shiva agreeing to marry Raavi whom he dislike - Stupid

regarding Rishta insulting family members - Bratty and bad brought up

regarding Dev not apologising to Raavi - Spineless, uncompassionate and Stupid

regarding Dhara putting her nose in every issue - Useless!

Note: Dev dint plan with Ristha to hurt Raavi at the mandap and make her attempt suicide. Shiva planned with Krish to torture Ristha. There is a difference between known mistake and a unknown mistake. Shiva enjoyed rishtas pain, Dev dint enjoy Raavi pain.

Anyways, I am done! They have messed up all the characters in this version.

Dhanam, Kathir, Jeeva, Mulla were a lot better than This version.

only character which I like compared to original murthy Character.

I dislike him in the original 🤪 such an idiot he is!!

Originally posted by: HahaHeheHuhu9

I guess it's agree to disagree for me, BUT...

How much ever wrong a person is, ABUSE AND VIOLENCE IN ANY FORM IS CONDEMNABLE, be it for whatever reason. Just because Kathir was supposedly a great character and Shiva is not so great (as you claim), this CANNOT JUSTIFY BEATING SOMEONE. Period. Whatever the blunder committed, UNLEASING PHYSICAL AND/OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE CAN NEVER BE JUSTIFIED.

This idea of justifying abuse is what leads to dowry deaths and rape cases: beating is just the 1st step in the Pyramid of Abuse and Violence, with the process and mindset fostering crimes of the highest order. We as humans need to CONDEMN abuse, and should not justify this insidious act with round about explanations.

Just because Rishita's family and Shiva's family are different, that doesn't give Dhara the right to push ALL of Rishita's repeated mean behaviour under the carpet and target Shiva alone for the tension in the house. That clearly means she's taking undue advantage of the love he has for her, something which has been established several times in the show.

Bhooth prank is harassment but what Dhara did in return is not harassment^100? Bhooth prank is harassment but what Dev did to a girl's life is not harassment^100? Dhara needs to punish herself and Dev in the same way then. Otherwise it's all empty talk and no substance to her mahaanta.

Dhara says all her family members are equally important to her, she wants everyone to be happy, etc. But now, when she wants to show anger, Shiva/Krish/Raavi become apnaa and Rishita is parayi? Changing definitions as per convenience. :(

And sorry, no human being holds "power" over another human being or "owns" them to the extent that they can play God and do whatever they like. That is classic recipe for barbaadi if it so happens.

A mother needs to let her children live their lives their way, let them fall down, get up by themselves, make mistakes and learn from experience. Making them crippled without her is not a sign of a healthy relationship at all.

Regarding owning up some one and power on someone. I dint say it in a negative way.

I have a simple example:

when a girl doesn’t like something she tells it her mom in a different way compared to her mother in law. I am not saying it applies for all but most of the cases it’s true.

With their “own” family they are more demanding and closer but with the others particularly initially they are not the same.

If you take it as disrespecting mumma it’s your POv, I respect it but I feel it’s mera bhai, Meri Maa type of owning not slavery type owning.

When I said power, I dint mean domination, I meant closeness.

agree to disagree but humans do own and show power on their loved ones. Possessiveness is a part of that only.

note: I am saying all this in a simple way... not comparing it with big big domestic violence, physical violence, sexism, male chavanism type of power or ownership. Please understand!