DARK KNIGHT- A SwaSan FF- DELETED- AN- PAGE 1- PLS READ

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shamina

@Sakkiyah

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#221

Nice update. Laksh is in love with swara and he wanted to marry her. Swara is girl who always wanted her sisters happiness. For ragini, swara is girl who snatched her happiness. She snatched her father's love, mothers love,and Laksh's love too . Ragini faked her happiness. She convinced swara for this marriage. Sanskar want to take revenge from Laksh.

Really loved the bonding between janaki ma and swara.

Waiting for your next update

Edited by Sakkiyah - 9 years ago

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#222

Originally posted by: --Anna--
Shru 🤗
I did not realise that I had missed Chapter 2 as I went through the TS. 😲😲 Where am I lost these days? 😆

I loved how you have played the Sanskaar Ragini interaction in Chapter 2. Him calling her Dulhan Dost is so adorable - just like the dupatte waali dost. 😉 Annapurna clearly is very happy that Ragini and Sanskaar have built a rapport.

Loved - absolutely loved the Swara Sanskaar dynamic in chapter 2 as well. I like how they both react to each other oddily though I am quite sure Sanskaar was taken aback by Swara. Sanskaar trying to avoid Swara was the cutest thing! 😆 Absolutely loved how you are showing Sanskaar affected by Swara right from the start. He seems to be feeling things that he should not and I wonder how this is going to play out. The musical evening was beautifully described and such a pleasure to read the effect of Swara's music. 👏👏👏

Again Laksh has been perfectly described - but seriously reading him as 'Prince' Laksh had me laughing so hard! 😆 I was suddenly reminded of Laksh in the serial and I could not see him as a prince. But Prince Sanskaar can be SO very dreamy! 😳 Though, Ragini and Swara both are so fit to be the princesses. 😳

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED Chapter 4! Absolutely loved it! I dont think I have words to describe how beautifully and well carved out Chapter 4 really is. Right from the beginning when Kavita and Sanskaar interact and when the whole uproar over the map and the key happens and the reason why Sanskaar was sent to the dungeons under Bagri - beautiful! 👏 Though, if I am to guess, Kavita is still alive too right? Why would Kavita talk to Lakshya and Sanskaar not? This had me thinking - so just asking.

Also loved the scene between Swara Sanskaar Laksh and Ragini. You have managed to capture Ragini's emotions very well. 👏👏 The hidden coldness and hatred that Ragini has for Swara is so apparent and I can feel the chills. The flower scene was a small part of the story but it really tells a lot about Ragini and Swara so I absolutely loved it! Sanskaar's madness is absolutely adorable! Even though he is rude, he is focussed and I like that in a man. 😈 Sanskaar is definitely feeling a lot more for Swara now and even though I feel that he knows what his game plan is - he is going to be hurt in the process too. Swara and Sanskaar's underlying chemistry is the most thrilling part of this chapter. Swara's liveliness and the way she lives life is so well described. 👏👏 I understand why both the guys would want to be with a girl like her. 😉

I absolutely love this mad Sanskaar. He is harsh, he is rude, and yet he has a side to him that I cant wait to read more about. The chaos has just begun and we are ready for it! 😈

Absolutely loved it Shru! Do continue Soon!

Love
Anna

Anna my love 🤗

Awww no worries- we are all lost in SwaSan dreamland with the segments and spoilers hon! 😆. You made my Sunday night better with your comments- thank you so much!! I thought of Dulhan Dost instead of Duppetawaali as I was a huge fan of that DD phase and mad Sanskaar:).

So happy you like the SwaSan connect, which I have made much more direct and intense straight up than in the show. And yes Sanskaar did not expect to react to Swara and especially in that way! Haha- I thought this brave warrior fearing this slip of a girl was cute too! Glad you liked the musical angles in analogy to their personalities and the effect Swara had on Sanskaar.

I laughed at the prince title with Lanny too but what to do- the story demands it and I actually think prince Adarsh is hilarious too! Only Sanskaar deserves that title and boy, doesn't he wear it well? 😳

Yayyy- you liked Chapter 3! I think that's the one you mean right? Ah Kavita- cannot say as many are wondering but well I can say that Kaveri is certainly alive and will be back! Well Kavita was part of the

Court like her mother so would have had access to Lakshya too or vice versa. There was a small connect there that hasn't yet come to be discussed but is hinted at. And Kavita would talk to him too for better access to Sanskaar:). Sanskaar didn't tell Lakshya his final plan as he was very guarded about it and I wanted to change it from the show that he wasn't the one who confided, Kavita herself was.

Loved reading your take of that scene between the 4 of them and love you for seeing the deeper undercurrents of the flower scene. Glad you like Sanskaar- he is the heart of the story after all so it relieves me greatly to see him loved. And yes, he is all those things and more that will come if he lets his guard down 😉. Chapter 4 now up and will post more as soon as I get time to write.

Love you xoxo

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#223

Originally posted by: simsen23
Chapter -4
Shruti..
Hmmm its quite similar to original track..
But i like the bonding between janki and sumi
then i like this swara who does not want to be with the prince laksh
sanskar will use ragini as his pawn to hurt laksh by hurting swara...
But a part of him is attracted to swara...
I think we will get that twist in next part
update soon

love,
Simi 😊

Hiya Simi!

Thanks for reading and commenting so quickly! Yes it is sort of similar but yes, Swara doesn't love Lakshya, she is being emotionally blackmailed in the name of duty and familial love. Oh and yes of course Janaki and Shomi too. As for Sanskaar using Ragini- wait and watch, it may not be exactly as you think 😉. Sanskaar feels a real pull towards Swara so how that will develop will be the stuff of future chapters too:). I'll do my best to reveal more soon! Lots of love x

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#224

Originally posted by: Sakkiyah
Nice update. Laksh is in love with swara and he wanted to marry her. Swara is girl who always wanted her sisters happiness. For ragini, swara is girl who snatched her happiness. She snatched her father's love, mothers love,and Laksh's love too . Ragini faked her happiness. She convinced swara for this marriage. Sanskar want to take revenge from Laksh.
Really loved the bonding between janaki ma and swara.
Waiting for your next update

Hey Sakkiyah!

Thank you for the prompt read and nice comments. Exactly as you sum up, the Chapter covers all these things which seem routine but I need them for the plot to flow:). Yes I wanted to delve into Ragini's psyche so we can understand her later actions and also because I want to show that Ragini here isn't an entirely innocent babe Sanskaar corrupts, she will be all to willing to be led astray! Glad you like Janaki and Swara :). Love,

S x

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bones123

@bones123

Navigator

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#225

Absolutely loved Chapter 4.

I like the whole Sujata Annapurna and the equation they have with the other's child angle. Reading through your story, its as if the other mother has yielded a greater influence on personality of the princes. Be it bratty and whimsical, or strong yet unyielding and focussed. Very well etched.

"I shared my house, my baba" ha...Ragini (even though the show doesn't do enough justice to explore the many layers she could have) is generally self victimised and believes she's owed many priveleges. Would love to see how you take that further.

As for Sanskaar...what a royal presence indeed. The effect Swara has on him transcends the equations he has in his other relationships. It's beautiful that Swara is able to discern that something is amiss and looks to find more in those eyes, somethign which his mother has been fooled by. I really liked how well you've spun the magnetic pull they feel even if at this stage it is not realised or apparent to either. How he'll feel in the future to his decision of sacrificing her as collateral damage will be great to read *if you intend to take the story in that direction*

Kudos for this...i repeat...super stuff !!

Edited by bones123 - 9 years ago

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Niyati Gupta

@Niyatiswaragini

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#226

Res.

Unres

Shruti wat can I write about ur updates, they always come up with package of awesomeness, every time making me to praise u more n more over your brilliant command of language. Wow!! I have a notebook full of quotes , this quote is there. One among my favorite quotes.

I would say that this reaction was all wat I expected from the immature prince , he has nothing to do with the feelings of the poor princess ragini, whatever it might be here too he will be the reason for ragini turning against swara. Rana do had head so y not to strictly deny this offer, let him commit suicide, but ya being a father, his emotional corner starts tearing wen comes to son. Fine but Samar has all the rights to protest wen his daughter is not willing to marry that weird prince. Ragini's words were wrong instead of blaming laksh , she was criticizing swara grow up girl she is the same girl who for ur sake is dening such mind bobling offer, any way swara seems to be sensitive enough to connect with ragini's sadist side. Omg now real threat is coming in from the actual hero, the sanskar, gosh this is going to be really waiting wat he will do.

Historical element of this chapter I would like to mention is the one that women are often sacrificed for the sake of the family and kingdom. I mean how easy is that for any father to just let her daughter be in hell or heaven no matter to him as in the just is all worried about his kingdom, here it is being shekar who sacrificed swara's dignity and ragini's emotions for baadigunj. How unfair is that. This reminds me situation of heer kunwar (popularly known as jodha bai) who just for sake for kingdom was given I would like to use the term mortgage for this , to the mughals , phew sorry for taking this comment to another levels but I was taken away.

Please update asap shruti neva forget one reader is always at her peak for ur updates.

Lots and lots of love

Niyati

🤗

Edited by Niyatiswaragini - 9 years ago

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#227

Res 😊

Un-res

So here we had the spoilt brat princeling taking a stand, asking for a toy that had suddenly caught his fancy. 🤢 And, shallow and impetuous as he was, much he had been displaying signs of being drawn to the external friendliness and liveliness of Swara's nature (being way too indolent to plumb further into either her psyche and insecurities, or for that matter, of his actual intended, Ragini). However, the fact that he chose to take this stand immediately after literally ogling Swara when she was drenched in the jets of the water fountain seems---I don't know---somewhat perverse. 🤢 Probably it has to do with your portrayal of him as being literally at the shallow end of the pool--intellect wise, emotion wise, capability wise!! 😉 All water related puns intended!! 😆

This part of Lakshya taking a stand of breaking his engagement with Ragini, and then insisting that he would not marry anyone else if he couldn't marry Swara, the scene he created, was similar to the serial yet deftly modified to suit your setting. 👏 But the entire way he went about it, Shru--the entitlement complex ridden, juvenile, brattish route of asking for a toy: Give me this or else I shall yell at the top of my lungs and roll on the floor in public!!---It is too much at odds with the person who connived against Sanskaar. I just cannot believe it was Lakshya...and I am sure you will not put him as that person, ultimately. 😃 I noticed you studiously avoided 😉 answering my query in my last comment: what did Kavita mean in that dialogue to Sanskaar in Chap 3, where she refers to some past misunderstanding with Lakshya? Had he set his cap on her as well? Did Lakshya think that Kavita was leading him on for a time? Do tell na, Shru. 😛 And why, Oh why, do I have this feeling that Madame Kavita is very much alive and kicking, probably happily the mistress of someone else? 🤢

I really liked the family dynamics you portrayed of both the Maheshwaris and the Gadodias. Ram Prasad---always kingmaker, never King! 😉 Ram must be seriously grateful to you, Saku and me for giving him such space in our works, much more than the serial ever affords him! 😆 And he did manage to persuade his revered elder brother, with his quiet logic...

I really wondered at the barb Annapurna aimed at Durga Prasad---about how the Maheshwari men always fell for the wrong women--a fatal, inherited flaw! So did Durga Prasad have a dalliance with Kaveri in the past? 😕 Good Lord, was Kavita his illegitimate daughter? 🤢

As for the Gadodias-- Janaki and Sharmishta as Draupadi and Subhadra. 😃 The Mahabharata reference made me absolutely rejoice, as you, I am sure, knew it would! 😉 That entire touch was very deftly handled: Ragini's sorrow and intense rage at having to give up her intended to her half sister, when she has already had to share so much with her throughout her life---her father's love, even her mother's attention, her status as the only/ preferred child...The accumulated resentments, well masked as they were, would have served even to tear apart full siblings, and here, they are, after all, only half sisters...
I also liked how Ragini sobs in Sharmishta's arms and seeks reassurance from her step mother; while Janki, in turn, persuades her step daughter to accede to the Maheshwari's changed choice of her as Lakshya's intended bride. Nice touch, continuing the description from the earlier chapter.

And to end it all, Sanskaar, watching and listening to the hurried, panicked murmurs all through the castle, his pretend madness allowing people to gossip freely in his presence. Somehow I thought, after Chap 3, that he would have some more qualms about Swara being collateral damage--"burning in the pyre" as he puts it--for the kindling he is about to light! He has judged that Ragini is well primed for that judicious spark from his side, and she will burn down all he wanted to destroy, especially Lakshya. He definitely wishes he did not have to harm Swara, but I guess moving from that thought to actually wanting to shield her, is still a way off---though somehow, as I said, after Chap 3, I felt the moment might well be nigh.

Well, I guess he has held that bitter memory of what he imagines as his dear love being snatched from him, of his honor and good name being dragged through the mud, for too long for him to give way to his tender impulses just yet.

Waiting for Chap 5 Shru darling! 🤗

Edited by CogitoErgoSum - 9 years ago

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Vianna

@BookWormV

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#228

Res :)

Unres:

Shruti,

Update after update.!! Loving it! 😃 Brilliant chapter. I really liked the quote at the start.

Part 1: This part reminded me of how a child cries "Mummy Mummy, mujhe yeh nahi woh khilona chahiye!" and Prince Lakshya is portrayed exactly like that. A spoilt prince who wants what he wants. 👏 Really loved the conversation between the four elder Maheshwaris. Fantastic portrayal of Ram Prasad here. Annapurna's retort was awesome! Made me smile. The fruit never falls far from the tree, does it? Really liked how this scenario played out.

Part 2: It was filled with pity. For Swara, for Ragini. Both doing what they must as duty requires. That is possibly the worst thing about being royalty you know. Having no choices in such matters. They should have had some honour to say 'No' And holy crap! Sharmishtha is Janki's slave. Oh fantastic twist here! Really looking forward to how this came about. Janki is one smart woman I have to say.

Part 3: Sanskaar and his thoughts about collateral damage - Swara. 👏 Loved every bit of his thought process.

Looking forward to more updates. :)

-V

Edited by bwvianna - 9 years ago

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The.Lannister

@The.Lannister

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 9 years ago

#229

Oh what an excellent quote to being the chapter with👏

Prince Laksh...same old predictable Princy🥱 He must have been the easiest for Sanskaar to figure out🥱 And once again we come to the age old question: What does she (Ragini) see in him?😆 Namish has played a loserish Laksh to such great perfection that it is not at all difficult to imagine Princy going all pouty when refused his toy🥱 Somehow knowing that Laksh changed his mind post the fountain scene makes it more🤢 🤢 🤢 CREEP! 😵

Annapurna is a complete Queen! What a slap to taklu👏 So yaha bhi taklu was doing something something on barsaat ki ek raat🤢 I would have used the "He ruled the seven Kingdoms but was ruled at home by his Lady wife" line but then I would never insult Lord Tywin Lannister that way🤢 (Forgive my multiple ASOIAF references. I just cannot help it in this SS😆) RP is fabulous as always, using the exact words which he knows will affect his brother. I am also reminded of Sujju saying in one of the previous chapters about how she is closer to Laksh & AP to Sanskaar. It shows! 😊 Like mother, like son😊

Janaki's reasoning is so sound. Much as we hate the concept of bigamy today, in those times it was a lot more common & first wives did think this way. You have written Janaki's acceptance of her & her daughter's situation very well. Ragini's tirade against Swara is also quite understandable when we see things from her POV. She HAS had to share too much with Swara & now losing Laksh is the final straw. Swara ain't happy either but isn't left with much choice. Like Janaki said its either suicide or marriage. But then when the marriage seems like a suicide what does one choose?😒 That is no choice at all then

How true is that line that people often treat mad people as if they were deaf & dumb too. Sanskaar is resolved. He feels no pity for Swara...or at least he is in denial of feeling anything, even pity, for her. What remains to be seen is what else goes up in the flames which he plans to kindle soon😆

Edited by The.Lannister - 9 years ago

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maaneetfan

@maaneetfan

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#230

Hii Shruts...posting this comment for chapters 2 and 3 ...haven't read part 4 yet as I have to comment on these before I read that one!

U have taken us into that beautiful era of the 1800s with ur detailed description...really hats off for doing ur homework with so much background work!

I simply love this Swara of urs...she is the delightful mixture of innocence and internal beauty tht comes naturally so tht anyone is attracted to her...even the disapproving Annapurna feels there is something to her tht evokes affection even tho unwilling...then how ever would bored Laksh stand a chance when Ragini is so typically everything that his mother and aunt are tht he is so used to. Even in the old days men have fallen for beauties tht weren't conventional...

Sanskaar's plan here to trap Laksh isn't clear to me exactly...that fountain splashing scene was sensual and it wrought the exact effect tht I thought sanskaar wanted ...tht laksh gets more and more attracted to Swara so tht he rebels against the family and then plots with Ragini to remove Swara from laksh's life so why did he feel his plans vanishing in thin air?

Whatever was described here about Kavita frankly I didn't like her character...she seemed too shallow and superficial and probably even involved somehow in the betrayal of Sanskaar though how would tht be possible since she was killed in the process is still not very clear in my mind. Her mother Kaveri tho seems a positively shady person to me...I'm not even 100% convinced of laksh's involvement in this betrayal coz tho he seems carefree he doesn't seem devious to me ... So some more mystery involved here

Annapurna is totally the Rani here...who has so much control of whatever is happening in their kingdom...she even disposed off the women involved in the betrayal of sanskaar...does she then believe sanskaar is innocent of treason??? How did she dispose of them tho...Kaveri is dead??

I love how sanskaar is already getting so affected by Swara tho his intention is tht laksh falls in love with her but at the same time he hates seeing how laksh is getting attracted...tht wet Swara scene where sanskaar wants to take her away and wrap her in a blanket was so cute...wonder when the Warrior prince Sanskaar will realize tht his heart is being lost slowly and gradually to this adorable minx of a girl!

Now I will proceed to read chapter 4 which is like an unopened surprise gift for me tht I cannot wait to unwrap!!

Lots of love
Tas

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