Ankita's ~ AR One Shot Gallery ~ Nothing without you PT2 PG9 18/04/14 - Page 5

Riddhima sat in the living room engulfed in darkness for almost an eternity. Her tears had dried but the pain only sunk deeper, and she knew that what she felt wasn't anything in comparison to the misery she had put Armaan through. Wiping her tears, and strengthening herself she walked up to their room. Worry mounted in her when she found the bed empty and unused. Where was Armaan? She panicked.

She ran down the stairs and checked the other rooms, the garden, ran up again rechecking their room, the guest room and their gym.

"Armaan!" She sobbed but all she got was silence in return. She sat down on the bed defeated," I am sorry Armaan!" she cried.

Suddenly remembering she hadn't checked the terrace, she dashed upstairs. Opening the terrace door with a force she didn't know existed in her she saw him sprawled on the settee, one leg dangling off it, sleeping uncomfortably. A sob more of relief this time, made her tremble. She went up to him and kneeled down next to him. He looked exhausted, his eyes smudged with dark hollow circles, the usual smile which adorned his face when he slept missing. It felt even worse seeing him like that knowing she was responsible for it.

Not realising when fatigue took over Riddhima drifted off to sleep sitting on the floor next to Armaan.

***************

When her eyes opened next morning, her head was throbbing in pain, the sun rays pierced through her eyes and only added to her misery. Remembering the previous day's she sat up with a start and looked around for Armaan. And only then realised that she wasn't on the terrace but in their room.

How was she sleeping on the bed? She remembered falling off to sleep on the floor next to Armaan. On understanding that he had obviously carried her down and tucked her in bed, remorseful tears seeped down furiously. Hugging the sheets closer she whispered," I love you Armaan."

Getting ready in a rush she scurried downstairs to find the hallway empty. She walked up to the kitchen and found her breakfast ready. But today the toasts weren't burnt, the eggs looked perfect. Riddhima smiled sadly, remember how she sulked over the food he made, but today when he had made it perfectly she didn't want anything more to eat his half ruined, less tasty imperfect food.

She wandered around the house, no wet towels; no clothes strewn all over. The house was clean, as perfect as she liked it. She sighed thoughtfully at the irony. When the house was messy, it seemed so much more perfect and today when it was spotless it felt incomplete. It didn't inhabit the man who made it perfect with his presence.

***************

On reaching the hospital she found out that Armaan was in the OT performing a complicated surgery. Worry coursed through her, she knew he wouldn't have had much to eat after whatever had happened; he never ate well after they would fight. She rushed for her duty but kept in mind that she would make sure he had his lunch.

At lunch time she waited for Armaan in the cafe, but when he didn't mark his presence for a while she ordered for food and headed towards his cabin. He was busy preparing his post operation file when Riddhima walked in. He looked up at her and like every time she walked in he felt instant relief seeing her, but when memories from last night flooded his mind he looked away.

"Tum subha aise hi kyun chale aaye, you should have woken me up, we would come together," Riddhima asked softly.

"I had to come in early, your call time was different, I thought you would need some sleep, I don't think you slept so well on that balcony floor," Armaan said not looking at her.

"You didn't sleep well either Armaan."

"It doesn't matter," Armaan shrugged.

"But it does to me Armaan. I am sure you haven't even eaten anything. "

"You're mistaken; I ate a decent breakfast at the hospital before the surgery this morning."

"Fine but that was in the morning, now come on eat you lunch."

"I have work to finish I'll have it later," Armaan said not sparing her a single glance.

"Armaan I am not letting you get away without eating," Riddhima said in a challenging tone.

"Watch me," Armaan snapped and pushing her out of the way walked out of the cabin with his file.

Riddhima sat down depressed, broken and confused.

All day long she was distracted. She didn't feel like doing her work no matter how important it was, her mind wandered towards Armaan, and how she had hurt him. All she knew was she had to make him believe her again make him realize she loved him so much more than he even knew.

*****************

That night when Riddhima walked in the house she saw Armaan talking on the phone with somebody. Noticing that he was occupied she went up to change and freshen up.

When she walked down she was surprised to see him sitting in the living area. She had half expected him to be on the terrace or already sleeping to ignore her, and had been thinking of ways she would talk to him.

Riddhima went and sat next to him uncertainly. On any other day she would go and sit on his lap, kiss him till they were breathless and cuddle up and talk about their day, something that didn't feel right in doing today.

" Kuch kehna tha?" Riddhima inquired when she saw him stealing glances now and then.

"No first you eat your dinner," Armaan said casually.

"I am not too hungry," Riddhima mumbled, hoping that Armaan would eat a little in his concern for getting her to eat. But she was wrong, she hadn't judged the amount of misery she had caused him yet.

Armaan nodded and passed her some documents," You were busy, so Dr Shashank left these with me. These are your transfer documents, your tickets, your passport and Visa and the keys to the apartment you're going to be living in, he asked me to tell you to sign these. I was just waiting to show you where you need to sign." Armaan said opening the file and laid out the papers on the table in front of them.

Riddhima gaped at him for a few minutes, surprised at how casual he was pretending to be about the situation. Seeing his nonchalance she moved ahead and assembling the papers in the file and threw it away.

Armaan looked at Riddhima confused at her actions, but giving up on her got up to leave.

Riddhima rushed to him and caught hold of his hand," Armaan wait! Talk to me please..mujhse baat karo Armaan. I can't bear it when you ignore me like this," she said her voice quivering.

"But I know I deserve it, I know I don't deserve you, your attention. You're right in being angry with me. I know all of that, but still Armaan give me once chance to correct my blunder."

Armaan turned back and looked at her, like every time her tears disarmed him and unknowingly he went and sat on the couch. Riddhima smiled slightly and followed him, wanting to sit on his lap she kept her arms around him, but he gently moved it away making it obvious he was only giving her a chance to talk. No matter how that broke her heart, she wouldn't complain.

"Armaan I am sorry I didn't tell you, I should have asked you, should have informed you. But I got so taken by Papa's request that I unknowingly ignored how important it was for me to take this decision keeping you in mind, to share it with you. I've been so used to doing everything Papa says it's almost become second nature."

Armaan nodded not knowing what to say to that, didn't he know that already, why wasn't she coming to the point?

"But that has to change, you are my family now, you are my first priority Armaan. I will have to learn to say a no to Papa."

"Are you done?" Armaan asked when she had said what she had to and got up to leave.

"Don't you want to say anything?" Riddhima asked bewildered at his demeanour.

"What do you want me to say Riddhima?" Armaan asked turning around.

Riddhima was befuddled," I don't know.. But I know I hurt you and I know that the guilt is eating me up, killing me from inside."

"If that's what all this is about, then fine you have my forgiveness. I forgive you Riddhima, does it make you feel better?" Armaan asked genuinely wanting to free her off the guilt trip she was riding on.

"No, not till I keep seeing this pain in your eyes, not until I know I've taken away all the hurt I caused you. Not till I prove to you that I care, I care so much more than I ever let it be known."

"You don't have to do all this Riddhima. I'll be fine, it'll take me a while but I'll be fine."

"Won't you let me help you be fine?"

"But this isn't a remote controlled feeling Riddhima, that you'll want me to be happy, smile and behave like my silly self and I'll immediately stop feeling what I am right now. I can't help that I am hurt, I can't help that anything and everything is making me snap at you. I am hurt Riddhima, tell me if I am wrong in feeling like that. Wouldn't you be hurt? How would you feel if I come home one day and tell you that I've decided to go abroad for a year. How would you feel about me not even communicating with you about such a big step in my life?

Armaan looked at Riddhima's blood shot eyes and looked away, not used to being so hurtful to her.

"I feel like we've married as part of a compromise. I suddenly feel like I am not wanted anymore Riddhima. You're my only family, and the only one who gives me the feeling of being owned. But I feel entirely abandoned, lonely and useless, I feel like I failed you, that I did something terribly wrong and I am not worthy enough," Armaan said the upsurge of his suppressed insecurities unstoppable.

Having said what he wanted to, he turned around to leave, to be stopped once again by Riddhima. Her arms wound around his waist, hugging him with a grip as strong as steel.

"I won't leave you and go away Armaan, I promise. I love you and I won't go, I am going to go and return this to Papa tomorrow, refuse the job, I can't leave you and go, I won't.." Riddhima mumbled incoherently.

Armaan turned around in her hold," You will go Riddhima, this is about work. And our relation isn't even so weak that I will hold it as a bait to stop you from going. We have to be practical, and however it may have come about, it's the best decision you've taken. It'll be wonderful for your career, it'll be the experience of a lifetime. Your expertise and knack of perfection makes you the ideal choice to look after the project. I would feel shallow if you won't go Riddhima and please don't do that to me. I don't think I'll be able to take that," Armaan explained ruefully.

Riddhima gazed at the man in front of her, was he an angel or what? Did he even think about himself? "Armaan lekin.. "

"You don't have to do this for me Riddhima, because it's just beside the point. It's not about you going anyway, so don't do this. I am proud of your achievement, and don't take that away from me." Armaan said firmly.

"What would you have done in my place Armaan?" Riddhima questioned him ignoring whatever he had said.

Armaan chuckled derisively," Riddhima me and you are entirely different people. My life revolves around the call of my heart. I am a crazy, sensitive and unreasonable in such situations. My decision would make the world laugh on how foolish I am. So asking me this question won't help you at all."

"Armaan," Riddhima cried, understanding the underlying meaning of his words.

"But that doesn't mean I don't want you to go. I'll always want the better for us, and this is what will make me happy. You should go Riddhima." Armaan said firmly walked away.

Riddhima stared after him, moved by his words, floored for the millionth time by his kindness, his selflessness. She already knew that Armaan's world revolved around her, so much that he hardly ever thought of his feelings. She didn't know what she had done to deserve so much love from him, so much that even after all the hurt she had put him through, he was ready to do something he could not survive, stay apart from her. And just like that, she knew what she had to do.

**************

"Papa kya mai andar aa sakti hun?" Riddhima knocked on Shashank's cabin.

"Aao na beta," Shashank signalled for her to come in.

"Papa I need to talk to you about something important," Riddhima said holding onto the file containing the documents regarding her transfer.

"Oh yes yes, file dekh kar yaad aaya, did you sign them?" Shashank asked, picking up the file and going through it.

"Woh Papa, baat ye hai ki.."

"Arey you haven't signed them, maine Armaan se kaha bhi tha. How irresponsible is this boy?" Shashank remarked disapprovingly.

"Papa!" Riddhima exclaimed.

"Armaan gave me the papers as soon as I reached home, asked me to sign them too. But I haven't signed them."

"But why beta, I have to finish these formalities .."

"Because I don't want to Papa.."

"But.."

"Papa I don't want to go to Singapore.. " Riddhima interrupted and finally voiced her decision.

"What? Ye tum kya keh rahi ho Riddhima, I've already forwarded your name to the trustees, done most of the formalities. Aur tumne hi toh haan kaha tha, toh ab kya ho gaya?"

"Haan kaha tha, par woh isliye kyunki maine dekha tha ki aapko mere haan kehne se khushi milti, aap uss waqt itne khush the that I couldn't find courage to refuse anything to you. But that isn't what I wanted Papa. I made that decision for you, not myself. Maine bahut socha Papa and I don't think I want to make this move."

"Ye kya bewakoofi hai Riddhima, this is not some joke. You can't possibly be going back on your words at this stage. Sanjeevani's reputation is at stake, so is mine, what will I tell the trustees?" Shashank hollered.

"But what about me Papa, what about the fact that this decision doesn't go down well with me?" Riddhima asked surprised.

"Riddhima aise decisions dimaag se liye jaate hai dil se nahi. If it wasn't me on this chair, and someone else as the dean here, would you still have the guts to refuse an order from him? What would you have done then Riddhima?" Shashank demanded.

"I would have left the job," Riddhima said as if it were on the tip of her tongue.

"Are you serious?" Shashank asked taken aback.

"Yes Papa, so if you yet force me to go, I'll just have to resign from Sanjeevani too," Riddhima said slowly but decisively.

"I can't believe this is my Riddhima talking. You were so focussed Riddhima, so ambitious. And you've always been obedient and understanding, what is wrong with you now?" Shashank asked barely over the shock.

"But I am not the same Papa, I've changed," Riddhima stated.

"Oh yes of course you've changed. Ab jaise insaan ke saath rahogi ussi ki tarah toh ban jaogi. I am sure this isn't you talking, this is Armaan talking right?" Shashank bellowed, anger rising within him.

"No this is Riddhima Armaan Mallik talking Papa. I have a married life, I have a husband, a husband whom I love and can't live without Papa. And I do not wish to sacrifice a year of my life with him to go and do something that many others could do better than me. You could give this opportunity to anybody, why me?" Riddhima said.

"Because I didn't think you would be so unreasonable and such an emotional fool. Tum kabse itni impractical ho gayi Riddhima?"

"Haan hun mai emotional, and no human is human without feelings."

"But this is about your profession your career Riddhima."

"And I can't be a doctor if I am not sensitive enough to follow my heart Papa."

Shashank shook his head and looked at her vaguely," Ye sab Armaan ki wajah se hai, he's always been the one to hold you back. All he knows is how to be carefree, useless and flitter around the hospital doing tomfoolery and that is what he is pushing you to do too. Usi ki wajah se tum zindagi mai kabhi progress nahi karogi, that man.."

"That's enough Papa, you're crossing a line, and I won't allow that. The man you are talking about is my husband, he is my family Papa. A man who loves me more than anyone else can, and who very willingly wants to let me go and have a taste of this new experience in life. He has been nothing but encouraging as always. But just because he is so selfless doesn't mean I should take him for granted. That man thinks about everything after me, I take precedence over everything in his life. But look at me Papa, I took such a huge step in my life but didn't wait back to think about him."

"You don't have to be at his mercy Riddhima, to get his permission, you have your own individuality, and no one can take that away."

"He doesn't decide for me Papa, how will he when he doesn't even decide for himself, all he does is think about me. And all I did was walk over his feelings and take him for granted. But that's enough, its time I correct my mistakes, time I remedy the person I am and look after my priorities. And my first priority is nothing and no one but the man called Armaan Mallik."

"Aur haan Papa, aaj ke baad aap mujhse aisi koi bhi cheez mat mangna jiske liye mujhe Armaan ki feelings aur usko sacrifice karna pade. And even if you do, my answer will always be a no."

"So all this is for him, because he can't stay without you?"

"No Papa not because he can't stay without me; but because I can't live without him, not even for a minute," having made herself and her decision clear Riddhima walked out of the cabin. Not even looking back to see Armaan who had been standing outside the cabin all the time.

************

Riddhima walked into their house extremely late that night. She had to attend an emergency surgery and had messaged Armaan she would be late. It was almost midnight and she assumed Armaan would have gone to sleep without her, as he had been last two days. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally and needed her Armaan more than ever. Maybe he didn't but she would just lay down next to him, breath his scent and calm her nerves.

She looked around the house, it was dark, and had a whiff of eeriness surrounding it. She suddenly felt her heart thump sharply and she felt scared, she knew Armaan wasn't around, not in the house.

She was terribly worn out, and not finding him there, and away at this hour of the night elicited panic in her mind. She couldn't stand and just slumped down on the floor and began crying.

"Riddhima?" Armaan came rushing down from the stairs when he saw Riddhima sitting lifelessly in the middle of the living area.

He sat down next to her and moved her hair flicks out of the way, caressing her forehead, ironing the creases on them.

"Kya hua Riddhima? You're scaring me." Armaan whispered.

Riddhima looked up at him, breaking out of her daze and stared at him for a while. But the tender look in her eyes was replaced by annoyance and she hit him with her fists. Hit him continuously wherever she could reach.

"Riddhima what are you doing? OW! That hurts."

"GOOD, because you deserve it.. Moron, idiot, kaha the tum, kitni dair ho gayi, itni raat ko kaha chale gaye the? You know how worried I was?" Riddhima yelled as angry tears continued to flow down.

Wiping her tears Armaan kissed her foread," I was here Riddhima, right here. Mai toh terrace par tha, aur kaha jaunga. Tumhe kya laga tha Riddhima?"

"Ye ki tum mujhe chod kar chale gaye.."

"How can you even think like that Riddhima? Do you think I can survive after doing that? I mean yeah hitler se peecha choot jaata, but she's not too bad either, I can live through it." Armaan teased her only to receive another shower of punches on him.

Armaan held her hands in his and put them around himself, then gently wiped her tears from her cheek.

"I am sorry.." he whispered nuzzling in her hair.

Riddhima stared wide eyed," Why are you sorry? I am sorry Armaan. I am so sorry.." Riddhima said sobbing again.

"I was so mean to you, kitna kuch keh diya.." Armaan said.

"But I deserved it.. I deserved all of it, but I don't deserve you Armaan, I don't.."

Armaan silenced her by taking her lips in his and pecking him slightly," I know, I am too good for you sweetheart," he mocked her, but on seeing how serious she was he drew back.

"None of us are perfect Riddhima, not me, not you. But what makes it all perfect is when we're together. When we share every moment, every feeling with each other, that makes it all perfect. You and me together, that's all that defines perfection. And that's all there is to it.."

"Armaan you do know I love you right? You do know you're my life my family; that I need you at every step of my life. Please don't ever say you're alone, that you have no one. I won't have anything to live for then," Riddhima said sniffing and wiping her tears.

"I know Riddhima, I know you will never leave me, I know you'll always be my side, be my shield, my family..my everything," he said confidently.

"Tumne mujhe maaf kar diya? Bas aise hi?"

"Bas aise hi.." Armaan confirmed.

"Why are you being so nice to me? What have I done to deserve you?"

"Because I love and because I am nothing without you." Armaan whispered.

****************

I REALLY tried for Armaan to be mean, but that's just how much I can imagine him to be. So here you go. I hope you guys enjoy it 😃 PLEASE COMMENT.