Why bashing Dhara? - Page 2

Anything I wanted to say has already been so eloquently stated by @hahahehehuhu9 @hedwig_potter @vikAth.

Since you mentioned about the beating part, I just wanted to say that my own parents never laid a finger on me nor did they ever raise their voice at me. That doesn't mean they never discipline me. But they always treated me with as an individual.

I guess what I want to say is when someone gave birth to us or raised us they become our guardians. That doesn't automatically entitle them to treat their own children like livestock.

Also Dhara was quick to jump to conclusions and decide to get Dev and Raavi married based on one assumption. Why would she do that? Why not let their relationship fester organically?

And later when she finds out Dev loved someone else why would she agree to still let him marry someone else?

I apologize if my comment was insensitive or if it offends anyone. I just wanted to express my opinion.

HahaHeheHuhu9, very well said. Dhara deserved to be bashed. No Mother has right to beat fully grown up kids ,one of them is Married.

There is a way call "Communication" without violence. She is indeed hypocrite, dominating and emotional blackmailer.

Alluding to society and thinking who'll marry a girl who's "rejected" at the altar: This is so misogynistic and reeks of sexism. There's so much wrong in this line of thinking that I don't even know where to begin.

This kind of mentality is what pulls women back, objectifies them and doesn't allow women to achieve true equality in all sense.

If a groom is spineless and can't take a stand for the girl he loved, can't open his mouth to express his feelings till someone else comes to stop the wedding, and is so non-committal about everything that goes on, then, a bride who finally doesn't marry him DOES NOT BECOME "REJECTED" just because the man was foolish and indecisive throughout.

Blaming the woman (or even the idea of what will happen to the so-called "rejected" woman when the man is the one at fault throughout) is nothing but victim blaming: a classic way of subduing women that's perpetuated by toxic patriarchy.

Why should men have the power to "accept" or "reject" a woman? Wherever it is, be it before marriage or at the altar, if the marriage fails or doesn't go through to completion, in what way can we label the woman as being "rejected"? Is she an object on display at a store that needs to be accepted and bought? Marriage NEED NOT be a woman's life goal. This is 2021 and humanity is landing on Mars. It's time we get out of worrying about society considering a woman as being "rejected". This idea, by itself, is infinitely problematic.

Originally posted by: LoveSana

I dont understand why everyone is bashing dhara so much. Imagine not having children to raise your husband's brothers. Dont give me the she is acting mahan crap. I have personally seen it, my best friend got married but refused to have children until her sister went to university because she didn't have a mother. Her husband was fine with that and very understanding. Dhara knew very well what she was signing up for and well accepted that.

If you center your entire life around raising three boys then I'm sorry you have rights on those boys, equivalent to those of a mother. I am not promoting violence but dhara is flawed like everyone else. She had tried to keep the family united, maybe she didn't make the right call with Ravi. But honestly, the society we live in, who was going to marry a girl that was rejected at the altar. Didn't she try communicating with Rishita? Also imagine, you got in a fight with your sibling and they got hurt. Dont tell me your mother never beat you in anger or screamed at you to stay away from her. I know my mother has threatened to leave our house when she gets angry but that doesn't mean that she did leave.

I am not saying that she is perfect but she is a decent human being and shouldnt be trashed so hard.

Glad that u shared your views!

I Totally understand what you are trying to say here and agree with the point that she has right on those boys equivalent to a mother!

But I'll tell you where I felt the problem lies.. She thrashed the boys left right and centre.. Chalo that's acceptable bcz galati ki hai toh bugatna toh padega he.. That's what our parents also do for our mistakes. But not like this..that to grown adults who are married. It's not done anywhere and shouldn't be done!

But the behavior after that was not relatable.. Usne agr faisla lia b chahe gusse mein chahe soch samj k but when her own husband started to tell her that it's going too far.. She was hell bent on continuing with it.

No one is doubting her intentions.. Everyone knows she did for the good of her children but agr itna he intentions pe bharosa hai toh why the fumble in front of sasuma? Seede bolo ki muje ye sahi laga. Baki apki marzi.

Also she is behaving like a dictator now.. Let the two people in a marriage grown on their own.. She cannot force them to fall in love all of a sudden and then take credit for that! When rishita was insulting shiva's clothes she could have backed Raavi agr pehle usko he bolne dia tha toh b uske sath stand ke sakhti thi.. That's irrritating behaviour!

Ek aur baat agr sab ko sabaq sikhane k liye faisla lia hai toh kyu rishita ki tarafdaari karti hai har dum knowing that she keeps on insulting everyone.

U cannot expect everyone to remain silent and just tolerate rishita's behavior just because unity rakhni hai.. What's the point of saath saath rehna agr srf ek juk raha hai aur dusra change he nai ho raha?

And u said it yourself that she is also a human.. Agreeed lekin problem is cheez se hai ki neither dhara nor any of her devar realise that.. Intention sahi tha par faisla toh galat ho sakhta hai.. But they keep showing that she is a devi and always takes right decisions and never accepts her mistakes and fails to see what her actions are doing to her family including her husband!

Originally posted by: hedwig_potter

I can only speak for myself.

In marriage fiasco, Dhara had just one fault, she assumed the R is Raavi. That's it. Even not telling Suman was Gaumbi's decision. Other also had a fault till a certain extent, Dev especially, had the biggest fault. Rest everything she did was, in my eyes, justified.

Next regarding her treatment of Raavi and Shiva. She had been sympathetic to Raavi's pain initially, and also gave her a chance to vent many times. She has apologized uncountable times. Where she is failing now, is in giving her time to adjust. Although I do agree that she needs to push Raavi a little, she also tends to go overboard a lot of times.

Both these things are ones I am absolutely willing to forgiver her.

Next I would like to talk about her treatment of Shiva. You can of course, disagree with me, but I feel she takes Shiva for granted. I had said this on some other thread as well. She has only apologized once to Shiva, that too she didn't say anything further when he denied being wronged. Except that one time, she always complains to him. That he needs to change his way of living, his clothes, his attitude towards Raavi, etc. Even when he expressed his vulnerability in front of her, that she has never judged him in the past, no matter what others said. Then also she did not say much to reassure him. I used to love Dhara-Shiva bond pre-marriage, but off late its disastrous.

You have to accept, she is indeed partial to Dev and Rishita, and her treatment of Krish, Shiva, Raavi is wrong.

Now coming to the beating part, while do agree that she has rights of a mother, it was not justified in my eyes. Its not that in anger, by mistake she hit them once, no. She took a stick and took a very much conscious decision of beating them so harshly. Even when Krish kept pleading with her that its hurting too much, she did not stop. No person who consciously decides to cause their children so much pain can be "worshipped" as a mother figure. Poor Krish couldn't even speak properly towards the end, that's how traumatized he was.

Regarding the separation of house, I was not totally against it. We can see it has brought some good changes. But most of the things have gone bad, tbh, so again not a very smart move. As to Suman finding out from Rishita, not Dhara, again I realize is because of what CVs decided, so not going to blame Dhara for it. However, again she went a little overboard in this thing a lot of times. To quote Gaumbi, "Kisi ko bhi waqt ki nazakat samajh nahi aa rahi hai."

She is becoming the total mahaan character, who always cries instead of looking for solutions, is hellishly stubborn and being a moron these days, which is something contrary to pre-leap days. Which again, I realize is CV's mistake.

Regarding bashing of character, it is something I never agree. She does get unnecessary hatred, yes. But most of the criticism she gets is rightly deserved (most of the time).

@bold: I respectfully disagree. Dhara was nearly as faulty as Dev, and here's my reason why:

Its been shown to us since the beginning that Dhara and Raavi share a good bond. Raavi trusts, loves and idealizes Dhara to a great extent, something Dhara is completely aware of. When Dev revealed that he loves Rishita, Dhara explicitly mentions that Raavi has the first right to know about all this. Till all of this, Dhara frankly has made no mistakes.

But here's where the problem begins. Just because Gaumbi gives a "kasam" you literally don't tell a girl that the guy she's marrying is in love with someone else? And as far as Janardhan's threat is concerned, not having a relationship with Rishita, is in no way or form synonymous with the only option is marry Raavi. Janardhan wanted Dev to keep distance from Rishita. How does, despite knowing about Dev's feelings, going ahead with the marriage okay? And okay, you can consider this as Gautam's fault, which Dhara decides to be a silent spectator in. But the rest of what she did is even worse.

The next day, mind you, the same day when Raavi-Dev's sangeet takes place, she goes to Rishita's house, to ask for Rishita's marriage with Dev. Like WTF. That's incredibly shitty, not to mention a deep betrayal of any relationship she had with Raavi. Raavi's house is where she should've gone first, told the truth, broken the marriage regardless of whether Rishita's rishta can be acquired for Dev or not. The entire Pandya family minus suman used Raavi as a backup plan.

Not only that, after everything, when the marriage is taking place, she's apologizing and crying continuously about how Dev is sad, which leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth, because if it's that ruinous, STOP USING SOMEONE ELSE AS A SCAPEGOAT.

So yeah, the marriage fiasco, in my opinion was Dev's fault the most, followed by Dhara and Gaumbi being equally faulty, and Shiva for being a silent spectator in all the drama that causes Raavi incredible heartbreak and devastation, to the point where she attempts suicide. All of them should apologise and NOT JUSTIFY their actions, which Dhara keeps doing all the time. Her entire conversation with Raavi, she keeps saying "I never wished ill for you", "you'll get love too", rather than genuinely apologising and acknowledging that she erred.

P.S. this is my opinion, and I'm well aware that not everyone will agree with the same. I'll respect anyone who disagrees. Also i don't in anyway or form mean to be disrespectful towards @hedwig_potter.

Originally posted by: Shivikaishkara

You've articulated every single point I wanted to say. Dhara is dismissing literally every single person's emotions aside from her own.

"Shiva and Krish don't respect Rishita? They have to! Doesn't matter what their reasons are".

"Rishita has plans with Dev? To hell with it! I'll still keep pehli rasoi today and inform her later!" (Rishita stated that she was making plans in the morning in the living room in front of everyone.)

"Raavi has problems with Shiva and they keep fighting? They can't! They should magically accept each other in five days!"

"Rishita is rude to everyone? Well okay i'mma ignore that one" (aside from the one time she stood up for raavi)

And I also disagree that Dhara had no fault in the marriage fiasco. Raavi has shown how much she trusted Dhara. They seemed to have a good rapport and communication pre-marriage.

Yet when the push came to shove, Dhara first approached Janardhan (a known goon) on the same day when Raavi's Sangeet was taking place, to ask for Rishita's hand in marriage. What an incredibly shitty thing to do. Ethically speaking, she should've approached Raavi and told the truth to her, before taking Dev's rishta for Rishita. Also "kasam" as reason to not tell Raavi only goes so far. If she can, despite Gaumbi's kasam, go to Janardhan, she should've approached Raavi first.

In my opinion, the marriage fiasco was the fault of Gautam, Dhara, Dev and Shiva. All four of them. Despite knowing everything, they were ready to use Raavi as a sacrificial scapegoat since Rishita's rishta couldn't be worked out. (Yes shiva too, he's known Raavi for a long time, it would've been basic humanity to tell Raavi the truth of her then would-be husband).

As far as what Dhara is doing right now, its just basic gaslighting. She literally dismissing every person's emotions, and when things don't go her way, she trivialises other's emotions. I'm actually glad that her actions are being called out be the fandom, since gaslighting and the emotional abuse done by parents in India is often normalised as a "Parent's Right" which is frankly, not okay.

And another thing, this forceful rishton ka lihaz thing she has going for herself and imposes on everyone is also weird. If it's about Krish calling Raavi bhabhi or not, its not for her to decide that, it's Raavi and Krish's decision. Rishita may be elder in terms of relations, but that does not and should not allow her to publicly humiliate Shiva. And when she does, Shiva's supposed to keep quiet because "rishton ka lihaz"?! That's bullsh*t.

Basically Dhara needs to grow boundaries and understand her limitations in terms of her "rights" over her children, especially when they are married. Also Dhara has NO RIGHTS OF A MOTHER OVER RISHITA AND RAAVI. Period. They have their own mothers, and are under NO obligation to consider Dhara one too. I honestly agreed with Rishita in the bus scene, both about the toasted sandwiches and Chunar, Dhara needs to stop poking and prodding into every matter.

Agreed agreeed and agreed

@ bold 1 yeah how is that even possible?

@ bold 2 there unsaid it again👍🏼

Reality b toh honi chahiye na.. That's not how u teach joint family k faide.. It's pure bullshitt

Originally posted by: LoveSana

I dont understand why everyone is bashing dhara so much. Imagine not having children to raise your husband's brothers. Dont give me the she is acting mahan crap. I have personally seen it, my best friend got married but refused to have children until her sister went to university because she didn't have a mother. Her husband was fine with that and very understanding. Dhara knew very well what she was signing up for and well accepted that.

If you center your entire life around raising three boys then I'm sorry you have rights on those boys, equivalent to those of a mother. I am not promoting violence but dhara is flawed like everyone else. She had tried to keep the family united, maybe she didn't make the right call with Ravi. But honestly, the society we live in, who was going to marry a girl that was rejected at the altar. Didn't she try communicating with Rishita? Also imagine, you got in a fight with your sibling and they got hurt. Dont tell me your mother never beat you in anger or screamed at you to stay away from her. I know my mother has threatened to leave our house when she gets angry but that doesn't mean that she did leave.

I am not saying that she is perfect but she is a decent human being and shouldnt be trashed so hard.

Like each of us here are different so will our opinions. I disagreed with you but I respect your opinion.

There’s no valid reason for physically assaulting children. When they are kids, it’s a parenting failure to beat children into submission. This is not just my own opinion, it’s proven through multiple researches and studies. It’s our disregard of a child’s autonomy, our disregard of seeing them as independent, thinking , feeling human beings that causes us to hit them. I am a conservatively raised person and each day I fight hard to NOT repeat the same with my children. It leaves lasting damage as proven by studies.

Now coming to the show, the problem that many of us users have here is Star Plus projects itself as progressive and then proceeds to push out absolutely regressive content.

Dhara made her choices and they are worthy of respect but she cannot hold that over the young men’s head. Our children are not here for us to retrieve back favours for what we have provided them with. You raise them well, you raise them to be kind and you can have expectations that they will look after you in old age but don’t make it as a debt repayment scheme. Arrange for your own old age, save for it and give your children the freedom to build their lives. Basically they should willingly make you a part of their lives.

If we as a society want progress, then it’s imperative that we let our woman make their own decisions. Ravi was given no say on what was done to her. She had no power in that situation. Getting her married was not the solution to curb her suicidal tendencies. Especially not to a person she intensely dislikes. First Dev betrayed her by his silence, then Dhara compounded it with hers and when eventually it came out her own family instead of dealing with it in a sane manner, decided that marriage was still the important thing? If no man wants to marry Ravi because she had a broken marriage, then they are the fools. If she remains unmarried for the rest of her life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. She as a woman is enough.

These are genuine criticism of her character , not bashing. ITV shows will never go into such depths but we criticise in the hopes that we can see change.

Originally posted by: Shivikaishkara

@bold: I respectfully disagree. Dhara was nearly as faulty as Dev, and here's my reason why:

Its been shown to us since the beginning that Dhara and Raavi share a good bond. Raavi trusts, loves and idealizes Dhara to a great extent, something Dhara is completely aware of. When Dev revealed that he loves Rishita, Dhara explicitly mentions that Raavi has the first right to know about all this. Till all of this, Dhara frankly has made no mistakes.

But here's where the problem begins. Just because Gaumbi gives a "kasam" you literally don't tell a girl that the guy she's marrying is in love with someone else? And as far as Janardhan's threat is concerned, not having a relationship with Rishita, is in no way or form synonymous with the only option is marry Raavi. Janardhan wanted Dev to keep distance from Rishita. How does, despite knowing about Dev's feelings, going ahead with the marriage okay? And okay, you can consider this as Gautam's fault, which Dhara decides to be a silent spectator in. But the rest of what she did is even worse.

@bold

If that's how we go about it then I would say then Dhara, Dev, Shiva and Krish all four of them knew the truth and all of them were obliged to tell Raavi but none of them did, so I would say in this kasam thing, all 5 are equally responsible.

And now that you've raised this point, I think I do agree, but I still feel Dev has a greater fault, he is the one who said he'll marry Raavi, and pyaar hote hote ho jaayega and all of that. Of course, that in no way by itself means that truth should be hidden from Raavi.

The next day, mind you, the same day when Raavi-Dev's sangeet takes place, she goes to Rishita's house, to ask for Rishita's marriage with Dev. Like WTF. That's incredibly shitty, not to mention a deep betrayal of any relationship she had with Raavi. Raavi's house is where she should've gone first, told the truth, broken the marriage regardless of whether Rishita's rishta can be acquired for Dev or not. The entire Pandya family minus suman used Raavi as a backup plan.

Good point, I very much agree.👏

Not only that, after everything, when the marriage is taking place, she's apologizing and crying continuously about how Dev is sad, which leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth, because if it's that ruinous, STOP USING SOMEONE ELSE AS A SCAPEGOAT.

So yeah, the marriage fiasco, in my opinion was Dev's fault the most, followed by Dhara and Gaumbi being equally faulty, and Shiva for being a silent spectator in all the drama that causes Raavi incredible heartbreak and devastation, to the point where she attempts suicide. All of them should apologise and NOT JUSTIFY their actions, which Dhara keeps doing all the time. Her entire conversation with Raavi, she keeps saying "I never wished ill for you", "you'll get love too", rather than genuinely apologising and acknowledging that she erred.

P.S. this is my opinion, and I'm well aware that not everyone will agree with the same. I'll respect anyone who disagrees. Also i don't in anyway or form mean to be disrespectful towards @hedwig_potter.

You've raised great points👍🏼, I do agree with them till a large extent. I have replied in blue.

I would just like to say when I said Dhara had no other fault, I would like to say I was evaluating the situation from the point of an ITV story, which as you must have already known, are mostly illogical.❤️

I still think Dev had much more fault than Dhara, but yes, Dhara is absolutely not completely faultless.

Originally posted by: hedwig_potter

You've raised great points👍🏼, I do agree with them till a large extent. I have replied in blue.

I would just like to say when I said Dhara had no other fault, I would like to say I was evaluating the situation from the point of an ITV story, which as you must have already known, are mostly illogical.❤️

I still think Dev had much more fault than Dhara, but yes, Dhara is absolutely not completely faultless.

@bold: yes completely agree!❤️

Also the points raised in blue are absolutely fantastic👍🏼. I agree that all five are at fault, and I've lost any hopes of any apology from Dev/Gautam/Dhara/Shiva for Raavi.

I wanted to give Krish a benefit of doubt as he's visibly younger and does not seem to give out a ton of his own opinions, rather just seems to follow anything everyone says, especially if it's GauRa. So I didn't include him in the "who are at fault list".😆

Also I forgot to mention, you raised amazing points in your original post as well. 👍🏼

(Also sorry if I came off as too strong/rude in my earlier reply🤗)

Originally posted by: Shivikaishkara

@bold: yes completely agree!❤️

Also the points raised in blue are absolutely fantastic👍🏼. I agree that all five are at fault, and I've lost any hopes of any apology from Dev/Gautam/Dhara/Shiva for Raavi.

I wanted to give Krish a benefit of doubt as he's visibly younger and does not seem to give out a ton of his own opinions, rather just seems to follow anything everyone says, especially if it's GauRa. So I didn't include him in the "who are at fault list".😆

Also I forgot to mention, you raised amazing points in your original post as well. 👍🏼

(Also sorry if I came off as too strong/rude in my earlier reply🤗)

@bold Yeah that's true, he probably thinks its better if the elders handle this matter. (But what to say, elders don't have any sense either🤣)

@red

Of course not🤗❤️

You were very much respectful and talked to the point. Its great to have discussions in this way, where we can see and understand each other's point of view.

That's why I love the PS forum. The forum in general has so positive vibes, no unnecessary hatred❤️❤️

This sadly isn't the case in other forums😒