Why bashing Dhara? - Page 3

Originally posted by: HahaHeheHuhu9

Alluding to society and thinking who'll marry a girl who's "rejected" at the altar: This is so misogynistic and reeks of sexism. There's so much wrong in this line of thinking that I don't even know where to begin.

This kind of mentality is what pulls women back, objectifies them and doesn't allow women to achieve true equality in all sense.

If a groom is spineless and can't take a stand for the girl he loved, can't open his mouth to express his feelings till someone else comes to stop the wedding, and is so non-committal about everything that goes on, then, a bride who finally doesn't marry him DOES NOT BECOME "REJECTED" just because the man was foolish and indecisive throughout.

Blaming the woman (or even the idea of what will happen to the so-called "rejected" woman when the man is the one at fault throughout) is nothing but victim blaming: a classic way of subduing women that's perpetuated by toxic patriarchy.

Why should men have the power to "accept" or "reject" a woman? Wherever it is, be it before marriage or at the altar, if the marriage fails or doesn't go through to completion, in what way can we label the woman as being "rejected"? Is she an object on display at a store that needs to be accepted and bought? Marriage NEED NOT be a woman's life goal. This is 2021 and humanity is landing on Mars. It's time we get out of worrying about society considering a woman as being "rejected". This idea, by itself, is infinitely problematic.

Very Well said👏.. This idea itself irks mye core.. Kasam se😡

Originally posted by: HahaHeheHuhu9

I respectfully disagree. In reality, it may be true that mothers raise hands in anger when children irritate them too much, but that too is only till children remain "children".

Not after the child grows up to be an adult who's married. If it goes on after marriage, it means that the mother has not learnt to draw boundaries. This is highly unhealthy and disrespectful to everyone involved. And the fact that this violence happens in reality doesn't mean it should be accepted as "mother's love" or that she's trying to get children to "behave".

That's simply NOT how Parenting should work. BEATING CHILDREN BLACK AND BLUE IS A CRIME, BEATING CHILDREN (OR ANYONE) IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE which needs to be strictly condemned without any ifs and buts, and Dhara's behaviour is therefore rightfully being condemned here in the forum. And NO, being a mother DOES NOT GRANT ANYONE THE RIGHT TO PUNISH THEIR CHILD "AS THEY DEEM FIT". Mother is only a human, not God who can do whatever they like.

Also, a mother needs to deal with all her children in a way that shows equality. At least, should try being impartial without being blatantly unfair. Mothers should not let one child do whatever they like and brush their faults under the carpet in a millisecond (like Dhara has done with respect to Dev), and unleash their wrath on another child senselessly (like Dhara has done with Shiva and Krish).

That's hypocrisy and I seriously doubt whether the person understands what being a mother is, if they behave in such an eccentric manner. Mother's rights come with responsibilities, and one needs to have the maturity and patience to fulfill those responsibilities. And khaana khilaana is not a responsibility. I'm talking about the responsibility of giving the children (now adults) the space to live their lives, make mistakes and learn by themselves, rather than 24/7 micro-managing by the mother.

Becoming hysteric just after the 1st instance when there was trouble in the family & she lost control of the house: that's not very mother-like behaviour. Just claiming the rights of a mother and hitting so-called children (who're actually adults) only means abuse of the advantage given to the mother figure. And this is wrong, whether it's the real mother or the bhabhi-ma.

Further, her reasons for splitting the house are the lamest. She's just emotionally manipulated everyone to do what she likes. Her actions have clearly not improved anything in the house, forget making everyone understand family's importance or bringing Shivi closer.

After the batwara, Shiva has still not accepted Rishita dil se (and rightfully so, because of Rishita's own bad behaviour), and he is forced to keep his emotions bottled up just to satisfy Dhara's ego. Rishita should earn the respect by her own actions, not by Dhara ordering people to shut their mouths in front of Rishita. Rishita has now developed even deeper insecurities and has clearly not understood the "importance" of family. Shiva and Raavi are suffocated, not allowed to even fight, and are forced to be together, being denied the chance of developing a natural bond themselves.

And if family is all that important as Dhara claims to make everyone understand, she should not have to do anything to prove that. She should not have to do so much emotional blackmailing, threatening them of leaving the house, if it's really true that family is the be-all-and-end-all of everything. The character of Dhara just wants control over everyone's lives and is taking undue advantage of the exalted position the brothers have given her. That's why it's important to acknowledge that nobody is God on earth, everyone's human: to err is human. She's condemned because her actions are going over the top now.

And having so-called good intentions cannot be an excuse for Dhara's beliefs that her "plan" is doing good for everyone. Lol. Everyone can see the mess in the family due to her decision. Instead of accepting that she has made a major blunder, she still keeps justifying her actions without trying to realise the damage she's causing to people around her, including Gautam.

There's so much more that's highly problematic with Dhara's insufferable, self-righteous, mahaan attitude, but I think it'll take much longer if I sit to write everything down. Maybe some other day...

I just read it again.. U have put all our points and feelings in such an apt way👏

As a person who watched the original Version, I can say Dhara is the lead of the show. All the other characters revolve around her.

She is the queen of the house. (Mentioned once in the original)

Let’s image a situation where Dhara and wife are falling from the hill. The brothers (Dev and shiva) will have to save one. The brothers will undoubtedly try saving Dhara and not their wives. The thing to be noted here is Dhara will sacrifice herself and make the brothers save their wives.

this may be a imaginary situation but Dhara / Dhanam is so important for the brothers. She is even more than their mom.

This show isn’t for couple fans. This show isn’t for people who believe in living independently with self respect etc.

If they follow The original version, Ristha will have an amazing character graph. From being the most irritated character, she will become the most liked and relatable character.

I don’t know if they showed in the Hindi version but in Telugu and Tamil the mother character can’t even go to washroom without her help. There is a scene when Dhara isn’t available and she suffers to use the washroom.

The whole family are dependent on Dhara in every way and it will be the same.

Note: I hated when Dhara character refuses to give financial independence to others in the house but that’s what is the show about.

people who have signed up for this should come in terms with it.

Originally posted by: HahaHeheHuhu9

I respectfully disagree. In reality, it may be true that mothers raise hands in anger when children irritate them too much, but that too is only till children remain "children".

Not after the child grows up to be an adult who's married. If it goes on after marriage, it means that the mother has not learnt to draw boundaries. This is highly unhealthy and disrespectful to everyone involved. And the fact that this violence happens in reality doesn't mean it should be accepted as "mother's love" or that she's trying to get children to "behave".

That's simply NOT how Parenting should work. BEATING CHILDREN BLACK AND BLUE IS A CRIME, BEATING CHILDREN (OR ANYONE) IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE which needs to be strictly condemned without any ifs and buts, and Dhara's behaviour is therefore rightfully being condemned here in the forum. And NO, being a mother DOES NOT GRANT ANYONE THE RIGHT TO PUNISH THEIR CHILD "AS THEY DEEM FIT". Mother is only a human, not God who can do whatever they like.

Also, a mother needs to deal with all her children in a way that shows equality. At least, should try being impartial without being blatantly unfair. Mothers should not let one child do whatever they like and brush their faults under the carpet in a millisecond (like Dhara has done with respect to Dev), and unleash their wrath on another child senselessly (like Dhara has done with Shiva and Krish).

That's hypocrisy and I seriously doubt whether the person understands what being a mother is, if they behave in such an eccentric manner. Mother's rights come with responsibilities, and one needs to have the maturity and patience to fulfill those responsibilities. And khaana khilaana is not a responsibility. I'm talking about the responsibility of giving the children (now adults) the space to live their lives, make mistakes and learn by themselves, rather than 24/7 micro-managing by the mother.

Becoming hysteric just after the 1st instance when there was trouble in the family & she lost control of the house: that's not very mother-like behaviour. Just claiming the rights of a mother and hitting so-called children (who're actually adults) only means abuse of the advantage given to the mother figure. And this is wrong, whether it's the real mother or the bhabhi-ma.

Further, her reasons for splitting the house are the lamest. She's just emotionally manipulated everyone to do what she likes. Her actions have clearly not improved anything in the house, forget making everyone understand family's importance or bringing Shivi closer.

After the batwara, Shiva has still not accepted Rishita dil se (and rightfully so, because of Rishita's own bad behaviour), and he is forced to keep his emotions bottled up just to satisfy Dhara's ego. Rishita should earn the respect by her own actions, not by Dhara ordering people to shut their mouths in front of Rishita. Rishita has now developed even deeper insecurities and has clearly not understood the "importance" of family. Shiva and Raavi are suffocated, not allowed to even fight, and are forced to be together, being denied the chance of developing a natural bond themselves.

And if family is all that important as Dhara claims to make everyone understand, she should not have to do anything to prove that. She should not have to do so much emotional blackmailing, threatening them of leaving the house, if it's really true that family is the be-all-and-end-all of everything. The character of Dhara just wants control over everyone's lives and is taking undue advantage of the exalted position the brothers have given her. That's why it's important to acknowledge that nobody is God on earth, everyone's human: to err is human. She's condemned because her actions are going over the top now.

And having so-called good intentions cannot be an excuse for Dhara's beliefs that her "plan" is doing good for everyone. Lol. Everyone can see the mess in the family due to her decision. Instead of accepting that she has made a major blunder, she still keeps justifying her actions without trying to realise the damage she's causing to people around her, including Gautam.

There's so much more that's highly problematic with Dhara's insufferable, self-righteous, mahaan attitude, but I think it'll take much longer if I sit to write everything down. Maybe some other day...

This was amazingly articulated. Thrashing grown men inhumanly to the point of badly bruising them and forcing them to respect someone who doesn't deserve it, followed by behaving like a dictator who is always right and can do no wrong? Just forcing two people who don't like each other to come close because if her own ego and izzat, because she has made them get married? Taking Shiva and krish for granted and being biased against them, while always being biased towards Devta?

These are serious flaws and blunders that she has made. If she realizes her mistakes, regrets them and redeems herself then I wouldn't mind giving her another chance. But till then, she deserves all the criticism she is getting

Originally posted by: TeluguAmmayi

As a person who watched the original Version, I can say Dhara is the lead of the show. All the other characters revolve around her.

She is the queen of the house. (Mentioned once in the original)

Let’s image a situation where Dhara and wife are falling from the hill. The brothers (Dev and shiva) will have to save one. The brothers will undoubtedly try saving Dhara and not their wives. The thing to be noted here is Dhara will sacrifice herself and make the brothers save their wives.

this may be a imaginary situation but Dhara / Dhanam is so important for the brothers. She is even more than their mom.

This show isn’t for couple fans. This show isn’t for people who believe in living independently with self respect etc.

If they follow The original version, Ristha will have an amazing character graph. From being the most irritated character, she will become the most liked and relatable character.

I don’t know if they showed in the Hindi version but in Telugu and Tamil the mother character can’t even go to washroom without her help. There is a scene when Dhara isn’t available and she suffers to use the washroom.

The whole family are dependent on Dhara in every way and it will be the same.

Note: I hated when Dhara character refuses to give financial independence to others in the house but that’s what is the show about.

people who have signed up for this should come in terms with it.

But Dhara in the original did not resort to physical abuse😕 I am an ardent watcher of Pandian stores from the beginning and still watch it. I would take Dhanam anyday over Dhara. Dhanam always uses silent treatment in solving problems, never physical violence. Also she never threatened Kathir-Mullai with dulayi ki dhamki. She tried her best to bring them together few times but they ended up fighting anyways. Only after the accident happened, Mullai started to soften towards Kathir on her own.

Here makers are trivializing physical abuse😕 If it had been Western country, they would not even air this episode😭 These are grown up adults she is beating, not bachche😕 like it happens very commonly in India.

There is no justification for Dhara’s physical abuse and Dulayi ki dhamki, she comes across as a goonda on par with Janardhan😕

Need I say that the entire thread is A great read!

I don't think, I have anything much to say after such beautiful views and counterviews. I shall bring in the perspective of points that have probably not been covered.

1. A Mother can be Emotionally Abusive too unknowingly

They call the Millennial/Gen Z generation a snowflake generation usually. Why? Are they snowflakes? No, they aren't. They are just raising voices against issues that have been deeply ingrained in society after years of societal conditioning. Physically beating kids is also one of them. Take It from someone who was beaten black and blue by Dad most of the times because back then, it was normal. I grew up to be a delicate child with a decent career, family and values. But, till date, a long term repercussion of the beating is that I still feel very anxious to get my father's approval despite being an adult and being loved by him and all others.

The level of abuse also seems emotionally when parents inappropriate a child’s or an adult’s emotions.

The emotions of this PS family are rooted in each other, but a human being is more than his family too.

Secondly, I do love Dhara and value all her sacrifices. She deserves to be treated like a queen, but Dhara sometimes suffocates her kids/devars. Not knowingly, but because she has known no better from Suman, who is an excellent emotionally abusive mother too. None of the brothers can open their mouths in front of her despite knowing her wrongdoings. A queen can rule, but not everyone starts seeing their spouses from the eyes of the queen?

You know love is setting free and nurturing the one you love and not letting your emotional manipulation for micromanaging their lives unknowingly. I think that the whole family is highly lovable but emotionally toxic. There's no scope for an individual’s thought process.

Can you pin point any ambition or emotion in Shiva apart from his love for family?

2. Mother's Rights and Other Women

Believe it or not, Indian societies have the most problematic ‘empty nest syndrome’ between mothers and kids. Mothers are put on a pedestal with no emotional needs of their own. Their lives revolve around kids so much that after a while, when they become adults, they have nothing left to do except hovering around them. Result: Children who are heavily dependant on mothers or any other person that comes into their lives.

Why do you think men are so obsessed with their mothers and their wives to behave like one? Simply because they are used to them.

Just forget Rishita and her obnoxious behaviour. Imagine a woman coming to a household where her husband constantly compares you to his mother/bhabhi. It would become tremendously suffocating, right?

Anyway, coming back to Dhara bashing, the character written this way is problematic. She has the purest intentions all the time, but her failure to put everything together shows her lack of skills. Her incompetence at things where she isn't required to intervene is clearly evident.

I believe everyone needs an emotional space of independence, where she/he can find his/her way.

The whole system of making it work due to a system or process is problematic. Some things fall into place with time. They do and they should be better left at that.

@mpks1

True....

dhanam never hit Kathie because Kathie never did what shiva did. Kathir is a great character!

there is a difference between Rishta and Shiva.

There is a difference between Rishta’s family and their family and shiva upbringing and family,

Booth prank and revenge was an harassment. It could have gone to any length. I am not saying hitting is right but Shiva and Krish are wrong here.

We have remember that shiva / Krish / Raavi are her own where as ristha is parayi...

You always have a power on your own. I take it that way. Dhara isn’t partial because she loves Ristha and Shiva more. Dhara is looking partial because she owns shiva and Raavi more.

Originally posted by: TeluguAmmayi

As a person who watched the original Version, I can say Dhara is the lead of the show. All the other characters revolve around her.

She is the queen of the house. (Mentioned once in the original)

Let’s image a situation where Dhara and wife are falling from the hill. The brothers (Dev and shiva) will have to save one. The brothers will undoubtedly try saving Dhara and not their wives. The thing to be noted here is Dhara will sacrifice herself and make the brothers save their wives.

this may be a imaginary situation but Dhara / Dhanam is so important for the brothers. She is even more than their mom.

This show isn’t for couple fans. This show isn’t for people who believe in living independently with self respect etc.

If they follow The original version, Ristha will have an amazing character graph. From being the most irritated character, she will become the most liked and relatable character.

I don’t know if they showed in the Hindi version but in Telugu and Tamil the mother character can’t even go to washroom without her help. There is a scene when Dhara isn’t available and she suffers to use the washroom.

The whole family are dependent on Dhara in every way and it will be the same.

Note: I hated when Dhara character refuses to give financial independence to others in the house but that’s what is the show about.

people who have signed up for this should come in terms with it.

Also Blaming Dhara is too much in this post leap specially after beating epis

Lets consider her background too sympathising others -

She and Hardik alone suffered without Mother. There is no Women /Mother figure in Dhara life to treat and explain many things how to control and withdraw in times . Her sasuma is Bitter not and never have proper relation Development wit her

And Shiva go his stubburn mode to do things he don't listen care about GauRa words unless its Hard hitting like in Childhood He and Dev krish at night went alone to lawyer office to pick secretly pandya file ,Dhara followd them and warned but they still searching so to stop Shiva she said gaumbi kasam which Immediatly stopped Shiva action and He listened her

Next in school matter too She warn don't talk to you Shiva until he agree to join next school but it resulted Shiva out from home

This faisco end up Suman warning them if it repeats they see her death

Simple manupulations happens to the childish acts

I'm not watching it for any couple show and for whole family .I wish it to be family centric so no issues .

And to writers give account of How Dhara past affecting her present actions and redeem her better . Don't Make Rishitha character Villain unrelatable

I like telugu narrative more which I guess Dhara one of strong character her importance in house placed better .

Originally posted by: TeluguAmmayi

@mpks1

True....

dhanam never hit Kathie because Kathie never did what shiva did. Kathir is a great character!

there is a difference between Rishta and Shiva.

There is a difference between Rishta’s family and their family and shiva upbringing and family,

Booth prank and revenge was an harassment. It could have gone to any length. I am not saying hitting is right but Shiva and Krish are wrong here.

We have remember that shiva / Krish / Raavi are her own where as ristha is parayi...

You always have a power on your own. I take it that way. Dhara isn’t partial because she loves Ristha and Shiva more. Dhara is looking partial because she owns shiva and Raavi more.

Nah, that still doesn’t warrant physical violence/abuse even if they are your own. SMH, after reading the justification of physical abuse and emotional abuse😕 She pushed Shiva and Raavi into this without considering their emotional turmoil, in that aspect she should be more gentle with them for the damage she caused.

I understand Shiva is no Kathir, but Kathir came with his own baggage like drinking which Shiva never does. Dhanam got angry and just yelled at him, but never used physical violence on him, not even a slap.

I can see your point! I can see why you are saying what you are saying!

Except, as a child of an abusive household, I will have to disagree with everyone on your justifications!

Everyone is thinking that we are bashing Dhara just to hate on her! This is not the case!

It's a show, we put the effort in to watch it, love it and support it in many ways, we are allowed to put our points across too and say when the characters are acting weird!

No parent should not beat their kids to teach them a lesson. Especially if they are grown adults and you are beating them in front of others like an animal! Dhara is the one who made the decision to raise the kids without having kids. The kids never asked her of that, neither did her SasuMaa! She made the decision and Gaumbi agreed too! This is on them!

Dhara is the one who made the decision and sacrifice but that should not mean that the kids should pay the price! She is their bhabhi-maa, not their mother! Even if we agree that she is as good as their mother, still doesn't give her the right to physically abuse the boys! Her emotional abuse that she pushes onto Raavi and Shiva is not cool neither!! I don't agree with Suman hitting the boys either if we get onto the topic!

Just because you give birth to someone or raise them, does not make them your property to do as you please! People are not objects! Dhara is wrong and now she should pay for her mistake!

I don't normally share my private life but here goes:

Case in point, my older sister once slapped me in front of my brother-in-law when I was 18 years old. That was humiliating for me! I resented her for that, it led to more problems between us, and till this day I refuse to speak to her! I am 28 now!

Another example: my mother herself is the devil incarnate! She physically abused (hit), emotionally blackmailed and psychologically tortured my siblings and me, to the point, where both and my other sister at some point thought about suicide! My mother has always told us how much she did for us, how much she sacrificed blah blah...she did nothing but keep us with her that's it....I cooked for myself and my little brother, made sure we both had clean clothes, we both had our homework done, picked up my brother from school, made mine and his lunch etc! Basically, I raised my little brother as well as myself!

DID I ASK MY MOTHER TO SACRIFICE? Did I ask to be born? Did I have a say in my birth? In my upbringing? In any of the decisions made before my 18th birthday? No, I did not! I endured physical abuse and mental torture until I was able to leave my home!

Being made to feel like I owe someone for raising me is wrong.

When you are a good parent, your kids won't feel like they owe you, they will look after you because you have given them so much love and they want to reciprocate the love back to you!

I refuse to speak to my mother for her bull-sheet about how a mother should be respected, how we should listen to her and talk to her and blah blah...ALL the things she denied my siblings and me!

Sorry but the older I am getting, the better I am getting at calling out the BS in our culture! Especially the one, where young ones shouldn't challenge the elders and they should just respect them.

WRONG! We should challenge the things that are wrong so we can create a better world for the coming generations, for my kids at least, I want to leave a world where they feel respected and loved at the same time!

Don't even get me started from a feminist perspective in this drama!